Resist (London) (15 page)

Ahh crap.
I hated that she could read me so well. I couldn’t hide anything from her, never really could. Some friends might have kept out of it, and let me work through it on my own, not Taylor though, she knew I needed her without me even asking. Again though, I did sort of wish she hadn’t bought Jax with her. I didn’t get chance to respond though, because the door flew open and Jase came sashaying through. He had about four bags with him and I just rolled my eyes, knowing he’d been out spending money that he didn’t have. He didn’t care, ever!

He had a serious case of shopping addiction.

“Oooooo are we having a Harper intervention now?” He asked.

“A what?”
I returned, bemused.

“Ya know? Like with did with Tay? The whole, intervention thing, when one of us is doing something stupid that we think needs changing? God stop looking at me like that!
Just like we did with Tay, and the
letter
.” He said letter on a stage whisper, but Tay was standing right next to him so I don’t actually know why he did that.

Strange man!

I couldn’t have been more shocked when Tay let out a giggle and said, “Jase, I’m right here! You know I don’t care about that stupid note anymore. Harper’s little intervention idea worked okay! This is ridiculously clear. But yeah, I guess it kinda is the same. Just with less people.” She threw her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow at me expectantly. Shit!

“So come on Harp, what’s going on with you? Why are you being such a stubborn bitch and
givin’ Mase the run around?”

I looked back and forth between the two of them, wondering how the hell I was going to get away with lying to their faces.

I wasn’t. It was that simple, I had never been able to lie to them.

“I just don’t want a relationship!” I declared, sounding more than a little defensive.
I was getting seriously bored of repeating myself too.

“What’s so wrong about that? I like Mase, of course I do, he’s gorgeous, he’s playful, he’s just...oh fuck, okay, so I love Mase. I’m still not going to be forced to do something I don’t want to do. Not happening.”

I could feel the tension in the air. I knew they wanted to berate me. Tell me how stupid and pigheaded I was being. Neither of them did that though. I watched as Tay ran her tongue along her teeth and then bit her bottom lip with indecision.

“Ok, if that’s the way you want it, then I’m not going to argue with you. But I will say this...” She took a deep breath and continued.

“Babe, you know you’re everything to me. You always have been. Do I think you’re making the right decision? No, not even slightly. Do I think you’re doing the exact same thing that I was doing? The exact same thing that you pushed me on? Yeah babe, that’s exactly what you’re doing. I never had you pegged as a hypocrite Harp, never. I thought you were better than that. You have a guy, who you’ve admitted yourself that you love. A guy who could, and would, give you the world. A guy who looks at you like you’re the light of his life, the answers to all his questions, the air he needs to
breathe
. Do you know who else looks like that?”

She paused again, but it was a rhetorical question. We both knew that.

“
You
fucking do. That’s exactly why, even when, babe sorry to be so harsh, but even when you’re a total bitch to him, that’s why he hasn’t given up on you. He can feel it, hell, everyone can feel it. You don’t think that when we’re all together, everyone can feel the intensity between the both of you? It’s not lust, sexual tension, not even slightly. It’s love. Pure, beautiful, soul shaking love.”

I rolled my eyes at her then.

Love wasn’t beautiful. It was painful, heartbreaking, controlling, powerful and I didn’t want anything to do with it. Love is that emotion that overpowers every other, there isn’t even a battle to have, it consumes everything surrounding it. And it was consuming me, piece by piece, emotion by emotion.

If you’re angry, love wins. If you’re sad, love wins. If you’re so fucking heartbroken that you feel like you can’t even take another br
eath from the pain, guess what?

Love...fucking...
wins.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me! I never said it was easy. Just because something is beautiful, doesn’t make it perfect Harper. Hell, look at some of the bitches who go to the club! They might be beautiful under all those inches of make-up, but they’re filled with spite and they’re pure ugly on the inside. That’s not what I’m talking about. This is real, and you’re wasting every second of it.”

I just stared at her. What could I really say? She would never understand. No one would. I knew she’d eventually lost her temper when she threw her hands up and walked out. She didn’t even say goodbye and I flinched when the door slammed.

Jax didn’t follow her straight away. He had been silent throughout Tay’s rant, didn’t say a single word.

I swung my eyes to Jase to see him staring at his feet. He raised his eyes to mine, sighed and said, “Yeah, what she said.” Then he followed Tay back out of the door, that he’d only just came in through.

I didn’t waste any time.

“Go on then Jax, are you going to bitch at me too?”

“Nope.”

Well, wait, what?

“You’re not?”

“No. But I do have a question to ask.”

“Ok...” I said slowly.

“Is there a reason?”

“For what?”
I asked, confused.

“The way you’
re acting. Everyone else is concentrating on the fact that you and Mase keep circling each other without going for what you really want. But that doesn’t concern me, Mase is big enough to fight his own battles and I’m not exactly the right person to be telling him he shouldn’t chase you. The thing I don’t understand is, it’s not just him. You’re shutting everyone else out too. I don’t give a fuck what your reasons are, but you’re hurting your friends, and you’re hurting my girl. Whatever your fucking reasons are, sort them, fix them. Do whatever the hell it takes to get your head screwed on and stop acting like a bitch.”

“I...” I started, but was cut off.

“Not finished.”

I stayed silent.

“That’s not all you. It’s a front. You’ve got some major internal battles going on in that pretty head of yours Harp, and it’s spilling out into the rest of your life. Talk to Mase, talk to Taylor, fuck, talk to me if you have to. Just do
something
. Fix this, and everything else will fall into place just how it’s supposed to.”

He didn’t give me chance to respond. Not that I would have known what to say because I wouldn’t. He turned and left too, he just didn’t slam the door.

I was seriously thinking that they had all lost their minds! When did my friends become advocates for love and relationships? I didn’t know. But what I did know, was that I needed to get out. Go somewhere, do something, do
anything.

So I decided to get wasted. Not just tipsy, or slightly drunk, no I was getting completely and utterly fucking annihilated.
I didn’t want to think about Mase or hear about him and I certainly didn’t want to see him. So I took myself to a little shabby dive-bar. I didn’t fit in there. When I first walked in, everyone looked at me as if I was lost.

That soon turned to a look of pure hunger, as soon as they realised I was staying. They were circling me like they were sharks and I was the bait. I should have probably been slightly scared. I wasn’t though. Seeing as by that point, my blood was probably pure alcohol. I downed shot after shot of tequila. No salt, no lime. I just didn’t want to
feel
anymore.

At some point in the night, I was leaning
with my hip resting against the bar when I felt a presence behind me and I tensed.

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” The voice asked.

Urgh, how original!

I turned and looked up and had to bite back a visible grimace. But my head moved
of it’s own accord when I was instantly hit with the smell of rotten breath. I wanted to heave.

His teeth were yellow, even
brown
in places, and I noticed he had two missing. His face was unshaven and he was old enough to be my dad, maybe even my granddad. I held in a shudder but I couldn’t help sneering at him.

I’m drunk, not desperate.

He scowled down at me in response to my sneer, I gulped and shifted back a bit at the change in his demeanour. He looked scary. But really, what did he expect? That I was going to jump him, take him home and lick his yellow teeth?!

Honestly? Heave!

He stood closer to me and my back dug into the bar as I arched away. I was cornered, I had nowhere else to move and my heart-rate kicked into overdrive. I knew it was stupid going to that bar.

“Think you’re too good for the likes of me
princess.
Then you shouldn’t be here slummin’ it with the bad boys should ya?” He bit out.

Yes I was scared, and yes I should have just found a way
to leave. But I was wasted, and I’m too mouthy anyway. So I put my hand on his chest and pushed back. He stepped away and I was glad that I finally had a release from his disgusting breath, and could actually breathe again.

“Even if I was out just to slum it, I’d never sink low enough to respond to the likes of you. So could you plea
se stop trying to intimidate me and step back.” I hissed.

Ok, hearing it, maybe his
princess
slur, wasn’t far off the mark. I did sound like I thought I was better than him, but in all honesty, I damn well was!

He didn’t seem to like me telling him how it was, but as he
reach for me, he was blocked from the side and a different guy spoke up.

“Leave her the fuck alone Bert. Go back to your table.”

Surprisingly, ‘Bert’ actually stepped back, sent me one last glare, and shuffled away.

Wow, that was easy.

“Miss, he isn’t wrong though, you don’t belong in a place like this.”

“Why not?
I’m only here to get drunk like everyone else!” I declared.

I realised most heads in the bar were turned to look at us now and I frowned at them. I wasn’t being
that
loud...at least I didn’t think so.

I swayed on my feet and reached out to my rescuer to steady myself. Gripping his bicep, I bit my lip when I felt his muscle flex under his shirt. His face wasn’t all that, brown hair, brown eyes and a lip piercing that I wanted to pull at with my teeth. He was good enough for
one night though, sure.

I didn’t think, just put my mouth to his.

It did not feel good.

His lips weren’t Mason’s, his touch wasn’t Mason’s...He just wasn’t
fucking
Mason. He’d god damn ruined me.

I was too drunk to notice him stiffen and when he wrenched his mouth away from mine I fell forward, only being saved from landing on my face when he caught me and hauled me back up.

He set me away from him, rolled his eyes at me and said, “You need to go home. You’re a mess.”

Then he turned and left.

I’d never been turned down. Not once in my life. Honestly, I don’t think I would have gone through with anything anyway, but being rejected?

That shit
stung.

I clenched my jaw, tired to ignore the gossiping murmurs all around me, and stormed outside. Well, as much as I could storm. My head was spinning and I felt sick. I still wasn’t finished though, but I didn’t want to stay out, I g
rabbed another bottle of, um, I can’t remember, but I grabbed a bottle of
something
alcoholic from the shop across the street and jumped in the first taxi I could find.

Mason

Fuck sake. So, I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to keep chasing Harper, then I get a phone call from a borderline frantic Jase saying he was on a date, but he’d had a phone call from a neighbour about Harper singing to herself outside their apartment block. So there I was, chasing after her again to make sure that she’s okay.

Pussy whipped.
Fact.

I sighed as I approached her street, I don’t know why I agreed to help,
she’d made it pretty damn clear that she could take care of herself.

Driving down the street, I could already hear her wailing and I couldn’t help but chuckle about it. She should never consider a career as a singer. It was not good!

She had her eyes closed and she was slumped against the brick wall outside. She really was in a real state.

“Is there a reason you’re sitting out her
e and keeping everyone else awake with your singing Harper-Marie?” I asked, not making any attempt to mask my sarcasm.

She opened her eyes, and then closed one of them, as if she was trying to focus.

“Hellooo Mason! Have you come to rescue the damsel in distress?”

“No, I’ve come to get you inside and to bed so that your neighbours can get some sleep.”