Re/Paired (Doms of the FBI Book 2) (3 page)

The silver dragonfly pendant had diamond and emerald chips. Buying jewelry for women wasn’t something he did often, but when he’d seen it, he had known it was the perfect gift. Though her birthday hadn’t been imminent, he had purchased it right away and held on to it for seven months. When she’d opened it, the expression on her face had been a priceless reward. He knew she loved it, but he also knew she was lying.

He leaned forward and put his plate on the table. “That’s not what you were going to say.”

“But it’s what I said.” She picked up both dishes and headed to the kitchen.

Keith wasn’t quite finished with his, and she always asked before she took something that wasn’t empty. Her behavior confirmed his instinct. She was hiding something. The part of him that needed to be in control wouldn’t let her have this secret, no matter what his better sense said.

He followed her into the kitchen. “Kat, the question shouldn’t be so hard to answer.”

She set his plate on the island. “Are you not finished with that?”

He took the remaining dish from her and set it down. Then he rested his palms on the counter on either side of her body, effectively caging her. He’d never used his physicality to bully her before, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from doing it now. The sweet scent of her skin and the spiciness of the pizza drew him to her. The upper swell of her breasts strained against the tight fabric of her shirt, and her nipples hardened to points. She dropped her gaze, a subconscious and completely real act of submission.

Leaning down, he captured her attention. Her breath caught. She wet her lips, and his cock noticed the delicate way her tongue darted out.

What in the world had he given her that would make her react like this? Both his curiosity and his libido were piqued. One of them demanded an outlet. Unfortunately, it was the one he couldn’t assuage, not without losing everything.

“Kat, what was the first thing that popped into your head?”

She fidgeted, wringing her hands before she seemed to realize what she was doing. As a newer attorney, she had less experience with behaviors and tells than he did. She put her hands behind her, groping for the counter, but she came into contact with his wrists. Immediately, she folded her arms over her chest, hiding her vulnerabilities. “Keith, don’t.”

He leaned closer, and her breath hitched. Her gaze flickered from his eyes to his lips and stayed there. Ions bounced between them. He really needed to back off, but a perverse streak of self-destructiveness asserted itself. “Don’t what?”

She closed her eyes and exhaled a short stream of air. “Do you remember what you gave me for my eighteenth birthday?”

Hell, yes
. The memory of that kiss haunted him to this day. Her lips had tasted sweet, and that had nothing to do with the cherry lip gloss she had been wearing. It hadn’t been a deep kiss or a long kiss, and it had nearly knocked him on his ass. But maybe she meant the other gift, the one she had been able to open in front of everyone. The one he hadn’t made her swear to secrecy.

He had to ask. “The shirt or the kiss?”

She opened her eyes, but she didn’t meet his gaze. She looked at some point over his shoulder. “The kiss.”

“That was your favorite gift?” The part of him that chose collars that would look good around her neck while she lay naked on his bed was absurdly pleased. He ignored the warning bells in his head. Messing with Kat could mean losing the family who had adopted him and saved what was left of his worthless soul.

She shrugged. It wasn’t flirty or shy. It was the kind of shrug that communicated uncertainty and discomfort. “It was and it wasn’t.”

He’d backed her into a corner. If she had been his, he would torment her until she explained. But she wasn’t his. She was so much more than something he could possess. He dropped his arms and stepped back far enough to give her space, but close enough that she wouldn’t think he was ending the conversation. “Care to explain that?”

Now that he wasn’t so close, she relaxed a bit. Her shoulders moved. She drummed her nails against the countertop. “I was… I mean… It wasn’t my first kiss, but it was the best kiss. I’ve spent the last ten years comparing every first kiss to that one, and they all fall short. But I don’t know if that’s because it was really so good or because I’ve idealized it in my head. You kinda ruined other men for me.”

What the hell was wrong with her? She should have come up with another explanation, something plausible that didn’t make him stare at her in shock. Why did she have to be honest with him? Just because she’d never lied to him in the past didn’t mean she had to always tell the truth, especially not when the only thing that would come from this was more awkward silence.

He massaged his jaw and regarded her somberly. She couldn’t think of anything to say to mitigate the damage. Give her an hour or two without him around, and her brain might remember how to process rational thoughts again.

“Do you want another one?”

Yes, she wanted to kiss him again. No, she didn’t want his pity. She shook her head and turned away.

His arm came up, and he rested his hand on the counter, blocking her escape route. She could turn around and go the other way, but if she did that, things would never be normal between them again. No, she needed to face this head-on, downplay the significance of what happened so they could both ignore the topic for another decade. Because if she knew anything about him, it was that he didn’t want the same things from a relationship she wanted. He wanted a few nights of companionship where he controlled every aspect.

She wanted a real relationship. The submissive side of her nature clamored for his domination. Though she’d played some games with lovers over the years, she knew there was a huge difference between the slap-and-tickle quality of those interactions and what Keith did. Keith was the real deal. It wasn’t a game to him, and she didn’t have the experience to know exactly what that entailed.

“To see if the memory is as good as the real thing.” He’d lowered his head so that when he spoke, his breath whispered across the place where her neck met her shoulder. “I never meant to ruin anything for you.”

She turned to face him, and he backed up to give her space. He’d never behaved like this around her. All those times she’d thought she had caught flickers of lust, desire, or interest in his eyes had resulted in nothing. “So this is a friend thing? A favor?”

Something flashed behind his eyes. His devious smile had long since vanished. “Sure.”

Favor or not, she wanted this. Only a fool would turn him down.

“Okay.”

He cupped her face in one hand and ran the pad of his thumb over her lower lip. He hadn’t done that before, and the move all but guaranteed the impending kiss would rock her world. She felt like groaning, but she lacked the ability to make sounds.

He leaned closer. His lips brushed against hers, the bottom one moving sinfully slow. He spread his fingers and slid them through her hair so that he controlled her head with his palm. She couldn’t move unless he allowed it. Tension stiffened her spine, and she became hyperaware of the proximity of his body to hers. She longed to close the distance, but she was terrified he’d break off the kiss if she was too forward.

He teased his tongue along the seam of her lips, and she parted them, granting entry. The warmth of his palm penetrated her sweatpants where he gripped her hip. She didn’t know what to do with her hands. With her knees about to buckle, she grabbed for his chest. She met with a solid wall of hot flesh. How had she forgotten he wasn’t wearing a shirt?

Her touch seemed to give him permission. He moved the hand he’d parked on her hip and banded his arm around her waist to hold her close. Their thighs molded together, and her breasts pressed against his chest. So many sensations rioted in her body.

The masterful way he controlled the kiss canceled her ability to think. She became a creature of response, grasping at his chest and shoulders in search of an anchor. A frantic noise escaped her throat, a sound that was a cross between a growl and a whimper.

He tightened a fist in her hair and tilted her head back, breaking the kiss violently. She gasped, gulping at air because she’d forgotten how to breathe. Heat smoldered in her core, and he wasn’t finished. He trailed firm kisses along her jaw, nipping her skin every few inches. The sharp little bites both stung and sent her nerve endings into overdrive. Mindlessly, she dug her fingernails into his shoulders.

The savage kisses didn’t stop there. He licked the column of her throat and sank his teeth into the muscle running along the top ridge of her shoulder. She yelped, not because it hurt, but because it felt so damn good. Sensations she’d never experienced ran unchecked through her body.

He jerked away, ripping from her grip in a manner that left scratches down his shoulders and across his arms. Turning his back to her, he pressed his palms against the counter that divided the small kitchen from the tiny dining area. His shoulders heaved as he took deep breaths.

Every muscle in her body trembled in the aftermath of his onslaught. Was that what she’d missed out on all these years? Sure, she’d dabbled in bondage and played spanking games, but she’d never let a man take control of her body and soul the way Keith had just done. If a kiss made her feel this way, what would be left of her after a scene?

Suddenly she needed more. She’d always wanted Keith, but she’d held her emotions in check, instinctively understanding that he didn’t have anything more to give. The plea tumbled out, surprising her with its desperate quality.

“Train me.”

His entire body tensed, not that he’d been the portrait of the relaxed man a moment ago. “You don’t know what you’re asking.” He didn’t turn around to look at her as he dismissed her request.

“I do too know what I’m asking.” Then she realized her mistake. Submissives didn’t demand. They asked. They begged. At least she’d done that last part right. And they knelt, naked, at their Master’s feet.

Keith whirled on her, controlled fury glittering from his emerald eyes. Unnerved by an expression she’d never seen on him, Katrina trembled even more.

If she knew anything about Keith, she knew better than to show weakness at a moment like this. He was the ultimate predator, and he regarded her as prey. Rivulets of pleasure ran across her belly. The raw air of danger seeping from his pores excited her like nothing else. She wanted to be naked and kneeling at his feet. She wanted him to show her what it felt like to belong to him.

Moving slowly, she lifted the hem of her shirt.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Taking off my clothes.” She would prove to him that she was serious. “I’m not ignorant, just not trained. You want me to get on my knees and ask properly, right?”

He gripped her hand hard, halting her attempt to undress and hurting her a little. It must have shown on her face because he eased up on the pressure. “Kat, I don’t want you to ask at all. I didn’t mean to kiss you like that.”

Which either supported her point or should hurt really, really badly. He had been overcome with passion, just like she had been. Was it a momentary thing, or did he still feel the pull of passion unsated? She put her other hand over his, holding it lightly. “But you did.”

A shadow of pain passed behind his eyes, a haunted look she’d seen before. “You’re not cut out for that kind of life. You’re too…” He shook his head, a short movement she barely detected.

When he didn’t continue, she tried to force the issue. She wouldn’t her drop it, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. “Don’t you dare call me delicate. I want this. I want to learn about this side of myself.”

He took his hand away and leaned down so that his face was the only thing she could see. Though she could read the desperation in his eyes, he spoke through clenched teeth. “I spank my submissives whenever the whim strikes me. They’re mine to use however and whenever I want. I make them kneel at my feet and crawl naked across the room. I tie them up and flog them. I hurt them because I get off on their pain. I torture them sexually. Sometimes I tie them up and don’t touch them at all. I make them do anything I want, just because I can, and I get off on the power I have over them. You’re too good for that.”

Standing over her, he was the very essence of intimidation. He might scare anyone else with his growled warning, but not her. She knew him too well to think he would ever hurt her in a way she didn’t want to be hurt. Nobody had flogged her before, and she was sure nobody had spanked her the way he would, but nothing he said sounded horrible to her. She’d never fantasized about crawling, but she had considered the other things. It was difficult to imagine submission when she didn’t know what it really felt like, what it would really be like.

She lifted a hand and caressed his smooth cheek. “This is what I want, and I trust you.”

When he closed his eyes and seemed to luxuriate in her affection, she thought she had him. But then he gently removed her hand from his cheek and dropped it between them. “I know you do. That’s why I’m telling you no. I thought the kiss would fail, that it would help you get over me.”

The shaking in her knees had its root in her humiliation. “But you felt it too.” And now she sounded like a petulant child. Rejection sat heavy on her chest.

“I’m sorry. I really am. But you’re one of the few people I care about. You would learn to hate me.” Misery etched lines around his mouth. “I just can’t take the chance I’d lose your friendship.”