Remembering You (10 page)

The garden was beautiful
, and I felt so much peace. “If your love was true, you will find each other again.” I kept hearing someone whisper those words over and over. I was pulled back into darkness until the bright lights started flashing in my head. Images of the beach kept playing over and over in my mind. I heard the same crash again and again. I started shaking and heard a voice whisper, “Claire, wake up; it’s only a dream. Wake up, baby. Please.”

I awoke curled in a fetal position on the floor,
with my hands covering my ears and tears streaming down my face. Sam was kneeling in front of me with his arms wrapped around me. I grabbed a hold of his arm and buried my head into his chest.

“I can’t take this anymo
re,” I cried. “This has to stop. I’m going crazy, Sam.”

“Ssh
… it was a bad dream, Claire. I’m here, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

I pushed him away and he fell back. “It wasn’t a dream
, Sam; it’s my reality, my living hell.” I stood up and turned my back so I wouldn’t have to look at him. I didn’t want to see the disappointment and the hurt on his face.

“Let it be my hell to
o, Claire. Share your life with me. Tell me what happened to you. For fuck’s sake, Claire. Let me help you.”

I froze
and shook my head. “I can’t let you help me. I’m so fucked up and broken, there’s nothing anyone can do to save me, and I won’t drag you into my hell,” I cried and flew out of his apartment and into mine. I curled up on my blanket and cried the rest of the night. Sam didn’t come after me.

The nex
t morning, the delivery truck arrived and delivered my furniture. They were kind enough to set the furniture exactly where I told them to. My heart ached so badly and my eyes were red and swollen from crying all night. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Once again, I fucked things up with Sam.
Could life be any worse by letting him in my life?
I was already living in my own personal hell, but when I was with him, it felt like heaven. I wanted to feel like that every day. I’d longed for that feeling since the accident. Sam wanted to give me that and, each time, I pushed him away.

I looked around my newly furnished apartment and
tried to smile. Everything was in its place and this was now a home, my home. There was one more thing I needed to do. It didn’t matter anymore. I couldn’t feel any worse and I needed to try and feel better.

I ran across the hall
and pounded on Sam’s door. He answered wearing only a pair of navy blue pajama bottoms that hung slightly off his hips. I started to quiver when I saw him. His muscular chest was rock hard and his six-pack was beautifully defined. He looked at me differently than he ever had. His eyes looked cold and dark, not his usual warm and bright blue-gray. He didn’t say a word and he didn’t invite me in. I pushed through the door.

“Claire, what are you doing?”

I put my hand up and turned around. I noticed he had about a two-inch scar from his belly button, down around his right side. It looked like a surgical scar of some sort. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.

“
I was in a very bad car accident that pretty much left me dead. I actually died for three minutes and, when I was brought back, I had no memory of my life. The only people I barely remembered were my Mom, Dad, and Zoey. Seventeen years of living gone in a flash.” Tears started to fill my eyes.

Sam
stood there for a moment with a look of shock on his face. He started to walk over to me and I stopped him. “Don’t; please let me finish. Since the accident, I get these flashes of bright lights in my head and blurred images. I think they might be memories, but I’m not sure. That’s when the headaches start.” Sam came over to me, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my head.

“My
God, Claire. I’m so sorry.”

I started to cry into his shoulder.
“Don’t you see? I only have three years of my life I can share with you. I can’t share my childhood with you because I can’t remember it. I’m a stranger in my own body.”

He picked me up and carried me to his bedroom
, where he laid me down on his bed and continued to hold me. As I faced him, I ran my finger up and down his scar.

“What happened to you?” I sniffled.

Sam kissed my cheek. “I’ll tell you another time,” he said as he stroked my hair.

I
looked up at his face that showed great concern for me. “I moved here because I couldn’t live in that house anymore. For the past three years, I’ve felt like a stranger in the house I grew up in. I needed to start my own life. I needed to try and find me, if that makes sense.”

Sam pushed the
stray hairs away from my face. “It makes perfect sense, and I’m glad you chose Seattle.”

I
had just bared my soul to him and now we were bonded in the way I swore I never would be with anyone. I desired him and longed to feel him inside me. The attraction was there the minute I saw him. I lifted my head and traced his lips with my finger. As he smiled, my heart started to race. I sat up and lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it on the floor. Sam took in a sharp breath.

“You’re so beautiful
, Claire.”

I
leaned over and kissed his lips. I didn’t have to ask him to make love to me. He already knew that I wanted him to. He took his hands and slowly undid my bra, throwing it over the side of the bed. His hands moved freely over my breasts, cupping each one, giving special attention to my nipples. Sam broke our kiss and looked at me.

“Are you sure?” he asked
.

“It’s the first thing I’ve ev
er been so sure of in my life,” I whispered.

He gently pushed me
back to a lying position and he hovered over me. My hands moved up and down his back as he softly kissed my neck and his tongue made its way to my throat. I tilted my head back so he could have better access. I could feel his erection against me as he gently tugged at each nipple, then softly licked them to soothe the sting. His hand moved down my torso and took down my pants. As I lifted myself to help him, he gently pushed his fingers through the sides of my panties. A soft moan came from the back of his throat as he felt the wetness that was caused by him. His lips found mine as he gently inserted his finger inside me and slowly rubbed my clit in circles with his thumb. I moaned and pushed my hips up as he gently pushed another finger inside. He was gentle and made me feel safe. His strokes were undeniably arousing me as my body started to tighten and my breathing became rapid. It felt like an earthquake was going to erupt inside me as my moans became louder.

My hands reached the waistband of his pajama bottoms and took them
down while grabbing his perfectly shaped ass. His lips left mine and moved over to each breast, down my stomach to my navel, and then to my aching spot that wanted him so badly. As his tongue made its way to my clit, both he and I could feel me swell as I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Come for me, Claire. C
ome for me,” he whispered.

Just the words were enough to send me into oblivion. I screamed as the orgasm rippled through my body and I began shaking
. He made his way back up to me.

“I have con
doms.” He smiled.

“I’m on the pill
, Sam, but I think we should still use a condom anyway.”

He smiled at me
and reached for his wallet. He tore open the condom and sat up, pulling it over his hard cock. He looked at me before he took my mouth to his, kissing me hard and passionately. I wrapped my legs around him as he grabbed his cock and gently pushed it inside me. We both moaned at the same time. I grabbed his hair and moved my hands through it as he thrust in and out of me, slowly. I dug my nails into his back, which made him thrust harder and faster and I screamed his name as I could feel myself building up for another orgasm.

“Come with me
, baby. I want to hear you,” he panted.

Finally
, I reached my peak as he pushed himself deep inside me, saying my name while staring into my eyes. I held his face as I whispered his name and my orgasm exploded. He fell on top of me and we lay there, feeling each other’s hearts pounding against our bare skin. That was the most beautiful experience I had ever felt. Instantly, nothing else mattered in my life except Sam.

After h
e got up, removed the condom, and discreetly disposed of it in the bathroom, he smiled at me as he walked towards the bed, holding out his hand and signaling for me to join him in the shower, where we made love again.

I had to go back to my apartment to get dressed and
I told him to come over as soon as he was ready. I stood in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, wondering if I had ever made love to anyone before. I heard the door open and, suddenly, there were two arms wrapped around me.

“Hi
, baby.” He smiled.

I l
ooked at him through the mirror. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure
. Shoot!”

I didn’t know how to as
k, so I was just going to say it. “Do you think I was a virgin?”

Sam looked at me in the mirror and then turned me around
so I was facing him. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I want to know. Y
ou don’t know how frustrating it is to have these experiences and not know or remember if you’ve ever felt it before.”

He looked down.
“No, I don’t think you were, and I do know, well, sort of know what you’re going through.”

I cocked my head to the side.
“What do you mean?”

He took my hand and led me to my bedroom. “Sit down,” he said.

I sat on the bed, my heart racing and stomach tied in knots, not knowing what he was going to say.

“This scar you saw,” he
said as he lifted his shirt. “It’s from a car accident I was in about three years ago.” I gasped and put my hand over my mouth.

“I had
to have a kidney transplant, and when I woke up after I was in a coma for a few days, I had no memory of the year prior to the accident.”

Tears swelled in my eyes. Sam
kneeled down in front of me and grabbed my hands. “Don’t cry, babe. Please. That was the past, and both of us are moving forward together; that’s if you want to do this together. Please, no more tears.”

I brought
my hand to his cheek and stared into his beautiful eyes. “This is so strange, Sam. I feel like fate brought me here to you. Two people with the same problems. I’m sort of freaked out right now.” I laughed.

He chuckled and he pulled me into an embrace. “Yeah, it’s strange, but let’s take advantage of it. You’re here, I’m here, and we’re definitely attracted to each other. Fate works in mysterious ways, Claire.”

My phone started to ring and, when I looked at it, I saw it was Corinne.

“Hi, Mom.” I answered.

“Hi, Claire. I was just making sure you’ll be here on time for your sister’s baby shower.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there, no worries.”

“Claire, you sound different.”

“I am
, Mom. This move was good for me. I finally feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

“A man wouldn’t have anything to do with that, would he?” I wasn’t ready to divulge any information about Sam.

“Let’s just say I’ve met someone, and I think he’s really special.” I winked as I looked at Sam.

“That’s great,
Claire. We would like to meet him sometime. Maybe Daddy and I could come visit you.”

That
was the last thing I wanted right now. “We can talk about it when I come home for the shower. Tell Dad I love him, and I love you, Mom.”

“We love you to
o, sweetheart. See you soon.”

I hung up with her and looked at Sam. He took my hand and led me to the living room.

“Let’s go out to eat. I’m starving,” he said.

“Sounds like a plan. I’m hungry too.” I smiled as I grabbed my purse, looped my arm in his, and walked out the door.

While we were in the restaurant, Sam smiled at me from across the table. “I have an idea. Let’s go back to California together. You can attend your sister’s baby shower, and I can visit my mom.”

My eyes started dancing with delight. “That’s a great idea. I can book our flights.”

He smirked in a sexy way that sent chills throughout my body. “No planes; we’re going to drive. Consider it a little road trip.”

“You do realize it’s a seventeen
-hour drive, right?”

“Yep, and I
want to spend all seventeen hours of it sitting next to you.”

I leaned over and kissed him. “I love that idea.”

I prepared dinner for me and Sam and I waited for him to get back from class. He opened the door to my apartment, put his book bag down, and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me from behind. “How was your day, babe?” he asked.

“Lonely without you
.” I pouted.

He laughed and leaned against the counter. “I spoke with Dr. Benjamin today.”

“Who’s that?” I asked.

“He’s a neurosurgeon who teaches a class at the
university. He wants to see you. He said he might be able to help you.”

“Sam, I’ve been to
see so many doctors and no one has any answers.”

He grabbed my
waist, pulling me closer to him. “Look, it doesn’t hurt to talk to him. I’ll be with you, so you don’t have to be nervous.”

A warmness crept inside me. It meant the world to me that Sam wanted to help me and I didn’t want to set him up for disappointment. But, I couldn’t refuse his help because it meant so much to him.
I tapped his nose with my finger. “Fine, I’ll see him.”

“Good
, because he’s coming over for dinner. He’ll be here in an hour.”

“Sam Snow
!” I yelled.

He ducked
from my wrath and went to the bathroom. I was making spaghetti, so there was plenty of food. A few moments later, Sam emerged from the bathroom with his hands up.

“Are we cool?” H
e smiled.

“Y
eah, but you can make the salad.”

He nuzzled against me and whispered in my ear, “I’m good at making a lot of things.”

I smiled. “Salad, now.”

He laughed and walked to the refrigerator
, grabbing the items for the salad.

****

Dr. Benjamin stood around six feet, two inches, with a medium build and salt and pepper hair. He reminded me of Dr. Oz. We sat at the dinner table and talked first about his career and family. He propped his elbows on the table and crossed his hands.

“Claire, I want you to have an MRI
. We need to see how your brain has healed. I believe what you’re experiencing with these flashes of light and images are true memories that are trying to force their way back, but something is stopping them.”

I looked at him and cocked my head in confusion.

“It could be anything from a tumor, scar tissue, or maybe your subconscious doesn’t want to remember.”

“That’s ridiculous
, doctor. Of course I want to remember my life.”

“You told me that no one in your family would give you straight answers about your life
prior to the accident and that you felt they were hiding something.”

“I don’t know
, Dr. Benjamin; maybe I was just being paranoid.”

He got up from the table.
“Sam tells me you two are heading back home for a few days. I really would like you to get that MRI done before you leave. Can you come in tomorrow at one p.m.?”

I looked over at Sam as he nodded his head. “Y
es, she’ll be there tomorrow.”

“Yes, I’ll be
there tomorrow.” I smiled.

“Perfect. Thank you for dinner. I
t was delicious, and it was nice meeting you. I shall see you tomorrow, Claire.”

Sam walked ove
r and kissed me on my forehead. “Thank you. I know he can help you.”

“
I hope so,” I said as I hugged him. “We need to make love.” I smiled.

“Then let’s go.” He grinned as he took my hand and led me to the bedroom.

We made passionate love
, and every time felt like the first. He was amazing and so passionate; it was like our bodies were made to fit one another perfectly. This was my life now, and my memories; nothing else mattered. Maybe Dr. Benjamin was right and I didn’t want to remember.
What could’ve happened to me?
I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on Sam’s arm, which was holding me tight. It wasn’t too long before I drifted to sleep.

I was in the courtyard with Ally and Rachel
, eating the lunch they had brought me. I was scrolling through pictures on Rachel’s phone and saw the picture of me and someone, but the image of the person who had his arm around me was blurry.

“Oh,
that’s my cousin. You two were good friends,” she said.

I lifted
up her phone closer to my eyes, trying to make the picture clear. My head started pounding and suddenly the picture came into focus. I gasped when I saw it and I dropped the phone. The boy sitting next to me in the picture was Sam.

“Babe, wake up
; you’re having a bad dream,” I heard Sam say.

I sat
up straight with tears in my eyes and my hair wet from sweat. Sam tried to put his arm around me, but I pulled back and got out of bed. My heart was racing and it felt like it was trying to jump out of my chest.

“Claire, what is it?”

I put my hand over my mouth as I stared at him. Sam jumped out of bed and came over to me.

“Claire, talk to me, NOW! D
ammit, you’re scaring me.”

I held
up my finger and searched for my phone. I found it on the dresser and dialed Rachel’s number.

“Claire
, it’s three o’clock in the morning. Who the hell are you calling?”

“Hello. Claire, it’s the middle of the night. W
hat’s wrong?” a sleepy voice answered.

“Rachel, I n
eed your help. You have to help me. Remember when you and Ally came to the hospital and we were in the courtyard and you were showing me pictures on your phone?”

“Yeah,” she spoke
hesitantly.

“Remember when I came across the one with me and your cousin?”

“Yeah. Claire, what’s this about?”

“He wasn’t your cousin
, was he? Was he, Rachel? And don’t you dare lie to me.” I started trembling.

“Claire, I can’t talk about this now.”

“Do you still have that picture?”

“That was three years ago.
I don’t have that phone anymore.”

“Rachel, you
said that you and Ally have been my best friends since we were five years old. You would never lie to me would you?”

“Claire, I’ll call you in a
few hours. Please go to sleep,” she said before she hung up.

She was gone and I knew in that instant she was lyin
g to me. I set my phone down.

“What the fuck is go
ing on, Claire?” Sam exclaimed.

“Rachel had a picture on
her phone of me and some guy. She told me it was her cousin and that we were good friends, but the guy in the picture was you, Sam,” I said as I trembled.

He br
ushed his hands through his hair. “What? That’s impossible, Claire. You had a dream, and you probably imagined it was me,” he said as he walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

“No, it was you
, Sam, and she got real nervous and took the phone from me.”

“Babe, we just made love. Your emotions are all fired up. It would make sense that your mind, your subconscious, would project that person as me.
Let’s get back in bed. You have a big day with your MRI and we need some sleep.”

We climbed into bed and he wrapped his arms around me as I nestled my back
into him. I didn’t sleep at all, because I knew I was right. My mind was running a mile a minute, trying to put the pieces together. His accident was three years ago. My accident was three years ago. Both of us losing our memories. This wasn’t a coincidence.

****

I hated MRIs. The confinement, not being able to move, the clanking noise of the machine. It bothered me, but I’d had so many of them since the accident, I knew what to expect. Sam waited for me with Dr. Benjamin on the other side of the glass. When I was finished, I got dressed and waited in the waiting room with Sam for Dr. Benjamin. I kept looking at my phone, hoping Rachel would call, but she didn’t and every time I tried to call her, it went to voicemail. Dr. Benjamin called us into his office and motioned for us to have a seat.

“I’ve looked over your MRI
, Claire, and you have a lot of scar tissue, which I believe is causing your headaches. Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t had any seizures.”

“What can you
do for her, doctor?” Sam asked.

“I can go in an
d remove the scar tissue and hope for the best. But, I’m going to be honest, Claire, from the reports I saw from your accident, and the trauma you suffered, it’s a miracle you’re here.”

“I was sent back. The woman said it wasn’t my time,” I spoke as I looked down.

Sam’s eyes widened and Dr. Benjamin continued to look at me. “Let’s schedule the surgery when you get back from your trip,” he said as he closed his folder and walked out of the office.

“What do you mean you were
‘sent back’?” Sam asked as he grabbed my hand.

I looked at him. “Not here. L
et’s go somewhere else.”

I got up,
walked out of the office, and out of the hospital. I climbed into Sam’s car as he asked where I wanted to go. It had started raining again, typical Seattle weather, but I didn’t care.

“I want to go to the beach.”

Sam looked at me like I was crazy. “Claire, it’s raining.”

“I know
, but that’s where I want to go.”

He let out a big sigh. “O
kay, to the beach it is, in the pouring down rain.”

As soon as he parked the car, I got out and ran toward th
e water. Sam followed behind me. I turned and looked at him as the rain fell down on us, drenching our skin and clothes.

“You wanted to know what I meant back at the hospital
. Well, here it is. I saw my body lying in the hospital bed, and then I was in a garden filled with flowers. A woman stood before me in a long, white gown and told me it wasn’t my time and that the road to recovery was going to be long and painful. Then she said if your love was really true, you would find each other again.”

Sam just stood there
, staring at me.

“I’ve never told anyone that.”

“You said you didn’t have a boyfriend.”

“I didn’t
, or at least that’s what everyone told me. Sam, don’t you get it? I think it was you. Your car accident, my car accident, both of us losing our memories. We lived twenty minutes away from each other. Put it together, Sam.”

He stood there in the rain with his hands on his hips
, looking away from me. “It’s a coincidence, Claire, that me and you were both in a car accident. I would have remembered you, for fuck’s sake.”

“You said you didn’t remember a year of
your life prior to the accident. What if we dated that year and you don’t remember?”

I couldn’t tell if the water on Sam’s face
was from the rain or tears. “NO! My mom said I wasn’t dating anyone prior to the accident and my mom has never lied to me,” he yelled. “I’m done with this, Claire. I think you’re trying to make yourself believe things that aren’t real or never happened so you can feel better about yourself.”

My heart sank and I felt weak. H
is words stung me like a bee sting. I looked at him, shook my head, and then started running. The tears that filled my eyes mixed with the rain falling down my face. I couldn’t breathe; it was too much. I felt like my world was closing in on me. The one person I trusted with my life and he couldn’t find it in his heart to believe me.

“Claire, get back here. W
here are you going?” He started to chase after me and, being more fit than I, he tackled me to the ground and we both fell onto the wet sand.

“Let go of me!
” I screamed and struggled to loosen his grip on me.

“No, you’re not running from me.
I love you, Claire Montgomery. I love you so much it hurts.”

I stopped struggling when I heard his words. H
e loosened his grip on me and I turned to face him, grabbing his face and kissing him fiercely. “I love you too, Sam Snow.” And there it was, those three words that made him mine. Sam smiled as he hovered over me.

“Are you sure, Claire?”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” I smiled.

“Then we need to figure this out but you can’t keep thinking that I was the one with you three years ago. It’s just not possible.”

I could sense the pain in his voice. Sam was scared to death that I was right and now I knew I’d have to find out the truth on my own. I didn’t want to cause him anymore pain. He gave me one last kiss and then helped me up from the sand. We walked hand in hand back to the car.

“Good thing you have leather seats,” I laughed.

“No shit. Let’s go home and take a hot shower.”

I leaned o
ver to him and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, Sam.” He pulled my head closer and stroked my wet hair.