Remembrance (45 page)

“What have you done to my mother?” She shrieked at him, clutching Charlie.

“I've killed her,” he said softly. “Because I love her.” And then sobbing hysterically, he collapsed on the floor beside Serena.

46

The publicity for the next two weeks was of international proportions. The death of Serena Fullerton Arbus caused no small stir. Her background, her parents' death, her marriage to Brad and then to Vasili, were all exposed again and again in the press. His history of heroin use became public knowledge, his marriages were rehashed, his stays in mental hospitals to dry up, were discussed at length. And the hint of a custody battle over the children was superficially mentioned. It was a scandal second to no other, but the main issue at hand was the children's fate. Just as Brad, when he died five years earlier, Serena had left no will. And whereas her remaining funds could be evenly divided between her daughters, the biggest question was where and with whom they would live. Would both stay together or would it become a war of
Fullerton
v.
Arbus?
A custody hearing was set for late in October, in which all of the parties would be heard and, hopefully, the matter decided. Teddy wanted to adopt both of Serena's children, and his mother was appalled. In fact she promised to stop him. “I won't allow it. God knows what those children will turn out to be with a mother like that, and in the baby's case a history of murder and drugs.”

“And Vanessa? Can you think of something unkind to say about her too?” He was furious with his mother. He had been grief-stricken and numb ever since Serena's death, and even in the midst of the horror she had no kindness to spare for her only grandchild, and it soured the last of his feelings for her. Only Pattie seemed unusually sympathetic. Most of the time now Greg was too drunk to give a damn. But Pattie spoke constantly about what she read in the papers, and said that it was tragic that all of this should have happened to Brad's only child. For a time Teddy was touched at her concern for Vanessa, but as the days went by, it seemed to become an obsession with her and it made him nervous. She called him at the office to discuss it, and a few days before the matter was to be heard, she asked for the name of the judge.

“Why?”

“I'm wondering if Daddy knew him.”

“What difference would it make?”

“It might make things a little more pleasant.”

“For whom?”

“Why, Vanessa, of course. Maybe he'd be kinder and make the arrangements more quickly.” It didn't make a lot of sense to Teddy but it made some, so he told her. He assumed that she could have found out anyway, if she wanted to badly enough. He had enough on his hands with worrying about Vanessa. But the children had been living with him since their mother's death, and Vasili had been locked up at Bellevue, pending an immigration hearing. His brother had been doing everything possible to get extradition. He had promised that if they would allow Andreas to take him to Athens they would put him in a hospital there. What he was terrified of was a murder trial for his brother. He was deathly afraid that Vasili would never get out of jail.

But Teddy's worries were even greater. Vanessa had been in a kind of stupor ever since she had seen her mother killed. She had begun screaming that morning, and the baby-sitter said she had screamed until the police came, and then they had gently led her away. She had clutched Charlie to her until Teddy arrived and took the baby from her. He had taken both children home with him, called a doctor for Vanessa, got a nurse for the baby, and since then he had taken Vanessa to the doctor several times. She seemed to have totally blanked out everything that happened, and she seemed to remember absolutely nothing from day to day. She moved through each day like a little robot, and when Teddy tried to hold her, she just shoved him away. The only one she wanted and whose love she would accept was little Charlotte, whom she would hold in her arms and croon to for hours. But she never mentioned her mother, and the doctor had told Teddy not to say a word. At some point it would all come back to her, it was only a question of when. It could take twenty years, the doctor warned him, but in the meantime it was important that she not be pushed.

As a result Teddy saw to it that she didn't go to the funeral. It was almost more than he could bear himself. The only woman he had truly loved had been murdered, and he went alone and stood in the second pew, his eyes riveted to the casket, tears pouring silently down his cheeks, as he longed just to touch her once more … to see her walk across the room, beautiful and proud, her green eyes dancing. He couldn't believe that she was gone and he felt empty to the depths of his soul without her.

He too was still in shock, in a way, as he filed into the courtroom and the judge began the custody hearing. He tried to force himself to think rationally as the judge droned on. A petition was filed by Teddy's attorney, offering to take custody of both girls, and he had hoped to convince the judge that it was a sensible decision. The only obstacle was Andreas Arbus, who explained quietly to the judge that arrangements had been made in Athens to quietly put Vasili away. The immigration officials and the district attorney's office had approved it that morning. They would be leaving for Athens, with two guards, later that day. But, he went on to explain to the judge, since the child so recently born to Serena had no other blood relations, he felt it imperative that he take her back to Athens too, to grow up among her cousins and aunts and uncles who would love her. It was only right that she should be among her own. The judge seemed to give this some serious attention, and as Teddy tried to catch his breath and prepare the argument that the girls shouldn't be separated, he looked up in astonishment at a petition being made to the judge by an attorney he knew well. It was a petition made on behalf of a Mrs. Gregory Fullerton, who wished to offer to take custody of her niece. Teddy's jaw almost fell open as he listened while she claimed that she and her husband had been fond of the child for years, and while her brother-in-law was of course a suitable father, there was no mother for Vanessa in his home since he was single.

Again the judge seemed impressed with what was argued, and Teddy thought frantically of how to stop them, before the worst could come. Why in God's name did Pattie want Vanessa? he wondered—except that she was Brad's child and she could have no children of her own. Could she still love him after all these years? But that was crazy. Or was it simply a final act of vengeance against Serena? To steal her child from her now that she was dead, as Serena had stolen Brad from Pattie in Rome. Greg was a drunk. Pattie was vicious. There was nothing maternal about her. He made whispered remarks to his attorney, an objection was made, which was discussed with the judge, but half an hour later it was all over. Charlotte Andrea Arbus was awarded to her paternal uncle, since Teddy was no blood relation to the baby, and Vanessa Theodora Fullerton was awarded to her paternal aunt and uncle, Gregory and Patricia Fullerton, because Theodore Fullerton, as a single man, had a less suitable home in which she would live.

Pattie stood in the courtroom, smiling victoriously as they watched Vanessa being led in, with the baby in her arms, and the judge explained to her what had happened.

“You're giving him Charlie?” Vanessa looked at Andreas with such shock and hatred that it frightened Teddy to watch her eyes. “You can't do that, she's mine. She was my mommy's.” But the judge insisted and when she resisted them, a bailiff simply took the baby away, handed it to Andreas, and with tears in his eyes, he attempted to talk to the older child. But almost as though she had become catatonic, Vanessa didn't hear him. She just sat on the floor of the courtroom, rocking back and forth. Teddy rushed forward and signaled to Andreas that it was best for him to go quickly, and Teddy reached out and touched the child he loved. He didn't even have time to give a last glance at Charlie. She was gone forever before he could turn his head.

“Vanessa …” His voice was firm but it didn't reach her. “Baby, it's all right. I'm here. Everything's going to be all right.”

“Can we go home now?” She turned her eyes to his at last, and it was as though she had retreated yet another step. And this time he was obliged to shake his head.

“You're going to go home with your aunt Pattie, sweetheart. She wants you to come and stay with her.”

“Not with you?” Her eyes filled with tears. “Why?”

“That's what the judge wanted, so you'd have an aunt and an uncle, like a mommy and daddy.”

“But I need you, Uncle Teddy.” She was pathetic as she sat there, and held up her arms to him.

“I need you too, sweetheart.” It was almost more than he could bear. “But I'll come to see you. And you'll be happy with Uncle Greg and Aunt Pattie.” He felt like a liar and a beast for what he was saying. He couldn't imagine her anything but miserable with Greg and Pattie, who were total strangers to her, but for the moment they had to comply with what had been ruled in the courts. The matter of Charlotte he knew was over. What the judge had said was true. He had no blood claim on the child, only his love for her mother, and that would never hold up in court. But with Vanessa it was a different matter, he and the child had a relationship that had been built up over nine years. And as he watched his sister-in-law lead Vanessa from the courtroom, he decided to appeal.

“Do I have a chance?” he asked his lawyer as they watched Vanessa glance back over her shoulder helplessly as she left with Pattie.

“We can try,” his lawyer answered. “We can always try.”

Teddy nodded then and followed him from the courtroom, his face grim.

47

When Teddy went to see Vanessa at Pattie and Greg's apartment, it tore at his heart in a way that nothing ever had before. She sat in her room, staring out the window, and when he spoke to her, she seemed to hear nothing he said. She didn't stir until he touched her shoulder and shook it gently, calling her name. Then she turned to him with wide, empty eyes that told him almost more of her grief than he could bear.

He tried to talk to Greg about the insanity of Pattie's taking custody of Vanessa, but it was virtually impossible to talk to Greg. He was no longer ever sober past noon. He sat in his office purely to maintain the fiction that he still ran the law firm, but there were other people to do that for him. He only had to sit in his office and drink quietly, and manage not to fall out of his chair. To speak to him coherently about anything, Teddy had to get to him first thing in the morning, which after a week of fruitless efforts he finally did, collaring him in his office only moments after he got there and before he had had time to pour himself a drink.

“For chrissake, man, how can you let her do this? You and Pattie are strangers to that child. She doesn't know you. She needs people she's comfortable with right now. She's lost her mother, her home, her baby sister. The child is in shock, for chrissake. When you look at her, her eyes are glazed.” He had been unable to speak to her about anything important, but even discussing trivia, she seemed to shy away. “Pattie doesn't even know her, what's more she hated her mother. What in hell do you want with a nine-year-old girl?”

“I don't.” Greg stared at him blankly. “But she does. She always wanted a child.” And then he pulled a bottle of bourbon out of his desk, as Teddy stared at him in horror. “She told me once that she always wanted Brad's baby. I can't have any, you know. Got the goddamn clap when I was in school.” He shrugged and took his first sip. “I told her before we got married, she said it didn't matter to her.” Then he looked up at Teddy with a sad little look in his eyes. “But it did matter. I always knew it. I guess I should have told her before we got engaged but I didn't.” He looked up at Teddy sadly and then stared into his drink for a minute. “You know, I don't think she ever really loved me. She married me to get even with Brad. But I don't think he gave a damn what she did. He was crazy about Serena. Pretty girl too, I think Mother has been wrong to carry on the vendetta. Too late now though.”

“No, it isn't. You can still do something decent. Let me have Vanessa—she needs me.”

Greg shrugged. “I can't. Pattie's decided that she wants the kid, Teddy, and there isn't a damn thing you or I can do about it. You know how she is. In some ways she's worse than Mother, stubborn and mean and vengeful.” He said it helplessly as he finished his first bourbon, but Teddy's eyes narrowed as he looked at him.

“Yes, there is something you can do, dammit. You can refuse to keep the child. Pattie doesn't love Vanessa. I do.”

“Do you?” Greg looked at his brother in amazement. “Why? I don't much like kids myself.” It was hardly surprising to Teddy. Greg didn't like anyone, least of all himself. Besides, he had been stewed for the past ten years, it was a wonder he even knew he was alive. “I don't know why the hell you'd want her, except”—he looked Teddy over as he poured himself another drink—”you always loved her mother, didn't you?” Teddy didn't answer. “What's wrong with that? I've had a few babes myself in my day.” Teddy felt his stomach turn over slowly. His brother was thirty-nine years old, and he talked like a broken-down old man. But the worst of it was that he looked like one too. No one would have guessed his age if they'd seen him. He looked easily to be in his late fifties. The long years of boozing hadn't been kind. “Did you ever sleep with Serena, Teddy?” Greg sat back in his chair with an ugly grin.

“No, if it's any of your damn business. And I'm not here to discuss Serena. I'm here to talk about Vanessa, and why the hell your wife got temporary custody of that child.”

“She wants to adopt her.” Greg sounded totally without interest in the matter, and inwardly Teddy raged.

“That's totally crazy. She doesn't love her.”

“So what, for chrissake? What the hell difference does love make? Do you think our mother loved us? Shit, who knows and who cares.”

“Greg.” Teddy leaned forward and grabbed his arm before he had time to pour another drink. “Tell the courts you don't want her. Please. The child is miserable with you and Partie. I'm sorry to be so blunt about it, but all you have to do is look at her. She's dying inside. She doesn't ever see you, she's ill at ease with Pattie. You can't keep her in that household like a prisoner, for chrissake.…” Teddy's eyes welled up with tears and his brother freed his arm and poured himself another drink.

“So we'll buy her some toys.”

“Toys!” Teddy jumped to his feet. “Toys! The child has no father, her mother was just murdered, she has seen her baby sister probably for the last time, and you want to buy her toys. Don't you know what that child needs?”

Greg stared at him in annoyance. “She'll have everything she needs, Teddy. Now, for chrissake, forget about it. You can come to see her when you want to. If you want kids so damn much, get married and have some yourself. Pattie and I can't.”

“But you don't want children. And it isn't a question of that, dammit. It's a question of what's right for the child.”

“If you don't like it”—Greg got up and strolled the room, and Teddy saw that he was already unsteady on his feet as he glanced over his shoulder—”then take it back to court. They knew what they were doing. They gave the other kid to the Greeks, they gave Brad's kid to us. You don't have a wife, Ted. The kid needs a home with a man and a woman. You can't bring up a child as a bachelor.”

“Why not? If your wife dies, what do you do, put your children up for adoption?”

“She was never your wife.”

“That's not the point.”

“Yes, it is.” Greg returned to face him. “I think that is the point. You were always in love with that sexy Italian broad Brad married. You hated Partie, and now you want to rock the boat for me again.”

Teddy looked stunned. “When did I ever rock your boat?”

“Shit.” Greg snorted and tossed off the last of his drink. “When didn't you? Everything you ever did Dad thought was terrific. You were Mom's baby, and Brad was the star. Every time I started to get their attention, you'd come along and play baby face and fuck up the whole thing.” He looked petulantly at his younger brother. “I had it up to here with you years ago”—he indicated a line near his eyebrows—”and now you want to make trouble for me with my wife. That woman hasn't got off my back for one thing or another since the day we got married, and if this is what she wants, this is what she gets. I'm sure as hell not going to side with you and make her give the kid back. She'd drive me nuts, so forget it. Just forget it.” He glared at his brother and poured his third drink in half an hour. “Get the message, buddy? Fuck off!”

Teddy stood there watching him for half a minute, almost detachedly wondering how soon he would die of cirrhosis, and then without another word he turned on his heel and left. His next stop that morning was to his mother, but his results with her were no better than they had been with Greg.

“It's ridiculous.” Her face had begun to wrinkle badly, but she was still beautiful, and her hair was still the same thick snowy white. “That child doesn't belong in this family. She never did. And now she doesn't belong with you, or Greg or Pattie. They should send her back to those Greeks where she belongs. Let them have her.”

“Christ, you never change do you?” He felt heartsick that no one would help him. He desperately wanted to have Vanessa, because he loved her, and because in a way she was an extension of Serena. But it was precisely that that made his mother hate her. And the fact that she was Brad's that made Pattie want her. “They'll destroy that child. You know that, don't you?”

“That's not my problem, or yours.”

“The hell it's not. She's your grandchild and my niece.”

“She's the daughter of a whore.” Her voice was vicious and quiet.

“God damn you!” Teddy's eyes filled with tears and he made a gesture as though he might slap his mother, but the violence of his own emotions shocked him, and he turned away, trembling.

“Are you quite finished now?” He didn't answer. “I suggest you leave and don't come back here until you've regained your senses. Your unreasoning passion for that woman has clearly affected your mind. Good afternoon, Teddy.”

He left without saying another word and the door closed quietly behind him.