Resplendent (22 page)

My new landlord had given me the keys as soon as I signed the lease, and I’d thought about where Andres lived. We’d be quite a few miles away from each other. Although I was excited and wanted to tell him about the quiet neighborhood with small shops just a block away, I decided it’d be best to speak to him when he got back from his business meeting in Orlando. No need to worry him while he was making negotiations, and besides, he’d be back in town tomorrow. He’d have to understand.

Lola threw away the junk mail and sat down on the dining table to organize her bills.

“Yes, of course we’ll visit. Now tell me what else is new?”

I grabbed a napkin to wipe my lips, and Lola glanced over at me with her chin on her chest. “Hmm?” she probed.

I laughed. “What do you mean?”

“There’s a boy, I know it.” My aunt wagged her index finger at me. “You’re glowing with happiness and have not stopped smiling since you got here, and sweetie -” She took off her glasses and set them on the counter. “I’d know that look anywhere. It reminds me of your mother and how she looked at your father.”

My heart skipped a beat. She would know for sure, she’d known them since they started dating. I blushed. There was no sense in hiding it; Andres always made me feel giddy. I had wanted to talk to both Lola and Carmin together when we sat down for dinner.

“I’ll tell you later.” I beamed. My cheeks hurt.

Lola stood and walked over to me. She rubbed both her hands on my arms. “Okay, okay, I’ll wait — but only for a little bit. Whoever it is, he better be treating you right.” She grabbed my chin and met my eyes. “He’s a very lucky man; you’re just like your mami.”

I placed my hand over my godmother’s and squeezed.

“Am I interrupting something?” Carmin piped up from the doorway.

Lola and I pulled away and I walked over to Carmin for a hug.

“Not at all. How are you?”

Carmin bit her lip and smiled mischievously. “Come to my room,” she whispered.

Plotting something?
I knew that look.

“Dinner in five, girls,” Lola called after us and when we walked into Carmin’s room — our old room — she locked the door.

“Do I look different?” Carmin extended her hands and twirled around with a big smile. I was confused and tried to hide it. I glanced at her closely. Carmin’s hair looked the same as always. Maybe the outfit was new? But that didn’t make any sense. She was wearing jeans and a tank top, nothing fancy. Besides Carmin didn’t ask if she looked good, she asked if she looked
different.

Carmin crossed her arms over her chest and started tapping her foot. “Well?”

“Ummm.” I felt bad. I couldn’t figure it out.

“Does it look like
I’m
glowing?”

My eyes widened and I stepped forward.

“Oh my God, are you pregnant?” I grabbed Carmin’s hands, and when Carmin nodded, I pulled her into a hug.

“No way!” I cheered excitedly, while both of us started jumping up and down.

“I’m going to be a
tia
?” I asked over Carmin’s shoulder, my eyes watering from the happiness.

Carmin nodded. “Yes! You’re going to be a tia.”

“Oh my God, this is so exciting! I’m guessing Madrina doesn’t know?” I asked, keeping my voice down.

Carmin shook her head. “No, and I haven’t told Andres.” She pointed her finger at me. “So don’t say anything.”

I felt a little tightness in my belly and laughed nervously. “Andres...?” I repeated, needing to clarify.

Carmin smiled and glanced down at her manicured nails. “Yes, Andres, he’s the father.”

I placed my hand on my stomach to alleviate the sick feeling that was churning inside of me.

“Which Andres?” I spoke slowly and tried to breathe. It couldn’t be
my
Andres, right?

Carmin hadn’t called him by the nickname I’d come up with. She had said Andres, and there were other guys with that name. It wasn’t like it was original.

Carmin jutted out her hip and placed her hand on her waist. “The only Andres we know,” she said it simply and to the point.

My eyelids fluttered. My head spun and I saw white spots before my eyes. “
My
Andres? You’re joking.”

She must have been joking, but Carmin was the only one laughing.

“
Your
Andres? Yours, Savannah? That’s the problem with you. You always thought he was yours and he never really was.”

The fact she was throwing that at me hit me like venom from her treacherous mouth. She took a step toward me.

“You never went past the friend zone with him, Savannah.”

Carmin rubbed at her flat belly and my eyes lowered. My feet felt like a ton of bricks cemented into the ground, holding me in place.

“You mean the zone he put
you
in, Carmin? We’ve gone way past that. You just didn’t know about it,” I spit out.

“Well, how’s that worked out for you?” Carmin sneered. “The night we went to the club, I showed up after you left. He wasn’t thinking much of you then when he had his hands all over my body.”

I shook my head. The night of the club was the night Dre and I ran into each other again. The night he said he wanted to spend more time with me. The night before I called him to find out where he was and learned why he couldn’t meet me for lunch. I replayed our conversation on the phone and vaguely remembered hearing a woman in the background. Right now, the call seemed a bit hazy from that afternoon, but it couldn’t have been Carmin. It just couldn’t. He hadn’t pursued Carmin in over nine years!

“You’re lying,” I said and jutted out my chin. My stomach was in a tight ball, twisting and turning and sucking away my oxygen.

“Am I?” Carmin turned around and pulled open my desk drawer, holding up the pregnancy test with her finger right above the positive sign.

I could only stare. I didn’t want to, I wanted to look away, but that positive sign and the bricks that held me up transfixed me.

“How could you ... how could
he
?” I pressed down on my chest, willing myself to remember to breathe.

“How could I what,
exactly
, princess?” Carmin threw the test on the bed behind me and stepped back. “
You
left him high and dry that night. You always thought you could have it all. Give someone else a chance.”

“You
did
have your chance with him. Years ago!” I sputtered.

“And you took it away from me. Now I got another one and I took it.”

I pushed her hard and Carmin’s back hit the corner of the desk. “Ow!”

She scowled and pushed me back, causing the wall of bricks to let loose and my feet to move. The back of my knees hit the bed.

“You want to fight with a pregnant woman, Savannah? With the mother of
Dre’s
baby?”

Suddenly, it all became too much. The positive test, the mention of chances, Dre having a baby with someone in my family. Someone who I
thought
was family.

I pulled my purse over my shoulder and walked past Carmin, all the way past the kitchen and toward the front door.

“Savannah? Where are you going?” Lola asked as I breezed right by her. “Dinner is ready!”

I barely glanced at her. My purse held tightly to my chest, I shook my head. “I can’t, Madrina.”

“Are you all right?” Lola called out from the front door, but I couldn’t answer. I felt a black tightness creeping up over my insides.

I got in my car and lowered my window, gulping down air. The pain in my chest was too much. I didn’t know how to let it out. I was dying. My throat hurt, my chest hurt, my mouth was dry. I was inhaling air, but I couldn’t feel it.
I’m going to die. This is how I’m going to die. I can’t breathe.
I heaved and tried to fill my parched lungs.

When I placed my hand to my chest, I could feel my heart beating erratically. If my heart was beating, that meant I was still alive, right? But for how long? How long could your heart beat like this before it burst into tiny pieces and scattered throughout your body? Was this a heart attack? I leaned back on the headrest and closed my eyes, focusing on breathing through my nose. It wasn’t enough.

“Savannah! You’re sweating bullets! Come inside!” My aunt stood beside me. She leaned in through the open window and placed her hand on my forehead. When she pulled her hand back, I could see the moisture on the inside of her palm from my sweat.

“I’m calling you an ambulance!”

“No,” I stated quickly and shook my head. My aunt hesitated for a second before she ran back inside the house. I didn’t want to go to a hospital. I’d just have to wait for this pain to end. For my life to end. It hurt
so
much it’d have to be over soon. I found my keys thrown on the passenger seat. I started the car and peeled out of the driveway, lowering all four windows of my car. My hands gripped the wheel, and the wind in my face startled me into attention. My hair whipped in all directions but I didn’t care, I wanted to go, go, go.

Looking at my phone in the cup holder, I reached for it and dialed Andres.

It just rang, then went straight to voicemail. Of course, he was at his meeting in Orlando, making negotiations and building a future with a baby on the way. I took in a shaky breath and when I pulled down the visor, noticed the wet streaks falling over my face. I hadn’t realized I’d been crying, but I couldn’t hold back anymore. I called Andres again and again, redialing during the fifteen-minute drive it took me to get home. I prayed that he’d be done with the meeting soon. I had to talk to him NOW. There
had
to be an explanation for this! Carmin was lying. This was cruel even for her, but I didn’t care, as long as it was a lie.

I pulled up to my vacant driveway and barely put the car in park before running inside my house. Immediately, I grabbed the box of clothes I had stuffed last night and took it to my car. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I lowered the box to pull it out.
Andres
. My hand was shaking so hard, I dropped the phone. By the time I picked it up and swiped at the screen, it was a missed call. I pondered whether I should actually call him back?
Yes!
My mind screamed, but my heart was scared. Could I survive the conversation? His name flashed on my screen again, and I plopped myself on the floor in the middle of my living room, full with boxes. I’d answer his call but wasn’t sure if I could stand while speaking to him.

I held the phone to my ear, my voice hidden behind a curtain of fear. All I could hear was my heartbeat drumming in my ears. I held my face between my hands and tried to control the noise in my head.
God, if you’re up there, please let this all be a mistake.

“Peach? You there?” His deep voice caused the salty tears to escape, and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to keep the tears in.

“Savannah? Are you okay?”

I shook my head, wishing he could see me so I wouldn’t have to talk.

“Savannah!” He sounded scared, but certainly nothing like how I felt. I didn’t get to speak before Andres prodded. “Peach, you’re freaking me out!”

“Did you sleep with Carmin?” The words erupted out of my mouth like vomit, leaving an acidic taste in my throat. It hurt to even
ask
.

Silence.

I covered my face with my open hand and breathed in slowly, waiting for him to say something … anything.

“Peach. I’m on my way. Don’t go anywhere —”

“I asked you a question,” I whispered. “Did you sleep with her?”

“I … Peach, honestly I -”

“Honestly?” I whispered. My voice raw, my heart slit. “You, Andres … Have. Some. Nerve.”

“I love you, Peach. We need to talk about this.” His voice wavered.

I broke out in a sob and pushed the box behind me with my back. One, two, three, four times, until I could no longer feel it behind me, and I lay flat on the floor. My legs were shaking and were in no position to be my foundation. What I really wanted was to get far away from here.

“Peach, I’m getting in my car now —”

I curled up in a ball as I continued to sob into the phone. I had no words. Of all the people in the entire city he had to sleep with
her
.

“She’s pregnant!” I yelled into the phone and rubbed my hand against my chest. “Don’t you dare come looking for me.”

“WHAT?” he roared. “She told you she was pregnant?”

I looked down at my legs and ran my nails over my skin, causing a thin white line. If I was bleeding on the inside, I could bleed on the outside too. I ran my nails over the same spot again and again, until it became faint red lines. I wanted to get rid of the tan. I hated my tan. I hated beach weekends.

“Peach, let’s talk about this,” he pleaded. I could hear the wind in the background; a sure sign that he was driving.

I shook my head again, forgetting he couldn’t see me. I angrily wiped at my eyes, annoyed that the tears just kept falling.

“No. Don’t talk to me, don’t call me, and don’t think of me.”

“I’ll call Carmin. We’ll work this out.”

Of course he’d call Carmin! He was desperate, but I didn’t care. I was
done
.

I stood up and kicked the box of clothes. I was thankful there wasn’t much to take and aside from my clothes — I could have the movers pick up the rest and take it to my new home. Picking a location further north had been a great idea after all.

“I mean it, Andres, I won’t be here in a few hours. Just forget I exist, and I’ll forget you did too.” With that, I hung up. I opened the door and began loading my car. For the first time in my entire life, I was happy to be running.