Restoration & Forgiveness (Renovate Book 2) (23 page)

His chest rises and falls rapidly. His eyes are hooded and focused on his now empty desk. I pick up the blueprint, and go against my better judgment and push him further. I place it in front of him, in the exact spot he's staring at.

"Why does this upset you so much?" I say calmly in a steady voice. I can still feel the tears on my face that haven't stopped flowing.

He slowly lifts his head up, and his eyes are glassy. I can see the torment and regret in them. My heart hurts for him right now, because this is a side of him he's never shown me.

He taps his finger on the design. "This will never happen, Aimee."

I'm confused and the first thought I have is that we are losing our house. Gretchen found a way to take that away from us.

"Is this about the house, Keegan? Because it's just a house. I don't care where we live, and become a family. Being together is all that matters. That's all I'll ever need."

He starts to laugh hysterically. It frightens me; my words were meant to comfort him, but they have made things worse.

"Why are you laughing?" I cry, hurt at his reaction.

"Aimee, those words, God they are beautiful, especially coming out of your mouth. The house is fine. This is not about the house. It's about us."

"Just tell me, Keegan. You are scaring me, I've never seen you like this. Just let me help, whatever it is," I say, inching closer to him.

He lets out a long breath. He's looking at me with worry; I stand strong, not backing away.

"You're right, something did happen. Gretchen was here earlier." My heart stops altogether, and drops. At least, that's what it feels like. Why would he even let her near him after last night?

"Why?" I whisper.

"She convinced the doorman to give her access; I wasn't expecting her. I didn't want her here. Everything going forward was going to be handled by my lawyers."

The word that sticks out to me is
was
.
Was
going to be handled by my lawyers. Which means what? He's changed his mind?

"She wasn't happy, Aimee, she doesn't want to sever our business partnership."

"So what, you've changed your mind even after what she did? Everything you said last night was a lie."

"God, no. I'm not changing my mind. Everything is going forward. I tried to tell her I wasn't changing my mind, that I could never be partners with her."

I'm relieved and confused at the very same time.

"So what, you kicked her out? She threw herself at you? Staged a sit-in? What happened?" I say.

"I tried getting her to leave, I threatened to call security. She was in tears. I've never seen her cry, but she told me that she knows what she did was wrong. That she's always just wanted me to succeed."

"You know that was bullshit, right? She confessed to me that she never loved you," I tell him firmly.

"Yes, give me a little more credit, Aimee. Of course I know she didn't mean any of it. This isn't about her. It's me. I'm…" He stops.

Why can't he tell me? Why is he putting us through this?

"You're what, Keegan?" I question.

"There's something wrong with me. Something that I can't cure or change."

She told him something. I'm sure it's not true, whatever it is. I wouldn't trust anything that came out of her mouth. All she's ever done is lie and cheat.

"You can't believe anything she says, because all she wants is to use you, Keegan. Whatever it is, she's lying."

"That's the thing, Aimee. She said she would leave, after she told me what she needed to. I argued with her, but she wouldn't leave. So, I had to listen."

I'm convinced that the world would be a better place if Gretchen didn't exist in it, that no one would miss her. I would certainly rejoice.

"Keegan, just tell me, please," I beg.

"Our baby, the one I created with her, never had a chance. She told me if she'd known sooner she would have aborted it. We went through a bunch of genetic testing. Her doctor was a trusted friend of the family. He wanted to make sure everything was ok. He was aware that Gretchen hadn't told her parents, and wanted to put all her worries at ease over telling her parents. These kind of tests take a while; there are a ton of things they test for, but one came up, a genetic abnormality. You receive the abnormality from one or both parents. I have the abnormality. It will be too risky for me to ever have any children of my own."

I'm speechless; every possibility that I had running through my head weren't even close to this one. He goes on to tell me the name of this rare genetic disorder that I've never heard before.

"Before you ask, she had the medical records to prove it." He opens his desk drawer and puts the proof on his desk, sliding it to me. It's all in black and white, but I still don't believe it.

"What does this mean, Keegan? I don't know what this all means," I say through confused tears.

"Before you start questioning everything, I looked it up. After hours of my head spinning, I verified the results with the lab."

I look at him with tears. I go to wrap my arms around him. I can see the pain he's carrying over this.

"If we had a child, the baby would suffer its entire life, mentally, physically, and developmentally. He or she would have a difficult life. Our children wouldn't live a normal and happy life, Aimee."

I'm in shock. I can't breathe, or move. I can just stare at him. Then the words I had no idea I was thinking escape my lips.

"What if I'm pregnant now?" I don't mean them the way they sound, but they come out frightened. I'm not. I'm surprisingly strong, and I know I need to be for him. The look on his face is hard, and I don't like it.

"You don't get it; none of this would matter even if it were true."

"It's right here, Aimee." He holds his proof up in front of me.

"Why is she suddenly telling you this now, after all these years? Wouldn't she of told you this when the results came back?" I won't believe it, I know deep down that this is Gretchen's idea of a sick joke.

"Because of you. She wanted me to know because we are getting married. She kept the results from me because at the time we were dealing with losing our baby. I struggled for a long time, Aimee. I blamed myself. I wanted to tell her parents that night."

Or, so she could hurt me, or drive a wedge between us. She only cares about one person, and it's not Keegan.

"Why do you believe this, her?"

"She wouldn't lie, not about something like this." He turns away from me and walks toward the windows. I follow, and place my hand gently on his shoulder.

"I still don't care, Keegan."

He turns around, and does something that I don't expect; grabbing my face with both of his hands, he pulls our lips together and kisses me passionately. When he breaks the kiss he looks into my eyes, wiping away my tears.

"I care, Aimee; I can't give you the fairy tale I promised you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying what I knew all along; I'm not good enough, and never will be. I'm broken, and you deserve more than that."

I have the urge to smack him, because what he's saying is ludicrous.

"That's not true, and you can't decide if you are good enough, you are more than enough. You are everything. Do you hear me, Keegan James?" I beg, placing my hand on his cheek. We have so many options even if this is true. There are plenty of children out there who need parents. Hell, medical technology today we could have plenty of healthy children.

"I've thought this over and I think we should stay away from one another. I know I'm hurting you, and I'm sorry, but if I can't give you the dreams I know lie inside of you, then I won't be happy. You deserve someone who can give you those. A man who doesn't pose a risk to your future."

I start to cry harder, and I can't even see what's in front of me.

"For how long?" I ask desperately.

He doesn't answer, and he won't look at me. He's breaking up with me, after everything we have been through. He's giving up on us.

"You're a coward, Keegan James, and a hypocrite. You just can't make decisions about us without me," I yell.

"I'm so, so sorry, Aimee. If I knew I wouldn't have made you promises."

"Me too, Keegan."

I start to walk away from him. I want him to stop me, but he doesn't call out or follow me. I wipe my eyes and walk out. He's broken my heart again, and there is no way it could ever be whole without him. I refuse to let him do this. There are so many different scenarios. I need to know more information on whatever this abnormality is. I need to make some calls, research. Get an expert opinion. At the moment though, I have no energy. My tears have taken them all. My sobs may never end.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I've had enough tears these last few months to last a lifetime. I walk out of Keegan's in a haze. I stop crying long enough to get outside. I start walking, and I have every intention for my feet to carry me all the way home. Which is stupid on my part, because after an hour of walking my feet are killing me. I stop and lean against a building, and I can feel the blisters on the backs of my feet. As if things can't get worse, it starts raining; not just drizzling, a straight-on downpour.

As I'm about to seek shelter, Andrew shows up with an umbrella. Obviously, Keegan called him to follow me. He ushers me into a cab and sits next to me. I don't say a word, and he does something unexpected; he comforts me, pulling me to him. It's out of character for him, but I accept it, and he doesn't ask me questions.

When I enter my apartment, I head straight to my bedroom, passing Kaleb and Reese eating dinner in the kitchen.

Reese calls me, but I ignore her, making sure to lock my door. If I have to I'll push my dresser against my door. I don't want to have to tell them what happened. First, I'm exhausted; second, I'm not sure I should be telling them what Gretchen told him.

I undress out of my wet clothes, and just throw them on the floor. I put on the first thing I can find, a t-shirt and yoga pants. My official break-up apparel. Crawling under my covers, I just stare at my ring, which I can't bear to remove, and cry myself to sleep. When Reese knocks on my door, I don't move to answer, or even tell her to leave me alone. I just ignore her, and she doesn't push me, or attempt to enter. I'm happy at her lack of probing. I know I'll have to talk to her, but for now, this is what I want, to just be left alone.

When I wake the next day, I have a migraine the size of Texas. The light coming through the window is the worst evil, and although it looks to be one of those sunny days that were made to lift your spirits, I literally feel like dying. My heart already has, so I assume my body will just follow.

I use the last of my energy to send a text to Olivia, letting her know I'm sick. Just when I think it can't get any worse, I run to the bathroom to lose the contents of my stomach. I haven't had a migraine this bad since I was twelve, and my dad sat up with me holding my hair back as I threw up. Shortly after that I didn't get them any longer, which was fine with me. They are the worst evil, but now I've had several, and I know they are from the stress I've acquired in the last couple months. I'm positive it won't be the last.

At this point I'm in desperate need of relief so I down four ibuprofen and just pray I can keep them down long enough so that they will provide me some relief.

I plan on crawling under my covers, but someone is already snuggled under them, and it's not the person I want in my bed.

"So, I figure this is going to be one of those get-in-bed-with-you kind of talks. I left you alone last night, but no such luck this morning."

I know once she's made herself comfortable there will be no getting rid of her. Ignoring her, I get into bed and take solace in my side of the bed.

"Can we make this quick, I have a killer migraine," I tell her.

"Well, I know you cried yourself to sleep, and the only reason for that would be your fiancé, who by chance is ignoring his brother's calls. I also know you were fine yesterday at lunch, and well, now I would guess by looking at you that it's pretty bad."

"I don't want to get into it right now, but Keegan and I broke it off last night. There won't be a wedding, or anything else."

Reese shoots up in bed and hovers over me, looking at my face.

"You got to be fucking kidding me. Not this again. What kind of Kool-Aid is he drinking now?"

I pull the covers over my head, because she just made me feel about one hundred times worse.

"If you want to find out, you will have to ask him," I say, holding back the tears.

"Listen, I just don't get you two. This push-and-pull thing was cute in the beginning, but now it's just making me dizzy and annoyed."

I just stare at her unmoving.

"Is this about Gretchen? Because you know she's crazy, right?"

She just poured more salt on my wound. I'm done talking so I stay silent. She must get a clue, because she kisses the top of my head and slides out of bed.

I can hear her in the hallway giving Kaleb an earful about Keegan. I'm sure she'll take it upon herself to ream him out on my behalf. I'm too sick to even feel sorry for him right now.

Once things become silent, I grab my computer, make some calls, and research as much as I can. After feeling nauseous from all the material I find, I'm just sad. This all can't be true. Not after everything, and the timing it's just too convenient for Gretchen. I end up falling asleep with my head lying on my computer.

A few hours later I wake up, and although my body feels like a ton of bricks, my head is better. I sit staring at the ceiling and think about last night, how Keegan just gave up like that. There was no reasoning with him, no questioning it. I saw him disintegrate right in front of me. Whatever fight he once had was blown to smithereens by just one visit. Perfect timing, indeed. The longer I lie in bed, the angrier I become at him for giving up, and at her for obvious reasons.

Then I do the one thing I probably shouldn't. I make a phone call, so that I can hopefully put an end to this. Whether it's a bad decision or not, it's my last-ditch effort to save Keegan. It's my turn to rescue him like he's done with me all these years.