Remembrance (The Transcend Time Saga) (21 page)

CHAPTER 35

I held my breath as I braced myself for the crash, but the only noise I heard was thunder booming through the air and ice pounding on the glass. I opened my eyes, allowing myself to breathe when I realized that instead of slipping off the pavement, he’d parked on the side of the hill.

I unhooked my seatbelt to get out of the car, but Jeremy pulled me towards him before I could move, lifting me over the center section of the car and onto his lap. His lips collided with mine with so much force that my back hit the steering wheel behind me. There would be a bruise there the next morning, but at least I’d
have
a next morning.

As hard as I tried, I felt nothing when kissing Jeremy back. All I could see was the disgusted look that I imagined on Drew’s face if he ever were to see the two of us together. It hit me again that Drew wouldn’t care, and I kissed Jeremy with more force, willing myself to feel something for him again and forget about Drew. It would be easier to continue with how things were with Jeremy before Drew came to town, but the feelings that I once had for Jeremy were gone. His lips were familiar and his hair as soft as I’d remembered, but when I closed my eyes, it was Drew’s face that flashed into my mind.

Another car squealed to the side of the road and I looked up, recognizing Drew’s black Hummer through the back window of the Jeep. “He followed us,” I said, happy that he’d cared enough to come after me. Then I reminded myself of what he’d done with Chelsea and the hurt hit me all over again. I jumped out of Jeremy’s lap, hoping Drew wouldn’t catch on to what had just happened between us. I knew I should want to make him jealous, but I couldn’t ever cause him that sort of devastation.

“Elizabeth!” a muffled voice called from outside of the car, followed by a pounding on the window. “Come out. I need to talk to you. Please.” His fist pressed against the glass, and I focused on my hands in my lap to make sure that I didn’t look at him. It would hurt too much.

“What’s
he
doing here?” Jeremy hissed, rolling down the window. He looked at Drew and draped an arm around me, like he was trying to prove that he owned me. It might have been sweet if what I said to him a few minutes ago was true. “If you can’t tell, Liz is fine.” His eyes narrowed; an unspoken threat that if Drew came closer, there would be hell to pay. But I couldn’t stay in the car with Jeremy anymore. Even though the worst was over, I couldn’t be sure that the crash still wouldn’t happen if he drove me home.

“Stay here,” I told him, looking him in the eyes and hoping he wouldn’t give me a hard time. “I’m going out to talk to Drew. I’ll be back in a second.”

He grabbed my wrist, not allowing me to leave. “Let’s just drive away,” he insisted. “Leave him in the dust. You told me he means nothing to you. Prove it.”

“No.” I widened my eyes in shock “You know me, Jere. I can’t do that. Just let me talk to him and explain everything, and then we’ll go. Okay?”

His grip around my wrist loosened. “Fine. Just a second, then we’re out of here.”

I pulled my arm back towards my body, worried that Jeremy might change his mind and drive off before I could open the door. But he stayed put, and I stepped out of the car, immediately assaulted by the ice blowing into my face with more force than earlier.

“Elizabeth,” Drew said, walking towards me and running his thumbs under my eyes to wipe away the tears I’d forgotten were still there. I closed my eyes, pretending that what I’d seen in the library had never happened. “You’re okay. Thank God—I was so worried about you. All I could think about while driving after you was how it was about to happen all over again and that I would never be able to feel your warm skin under my hands or look into your beautiful blue eyes, or tell you how much I love you. I thought I would find you like I did before.” He grimaced in pain at the thought. “But you’re alright. You’re here with me now, and that’s all that matters.”

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, forcing myself to remember what had just happened in the library. “Stop,” I said, taking a step back. The image of Drew and Chelsea together flashed through my mind, except it wasn’t of him with Chelsea—it was of him with Catherine. Not that it mattered; everything merged together into a mess of confusion. A huge lump formed in my throat, and I didn’t know if I could speak through it. “I can’t believe you could do something like that to me,” I cried, wiping away the tears that started to run down my face again. “I trusted you. I
loved
you. Then I had to see the two of you together.” His hand started to move towards mine, but I stepped back. “Don’t touch me.” The words came out harsher than I’d expected, and his eyes darkened to the hard stare that I hadn’t seen since the time in the music room at school.

Unable to look at him any longer, I turned away and took my cell phone out of my back pocket, trying to figure out who to call. I had to get out of here. There was no way I was going to let Jeremy drive me, and I couldn’t handle being alone with Drew—I would never be able to be around Drew without feeling like my heart was breaking over and over again.

“What’s going on?” Jeremy shouted through the wind, slamming the door of the Jeep behind him. “Come on, Liz. Let’s get out of here.”

The wind made it easy to drown them out, and I scrolled through the address book in my phone to figure out who to call. Obviously Chelsea wasn’t an option. I didn’t want to wake my mom up and worry her, and I doubted that Hannah’s parents would allow her to drive in the storm since she just got her license. Halfway down my list of contacts I figured there was one person I could try, and I pressed send, waiting for her to pick up.

“Lizzie?” Keelie asked, answering after the first ring. “What happened? Everyone’s saying something about you running out with Jeremy and Drew following you two. Shannon’s with Chelsea right now and I think she’s crying in the bathroom … what’s going on?”

“Can you come get me?” I asked through the tears, trying as hard as possible to control my voice. “I’m on Woodland Road, right at the top of the hill. I promise I’ll tell you everything in the car.”

Not everything
, I thought, even though Keelie didn’t have to know that. It’s not like she would believe the truth.

“Okay,” she said, not needing time to think about it. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Thanks, Kee,” I said, closing the phone and shoving it back into my pocket.

Jeremy grabbed my arm before I could turn around. “What was that about?” he asked, his breath hot against my ear. “I thought you were coming home with me.”

“No, Jeremy,” I said, turning to face him. “I’m not.”

He looked sad, and the guilt set in immediately. “What about everything you said in the car?”

I shook my head in apology. “I’m so sorry Jere. I had to get you to stop driving. It was too dangerous—you were angry and you were going so fast. I didn’t want us to get into an accident … it could have been really bad.”

He was silent as he took it in, and I turned to look at Drew standing five feet away from me. His eyebrows were scrunched together, and I wondered what was going on in his mind. A spark of hope flashed through my chest that maybe he did love me after all, but I extinguished it immediately. If he loved me, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

“Elizabeth.” His voice was hollow when he said my name. Perhaps he felt like he’d lost a part of himself, too. “I’m so sorry.”

“You should be,” I said, surprised again by the anger in my tone. Another flash of lighting lit up the sky, like the weather was reacting to my words. “I just can’t believe you let everything happen again.”

“Again?” Jeremy looked back and forth between Drew and me in confusion. I ignored him.

“That’s the thing,” Drew said, taking a few tentative steps towards me. “Chelsea tried, but all we did was talk. She wanted more, but I told her no. The past didn’t repeat itself. That’s what I was trying to tell you, but then you got in the car with Jeremy and all I could think about was how no matter what I did differently, there was no way to change what was going to happen. Feeling like I had to lose you for the second time…” He shook his head, and I thought I saw tears under his eyes. “I don’t think I could bear it. You’re everything to me, Elizabeth.”

My breath caught in my chest, and everything I saw in the library started spinning in my mind. I didn’t want Drew to be lying, but he’d always known the full story of our past, and he’d kept some pretty important parts to himself. I didn’t know for sure what went on with Chelsea and him, but the image of Catherine and Drew together was so sharp in my mind that it may as well have just happened again. It was too much to handle in such a short amount of time.

The sound of another car coming up the hill interrupted my thoughts, and I looked at the headlights shining as they curved around the bend, hoping it was Keelie. I couldn’t think clearly, and I didn’t know how much longer I could deal with being around Drew. It hurt too much. It felt like my entire body was about to turn into ice and break into a million tiny pieces. The car sped past us and I turned around to look over the edge of the hill, about to burst into tears again when I saw the lake where Drew and I had spent the last few nights together.

“Come home with me,” Drew insisted, walking around so he could look at me. “I’ll explain everything in the car. I should have told you the truth from the beginning, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I promise you that this time I’ll tell you everything I know.” He held his hand out, and I lifted mine to take it.

“Lizzie!” Keelie screamed my name, honking the horn as loudly as she could. I jumped, pulling my hand away from where it was just about to touch Drew’s. “I got here as fast as I could—come in before you freeze to death!”

I motioned to her that I would be there in a minute and turned back around to face Drew. “I don’t know what to believe anymore,” I told him, watching his eyes drop with the realization that I wasn’t going home with him. “All I see right now is you with her … and it hurts too much.

“And Jeremy,” I said, turning to look at Jeremy, who was standing to the side listening to the entire conversation, looking thoroughly confused. He was so different from Drew—broad and blonde—but in that moment his eyes held the same emotion, like he had the biggest let down of his life, and it was all because of me. “I’m so sorry. You deserve more than what I’ll ever be able to give you. I’ll always love you. I hope that one day we can be friends, if you’re ever okay with that. If not, I understand.” 

His mouth formed into an angry line, and I doubted he would ever be okay with only being friends.

“I’m riding home with Keelie,” I told them both, holding up a hand to stop them before either of them could speak. “I need some time to figure everything out.” I lifted my eyes up to meet Drew’s, hopeful that whatever explanation he had was somewhat believable. But I couldn’t hear it right now. If I let my guard down, it wouldn’t matter what he said. My emotions were too strong to allow me to think rationally. All I’d done so far was follow my instinct, and it left me standing in the freezing cold with Jeremy and Drew, unable to trust either of them.

I looked at both of them in apology and turned to walk towards Keelie’s car, escaping into the warmth inside. I told her what had happened—leaving out everything regarding my past life—but there was nothing she could say to help. All I wanted to do was get home and curl up in my bed to give myself time to think. It was the only way I would be able to see everything clearly.

I hoped that after a full night’s sleep I would be able to fit the pieces together, but in the car ride back my thoughts were jumbled in my mind. Chelsea hated me, Jeremy had no reason to ever trust me again, and Drew had lied to me.

It was a huge mess, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.

CHAPTER 36

I woke up the next morning and replayed the events of the night before, hoping it was all a nightmare and that everything would go back to the way it was before the party. Then I saw the pile of crumpled clothes in the middle of my room—the jeans and black shirt I’d changed out of before snuggling into my pajamas and passing out on my bed—and I knew it wasn’t a dream. It was real, all of it, and it was a total disaster.

The images returned in a rush, and I rolled over onto my stomach, burying my head in the pillow. Drew cheated on me in our past life with Catherine. I couldn’t say for sure that he cheated on me with Chelsea at Shannon’s party, but if he remembered what had happened in the past and wanted to change it, why would he be alone in a room with Chelsea to begin with? And even if what he’d said was true and nothing had happened between them, it didn’t erase the fact that he’d cheated on me before, even though it was a lifetime ago. I kept thinking about how he said that he loved me and wanted us to be together. He was so hypnotizing, and it would have been so easy to believe every word he said and drive off with him into the moonlight like a scene from a fairy tale. But I wasn’t meant for happily ever after in my past life, and it was starting to seem like this one wouldn’t be any different.

I lifted my head, seeing the three volumes of
Pride and Prejudice
still sitting on my nightstand. They looked like they were ripped out of another time and traveled through a magic portal to arrive in my bedroom. I reached over and ran my fingers along the cover of the first book, feeling the scratchy material against my skin. I almost picked it up to read but decided against it, not wanting to think about that time period more than necessary.

Maybe Alistair can help
, I thought. He had a connection to what was going on. Perhaps he would give me the answers that I needed if I went to see him at the store. It wasn’t like I had another option—everyone else would think I was crazy if I asked them about past lives and reincarnation.

Apparently my mom went out to dinner the night before, because there was some leftover Italian food in the fridge that I reheated for lunch. I took a quick shower and threw on jeans and a long-sleeved shirt before driving to the mall to see Alistair. The sun shone in the clear sky, but the roads were slick from the ice storm the night before. I walked into the store and smiled when I saw Alistair sitting behind the antique desk.

“Elizabeth.” He smiled, setting down a small box he was inspecting. “I was hoping to see you soon.”

I walked towards the back of the store, running my hand across a wooden table as I walked by. “Hi,” I said, not knowing where to start. “I love the books. Thank you so much for letting me have them.”

“I knew you would enjoy them,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “And I must say, I’m glad to see you here today, alive and well.”

That was it. He knew.

“I actually wanted to talk with you about some things” I said, deciding it was time to trust my instincts.

“Yes?” he asked, leading me to continue. He got up and walked towards a round table with four velvet chairs around it, sitting down in the one closest to the back of the room. “Please, take a seat.” He motioned to one of the other chairs at the table, and I knew there was no backing out now.

“This might sound crazy,” I began, sitting down and holding onto one of the armrests for support. “But do you believe people can have past lives?”

He nodded, a knowing smile creeping onto his wrinkled features. “Very much so.”

“I think I might have one.” I looked down at my hands, embarrassed to talk about it with someone other than Drew. “Actually, I know I do.”

“Of course you do,” he said, like he knew it all along. “I was wondering how long it would take you to ask. I gave you enough hints, don’t you think?” He chuckled, not in a demeaning way, but like he was glad I was coming to him. “I’m just happy I was able to help guide you in the right direction.”

“Guide me?” I asked, wondering what he meant. 

“I suppose I can tell you now,” he said, leaning back in the chair. “I don’t think the spirits up there will be upset, since you came to the conclusion yourself.”

“Okay…” I urged him on, curious to hear about his role in all of this.

“I’m your Memory Guide,” he said, like I should know what that was without further explanation. “It’s my duty to help you come to terms with your past life so you can stop history from repeating itself in this one. I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you, Elizabeth.”

Judging by his age, it appeared so. I was terrible at guessing the ages of anyone over thirty-five, but he appeared to be around seventy, possibly older. I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

“I too had a past life, and had the opportunity to fix what I did wrong.” His expression went distant as he remembered his own experiences. “My Memory Guide helped me recall my past life, and I was able to fix my mistake the second time around. Afterwards I was given the choice to either live forever in a place of peace—what some call Nirvana—or return to Earth to help someone just as my Guide helped me.”

“When was your past life?” I asked, resting my elbows on the table. It was nice to know that there were others like me, and that some of them were successful in changing what went wrong the first time. Perhaps it wasn’t too late for me to make everything right again.

“I grew up in ‘Medieval England,’ in the late part of the twelfth century,” he replied, sitting back and waiting for my reaction.

My lips widened into a circle of surprise. It felt like the Regency Era was far in the past; I couldn’t imagine growing up in a time that long ago.

He smiled at my shock, and continued, “It was the time of the Third Crusade, which was full of great peril and war. I was part of the English army invading the Holy Land, and I fought alongside my twin brother Tristan. He was badly wounded in the siege. I still remember the arrow hitting his chest, and the look of shock on his face as he crumpled to the ground. The arrow didn’t hit a vital organ, so he remained alive, twitching and looking up at me with his eyes that mirrored my own. Even though I wasn’t injured, I could feel the pain in the same place where the arrow entered his skin. It was like it had hit me as well.

“I knelt down to try to save him, but a close friend of mine grabbed my arm. He told me that Tristan was a lost cause, and that I needed to keep running in order to not be hit myself. The battle became worse, and soldiers from my infantry urged me to continue, saying that I had to be there to help. I was unable to bring myself to look back at where my brother had collapsed on the field. The image of him laying there dying and begging for my help haunted me for the rest of my life.”

“Wow,” I said, my eyes wide in shock.

“I know.” He nodded in agreement, his lips forming into a scowl at the memory. “I was a selfish person in the past. Then I was given another opportunity.”

“You were reincarnated,” I said, still amazed all of this was possible.

“Yes.” He smiled, the twinkle returning to his eyes. “I was given a second chance.”

“But can we really change who we are?” I asked, thinking of Drew. “I know we’re given a second chance, but aren’t we still similar to who we were in the past?”

He contemplated the question. “I believe we can change,” he said, nodding at his response. “And that’s precisely what I did.”

“How?” I asked, his answer giving me a surge of hope.

“In my second life, I was a Union soldier in the Civil War,” he started, his eyes becoming distant again as he remembered his past. “Only some people can remember their past lives, and reincarnated lives always parallel the ones of the past. Those who are reincarnated can try fixing what went wrong the first time as long as they’re given a trigger of some sort, which can be a person, place, or thing. Others can go their entire lives and remember nothing—many believe it’s because they’re not supposed to.

“My past life started to come back to me when the war began. The Battle of Gettysburg had the highest number of casualties during the war, and as the events unfolded I remembered what I did in the past and was determined to not desert Tristan the second time around, even if it meant risking my own life.”

“You were able to change,” I said, feeling like I knew the ending to his story.

“Yes,” he replied. “Not only did I save my brother, but we both survived the battle.”

“And you both lived to see the end of the war?” I asked, hoping he got his happily ever after.

“Not quite.” He leaned back in his chair. “My brother passed in the last battle of the war, but I did everything I could to save him.”

I played with the sleeves of my shirt, not knowing how to reply. “I’m so sorry,” I finally said, knowing that there was nothing I could do to help. 

“It’s okay.” He smiled in understanding. “I chose to return to Earth as a Memory Guide. I couldn’t save my brother, but I can do whatever’s in my power to help you. So tell me—what happened to bring you back here?”

I explained everything that had happened since the beginning of the school year, starting with when I first met Drew and ending with the events leading up to the crash. Alistair was silent as he listened, allowing me to tell the story without any interruptions.

“What did you see at Shannon’s house in the library?” he asked when I finished. “When we get flashbacks, it’s sometimes hard to separate the past memories from what’s going on in the present. It sounds like you remembered Drew with Catherine at the same time that you saw Drew and Chelsea. Try to separate the emotions of the past from the facts of the present—I know this can be difficult because of the strength of the flashes, especially when they’re about something painful, but really think about what it was that you saw.”

I closed my eyes, bringing myself back to the time right before opening the door to the library. It was easy to remember the flashes and not reality, but I focused on what was in front of me instead of the overwhelming emotions of the past memories.

Drew and Chelsea stood about two feet away from each other, talking. The flashes consumed my mind after that point, but I pushed the images of the past out of my head and focused on what actually occurred in the present. Drew’s expression was cold and uncaring, and he looked at Chelsea like she meant no more to him than a stranger passing by on the street. Then he turned to look at me and Chelsea reached out to him, grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving. That was the last thing I saw before turning around. Since Drew arrived at the side of the hill moments after Jeremy pulled over, he must have pushed Chelsea away before chasing after me.

“You might be right,” I said, explaining the revelation to Alistair. “I was focused more on the flash than what was happening in front of me. I’m still not positive about what really happened, but even so, it’s hard to forget that Drew cheated on me in the past.”

“People can change, Elizabeth,” he told me gently. “The two of you wouldn’t be here today if you couldn’t. Drew made a mistake in the past—there’s no denying that—but the love between the two of you is strong enough to transcend time.”

“So you think I should give him another chance?”

“I think you should do whatever you think is right.” He leaned back in his chair, satisfied with the answer.

It took less than a second for me to make up my mind. I grabbed my bag from the floor and rose from the chair, knowing who I needed to speak with to sort out my emotions.

“Thank you so much,” I said to Alistair, eager to start mending my mistakes. “I’ll let you know how everything turns out.”

“You do that,” he said, “and good luck.”