Remember This (17 page)

“I did? Why didn’t I go through with it?”

“Well, your father always saw you taking over his business. You didn’t really have another option. He is very controlling.”

“I can tell. Even now that I can’t remember anything, he is still pushing me at work. I couldn’t imagine that the old me actually enjoying my job there. I don’t want to be cooped up in an office.” Mason’s face starts to fall and I want to change the subject to a happier topic before our night is ruined by his tyrant father.

“So, what is the special occasion for tonight?” I say finishing my pasta and garlic bread while sipping on my wine.

“Well, I have been thinking about things, Lucy, and I guess I still don’t understand where we went wrong in our relationship.”
This is really happening.
He is going to say it. I feel the same way and I can’t wait to tell him. I love this man in front of me. I know once his memory is back he might change a little but I am hoping that part of this new Mason will stay with him. Henry is in my stomach flapping his wings in anticipation. “I know we have had some rough patches but…”

Here it comes! I have to remind myself to breathe.

Mason’s face falls from the happy, handsome man that I have grown to love, yes love, to an angry version of himself. His expression changes so fast that it catches me off guard.

“What’s wrong?” I say trying to keep the panic out of my voice. Is his memory back? Did I just lose this man forever?

“ELI!” Mason screams making me jump. Oh shit. He only knows about Eli from before his incident. I never mentioned him after.
He’s back!

“Your memory is back,” is all I can say as Mason stands up and paces around the room looking irate.

“Eli is the ‘rough patch’ we had in our relationship! I remember it now,” he thunders refusing to look at me.

“Mason, I am so sorry. Nothing happened between us. We just flirted and he took me out to lunch a couple of times but that was after we separated. Eli is in the past and I haven’t even talked to him since…well, since we’ve been back together,” I mumble feeling ashamed. I wish Eli never happened now, that he never would have tried to sweep me off my feet. He has ruined everything. I have ruined everything. I can feel tears spring into my eyes as I watch Mason march back and forth. He is mumbling something now and I am trying my hardest to hear what he is saying.

“Please talk to me,” I plead. He doesn’t respond. He just continues to babble. I try again to listen.

“…I thought I remembered everything already…why didn’t I remember Eli…” Mason mutters to himself. I am shocked at the words I hear and I try to understand their meaning.

“What did you just say?” I ask Mason, my volume rising with each word. This stops his pacing and he turns his enraged face towards me. He hesitates for a second before he talks. We glare at each other, realization sinking in.

“I’ve had my memory back for awhile now,” he says through clenched teeth. “But I didn’t remember anything about Eli until just now.” I can’t breathe. He has lied to me and I feel betrayed.

“How long?” I ask my voice shaking.

“Since…Mexico,” he says lowering his voice to an ashamed whisper.

“Since Mexico?” I scream my mind reeling. “How could you lie to me like this?”

“Me?” Mason says with an accusing glare. “What about you with Eli? You never mentioned that one did you?”

“I bet that girl you brought home that started this whole thing meant a lot more to you than Eli did to me!” I shout barely able to control myself.

“I’m out of here,” Mason says whirling past me and grabbing his keys. He slams the door and I see his BMW screech out of the driveway. I can’t believe how our night turned out. All I can do is crumple to the floor. And cry.

It seems like I am on the floor for hours but I know that it has only been a few minutes because the candles in my line of sight haven’t dwindled down any. It’s got to be a fire hazard having hundreds of candles burning in one room with no one there to watch them. I know that if something caught on fire at this moment, I wouldn’t be able to move to get out of the house. The only thing I can think to do is call Drey.

I stand up feebly and shuffle across the room wiping my nose on my arm. I grab my phone and call my best friend.

“Hey, I was going to call but I was afraid I would interrupt your passionate sex-“

“Drey,” I breathe cutting her off. “Please get here quick.”

“Oh, Luce. I am so sorry. Did that jerk ruin everything?”

“Ruined,” is all I can spit out.

“I will be right there.”

I hang up the phone and shuffle back across the room to the fireplace mantel. I stare right into the flames of the candles trying to melt my mind, my memories, my new love for Mason. My plan doesn’t work so I try to blow out the candles.

“Pfft. Pfft.” My attempt at blowing out the flames is horrific. I’m sure I resemble a two year old trying to blow out my birthday candles. Hardly any air comes out of my mouth, but spit is definitely the majority of substance flying out. I wipe off my chin and slump to the ground.

Things were going so well. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten so close. The door flies open and I can see that Drey is holding the spare key we keep under the mat and a bottle of wine. She looks around the room for a second and then locks eyes with my pathetic watering gaze.

“Oh shit,” she says setting everything down on the floor and coming over towards me. That expression seems to be used frequently today. “What happened?”

“Well, Mason knows about me and Eli.”

“You and Eli had a third grader relationship. He brought you flowers and cut out paper hearts for you. You guys didn’t even kiss.”

“I know but he was furious.”

“Wait, did you tell him about Eli?” Drey asks finally catching up with the plot. As I shake my head, realization flits across her face. “He has his memory back and he didn’t tell you. That bastard!” she screams and I couldn’t agree more. Drey is the best friend to have in this situation. She will stick on my side through everything and burn whoever crosses me. “How long has he had it back?”

“Since Mexico,” I say dropping my face to my hands. “I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I didn’t catch on to his game sooner.”

“Why did he wait so long to tell you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why he acted the way he did at all. Not only did he not tell me he had his memory back, but he continued to be so romantic, and caring, and…loving.”

“You loved him again didn’t you?” Drey asks but it’s not really a question. She can see by the tears pooling in my eyes what my answer is. “I’m going to let you cry for three more minutes and then we are getting drunk.” I smile a little through my tears as she wipes them away from my eyes. Drey’s eyes wander around the room. “I have been in this situation before. He either wanted to do some pretty kinky things tonight, or he was trying to commit arson. And let me tell you, it is never option number two. I guess there was that one guy but…you don’t want to hear that story tonight. I called Kara and she will be here in the morning. She said Mason was just pulling into the driveway when I called so he must be staying there.”

I look at my tear stained red dress and realize how pathetic I must look. “Ok. I am done crying for now. I want the wine.” I can see the light at the end of this gloomy tunnel and the anger of the betrayal is setting in.

I drain the first bottle of wine so fast that Drey doesn’t even bother filling my glass anymore. She just hands me the newly opened bottle.

“Why does he have to be so smexy?” I say barely able to feel my tongue. The words come out so fast that I have a hard time comprehending what I am even saying. I don’t even know what smexy is.

“No,” Drey says shaking her head.

“You’re right, he’s ugly.”

“No, I wasn’t saying he’s ugly, I was just saying we aren’t talking about him anymore.”

“Oh,” I burp and then lie back on the couch.

“That is enough wine for you,” she says and pries the bottle out of my hands. The wine is the only thing keeping me going right now and it is hard to let go. “Let’s go to bed,” she says grabbing my arms and pulling me to an upright position. I drag my feet, shuffle to my bedroom and flop down on the bed. I crawl under the sheets still in my dress and I feel Drey crawl in next to me. We both lie on our backs staring at the ceiling. I turn my head towards her.

“Thanks for everything,” I say in my most convincing sober voice. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Lucy, you are the strongest person I know. I know how you work. Tomorrow, you will act like everything is fine and you will move on. Just don’t forget that you don’t always have to be so put together.”

“I know,” I say as I smile and then roll over onto my side. And I am out like a light.

“Lucy?” I hear a familiar voice say. I feel the bed move slightly. I open my eyes slowly and I see that light has flooded my room.

“Kara, you look like an angel sitting at the end of my bed,” I yawn and rub my eyes.

“Oh, Lucy,” she laughs. “So, I thought it might be fun to go the spa.” She stops as I shudder. “But then I remembered our last experience there and I decided on shopping instead.” Shopping does sound therapeutic. “How do you feel?”

I move my arms and legs and try to lift my head to assess my physical state. “Physically, I feel fine. I don’t even feel as hung over as I should.” I’m scared to assess my mental state. I take a deep breath and think about everything that happened last night. “Mentally however, I am a wreck. Last night, I thought that Mason and I were going to have a romantic evening that ended with us saying that we love each other. Instead, we discovered that our relationship was a scam. Basically, my heart feels like mud slipping through the spaces between my rib cage.”

“Well, that’s graphic,” Drey says from the chair in my room. I didn’t even know she was in here.

“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think Mason is doing any better than you are,” Kara reassures me.

“Oh, really? Did he sob for hours and drink an entire bottle of wine last night too?” I ask sincerely like I expect her answer to be yes.

“Not quite, but I guess he did the male equivalent. He drank a few beers with Scott and they talked about the problems with sappy romance movies and how it’s all fantasy.”

“You and Scott are a romance movie,” I whine and cover my head with my pillow. “I want to be like that too.”

“Lucy, Scott and I have problems just like you and Mason. We just handle them differently. We bicker all the time. It’s part of communicating. If I remember correctly, you and Mason were the same way at one point.” She’s right. Why is she so damn smart?

“Are we going shopping or what?” Drey says standing up.

“Yes, I think we should,” Kara agrees. She moves the pillow covering my face and pulls me to my feet.

We get to the mall and I don’t even know what I am wearing. I don’t remember getting dressed. Like Drey said, today I am trying to act like all is well in the world but it isn’t going as smoothly as I hoped. We go in our favorite stores and Kara and Drey find loads of cute stuff. Everything I see reminds me of Mason in some way. I even saw a shirt with horses on it in a window display and started tearing up.

“I know it’s ugly but you don’t have to cry about it. What is wrong with you?” Drey asks watching me melt down.

“Mason once rode a horse,” I sniffle. Drey just grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the window. It’s good to have a friend that won’t deal with my bullshit. She knows that I don’t have to be put together all the time but she also knows it’s crossing the line to cry over something so ridiculous.

“You are going to find something sexy to wear for the next time we all go out,” Kara says trying to take my mind off of things. It works a little and I start searching for the perfect outfit. The only color I am interested in buying is black to match my mood. Drey only lets this go because she thinks black always looks good.

At the end of our shopping trip, I ended up with a short, black, fitted dress with cap sleeves. It is cut low in the front and I must say my boobs look outstanding in it. I buy a big chunky silver bracelet and a silver belt to go with the dress. I will just tuck these away until I feel together enough to go out dancing again.

The last few weeks have been…different. I put on a good façade and have almost convinced myself that I am over everything. It was silly for me to get wound up with Mason so fast anyways. I knew how it would end, well not exactly how, but I knew it would end, and yet I still let myself fall for him. It’s my own fault and now I have to deal with the consequences.

Kara says that Mason is still staying with them. Every time I see her, she tells me how sad he looks. I refuse to let myself believe that it’s because of me. His dad is really good at pushing him into a depression at work so I’m sure that’s what has been on his mind.

Eli overheard Erin and I talking about Mason’s absence and has been overly attentive to me ever since. I finally had to pull him into my office and yell at him and tell him that what we had is over but that didn’t seem to help. He thought I was pulling him into my office for other purposes and got all excited. I don’t know what I ever saw in him. He is beyond annoying.

I have allowed myself to get fully engrossed in my work again. I get to the office early and leave late. It keeps my mind off of things. Everything is so routine that I don’t have to think too hard about anything, but my mind doesn’t have time to wander. Today at work was different though.

“Lucy, can I talk to you for a minute,” my boss Rick says peeking his head into my office. What could this be about? I quickly run through my actions from the last couple of weeks to make sure that I haven’t screwed up somewhere. I did cause a major paper jam in the printer on Monday but that couldn’t be what he wants to talk about.

“Please, sit,” I say gesturing to the chair across the desk from me.

“There have been a lot of changes around here and Pearson’s is expanding. We are going to restructure the company a little and I have recommended that you take the position of Account Executive. Is that something you would be interested in?” I blink and my eyes gloss over trying to process what he is saying to me. Account Executive is a huge step for me. One that I thought would take me years to get to. And the best part about it is that I actually won’t be as busy in that position. I get more vacation time and my hours will be more normal. What would I do with all my free time? I guess I could take up sailing.