Restless Heart (6 page)

“Yes, he’s fine. His name is Michael. He used to be the school teacher in town, then he took over the newspaper about five years ago.” Sam remembered how excited his father had been about the paper, especially after he’d been replaced at school by a younger, cheaper teacher.

“What happened?”

Sam swallowed. “Pa had an accident with the printing press. It was a huge mess.”

Liar
.

The smile he managed to find was nothing short of pitiful.

“Can we still go for a walk?” He needed to have some sunshine, some sweetness. The dark shadows in his life were sometimes overwhelming. Time with Angeline was the only lightness he had.

“Of course. I’d like some fresh air.” She picked up a brown shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders.

Sam held out his arm and thankfully she took it. Just having her beside him, touching him, was enough to ease the strangling sensation he’d felt since his father’s comments had cut him so deeply.

The sun greeted them as they walked outside and Sam sucked in a deep breath. Angeline’s sweet scent entered him,
washing through him, and leaving behind the feeling that he’d been in a cleansing rain.

“How far is the lake?”

“Not too far. Just past the livery, there’s a copse of cotton-wood trees and then the lake. It’s small, but pretty deep. When I was a boy I used to go swimming with my mother there. She taught me how to stay afloat.” He smiled at the memory, both sweet and painful when he realized she had been gone for ten years already. Sam missed her, but knew she was part of the earth now, as nurturing as she had been in life.

“You swam in a lake with your mother?” She sounded amazed. “She taught you?”

Sam wondered just what kind of parents Angeline had endured. “Yes, she did. My mother was half-Shoshone.”

He wondered if Angeline would walk away from him now she knew he was what many people called a half-breed. His father had loved his mother deeply, and Sam had known love from both his parents. He’d never known what true hate was until he left their care to take on the world two thousand miles east.

That thought was for another day, so he pushed it aside.

“What is ‘Shoshone’?”

“It’s an Indian tribe that lives mostly in Idaho. That’s where my parents met.” He smiled at the story his mother used to tell of how his father got chased up a tree by a cougar and she’d rescued him. It never failed to make her laugh and his father bluster about how the cat was bigger than a horse.

“An Indian tribe. Oh, that’s what Alice meant.” Angeline turned to look at him. “She mentioned your heritage, so I guess that’s where you get the dark hair and eyes?”

She sounded sincere and incredibly innocent. Sam found those qualities unique and so appealing he didn’t know how to react. All his life he’d been treated differently, as if there were something wrong with him because his mother had
been Indian. Angeline had none of that prejudice and he couldn’t help wondering why.

“Yes, Indians have dark hair and eyes.” He tried to think of a way to ask her without sounding like an idiot. “You haven’t heard of Indians?”

She shook her head. “I grew up in a, um, very secluded community. We didn’t really have much contact outside of the ward, I mean, the town.” She sounded as if she regretted every word that had popped out of her mouth.

Sam didn’t know what a
ward
was, but it didn’t sound like a fun place to live. Considering how uncomfortable she seemed, he decided not to push too far, especially on their first outing together.

The cool air was warmed by the sun as they walked side by side down the street. He ignored the looks from people who stared at them, embarrassed to wonder if they were staring at him or at her, or maybe even both of them.

When they reached the end of the sidewalk, he breathed a sigh of relief to be away from the prying eyes of the people of Forestville. Sam was accepted in town, but not necessarily into people’s homes. Even though he was only one-quarter Indian, his black hair and eyes set him apart from everyone else. He didn’t want Angeline to feel the sting of his social status, but if she didn’t understand prejudice against Indians at all, he had no idea how to explain it to her.

They walked another ten minutes until they arrived at the copse of cottonwoods. He immediately felt better, more relaxed. The lake shimmered in the afternoon sun like floating crystals. The sight made him shade his eyes and slow his pace.

Angeline sucked in a breath. “It’s lovely.” Her voice was hushed.

“In the summer, the grass is thick beneath your feet, the sun warm on your face, and the water cool on your skin.”

She shivered. “I imagine you must love it here. I know I would.” She sighed.

Sam looked at her, stunned by the change in Angeline. Inside the restaurant she was beautiful, but out in the bosom of nature, she was simply exquisite. Her long hair shone like spun gold, wisps blowing softly in the breeze. Her normally pale complexion had already become rosy, making her look healthier, more alive. Her blue eyes sparkled as she gazed around her.

She belonged outside, surrounded by nature. The spirits of the earth, sky, and water gave her the gift of life, of that he was certain. Angeline was a creature of nature, not one who belonged in a hot kitchen. He wished he could build her a home out here, where she could live in harmony with everything around her.

She turned and smiled at him, her gaze so full of unrestrained joy, it was his turn to catch his breath. His body surged with heat, with attraction, and the purest connection he’d ever felt.

He stepped toward her, closing the gap between them until mere inches separated them. Sam took her hands in his and pulled her flush against him. Her eyes widened but not with fear, rather with excitement.

“Will you kiss me again, Sam?”

He managed a smile, although every nerve in his body snapped to attention. “I want to, Angel. I can’t imagine ever wanting something more.”

She rose on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his, with a clumsiness that only made him want her more. Sam accepted her gift, the kiss of a woman to a man. It was brief, barely a brushing of mouths, but it made him burn for her with a fire he hadn’t expected.

He blew out a shaky breath as their gazes met. An answering fire burned in her beautiful blue eyes.

This time he pulled her against him until he couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. They were one being, sharing space, breath, and themselves. As his mouth descended on hers, she closed her eyes again and he kissed her.

This was not like the sweet kiss she’d just bestowed on him, or even the gentle kisses they’d exchanged before. No, this was something very different: elemental, passionate, consuming. Her lips were soft and unsure, moving against his. He taught her how to kiss, to move with him. Sam showed her how much he wanted her, kissing and licking her lips from one end to the other.

Angeline sighed when he nibbled at her lower lip, giving him the opportunity to dive into her mouth. She froze, almost in fear. Sam gentled his touch, gently lapping at her tongue until she began to melt against him once more. She made tentative movements, the sweet heat of her mouth promising so much more.

Sam shook with the force of his arousal, needing so much more. He hardened, pulsing hard and fast against her soft belly. He felt her stiffening again and pulled back from the precipice he teetered on.

Angeline made a soft sound in her throat as he forced himself to break contact with her. Their breaths came in short bursts. Sam’s heart was beating so hard, it threatened to burst from his chest.

They stared at each other and Sam saw the same confusion he felt reflected in her gaze.

“What just happened?” she blurted.

Sam shook with the power of their connection. He’d never expected to find something so raw with someone he’d just gotten to know. However, he couldn’t fight what was clearly happening.

“It appears we were supposed to go courting.”

She frowned. “I don’t even know what that means. Sam, I feel funny inside, like I can’t catch my breath.”

He took her hand. “Me too.”

“Sam, I’m scared.” She pulled away from his touch. “I want to go back.”

Sam took her hand again, and it felt clammy and cool. “Then we’ll go back. I don’t want you to be scared, Angel.” He kissed the back of her hand. They started walking back toward town. “I would never hurt you.”

Angeline nodded. “I know that, somehow I know that. I-I’m scared because I never felt this way. Kissing isn’t supposed to do that.”

He stopped to look at her. “What do you mean?”

She looked around, flushed and flustered. “Kissing is supposed to be a chore, endured because that’s what men like. It-it’s not supposed to make me all warm i-in places I can’t mention.”

Sam suddenly felt something other than arousal. Pure fury pushed it aside. “Who hurt you, Angel?”

She shook her head. “Nobody.” Her gaze fell to the ground, as if she couldn’t bear to look at him.

“That’s the first time you’ve lied to me.”

“Sam, this is a bad idea. I don’t th-think we can court anymore.” Tears glistened in her eyes and she stepped away from him. “I won’t let you make me do it either.”

Sam let his arms fall to his sides. “I won’t make you do anything.”

She started to walk away from him when he spoke again.

“But I think I’m already in love with you.”

Angeline sucked in an audible breath and stopped, pebbles tinkling around her boots. “What?”

Sam closed his eyes and leapt off the cliff. What did he have to lose?

“I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you reading on the steps in the sunset. It was as if something compelled me to come around the corner and find you.” He had to make her understand, to stop her from walking away. Sam
had a feeling if she did, there wouldn’t be another chance to say what he needed to. “I don’t know if you believe in fate, but everything in my life has led me to you. Then when we kissed, I felt whole. It feels like love to me.”

Angeline turned and he saw tears streaming down her beautiful face. His heart constricted at the idea he’d made her weep.

“Angel, I—”

She leapt into his embrace and hugged him so tightly, he forgot to breathe. Sam held on tight, knowing he had the rest of his life in his arms.

A
ngeline peered at her reflection in the spoon. It was Sunday and she was going to see Sam at his house, meet his father, and have dinner. She was used to spending Sundays on her knees in prayer or in service. Now she’d be spending it with the man who’d shown her what it meant to be loved.

She didn’t know if she loved Sam or not, but everything she felt when she was with him was so different, it was definitely more than anything she’d ever known. At the very least, she was falling in love with him. He was smart, considerate, and downright fascinating. It made her relationship with Jonathan appear shallow and fleeting.

If her sister, Eliza, were there, Angeline would ask her what it all meant, but she was on her own. Courting in the real world was so different from the Mormon way, she was like a blind man feeling her way around a dark room. Lettie didn’t approve and made no secret of it.

Angeline was completely out of her element, and yet she’d never been so happy. Every moment she spent with Sam was like a gift, a treasure to put away in her heart. Oh, she wasn’t fool enough to believe there wasn’t anything bad in the world of courting. Being with Josiah had taught her too much about the evil that men do.

Perhaps she was just ignoring that darkness. Maybe she wanted to because of how Sam made her feel. Even her nipples ached when he kissed her. Not to mention that secret place a woman guarded from everyone but her husband. It was his to do with as he pleased, no matter what she wanted.

Angeline refused to live like that anymore. She wanted to make the decisions about her own body. Thank God, Lettie had left Tolson with her, had taken the chance of leaving their husband and his invisible prison. There was no comparison between Josiah and Sam other than the fact they were both male. She wouldn’t call Josiah a man, however. He was a coward and a bully. Every morning the sun rose, she watched the beauty in front of her and felt blessed to be away from the darkness of Josiah’s house.

Now she was going to Sam’s home to meet his father and perhaps take another step toward a normal life. If she could even figure out what normal was supposed to be. Now that she’d been away from the church ward for eight months, she realized that what she’d been taught was completely different from the rest of the world.

Whatever it was she had with Sam, it defied everything she knew. Although she was scared out of her mind, for once in her life, she was going to follow her heart. She hadn’t done that a year earlier when Josiah offered for her, and she’d wanted to wait for Jonathan, the young man she believed she loved. Instead, she obeyed her father.

Not anymore.

“What are you doing?” Lettie’s voice was hard.

Angeline didn’t turn to look at her standing in the doorway. “I’m going to meet Sam’s father and have supper with them.” She was proud her voice was firm and decisive.

“Didn’t you learn your lesson? Courting and spending time with folks is a good way to get yourself killed.” Lettie shut the door and stepped into the small room. “No matter how
good he makes you feel inside, you’re putting yourself in danger.”

Lettie’s brown eyes were serious, but within their depths, Angeline also saw concern. They had been through a lot together, and although they didn’t act it most of the time, the two of them had a bond no one could ever break.

“Sam is no danger to me.”

“Yes, he is. He’s dangerous to your heart. You’ve been mooning over him for two months, ever since he gave you that cursed book.” Lettie picked up the book in question and shook it at her, then tossed it on the bed. “Don’t throw away everything you’ve gained for one man’s kisses. It isn’t worth it. You’ve just risked everything to escape from that kind of servitude.” Her voice was high-pitched and nearly desperate now.

Angeline took her friend’s hands and was shocked to find them shaking. “Lettie, I won’t throw anything away. I’m just, well, following my heart.”