Remember Tuesday Morning (29 page)

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hroughout the service, Alex had refused to let himself think about Holly. He knew she was sitting back there with Jamie, but his heart couldn’t process everything happening around him. In the past five years, he’d sat in on memorial services for two police dogs and three deputies from across the state. Always he would sit shoulder-to-shoulder with the other deputies. Always he could picture the service being for him, because that was the sort of cop he was, the type that went all out for every call.

But Bo?

Sure, his dog had a knick in his ear where he’d nearly taken a bullet before, and even in the weeks leading up to his death he had made a number of death-defying captures of bad guys. But Bo was so good, so fiercely determined to take care of the crime scene, that Alex had never imagined him being killed in action.

Never imagined a service like this for his very own dog.

So before he could think about Holly, he had to have this time for Bo. His dog deserved his complete attention, the good-bye he had earned. His remains had been cremated, and Alex planned to let them go on a wave at Malibu beach — where he would always see Bo running along behind him in the shallow surf.

None of that was mentioned at the service, though, because the focus wasn’t on Bo’s death, but on his life. Alex appreciated every story, every officer who took the time to share about Bo. He could’ve stood up there and told stories till dark, but those were the moments he’d keep forever inside him. What mattered here is that other people knew about Bo. The people who had come to say good-bye to his dog would leave the service knowing him a little better. And that was worth something.

Strange how the service had played out. He could practically feel Bo lying on the ground at his feet, the way the dogs of the other K9 officers were lying near their partners. If he didn’t look down, if he didn’t check the photo on the easel or pay too close attention to what was being said, he could pretend for a little while longer that it had never happened, that Bo was still there. If only he didn’t look down.

But as the program ended and the bagpipes stopped playing, the truth was as painful as it was obvious. Bo was gone. As the other deputies and the bagpipers cleared out, he talked to God about all he was feeling, and a truth settled in around the broken pieces of his heart.

If — in the minute before his sergeant had introduced him to Bo — someone would’ve told him that the ride would be far too short, that it would end tragically and before either of them had the chance to work together all the years they should, Alex wouldn’t have changed a thing. Working with Bo for the years he did made him one of the lucky ones. Both of them would’ve done it all again without hesitation.

He’d talked to his sergeant about the next chapter in his life as a sheriff’s deputy, and he’d made a decision for now. He didn’t want to work with a new K9 partner. Instead, he wanted to work SWAT with Clay and Joe and maybe someday down the road he would think about having another dog. God had spared him from the inferno for a reason, and police work had to be at least part of it. Maybe even K9 work at some point, but it would take time. He would always compare any other dog to Bo, and that wouldn’t be fair — not for either of them.

Now, though, the service was over and he was lost in the moment, staring at one of the only pictures of Bo and him, when he heard the faintest sound from the back of the set of chairs. He turned just as Holly was leaving, and panic grabbed at him. What was he doing? He hadn’t made his intentions clear to her, hadn’t told her that he wanted to stay in her life now that they’d found each other again, or that his faith had been restored. For all she knew, he was the same Alex he’d been before the fire.

And so he set down the picture and the package and went to her, praying as he walked that she might see in his eyes the truth about who he was now, who he had become again. He had learned so much about evil, what he could do about it and what he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop a bullet or rid the city of every crook or terrorist that came along. He would get rid of as much evil as he could, but he would also remember that evil won most when it won in his heart.

Something he would never let it do again.

He came to her slowly, and with every step the walls and years and distance between them faded away. When he was so close he could smell the scent of the shampoo she used in her hair, he stopped and looked at her, looked into the deepest parts of her.

“Alex … is it really you?” Her words came out as a whisper. She took off her sunglasses, and unshed tears made her eyes sparkle in the sunlight.

They’d hugged the other day, but they hadn’t held hands since the day before 9/11. Sometimes Alex would be driving in his squad car, patrolling the streets of LA, and he’d remember the sensation of her hands in his with such force that it took his breath. He still didn’t have any idea whether she had a boyfriend or even a fiancé, but no one could touch what they’d shared all those years ago. So now, when words could never capture the extent of his feelings, he did the only thing he knew to do.

He held out his hands.

Holly made a soft sound that was more cry than laughter, but she must’ve understood what he was feeling because she took a step closer and slowly, tenderly wove her fingers between his. The sensation was magic, and it lifted everything he had ever felt for her to a higher degree that almost frightened him. He didn’t want to ask, but he couldn’t wait much longer. He could feel himself falling beyond anything he’d ever felt before. “Is … is there someone in your life, Holly?”

She kept looking deeper into his eyes. “No.” She seemed tentative, as if she didn’t believe this was really happening here, now. “You?”

“No one. Never.”

Her fingers pressed in a little deeper between his. “Me neither.”

He could smell the sweetness of her skin, and all he wanted was to take her in his arms and kiss her, so she would know without a doubt how he felt about her. But first he had to at least try to make himself understood. “I … I became someone else after my dad died in that tower.”

“I know.” A well of sadness rang in her voice, and she smiled through fresh tears. “I watched it happen, remember?”

He eased one of his hands free, and with his thumb he brushed back a piece of her blonde hair. “I’m sorry, Holly. I was blinded by what happened.” He put his hand over his chest. “But in here, you never left me.” He placed his fingers along the side of her face. “You were always in my heart.”

“Right next to you.” With her free hand, she gently touched the muscles in his jawline. “Because you — the Alex I knew — were always inside your heart too. No matter how hard you tried to become someone who didn’t care.” She tilted her head, her eyes beyond tender now. “I never stopped loving you, Alex. I always believed someday I’d find you again.”

“Holly …” Bittersweet joy rushed through his veins and swelled his heart, filling him with feelings he hadn’t known before this moment. But he didn’t celebrate just yet. “It would’ve been so easy for you to forget me, move on. I’m sorry.” He worked his fingers into the soft hair at the nape of her neck. “Can you ever forgive me?’

There was only the two of them and nothing else. Not the planes overhead or the traffic on the busy streets outside headquarters. Not the chairs or the memorial service or any of it. Holly’s sad smile was as familiar as home. “No, Alex.”

“No?” His heart pounded, and her nearness made his breathing faster than before.

Her smile faded, but her eyes had never loved him more. “No, you could never have been easy to forget.” She blinked back the shine in her eyes. “And, yes, I forgive you.”

It was going to happen. He was going to kiss her like some scene from a distant dream. Alex searched her eyes, her face. His body trembled from the intense love he felt in that moment. “I’ve never loved anyone but you. I tried, but a part of me never stopped.” Then, because he couldn’t force his brain to think of another coherent word until he did what he was longing to do, he touched his lips to hers and, in a dance as old as time, they came together, lost in the moment, lost in each other.

The kiss lasted a long time, but it wasn’t one of crazy passion or physical desire — although that place wasn’t far off. Instead, it was a kiss that erased the years and doubts and told of a love neither of them had forgotten. He tasted her tears as the kiss grew, and when finally they eased back and caught their breath, his cheeks were wet too.

She wiped them with the softest touch of her thumb. “I’m sorry … about Bo.”

Alex sucked in a quick breath and lifted his chin, his eyes on the blue sky overhead. “He was a good partner.”

“I wish I’d known him longer.” She sniffed and hugged him, swaying just a little as they allowed the memory of the dog to stand with them for a moment.

Again Alex wished he had more tangible ways to remember Bo, something he could’ve shared with Holly. Then he remembered Jamie’s gift. She’d given him a package and said something about not being sure if Alex had anything like it. “Wait,” he eased free of her embrace and took hold of her hand. “Come with me. I need to open Jamie’s package.”

Holly kept up with him, her fingers still laced between his, the feeling something Alex never wanted to lose again. They reached the first row, and Alex let go briefly so he could open the gift. Holly stayed by his side, watching, waiting.

He lifted the lid of a white box, and inside, beneath a few pieces of tissue paper, was a framed collage that made Alex catch his breath. The pictures in the frame were several beautiful shots of him and Bo on the Michaels’ front porch, and one amazing photo of Bo all by himself. Regal and loyal, his eyes exactly as Alex would always remember them. The moment came rushing back, Jamie’s awkward picture-taking so she could find a way to talk to him about his past. He had been grateful since then for the risks she’d taken, for giving him the copied page from Jake’s journal, and playing a part in helping him find his way back to the Lord.

But he’d forgotten about the pictures until now.

“He looks so strong, so beautiful.” Holly touched the side of the frame. “These are amazing.”

“I … I didn’t think there were any pictures like this.” Alex covered the frame with the tissue papers again. He would thank Jamie later, Jamie and Clay, and Joe and his wife — because all of them had prayed for him to find his way back. He knew that from conversations he’d had with Clay in the last few days.

As he fit the lid back on the box, his fingers brushed against hers, and electricity shot through him. He framed her face with his hand and kissed her again. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Only God could’ve done this.” She kissed him again, more slowly than before. Then they collected the gift from Jamie and the framed photo on the easel and headed inside.

As they walked, Alex marveled at the goodness of God, who had given him the most wonderful parents, and a dog he would remember forever. God who had helped him understand that the condition of his heart was far more critical than the condition of the world, and who had spared him from certain death in the midst of towering flames. But beyond all that, he marveled that God would give him this.

A second chance with Holly.

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inda held her son’s elbow as he led her down the center aisle of the stunning little chapel on the hill at Pepperdine University, the one that overlooked the beach where Alex and Bo used to go on their rare days off. A hundred or so deputies and their families, and a handful of Holly’s friends filled the pews. The air smelled of salt and sunshine and seawater.

They reached the front right pew and Alex kissed her cheek. “I love you, Mom.”

“Love you too, Son.” She held on a few seconds longer, still amazed at the transformation in him. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Alex leaned past her to his stepfather, Lee, who was already seated. Alex shook his hand. “Good to see you, sir.”

“Yes,” the two shared a sincere smile. Lee’s voice filled with pride. “It’s all so very good.”

Alex patted his mother’s hand and then left them and went to stand at the front of the church next to the pastor. Linda sat down and tried to catch her breath. If it was all just a dream, she wanted to wake up now before they went any further. But that was the most amazing part of the story. It was real. She sat back against the hard wooden bench and remembered again how she’d found out the news. It had been Veteran’s Day — November 11 — just before dinner. The buzzer sounded, and Lee pushed the button to open the apartment building door. But when Linda asked who it was, Lee only smiled and said, “Delivery.”

Five minutes later, Lee opened the front door and Alex walked in holding the hand of Holly Brooks. Linda still had to allow a quiet laugh when she thought of the way she must’ve looked. “Alex,” her mouth stayed open and she turned to Holly. “What … how could …?”

Lee came to her and steadied her until she was able to form a complete sentence. In the meantime, Alex explained that after the fire and losing Bo, he and Holly had found common ground again. “The two of us and God too.” He came to her and hugged her. “I’ve missed so much, but no more, Mom. Not after this.”

After a month of seeing each other every day, Alex had done what Linda had always hoped he would do. He had asked Holly’s mother for permission and then purchased an engagement ring for her. They had a lot of years to make up for, and they wanted counseling from the pastor who would marry them, so the wedding was set for Saturday, March 7.

“We wanted to tell you in person.” Alex moved back, and Holly took his place, with hugs of her own.

Linda laughed and cried and told Alex and Holly and Lee over and over again that she had prayed for this and believed for this all along. Alex and Holly stayed for dinner, and the truth came out — Lee had known about the surprise for a week. The next morning they all took a trip to Ground Zero and St. Paul’s Chapel, and Alex talked about how he had connected with Jamie Bryan, and how she had worked in the church for three years after 9/11 and showed him the journal entry about his father.

Before Alex and Holly left for Los Angeles again, Linda and Lee prayed with them, asking God to protect them and thanking Him for this new chance at love. Now Linda smiled at her handsome son as the music began to change. That November weekend was one she’d remember forever.

But it wouldn’t come close to the one that was about to play out.

Alex still couldn’t believe Holly had said yes. After how he’d treated her, she could easily have told him no or asked for more time. But she stuck with what she’d told him that tender day of Bo’s memorial service. She had always believed that the Alex she had fallen in love with as a teenage girl was still in his heart somewhere.

He clasped his hands behind him and watched the door at the back of the church. So much had changed in the last four months. He was moving ahead in his SWAT training, but he wasn’t working overtime anymore. His time at headquarters was rich and fulfilling, the way it always would be. But it was a job. His faith, his love for Holly, his friends — those were his life now. Six times already, he and Holly had met up with Clay and Jamie and the others for dinner at the Michaels’ house.

Life was good at Clay and Jamie’s house. Sierra’s cat Wrinkles wasn’t sick like before, and the kids were well — so their times together had been happy and full of laughter. Alex smiled to himself. Laughter, of all things, something he wouldn’t have believed would ever be part of his life again. During their counseling sessions with the pastor, he and Holly had even talked about having kids of their own.

They’d also taken a day and gone down to the beach where Alex had scattered Bo’s ashes in the foam of a particularly powerful wave, the kind of wave Bo would’ve barked at had he been there.

Through Christmas and the New Year, Alex grew so close to Holly he couldn’t understand how he’d lived seven years without her. They had both agreed to wait until they were married to begin the physical relationship they were both aching to experience. Some days Alex wondered why they’d scheduled the wedding so far out, but other times he enjoyed the wait, enjoyed watching Holly register for wedding gifts and get excited about going with her mom to pick out a dress.

Alex looked out over the faces in the church, the deputies and sergeants he’d worked with and grieved with, the family that made up the sheriff’s department. But more than that, his eyes found those of Jamie, Joe and Wanda, and Eric and Laura Michaels. These were friends he’d have for life, he was sure. Holly already loved them, and right now he felt a little like his father had told Jake Bryan he felt. Life was good, love was sweet, and time felt like it would last forever.

He understood John 16:33 better now, the verse his father had wanted him to take hold of. Yes, in this world there would be trouble. But God had overcome the world. Otherwise, Alex never would’ve been standing here. Alex looked at Clay standing beside him — his best man. The two shared a smile, and for a few seconds Alex imagined what it would be like if his father were standing beside him now. A fleeting, familiar pain seared the surface of his heart, but it came with no rage, no sense of driven determination. Sure, he still thought about 9/11, the way he always would. But at this point, the crippling sorrow was far less all-consuming and only hit him as often as it did other victims of the terrorist attacks.

Every now and then.

Again the music changed, and this time the organist began to play the “Wedding March.” Across both sides of the pews, people rose and faced the back of the church. The doors opened and Holly appeared, a vision of white lace and tanned arms, so stunning that an appreciative hush fell over their friends and family. Alex’s heartbeat quickened and he stood straighter, not believing she was really about to be his. This was what he’d waited all his life for, even in the years when he had lied to himself. Holly Brooks, walking up the aisle, about to be his wife.
My dear God … I can’t believe You’ve brought us here … thank You … I’ll never have enough days to thank you
.

He remembered to breathe as she came closer. Holly had never looked more beautiful, but not so much because of her pretty dress. That wasn’t what captured Alex’s attention. Her veil was thin enough that Alex could see the only thing that mattered in this moment.

Holly’s eyes, and an undying love that would stand the test of time.

Holly couldn’t take her eyes off him. Of all the miracles God had worked on their behalf, this was the most unbelievable. The change in Alex. Because looking at him now, it was impossible to think of him the way he’d been only five months ago — hard and cold, closed off to love or life or any feelings other than the quest for revenge. She smiled as she came closer.

Alex standing at the front of the church waiting for her was everything she had always wanted — and he was everything she had known he could be. A man full of faith and a love that shone through in their beach walks and late-night talks, a love that was as transparent as the spring breeze outside their wedding chapel.

She had never dreamed she’d feel this happy again, but here she was — about to marry Alex Brady. They had written brief vows for this moment, a reflection of the pure richness of their love. The way they felt about each other wouldn’t take a lot of words. They loved each other more than life, and they trusted God to take them through whatever the years held.

That was all.

As she reached him, as their hands touched and her body felt the now familiar desire, she could only think of one thing. Her mother was wrong. It wasn’t only in the movies that love came at people all at once. Because what she and Alex shared really was a stunning rainbow across an otherwise dreary sky. When they’d found each other again, their intense feelings of a love that had never died hadn’t taken time or work or any sort of effort.

They came all at once, in a rush, because they simply were, the way they would always be.

Jamie watched the wedding through teary eyes.

Clay was completely healed now, and he looked rugged and full of joy as he stood beside Alex during the ceremony. She thanked God every day that he hadn’t been killed, but she had to hold on lightly. The way any living person had to hold on if they understood the fleeting nature of life. She and Clay had spent more time together than ever before, and she couldn’t possibly love him more. In the past months he’d become a mentor to Alex, helping him understand what it meant to really love a woman the way Christ intended her to be loved.

On a couple occasions, he had even drawn from excerpts in Jake’s journal and favorite Bible verses to talk about love languages, and the danger of going to bed angry with each other. Clay had confided in Jamie last night that he was happy with how their talks had gone.

“Alex is going to be an amazing husband. The transformation in him is something only God could’ve done.”

“Yes.” Jamie looped her arms around his neck. “Because Alex finally understood that any move toward being a ‘good guy’ had to start with a hard look in the mirror.”

Clay looked at her now and their eyes held. His lips curved into a subtle smile before he turned his attention back to the vows. Jamie dabbed at her eyes and listened to the words being said.

“Holly, I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you, and I’ll love you until the last time.” Alex smiled at his bride, his eyes damp. “I promise to respect and love you, to honor and cherish you.” Alex was holding Holly’s hands, lost in her eyes. They might as well have been the only two people in the room. He was finishing up, and the last part was the most poignant. “There will be hard times, as there have been before. But when they come, I promise never to put walls between me and you, and I will share with you whatever pain comes my way, because you are a part of me, Holly. As long as we both shall live.”

Holly sounded choked up when it came to her turn. Her vows were the same as his until the very end. “Alex, I’ve watched what hurt and loss can do to you, and I promise you one more thing here, before our family and friends. I promise that when life hurts so much you’re tempted to forget who you are, you can always come to me. I will be your mirror, Alex … for the real you will always live here, inside my heart.”

They were about to exchange rings when Jamie felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Mom,” Sierra leaned in close to her. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I’m happy.” Jamie sniffed. “Love makes me feel this way.”