Resist (8 page)

The person I was before would never put up with my present situation but the problem with that scenario is I’m not the person I used to be. Everything about me has changed and been transformed. I still wish I was that same shy woman who was scared of her own shadow but then I wouldn’t be here and my life wouldn’t have changed so completely.

Life is too short for regrets. I am sick of hoping, wishing, praying. If I want something to happen, I am going to have to make it so. However asking that of myself is the most frightening thing I have ever done. Just because I can flirt with Blaine or Zed doesn’t mean I’m still not terrified of physical contact.

My body isn’t ready. I am starting to have dreams about being penetrated and it hurts. The tearing of flesh, the breaking of a hymen like an overripe cherry . . . blood and other human liquids mixed together. Semen draining out of me in the aftermath and a satisfied lover yet I am left there feeling empty, broken and no longer myself . . . is this possible?

“Maudlin, much?”

I jumped at the sound of Blaine’s voice as I turned toward him to find him leaning over my shoulder.

I slammed my MacBook Pro a little harder than I meant to. “Didn’t your mother tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop? I wouldn’t do it to you.”

“Actually, you have. The same day you arrived here in L.A.—”

“That doesn’t count,” I interrupted coldly. “You were talking about me like I was a fucking piece of filet mignon. That’s the
difference
.”

He shook his head before he rested his chin on my right shoulder. “Babe, I love when you use the ‘F’ word. You make it sound so . . . cute yet forbidden at the same time.”

“I’m not playing around, Blaine.” I shrugged my shoulder before I stood and pulled down a
Sons of Anarchy
tank top over a pair of skinny light blue jeans.

He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me toward him. Although he wasn’t sporting an erection, the chubby stubble of his cock poked into my ass. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to get my favorite girl riled up. You upset I came home so late last night? I know you were watching your favorite show. At least according to the cameras I have installed in the house.”

My breath caught in my throat.

Cameras?

As in hidden cameras that captured everything?

Had they caught me masturbating in the bathroom? When I was in the bath or in the shower?

“They’re not installed in the bathroom. I just like to make sure you’re all right. Unfortunately, I don’t want to know what you do in the bathroom. It’s not something I’m into if you should know,” he explained quickly as if he’d read my mind.

I turned toward him. “True but you didn’t eliminate your bed so . . .”

“Why?” He cocked his head to the side, his blue eyes narrowed. “I would hope you wouldn’t be masturbating in the bed we share—not
until
we become intimate.”

“You’re disgusting, you know that? Of course not!” I exclaimed heatedly before I walked into the living room and sat next to Zed.

He played a game on his phone. “Is Blaine being an ass?”

“Yes and no. I’m just . . . on edge about this whole . . . thing. I don’t know if I’m ready to see something like this.”

“It’s now or never—that’s what Elvis said.” Blaine clapped his hands together. “Come on you two, get yourselves ready. We start filming in fifteen minutes.”

I swallowed harshly as the warmth of Zed’s body left my side.

Blaine forced my legs open with his right leg as he leaned into the sofa, his spearmint breath on my right cheek and dangerously close to my nose and mouth. “Time to watch the master at work. Are you ready?”

“Do I have choice?” I questioned in a soft voice.

He shook his head. “You need to see this. It’ll be your second major breakthrough. Watching two people fuck and having it filmed. I’ve sheltered you too much. This lesson is way overdue.”

I couldn’t deny that, no matter how much I didn’t want Blaine to be right.

He kissed my jaw slowly before his lips teased my own in a gentle pattern. I grabbed his head and pressed our mouths closer together as his lips parted and his tongue sought out my own. I accepted him inside of me, the closest he would ever get to penetration for now.

Ultimately, he pulled away from me and stood fully. His crystal blue eyes were lust-filled and I knew he wanted so much more than what I’d just given him.

I opened my mouth to speak but he quickly turned on me and walked out of the living room, leaving me alone and sexually frustrated for the first time in my miserable life.

Chapter 7

Zed

T
here were few times in Zed’s life he could openly think of resenting his brother but this was one of the moments he could honestly say he detested Blaine with a vengeance.

He had no wish for Vie to see him fuck another woman, whether it was his job or not. He didn’t want her to be exposed to his naked body that way. Of course it didn’t help he was around a scantily clad Brigitte who managed to dig the knife deeper.

“Did you take the Viagra yet? I don’t want you goin’ soft on me like you did last time. That was kind of embarrassing for both you and me if you don’t mind me telling you,” she responded in a bitchy voice.

Zed had no time for her vulgarity and merely held out his tongue as she grabbed one of the blue pills and popped it into his mouth. He swallowed it with a bottle of San Pellegrino his brother had left out for him and Brigitte.

She preferred the famous Italian water or Evian—no Crystal Geyser or store-name brand water for her.

He wondered what he’d ever seen in her to begin with and why she’d been so special he’d kept her around for three months. She was a pretentious bitch who cared for nothing and no one. Her career was the most important part of her life and there was nothing soft or vulnerable about her, if there had ever been.

Blaine set up the equipment as Vie wandered into the large space and sat down in the corner where he’d set up a chair for her. She looked pretty self-assured now and didn’t even blush as he removed his shirt.

His brother had an assistant who applied Dermablend Leg and Body Cover on both his arm-sleeve tattoo and another tattoo he had below his right Pectoral muscle along his ribcage. It was a closed wild orchid, cut at the end of the stem. To him, it represented everything Vie thought was wrong with her. She probably never noticed it since it was several weeks old and he didn’t bother to inform anyone he was getting it.

He could feel her eyes on him before Blaine blocked her line of vision and began to talk to her.

Zed could feel the anger as it built up inside of him. Vie didn’t even know what she was doing but she purposely fucked with his emotions and everything he could offer her. The epitome of goodness, she could melt the icicles around his heart but just like that, she could also harden them against the organ by a careless smile or whisper to Blaine.

It didn’t matter whether their relationship was casual or not or the fact that both he and his brother weren’t any closer to fucking her. She was still the same old Vie—hymen still intact but he couldn’t deny Blaine had a home team advantage. She lived with him for God’s sake. If she was horny enough, he had a better chance at getting laid than Zed did.

Vie rarely came by the Hollywood Hills’ estate due to her dislike for Brigitte. Xavier was nowhere near getting rid of her and Zed had come to the point where he considered taking matters into his own hands. Although how he planned to do that wasn’t quite clear yet.

“Stop staring so hard. No wonder she’s not interested,” Brigitte stripped out of her robe to reveal a sexy slip she wore that clung to her like a second skin and a pair of thigh highs held up by garters.

“What the fuck would you know?” he snapped back.

“Well, I know what I
see
and you come off as a stalker.” She leaned her head against his left shoulder. “You see how natural your brother is? He’s so sexy and suave with the way he approaches her. If her panties aren’t the least bit damp, then she is a lost cause or a lesbian. He’s got her . . . hook. Line. And sinker.”

Up until that moment, Zed had wondered how Xavier could actually
murder
a person in the
real
snuff films Blaine directed for his VIP clientele.

He no longer had that same self-righteous loathing for his twin brother because he knew exactly how it could be done. The rage flowing through his veins at that moment was a pure and unadulterated hatred for Brigitte. Maybe he would “accidentally” strangle her ass into unconsciousness during their sex scene.

“You two ready?” Blaine looked from Vie to Zed and Brigitte. “Everything is set up and I’d like to get started. Vie and I have dinner reservations at The Polo Lounge at eight and I don’t want us to be late.”

The Polo Lounge?
Zed wondered to himself sarcastically,
how very fucking lame and pretentious. Just like our parents.

“Yeah, we’re ready,” Brigitte spoke up.

Blaine walked over to them and Zed physically felt nauseous being so close to his older brother, knowing he was doing the most to woo and seduce Vie. It was pretty pathetic to be honest although he wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t be doing the same if she ever
allowed
him to do so.

“Okay, remember the set up. She’s teased you all night at the club and you finally end up at your place. You two go at it but do whatever you want in terms of sex. It should be brutal though and animalistic. Then you strangle her but I’ll call cut before she passes out. Makeup has to be applied to make her look dead and then we’ll finish up there. How does that sound?”

Zed rolled his eyes. “Why go through all the trouble? It’s not like the viewers don’t know she isn’t really dead when they keep seeing her in different movies—”

“Are you fucking stupid or do you just like to act that way?” Brigitte questioned belligerently. “It’s the same as a horror show or a film. We know these fictitious monsters aren’t hacking people to death but that doesn’t mean they don’t do all the makeup and sound effects. It’s the same with what we do but it’s just more . . . real.”

He ignored her and glanced into Vie’s direction. She sat in her special chair again but she also had an open copy of the screenplay in her hands. If he didn’t know her as well as he did, he wouldn’t hesitate to think she was reading it with intense interest.

“Hello?” Blaine snapped his fingers in front of Zed’s face. “Get your thoughts off of her and on to the job I am
paying
you to perform.”

His violet-blue eyes coldly glared at his brother before he mock-bowed. “Yes, Massa, anythin’ yous say, Massa,” he replied in an exaggerated southern accent.

“Fuck you, Zed. Just do your fuckin’ job.”

“Not even if we were on a deserted island and I was starved for a warm hole, Blaine.”

“If you two are done with your pissing contest, can we start to film already?” Brigitte interrupted. “I’m starting to get really bored with the insults you two exchange between one another about that shrew over there.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” His brother leaned closer to him. “Get your shit together or next time, I find someone else. I don’t have to deal with this crap.”

Zed walked towards the bed without saying another word.

He wasn’t in the mood to argue with his brother. Not now, not ever.

Not when it was over a woman who seemed unattainable to him at the moment.