Resist Me (Change Me Book One - standalone): McCoy Raven Boys (20 page)

“Yeah,
uhm
.” I snorted.
 

Throughout this whole exchange Lisbeth sat quietly, watching and listening. Her face was impassive. I couldn’t decide what she was thinking. Maybe she shared my reservations? Or didn’t quite understand what was going on? After all, she didn’t know Jack as I did. He would never hesitate to just pop in here. I wouldn’t make a fuss. That’s why him arranging an alternative accommodation was suspicious to me, but not necessarily to her.

Jack chuckled, stretched his burly arms over his head, and looked at Lisbeth. Then at me—with a sheepish smile. “Okay, bro. Okay.” He knew what I meant.
 

I shook my head and changed the subject, “You scared the crap out of us. What the hell were you trying to do? Get yourself shot?”

“I was just messing with you.” He grinned and winked. He fucking
winked
at me.
 

Okay, it was time to make him talk, although not in front of Lisbeth. As if catching my thought, she stood up. “I’m going to sit on the dock. Water has such a soothing effect.” With that, she walked off toward the dock.

“I thought it was the trees,” I called after her.

“That too,” she said, turning her head.

I watched Lisbeth sit down at the end of the dock, remove her boots and socks, and roll up her pants all the way to her knees. She lowered one foot, carefully dipping her toes in the water, testing it. Her second foot followed soon after.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jack said in a low voice.
 

Reluctantly, I pulled my eyes away from Lisbeth and looked at him. He was cleaning his teeth with a plastic fork. Some members of my family were classy; some not so.
 

“What the fuck were you thinking? Why are you staying in Ryley’s cabin?” I asked, not too nicely.
 

“You think I should’ve chosen Brooklyn’s cabin? Hmm, that’s a thought.” He pretended to pause, deep in thought.
 

“Fuck you.”

Brooklyn and Ryley also owned cabins on Devil’s Lake, but Ryley’s was the biggest and totally ritzy. That was Ryley for you—everything he owned had to be posh. He rolled in cash though, so it was only natural for him to want all those pretty things.
 

Jack grinned.

“Are you done grooming yourself? Or are you gonna utilize this fine tool any further?” I pointed to the fork in his hand.
 

He looked at it, as if not understanding my jab. “Does it have any other uses?”
 

“Yeah, maybe it can serve as an adequate comb? Three-in-one.”
 

Jack inclined his head in mocking contemplation. “Who would have thought?”

“Cut the crap. Why are you staying at Ryley’s?”

He yawned, shook all over like a freakin’ dog, and looked at me, prolonging the answer as much as he could. I was used to his ways. But I wasn’t backing off.
 

Jack glanced back at where Lisbeth was sitting at the end of the dock, slowly flapping her feet in the water. He looked back at me and, leaning closer said, “I didn’t want to just butt in. Look, I wanna help in case something nasty starts happening around, but you’ve got a girl in here after all and—”
 

I interrupted him, “I don’t have
a girl
in here. Don’t be stupid. You know she’s the sole witness in a murder case, trying to survive after the FBI safe house got blasted out. I just offered her a place to hide. What are you implying?”
 

He lifted his hands in an appeasing gesture. “I know that. That’s why I’m here. If that shit hits the fan, you might need some help, bro. Fuck, man, you never ask for any favors. I just have to take an initiative sometimes, so give me a break.” He huffed.
 

I was watching Lisbeth. She leaned back on her elbows, reclining toward the sun. Her head dropped back, hair spilling from her shoulders and onto the wood like a cascade of dark waves.
 

Jack followed my eyes. “I think she’s got something you might totally dig. Just sayin’.”

He had no idea how right he was.
 

Chapter Twently Two

LISBETH
 

The cool water felt like heaven against my skin. It was a hot day, and there was no shade on the dock, but I loved how the heat of the sun caressed my arms and face.
 

These two opposite sensations my body was experiencing, reminded me of what my heart was subjected to with Ethan. Out of self-preservation, I tried to forbid myself to yield to his unrelenting magnetism. That was the cool water reference. The sun was everything else I felt for him.
 

As soon as I lifted my legs out of the soothing water, the sun was winning. The sun would always win, as long as it shone. I could walk away from this water, but I couldn’t avoid the sun—not while staying in its proximity. Was I comparing Ethan to the sun? Well, maybe in some vague sense. It was more about the enticing and, at the same time tormenting vibes he so strongly exuded. Even thinking of them, made my heart beat faster and my thighs clamp in need.
 

I scolded myself for being such a complete idiot. But to no avail. The seed was already planted. Ethan got his hooks in my heart. I was trapped, and even if I tried to fight that unwanted attraction off, I wasn’t sure if I had a chance. The only way would be to rip it out like a Band Aid and run. But where? With him, at least, I had a chance to last. Without him, I would be on my own, with no skills to survive.
 

How strange and frightening was such a thought—I came to rely on just one person to help. And I didn’t even know him well. I could maybe try to go back to Florida and seek help on the streets. But I was sure that everyone I knew years ago was gone or moved on. Besides, the danger was stronger down there. Or was it?

In my whole life, I’ve never felt so alone… and so helpless…

I heard footsteps on the dock. Ethan strolled barefoot toward me, with his hands in his pants pockets. He was looking to his side, toward three small boats in the middle of the Lake. It sounded as if there was a party going on, with people laughing and shouting. Every once a while there was a splash when someone dived from the boat into the Lake and either swam to another boat, or just stayed in one place, trading water. Hoots of delight and jokes followed. I longed to feel so carefree.
 

Wordlessly, Ethan sat next to me, rolled his pants up, and dipped his feet in the water, leaning forward while I stayed reclined back on my elbows.
 

“Sounds like a big party over there.” I tipped my chin in the direction of the noise.
 

Ethan looked up and nodded, still silent, deep in thought.
 

I waited for him to start a conversation. There was something on his mind, but I didn’t feel like prodding.
 

Finally, he turned his head toward me. “Jack’s staying in one of my brothers’ cabin. It’s just two miles away.”

“I hope he’ll hang out with us though. Is anyone else from your family coming?” I asked cautiously. I hoped nobody else was planning to be here. It wouldn’t be a good idea, in case something bad happened here. Obviously, I wished we were safe and well hidden, but how could I be completely sure the gang wouldn’t find us?
 

“Nobody knows we’re here. It’s better this way.”

“Yes, I agree.”
 

He exhaled loudly and rubbed his forehead. “Look… I’ve already apologized for what happened earlier—”

“The kiss?” I interrupted. We should call what we did the way it was: not a nameless
it
but
the kiss.
A damn good kiss. An amazing kiss. A kiss that had any other kisses I’ve ever experienced beat to the punch. It was better to forget about that
kiss
, but at least we should call it by its proper term.
 

For a split second Ethan hesitated. He seemed to freeze, his gaze boring into mine. I waited. Maybe he waited to… but for what? And then one side of his mouth lifted ever so slightly, and the corners of his eyes crinkled a tiny bit. That was enough for my stomach to clench and my heart to go crazy in my chest. If there was any firm resolve to stay unaffected by his charm, it went down the drain in a jiffy.
 

“I was a jerk,” he confessed. “You have nothing to be afraid of.”

I raised my eyebrows in a silent “What exactly do you mean?”
 

“You can be sure I won’t try to force myself on you. I invited you here to feel safe, not to feel threatened.”

I bit on my lip. It was a habit I had to curb. “Oh, okay. It’s good to know that. Thank you.”
 

What was that strange emotion I suddenly felt? Disappointment? No, it couldn’t be. That would be stupid and wrong on all fronts. It was just confusion. Yes, it was. No, it wasn’t confusion.
Yes
, it was! No, definitely
not
confusion.
 

He nodded, pressing his lips into a thin line. And just like that, the subject was closed.
 

Disappointment? No, it couldn’t be. Was it? Oh, no. Was I falling for him?
 

The battle fought inside me must’ve been visible on my face, because Ethan asked, “Is that okay? Are you still mad at me? You have a right to be.”
 

“No, I’m not,” I said quickly, trying to rake my hand through my hair. The ring on my finger got tangled in my hair. I hissed in pain.
 

Ethan leaned closer. Slowly and very gently he worked on extricating it. His face was too close to mine. I could only think of his sinful lips, of his masterful kissing skills, of his strong arms around me, and his chest pressed possessively onto mine. I closed my eyes, blocking that vision from my mind, and trying to concentrate on something else. Anything.
 

A faint fragrance of his cologne was the last drop. Against my will, I whispered, “What if I don’t want you to?”

He stilled. I was afraid to open my eyes.
 

“Don’t want me to do… what?” he whispered back.
 

His breath tickled my face. I wanted him so badly. No matter the consequences, I wanted this man.
 

I licked my lips and inhaled the tantalizing mixture of his cologne and his own intoxicating, masculine scent. There was nothing else that mattered now. Nothing. Just him.
 

His fingers brushed alongside my ear and down to my neck.
 

I inhaled sharply and leaned into his touch. “Ethan.” Heat exploded in my very core, rushing down to my sex, overwhelming me; holding me hostage.
 

When I forced my eyes open, I saw his face even closer than before. Our lips almost touched. Almost. And then he quickly withdrew. His jaw was set, and he took a deep breath.
 

“No,” he said quietly. “I made a promise. I don’t go back on my promises.”

That delicious heat inside me disappeared as fast as it surfaced. It was immediately replaced by an infuriating remorse. What was wrong with me? I wanted to scream and to bang my head against something. I felt mortified.

 
“Oh, God. I’m sorry, I am so sorry, Ethan. I don’t know what the hell came over me.” I shook my head and turned away. “How awkward,” I whispered.
 

He didn’t say anything to that. I was afraid to look back at him.
 

“Okay, look. It is apparent that we are attracted to each other. But I can’t go ahead with this. I would be the worse jerk if I got into your pants. You know what I’ve offered, and that is all I can give you. I’m sorry.” He stood up and walked away.
 

I was dumbfounded. Right now I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to think. First, he kisses me like there is no tomorrow. Then, he gets angry about that. Next, he apologizes. Later on, he apologizes again and makes me think he wants me. And then, he promptly stops me and tells me to forget it. If a man has ever confused me, it was child’s play comparing to what Ethan was doing to me.
 

I sat, looking into the distance, playing a tag war with my own thoughts: he is right; no, he is even more confused than I am, and so on, back and forth. Only it wasn’t a play; there was no fun in my internal tag war. There only was pain, frustration, and humiliation.
 

But the truth was this—I deserved that. From the beginning, I knew Ethan was a difficult guy. But most importantly, I knew I should have kept away from him, instead of letting down my guard. Why did I let him do that to me? I felt degraded, but mostly naïve. That in turn, made me angry. I was really mad. It didn’t matter at whom—him or myself. The anger was boiling inside me, wanting to get out.
 

I stood up and pulled my shirt and my pants off. In only panties and a bra, I dived into the water. Swimming always relaxed me. It was my way of channeling all the bad emotions into the water; away from myself.
 

The water was cold. My breathing rate spiked for a few moments, while my body temperature counteracted the thermal shock. But soon, my muscles relaxed, and my breath was back to normal.