Renewed Faith (CSA Case Files 3 / Military Romance) (20 page)

“I disagree with you, Jax,” Connor argued, shaking his head. “Emily knows that Derrck is here, healthy, and waiting on her. Just like she knows you’re sitting here obsessing over what those surgeons are doing and refraining from barging in there to demand answers.”

“She fought for us when I didn’t.” Jax’s gaze was now solely focused on the doorway. Kevin saw Crest discreetly step out and knew he was going to check on the progress of the surgery. Jax needed to hear something, anything, to keep his sanity in check. “Two years of her life was spent ensuring that we could be together and this is what she gets? I’m not even close to being the man she deserves and yet she fought every fucking day for a chance at happiness. It doesn’t end like this. I refuse to believe it ends like this. Fuck. I need air. I can’t breathe.”

Jax stood and everyone cleared, giving him a wide berth to walk off the pent-up terror that was coursing through his veins. Unfortunately, nothing was going to be able to flush that feeling out of his body except news from the surgeons that Emily would be all right. Kevin prayed that happened.

“Can I get you anything?” Elle stood in front of Kevin, blocking his sight. Her beautiful face was a welcome change versus the horror that embodied his friend. “Coffee? Water? I don’t think Jax could hold on to anything right now or I’d get him something as well.”

Kevin had shaken his head at the start of her offer and continued to do so. He wasn’t sure he could hold on to anything either, as his hands trembled with fear of the unknown. He refused to think of the worst outcome. He wasn’t sure Jax would recover.

“No, thank you,” Kevin replied, standing up and pulling Elle into his arms. For the first time, she didn’t hesitate and while he noticed it, didn’t take time to dwell on it. Getting Jax through this moment was what took precedence. Kevin laid his cheek on top of Elle’s head. “Just having you here is enough.”

Elle’s silence could be taken a lot of ways, but having her body melt into his gave him hope that an instant like this shed important light on what was truly essential. Kevin would have given anything to instill some type of faith into Jax, but unfortunately, this was a demon that he would have to come to terms with. They were all here to wrestle with him, but only Jax could deliver the final blow.

*   *   *   *

“I can’t take this waiting any longer,” Jax muttered, the fingers of his right hand rubbing his forehead. He’d sat back down a while ago, his leg bouncing faster than the seconds ticking by on the clock hanging on the wall. The minutes were agonizingly painful, as each second seemed to take an eternity. “I need to see her. To know she’s still with me.”

“You know she’s still with you.” Kevin leaned his head back against the wall and stared up at the sterile ceiling. “Emily’s doing everything she can to make her way back to you.”

“We don’t have separate souls anymore.” Jax scrubbed his hand down to his unshaven jaw. A faraway look was in his bloodshot eyes. “We’re one. Only one. If she were to…let’s just say that I would be dead inside. I’d do what I was left here to do and raise our son, but I would never be whole.”

Silence reigned and all that could be heard was the ticking of the clock above Kevin’s head. It had to be going on three in the morning. Exhaustion had overtaken everyone, but each one of them stood at the ready for whatever they were about to face. It took a moment to register that a man appeared in the doorway and that Crest was standing beside him, his sole focus on Jax.

“Mr. Christensen?”

“Me.” Jax’s voice caught in his throat. Clearing it away, he quickly stood up and rubbed his hands down the sides of his denim. “Emily…?”

“Is fine,” the surgeon said, swiping his surgical hat off of his head. The man was tall and lanky, with a thick load of black hair. His brown eyes were focused on Jax while presenting a tender smile, as if to reassure Jax that his words were true. “We were able to isolate the blood clot and relieve it. I won’t bore you with the details now, as I know you want to be by your wife’s side. I’ll stop in to see you in about an hour to answer your questions. She is in recovery now and they’ll be moving her to a room momentarily.”

Jax covered his face with both hands while everyone gave him a moment to regain his composure. Kevin knew that the reality wouldn’t sink in for Jax until he was by Emily’s side, holding her hand and seeing his wife’s beautiful smile. Jax took a deep breath, his heavy shoulders having finally lifted after hours of tormented waiting and extended his arm toward the surgeon.

“Thank you.”

The words were raw, but certainly expressed the gratitude of what everyone was feeling. A nurse appeared behind the surgeon, waiting to take Jax to Emily. Crest then assured him that they would see to it that Beatrice was made aware of the situation. Lauren offered to stay with Derrick so that Jax felt someone was with his son while Beatrice joined him at Emily’s side. Within seconds, Jax had disappeared through the doorway.

Everyone stayed in place a few minutes longer, letting the news settle over them. It had been a close call and one that they all hoped didn’t get repeated. Crest was the first to move, walking over to the rack that was situated in the corner. He was the only one to have used it, as everyone else’s jackets were scattered around the room. Calmly and efficiently, he shrugged into the long dress coat.

“The fates are fickle. Sometimes the crisis comes from an unpredictable direction. As always, we have to adapt, improvise, and overcome. Take some time and get some rest. We’ll regroup Monday morning.”

Chapter Eighteen

E
lle awoke slowly to the sun streaming into the windows. The dim light gave away that Sunday had passed and the evening hours were approaching. She stretched and then tilted her face toward the receding warmth and was surprised by the idleness that remained in her body after having slept so long. Usually her nerves created an edge that she couldn’t shake. Like a slow fog lifting, her eyes finally opened and she took in a room that was not hers. She should have known, considering her bed wasn’t near a window. Fuck. She sat straight up and looked around Kevin’s bedroom. He wasn’t anywhere to be found.

Running a hand through her hair, Elle slowly released her pent up breath. She forced her mind to cooperate in organizing her thoughts. The club was closed Sunday and Monday evenings, so it wasn’t as if she was in a hurry to leave. On the other hand, she wasn’t so sure she wanted to extend her stay. They’d gotten home in the wee hours of the morning and somewhere in her exhaustion, she agreed to lie down for a few hours in Kevin’s bed. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have a couple spare rooms handy, but both of them had been too tired to really argue.

“I’d offer you coffee, but I’m thinking a hot cup of tea might be in order.” Elle’s gaze flew to the doorway, where a shirtless Kevin stood looking like no man she’d ever been with. The johns she’d hosted were usually scrawny twenty-year olds looking for anything that would fuck them or fifty-year-old men who couldn’t talk dirty to their wives. Last night’s epiphanies seemed to fade with the setting sun. Kevin deserved better than her. He deserved what Jax and Emily had. “Herbal or black?”

“Um, I think I’ll pass,” Elle replied, throwing the warm covers back. She gave a sigh of relief to see that she was still wearing her jeans and sweater, sans the scarf, which must have come off when she’d removed her jacket. She scooted to the end of the bed. “I should get back home. I’m sure you have to get up early tomorrow and I’d just be in the way. I’ll just ring a taxi and—”

“No, you won’t.” Kevin’s voice had hardened and disappointment tinged his tone. “You’ll take a shower, use my robe while we wash your clothes, and eat the meals that we’ve missed. The time for doubts has passed, so whatever reservations you’re harboring in that mind of yours, wash them out when you shower. I’ll be downstairs.”

Just like that, Kevin disappeared from sight. Elle stayed there for a while until she started to question why she was still standing in one spot. That wasn’t how she’d planned on that going, but it was a nice change of pace not to be given a choice. Not that she wanted that all the time, but there was a slight exhilaration that he didn’t allow her to slink away. He was absolutely right when he said that the time for doubts had passed. It was a hard habit to break.

As fast as she could, Elle showered and used his bathrobe that had been hanging on the back of the bathroom door. It was navy in color and though she was tall for a woman, the material still hung loose on her frame. It was as if a child had put on their daddy’s robe and been swallowed by it. She rolled up the sleeves as best she could and used her hair tie to bundle her wet strands high up on her head. She’d sung a song to keep from thinking about the rest of the evening. Would he eventually take her home? Or would he want her to spend the night? Slowly padding downstairs, she carried her clothes, uncertain of where his utility room was located.

“Door to your right,” Kevin called out from the kitchen, apparently knowing her location from her footsteps. She glanced down at her bare feet. The hardwood floor was cool but nothing she wasn’t used to, and she wondered how he’d heard her. “Just leave them in the basket and I’ll get to them later this evening.”

Elle stared at the new computerized front loading washer and dryer, deciding to take his advice. These machines looked nothing like the ones in the laundromat she used a few blocks away from the club. Seeing a white basket off to the side, she gently laid her clothes on top of the ones in there. It seemed a little too intimate, but again, she shoved that thought away and would worry about it later. She hadn’t realized she was so good at procrastination. It was the new Elle.

“Looks better on you than me, that’s for sure,” Kevin said, catching sight of her in the open doorway of the kitchen. His gaze ran from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. They were warm now. “Hop up. I’ll whip us up a couple of omelets and bacon. I decided one cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt.”

Elle used the rung of the stool to situate herself on the padded leather barstool, the brown color matching the wooden cabinets. Lights hung low from the ceiling, casting shadows across the room and making the ambience serene when she felt anything but. What she originally deferred slowly started to simmer to the surface and she fiddled with her locket.

“Okay. We’ll play it your way.” With those words, Kevin walked around the island, still shirtless, and didn’t stop until he’d spun the rotating stool his way. His chest was nearly devoid of any hair and chiseled to be a perfect match with Michelangelo’s
David
. As Kevin stepped into her, she instinctively opened her legs and tilted her head to look up at him, only to have her lips claimed by his. Her thoughts scattered and her mind went blank as her body reacted to his. This kiss wasn’t anything like the ones they’d previously shared and the heat practically consumed her. By the time he was done tasting every crevice within her mouth, Elle was pretty damn sure they’d burned the kitchen to the ground. He pulled away and when her lashes fluttered open, she was surprised to see that the kitchen remained standing. “Much better. Now eat before I change my mind and take you upstairs on an empty stomach.”

“But—”

“Eat.” Kevin took the stool next to her and dug into his food as if he hadn’t eaten all day. Technically, she supposed they hadn’t and hesitantly she picked up her fork and followed suit. “I just spoke with Connor. He and Lauren headed back to the hospital this afternoon. Emily was just waking up, Jax was about to fall flat on his face, and Derrick was crying for his mommy. I’m sure by tomorrow things will be back on track.”

“I’m so glad to hear that things are still going well and that Emily will be all right. They’re fortunate to have good friends,” Elle said after having taken a bite. The omelet had a smack to it and she found that it also kick-started her hunger. She ate a little more. “I’ve never seen such solidarity like that.”

“Did you ever attend college?”

The question threw Elle and her eyes shot to his. Kevin was serious. Thinking back on it, they never did get to finish their conversation about her teenage years and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. What if she did share with him how she got into the business? Would he walk away like she predicted? Her newfound love of procrastination came back in full force. Was it so bad to want to have a taste of the closeness she’d witnessed last night?