Resisting Her (18 page)

She frowned and bit her lip. “You’re
twenty-seven; how have you never thought about it?”

“You sound just like Marissa,” he muttered
under his breath as he carried the plates to the sink.

Savannah remained seated at the table, her
face burning like someone had slapped her. What was with him
tonight? She finished her wine, trying to regain her composure
before joining him in the kitchen. He glanced at her empty glass
and refilled it. “Go relax.” He was acting sweet, but his words…his
words felt cold and abrasive.

“It’s okay. I’d rather help,” she replied,
her voice coming out soft and unsure.

They stood side by side at the sink, Savannah
passing Cole each dish to load the dishwasher. She was hyper-aware
of him: his toned forearms, his masculine scent and muscular
physique that towered over hers.

After finishing the dishes in silence, they
retired to the couch and Cole turned on a movie. It was all she was
in the mood for—lounging on the couch—since the combination of
working all day and the wine had her feeling drained, but in a good
way. Cole settled next to her, keeping his distance, but
continually refilling their glasses with wine. By the end of the
movie she was buzzed. And dear God help her, she was horny.

She set her empty glass on the table, and
laid her head in Cole’s lap. His hands found their way under her
hair, massaging her neck. “You’re tense,” he whispered.

She sat up suddenly, face-to-face with him.
“You’re acting weird tonight.” She cringed. She hadn’t meant to
blurt it out that way.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

She wanted to ask him why, what was wrong,
but he brought his hand up to cup her cheek, and her eyes fluttered
closed at the touch. His thumb gently stroked her face, the
roughened callus skimming along her skin in the most tender way
imaginable. And all was forgiven.

“For the record, I am happy for you,” he
breathed, his mouth just inches from hers.

Savannah shifted; a desperate need to get
closer urged her into his lap. Straddling him, she placed her hands
on the back of the couch, gripping the leather to avoid running her
hands through his hair. Savannah licked her bottom lip, silently
begging him to kiss her. Cole’s eyes caught the movement and his
gaze centered on her mouth. Exactly where she wanted him. His hands
came up around her ribcage, not pulling her closer, not pushing her
away, just holding her in place against him. His thumb skittered
across her side, gently stroking her over her T-shirt, so close to
her breast, yet still way too far away.

Their eyes met and Savannah thought she might
dissolve into a puddle if he kept looking at her like that. His
eyes were dark with desire, which only fueled her desperate need
for him. If he didn’t kiss her soon, she would combust. Of that she
was certain. “Cole…” His name on her lips was a silent plea, a
begging desperation that could only be answered one way.

Cole gripped the back of her neck with one
hand, his other still planted on her waist and pulled her mouth to
his. His kiss was nothing like the last time, his mouth met hers in
a desperate rush, wasting no time parting her lips, gliding his
tongue along hers, and tilting her jaw to take what he needed. He
was needy and merciless, nipping at her bottom lip and grinding his
hips into hers. Her eyes drifted closed in pure bliss and she
turned her mind off to every thought but one.
Cole
.

His hands on her shoulders reluctantly pushed
her away, her lips still damp and tingling from the passion behind
his kisses. She fought to catch her breath, to understand why he’d
stopped.

“I’m sorry, Savannah. I can’t,” he whispered,
his voice thick with tension.

His words weren’t necessary, the faraway look
in his eyes confirmed the moment had passed. He was pulling away
from her. Once again. With a heavy heart, she disentangled herself
from his lap and headed for the guest room. She curled into a ball
in the center of the bed, pulling Cuddles up against her body and
released a heavy sigh. She struggled to understand their
complicated relationship, dividing her feelings into different
compartments so she could examine each one, just like Dr. White had
taught her. First there was admiration, then attraction, then
disappointment. What that all added up to, she had no idea. But
each time Cole showed a glimpse of interest, only to pull away, was
eventually going to ruin her. That much was certain.

Tonight was a bad idea. Of course Cole
realized that much too late. Liam, Marissa, Marissa’s good friend
Kelly, and Savannah all sat around the table enjoying drinks and
friendly banter. Well, everyone
else
was enjoying those
things. Savannah’s posture was stiff, her arms crossed over her
chest, and her expression was pinched.

The plan was to celebrate Savannah’s new job.
Cole’s plan did not include Kelly shooting Savannah bitchy looks
and rubbing his thigh under the table.
Damn, couldn’t a man
enjoy a beer in peace?
He was already looking forward to later,
just him and Savannah in the quiet solitude of home.

Savannah’s gaze lingered suspiciously on
Kelly, Marissa’s very pretty blond friend, who was flirting with
him ruthlessly—slowly eating the olives from her martini while her
eyes remained locked on Cole’s, seductively swaying her hips when
she crossed the room, leaning in close, whispering while curling
her hand around his bicep.

After several minutes, Savannah excused
herself, fleeing from the table as if her life depended on it.

“Excuse me.” Cole jogged after her. He caught
up to Savannah at the bar, where she stood with her back to him.
She stiffened when his body heat invaded her space, sensing he was
near.

“Have you slept with her?” she asked, her
voice small.

Shit
. “Kelly?”

She turned to face him and nodded.

“Yes. A long time ago.”

“More than once?”

Cole nodded. A couple of times.
Drunkenly.

Savannah turned, storming away from him.
What in the world?

Cole caught up to her near the restrooms and
gripped her elbow. If she thought she could escape him, she was
wrong. He knew every nook and cranny of Liam’s bar, and he wasn’t
opposed to going into the ladies room after her if that’s what it
took. “Savannah, wait. Why are you upset?”

She drew in a shaky breath, her chest heaving
with the effort.

He’d never seen her angry before, but she
seemed to be having trouble keeping herself in check. “Tell me,” he
commanded.

Tears swam in her eyes, but she didn’t run,
didn’t try to escape again. “Can I please be around just one woman
you haven’t touched? Is that too much to ask?” Her voice was full
of anger, her eyes blazing on his.

“There’s Marissa.” He nodded toward his
sister, who watched them wearily, like she’d been waiting for this
to blow up in his face.

Savannah sighed, exasperated. “Right, Marissa
— the only person you’ll share yourself with
emotionally
.”

Cole’s brow crinkled in confusion.
“Savannah.” Her name on his lips was a broken plea. He knew it
wouldn’t take much convincing before he gave into the physical, but
a real emotional commitment? No. He couldn’t. “I’m sorry I can’t
change the past and who I’ve slept with. I’m sorry, okay?”

“What are we doing, Cole?” Her question
pushed against his carefully constructed wall. And when he met her
eyes, like a crack of thunder through a vacant sky, he understood.
Saw her and all her antics with new eyes. Did Savannah want him?
She couldn’t. Not like that. What did she even know about being
with a man? Especially a man like him? Work came first,
relationships second, love maybe not at all.

Cole looked back at their table. Liam,
Marissa and Kelly were all gawking at them.
Shit
. “Come
here.” He took Savannah’s hand and pulled her further down the back
hallway that led to the restrooms. It wasn’t private, but at least
they wouldn’t have a table of spectators. Once it was just the two
of them in the dimly lit hallway, Cole could feel the heat from her
skin, smell the scent of her shampoo, and see the pulse thrumming
in her neck. Maybe privacy was a bad idea.

***

They were barely out of sight, and Savannah
was in his arms. She didn’t want to need him like this—to use him
for her comfort—but she had little choice.

“Savannah…” He dislodged her hands from
around his waist, holding her at arm’s length. “Tell me what you’re
thinking.”

She hated the way her body betrayed her when
Cole was near. Especially since he was so oblivious to her. She
released her hold on him, clasping her hands in front of her. “I’m
sorry, this is hard for me. I just hate knowing that you touched
her.” She looked down, unable to meet his eyes, too nervous to see
his reaction. She’d struggled all night to figure out what his
motivation was. Why did he bring her home in the first place? Why
plan this celebration for her?

“I’m sorry.” He sighed. “That happened before
I ever knew you. It was a long time ago, and it won’t happen
again.”

She swallowed a lump in her throat, trying to
talk herself out of feeling so emotional, but it was no use. She
wanted more from Cole. She needed more. And she had no idea how to
tell him. She would have to show him. She couldn’t keep living like
this.

He opened his arms, seeming to sense the
shift in her mood. “Come here.”

Her heart rate kicked up and she stepped into
his arms, allowing him to hold her. And all was right with the
world. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest.

***

Why did he keep fucking up with her? He
needed to get his body in check, not allow it to react when she was
near. She was soft and innocent and needing comforting — that was
all. What she did not need was him getting wood every time she was
in the room. Christ, what was he, seventeen? His hands smoothed
over her bare arms. She was so soft, so lovely and she felt so
familiar to him, molded to his body like this.

“Just take me home…” she murmured lightly,
still resting her head against his chest.

He wouldn’t push her to stay out. Tonight was
supposed to be about her — a celebration to show her he was proud,
but he could tell it was too much too fast. She wasn’t ready. “Tell
me what’s wrong first.” He struggled to keep his pulse under
control and waited for her response. He knew that whatever Savannah
wanted he would give her. And that fucking terrified him.

“I want all of this, I do. My own life, a
job, an apartment. I want to live, Cole. Fully live. Not have you
watching me every second for signs that I’m about to lose it. Who
knows, maybe I will at some point; but we all do sometimes, right?”
He didn’t know if that was a jab at him, and his own nightmares. He
raised his hand as if to stop her, but Savannah pushed it away, and
continued. “And I need you, Cole.”

“You have me,” he murmured, bringing a hand
to her waist. “You know that, right? Christ Savannah, give me a
break. This is uncharted territory for me, but you have to know
that I’d do anything for you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe and
protected.”

“Cole…” her voice was a soft plea. “I need
more than that. You must know how I feel about you…”

Her confession floored him. How had they
gotten here? Then he remembered the meals she’d lovingly prepared
for him, the puppy he’d brought home for her, the new wardrobe,
running her bubble baths.
Shit
. He never intended for her to
read more into it. She deserved taking care of, especially in the
fragile state she’d been in.

He closed his eyes, preparing to explain to
her why that could never happen, yet failing to find the words,
failing to find a single reason why he shouldn’t take her home
right now and strip her naked. She couldn’t possibly understand the
crazy things that swirled through his head, how hard she was to
resist for all these many weeks.

She stepped in closer, testing his resolve.
“Please Cole.”

He could no longer deny the compelling
feeling that she was supposed to be his. He felt the first pang of
it when he found her in that dingy back bedroom. She was the
brightest thing in that place — a light of wonder emanating from
her green eyes even that day as she drank him in. And as hard as
he’d fought it, every day he spent with Savannah only secured her
place in his heart a little more. “If we do this… it’s on my terms,
Savannah.”

She nodded, even though her eyes betrayed her
confusion. But it was enough of an agreement for him. He could end
it at any time. He would call the shots. “Come on.” He grabbed her
hand, lacing their fingers and roughly pulled her toward the
exit.

“What about…” She gestured to the table.

“I’ll text Marissa and tell her you weren’t
feeling well.”

She nodded and allowed him to guide her to
the door.

***

Once they were inside Cole’s bedroom, the air
between them hung thick with anticipation. Though they had shared
his bed for several weeks now, this felt like something else
entirely. Something pre-mediated. Cole took an uneasy step toward
her. The thought of taking their easy relationship somewhere new
scared him, and he couldn’t say why. But when Savannah bit into her
soft bottom lip and her gaze fell to his belt buckle, all coherent
thoughts escaped him. He’d wanted this for too long, and now she
was offering herself up to him.

He waited to see what she would do. It was
the one promise he’d make himself. It would have to be her. She’d
have to make the first move if she really wanted him. But then he
supposed she already had. Wasn’t that what the night with Sali had
been about? She watched from the doorway and when he went to her
room… she’d been the one to remove her shirt, to tell him,
wordlessly what she wanted. He’d listened, on some primitive level,
and obeyed enough to give her what that moment required, but
nothing more. He didn’t take her then. And wouldn’t now unless he
knew it was exactly what she wanted.