Remember When 2 (25 page)

   But if he needed me to say it, I could do that. I could do that for him.

   “Yes, Trip. Just you. It’s always been you.”

   He kept up his pace, the both of us threatening to completely fall apart.
We might as well be… We could just…
I felt the dizzying cadence of my every nerve ending tightening, twisting, screaming for release just as Trip whispered, “Say my name again. I want this entire city to know who’s making you come.”

  
Oh God.

   “Say it.”

   Holy hell. Fine. Own me.

   “
Trip
…” I whispered back.

   He grabbed the back of my hair in his fist and pulled, forcing my face skyward, stealing the air from my lungs.

   “Fucking
say
it.”

   “Oh,
God
!”

   “Close enough.”

   He closed his lips over my mouth again, smothering me, consuming me. In one fluid motion, his hand plunged up the back of my shirt and gave an expert snap against my bra, undoing the closure with a move smoother than Fonzie tapping a jukebox. The act was so startling that I jumped, knocking the picture fully off the wall, where it landed with a crash onto the side table.

   We could have ignored the crack of the wood frame as it came down.

   We could have ignored the splintering of glass as it fell to the floor.

   We could not ignore the sound of Devin’s voice coming from the answering machine.

Chapter 24

THE PERFECT STORM

   I slapped absently behind me, trying to press stop, but of course it was too late. Breathing heavily, the spell broken, I suddenly realized that my legs were wrapped around a man who was not my fiancé.

   Trip must have realized it, too. He put his hands at my waist and gave a little nudge, my cue to lower my feet to the floor. I did it, just as his arms wrapped around my middle, gathering me into a tight hug, holding me fixed to him, his face in the crook of my neck, his breath ruffling my hair.

   We stood there like that for a moment, the both of us returning to Earth, trying to get our breathing under control, not knowing what to do about this latest development, the reality that was my life.

   I felt the gentle kisses he trailed along my temple, the resigned sigh of desperation in his voice as he spoke softly against my skin, “Shit. The guy really knows how to ruin a moment.”

   Trip kept me pinned against the wall, but his animal attack was replaced with a soft palm against my jaw, his fingertips smoothing under my hair at the skin along my nape. “But God, Lay. Do you know what I would do, if you could give me another chance at this? Do you think that we can try?”

   “A chance at…”

   “A chance at us. We’re so great together.”

   Yes, that we were. We were
electric
together. Clearly, that part of us hadn’t gone away.

   He was looking into my eyes, the longing clearly displayed in his. “You said you wanted this...”
Well, yeah, sure, if you want to get technical about the whole thing.
“…I do, too.”

   I was still in a daze from our madness, coming down from the sensation of the most incredible “kiss” I’d ever experienced in my life.

   But then the guilt slid in, overtaking me even as I tried to minimize the blame. The thought that maybe I had only
almost
just cheated on my fiancé, the mistaken belief that things hadn’t yet gone too far. Trip had just floated back into my life like a dream, but it felt as though I had suddenly woken up. The echo of Devin’s voice still hung in the air around us, cutting away all the hope and leaving only truth:

   Living in the fairytale seriously threatened my reality.

   And that terrified me.

   “Trip? What is it that you want?” My voice was almost accusatory, my turnaround practically instantaneous, and, I’m quite sure, written all over my face.

   “I want
you
, Lay. I’ve always wanted you.” He pulled back as he swiped his fingers to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Can’t you see that? Don’t you know?”

   Well, I could certainly feel it, if that’s what he was asking. It was presently trying to poke a hole through my stomach.

   I supposed he’d have said anything to stop me from stopping this, pull out his A-game and do whatever it took to get me in that bed. Yeah, sure, he wanted me right then. But what about tomorrow? What happens when he goes back to La-La Land and I’m left here to deal with my
real
life? Fairytales didn’t exist. Maybe I should have thought about that before falling into his arms.

   Yes, we were old friends,
good
friends. It was amazing to be back in his life the past weeks. But this was a man who was used to bedding lingerie models, the very women that most guys only fantasized about. He employed not one, but two people to manage his exciting life, remind him of the many sensational things on his schedule. He’d circled the globe, seen every exotic locale on Earth.

   Clearly, our paths had diverged over the years, because I was a downright bore in comparison.

   So, what was this, really? Was he just taking a crack at stirring up the old chemistry between us, viewing me as a challenge, trying to see if he could get me to cave? It had probably been years since he had to actually work to get a girl into bed.

 
 
I assessed the look on his face, tried to read his intentions. There was something disturbingly familiar about the words he’d just spoken.
I want you, I’ve always wanted you?
It felt like he was reading off a script, feeding me a line.

  
Is he
acting
right now
?

   I gave him a long, hard look before asking, “Trip, what is this?”

   I’d shifted out of his grasp, allowing a few inches between us. His hands were still around my waist, but they’d stopped moving. “What do you mean?”

   “I mean, what are you trying to do here exactly?”

   My blood started to simmer, the fear and insecurity turning to anger, taking root and spreading out to every corner of my being, gathering heat and strength like a Category 5 hurricane.

   Trip tried to defuse the storm. “Nothing, Lay. Just trying to give you what you want.”

   I could lie to myself, but the scary truth was, I
had
wanted this… and I’d been a willing accomplice to my own demise. “What the hell is
that
supposed to mean?” I asked, rehooking my bra and buttoning my blouse. “Give me what I want? What am I, some sort of charity case?”

   Before he could respond, the phone rang, jostling us out of the last of our trance.

   And even though I
knew
who was calling, I answered.

   Trip watched while I talked to Devin. I tried to ignore the disbelieving look he was aiming at me while I did it, as I attempted like all hell to sound normal. “Hello?... Yep, just got in… Oh, you’re just heading to the airport now? Jeez, the redeye, huh?... Yes, I got your message. Just now, actually. So, you’ll… Okay, yes, I’ll see you at work tomorrow… Mmm hmm. Okay. Have a safe flight. Bye.”

   I hung up with my fiancé and turned hesitant eyes to Trip. He was leaning against my wall, still shirtless, looking like a fallen god.

   Talk about awkward.

   I had no idea what to do as he stared me down, jaw slack, incredulous. Finally, he broke the silence. “You’re really not going to tell him, are you.”

   “Of course not! Wait. Tell him what?”

   He crossed his arms, defiant. “That you don’t love him.”

   “That’s none of your business,” I shot back, defensively.

   He started pacing around my living room, pulling his shirt back on roughly, running his hands through his hair. “I think it’s very much my business! Jesus, Lay. Live your life! Don’t just let it be decided for you. Make a choice for godsakes.”

   “I’ve been making my own choices for years now, Trip.”

   He stopped. Frozen in place. Trying to read my words. “And you chose him.”

   I heard my voice crack as I answered, “I chose him.”

   He actually winced, defeated, as if my words had slapped him. I was so confused, I didn’t know what to say.
Yes, Trip. I chose him. I chose to live my life, never thinking you’d someday be walking back into it. I chose a career and an apartment and what to eat and wear all on my own because I never allowed myself to believe that I could choose
you
. Please don’t ask me right now to throw that all away for just one night of make-believe.

  
I wanted to cry, the hurt ran so deep. I was crazy about this man, but the stakes were just too high. He was asking me to risk my
entire life
for just one night in bed with him. I mean, yeah. It would be an incredible night. But still. Maybe the life I’d built was only a house of cards, but it was
my
life. The life I’d made for myself. Trip was a steamroller in that regard. A beautiful, sexy, adorable steamroller.

   I actually weighed the options much longer than I should have.

   My body moved on auto-pilot, opening the door to see him out. He looked at me in astonishment, like he couldn’t believe I was sending him on his way. Truth was, neither could I. But how could he expect me to do anything other than that? How could he even ask?

   His eyes were chips of ice as he gave me a sidelong stare. “We
both
deserve better than this.”

  
This
was nothing more than a fleeting moment in time. After everything we’d been through, the memories from years ago to the actuality of the past few weeks—all the tender touches, the knowing smiles, the laughs and tears and heartache—
This
was all we were left with.

   He was right. We both deserved better.

   He grabbed his jacket off the area rug, but stopped before he was completely out the door. “Look. This isn’t the final word on this. I’m going to wait for you at the hotel tonight. If you don’t show up,
then
it’s final. I’ll walk away and respect your decision.”

   My heart actually cracked at the thought, and I fought the frustrated tears that threatened an appearance. What were we
doing
?

   He tipped my chin up, forcing my eyes to meet his. “But when you
do
show, then I’ll have my answer. I think you’ll feel differently by then. I think you’ll realize how much we
both
want this.”

  
When
, not
if
.

   Cocky bastard.

Chapter 25

UNBREAKABLE

   Hours later, I was tossing and turning in my bed. I couldn’t sleep, my mind envisioning Trip just waiting for me in that big, lonely room at the
TRU
. My thoughts went back and forth, trying to rationalize just one last night with him. There was no chance of getting caught. My fiancé was on a plane right then, and Trip would be leaving on one the next day. Who would know?

   Me. I would know.

   I was already feeling extraordinarily guilty for letting things get as far as they did earlier. At the time, I kept telling myself that at least we weren’t having sex. It was only a kiss.

   Just a kiss that broke my heart and melted me down to my core. That’s all. No biggie.

   What the hell was I doing? How could I let things get to this?

   I agonized over the questions swirling around in my head:
What would Trip think when I didn’t show up? How long would he wait?

  
Was
he waiting?

   Was he sitting up in his bed right then, flipping channels on the TV, watching the clock, listening for a knock on the door? Or had he given up hours before and simply gone to sleep? Or worse… had he just gone down to the lobby bar and found a replacement body to warm his bed?

   It was torture. I was torturing myself.

  
Should I call him
? Just to let him know I wasn’t coming?

   No. He’d find a way to talk me into coming over. Just the sound of his voice would make me cave.

   I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t do that to Devin. I made a few mistakes over the past weeks, slipped up a couple times. And that’s all I was willing to accept blame for doing. For making mistakes. I never set out to intentionally cheat on my fiancé. And I was never, ever,
ever
going to do it again. That was a fact.