Retribution (37 page)

Sighing, she met Trina's eyes. “I don't know how I am. Confused, I guess. I try to wrap my mind around the fact that Roger—”

“None of us knew. He fooled us all, Lillian.”

Pulling a well-used tissue out of her pocket, Lillian dabbed at the tears that trickled down her cheeks. “I thought I was done crying.”

If there was one constant in her life, it was Trina. God's blessing, and she had almost run away from it. “The funerals, they brought back so many memories.”

“You amazed me, how you took responsibility for making sure the man and woman who had hurt you were given a proper burial. You could have turned your back on them. I would have.”

“No you wouldn't, Trina.” She wiped her nose. “It was the right thing to do. In his own way, I know Roger cared for me. I can't imagine being caught in the trap he found himself in.” She studied the tree, seeing but not seeing. “He died for me, you know.”

“Did you love him?”

“I have asked myself that a dozen times. I don't think I did. Oh, I wanted to badly enough, because of the fires and all, but I never had the deep commitment I should have felt.”

“We're all going to the midnight Christmas Eve service at the church. Will you feel like coming? It will be David's first big trip out.”

In reality, she wanted to bury herself in her bed and never come out again. But she knew she had to push to heal, just as she had done before. “Of course I'm coming.”

Trina hugged her. “He'll be wearing the little outfit you gave him.”

Lillian sagged against the upholstered chair, the scent of pine keeping her company as Trina headed upstairs.

Sandra and Jimmy's voices drifted down the hall, discussing the appropriate sprinkles for the latest batch of sugar cookies.

Ted and Bill were both out in the workshop: some secret last-minute project.

With nothing to do and no motivation pushing her, she simply sat. Her heart ached. Her mind felt numb. Was life really worth all of this pain?

~*~

A couple dozen red poinsettias graced the front of the church, their color bright against the pale blue and beige interior. Sitting on the end of the pew, with Bill next to her, then Sandra, with Jimmy beside Trina, and Ted on her other side, they filled the row.

The piano emitted soft music and candles flickered in the dim light. Voices murmured as people greeted each other and found a seat, waiting for the service to begin.

A hand tapped her shoulder. “Room for one more?”

Like dominoes, everyone slid closer, making room for Paul. They must have looked like a can of sardines, all squeezed together when there were plenty of empty seats available. But no one wanted to leave the closeness of the family for a little extra shoulder space.

Paul's leg pressed against hers. He turned and smiled. No words, just a smile. Aware of the warmth of his body, she relaxed for the first time since the fire at Roger's ten days ago.

The service started with familiar carols, followed by a mother-daughter duet. Sniffles sounded all around her.

David was shifted to Sandra, who sent him to Bill. The beaming grandfather cradled his grandson in his arms.

Pastor Steve shared the Christmas story, followed by another special.

David squirmed and gave a couple squeaks.

Lillian tried not to laugh at Bill's panicked expression as he passed the infant to her.

Trina leaned forward, and Lillian smiled.

That was what life was all about. Praising God surrounded by family. Bad things happen, but family buffered the pain. She thought about her parents, now off skiing somewhere for the holidays. In their own way, they had tried to protect her. They had made decisions she would not have made, but still, the intent was for her good.

David opened his eyes, and she placed him on her shoulder, just as she used to do with Susan. Already he was losing that baby-curl, where his legs were always pulled toward his chest. Stretched out like this, he would soon outgrow the outfit she had bought him. Good thing there was a new one under the tree.

The service ended, and she passed David back down the row to Trina.

Warmth remained wrapped around her as they headed home.

31

Lillian rose from the table, her stomach too full for comfort. She could not remember a better Christmas day. All the gifts under the tree during her childhood could not compare to the sweet unity of this family who embraced her as one of their own.

“Here, Lillian, watch David for me.” Trina nodded toward her son sleeping in the infant seat beside the table. “I'll help with the dishes.”

Lillian loved how generous Trina was with her baby. There was nothing she liked more than holding David and burying her face in his soft blond hair, but she sighed and shook her head. “You've been up enough, little mama. Besides, you did most of the cooking; I'll help with the dishes.”

“Sandra did most of the cooking,” Trina murmured.

“I'll take care of David.” Jimmy crouched down beside the sleeping infant.

“That's a good idea,” Paul said, his hands stacked with plates. “Why don't you take Trina and David to the parlor and count those presents one more time while I help Aunt Lillian in the kitchen?”

She smiled, remembering the day Jimmy had found out she had been given “aunt” status to David. He had pronounced her his aunt, as well. Aunt Lillian…it sounded good. She glanced at Paul. Both warmth and shivers flowed over her whenever she was near him. Roger would always hold a place in her heart, having given his life for her. She hoped he had made peace with God before his death. But the affection she had for Paul felt different. And she had a feeling he shared her sentiments.

While Jimmy entertained Trina, and as baby David slept, the other adults tackled the dishes.

“Hurry up, you guys!” Jimmy shouted from the parlor.

“What's the rush?” Ted yelled back. ”I thought I'd take a nap.”

Jimmy bolted through the kitchen door. “We have to open presents!” He tugged at Ted's arm. “Come on!”

“OK, OK!” Ted's eyes twinkled. “Just let me put this last plate away.”

Soon the family gathered in the parlor. The scent of pine suffused the air and mingled with the leftover aroma of ham. Even though late afternoon sun lit the room, the tree lights were on, adding color and cheer. A couple of the bulbs had burned out and would need replaced before next year. The tree skirt, calico blocks sewn long ago by an unknown ancestor, was hidden by packages.

Bill sat in the leather recliner while Sandra took one of the wingback chairs beside him.

Ted and Trina had the couch, with baby David on the floor in front of them.

Lillian sat on the other wingback chair, and smiled when Paul stationed himself at her feet. She placed her hands on his shoulders, enjoying the feel of his strength under her touch.

Jimmy bounced from one person to the other and eventually settled in front of his grandma.

“The tree is perfect.” Trina gazed at the tall pine in front of the window.

“It should be,” Bill said. “Ted and I had to go to six places before we could find one that suited you. Thank goodness for cell phones with cameras or we would still be hunting.”

Trina giggled. “Next year when my tummy isn't so full of baby, I'll go with you.”

Ted picked up his Bible from the stand beside the couch. “During my childhood, we always read the Christmas story before we opened gifts. I would like to continue the tradition in my home.” He smiled at Trina, and then leaned over and stroked the top of his sleeping son's head.

Lillian's throat filled with emotion.

Ted looked at each person in the room, one at a time, and it seemed that he gave a piece of love to each of them. “I want to read from Luke chapter two verses one through nineteen.”

The silence in the room was disturbed only by the swish of soft pages being turned and the gentle hum of the furnace as it clicked on.

Ted read, occasionally glancing at David or Jimmy.

She had never heard the Christmas story presented with more power or meaning.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; because he was of the house and lineage of David to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

Sandra wiped tears from her eyes. “Thank you Ted.”

“Is it time for presents now?” Jimmy asked.

Bill hefted himself from his recliner. “I suppose we've waited long enough.” He winked at Jimmy. “How about you help me pass them out?”

“Yahoo!” Jimmy stood ready as Bill reached for a gift.

He handed the package to Jimmy. “This one goes to Aunt Lillian and it's from David.”

Jimmy frowned as he took at the package. “David went shopping already?”

“He had some help. Now give Aunt Lillian her present and come back for the next one.”

Lillian glanced at a smiling Trina, who bounced in her seat.

The square box, wrapped in green and gold striped paper, was heavier than she had expected. The contents shifted slightly as she lowered the gift to her lap. She glanced at Paul, and his beaming face spread sunshine into her soul. It also gave away the fact that he knew exactly what was in the box.

She lifted each piece of tape, wanting to take her time with this gift from the baby she had delivered. Between David's birth and the honest advice of Margaret Franks, her pain over seeing children had eased. She still ached when she thought of her precious Susan, and she probably always would, but now when memories of their times together filtered into her mind, they brought joy rather than pain. As she lifted the lid off the box, her eyes filled with tears.

Trina sprang from the couch and knelt beside her.

“It doesn't make you sad, does it?” Trina rubbed Lillian's arm with her warm hands. “I wanted you to have something special from David.”

Tears flowed unchecked. She wanted to tell Trina how perfect the gift was, but words seemed too inadequate. She grabbed her friend and pulled her close.

“I haven't seen it since Ted finished it,” Sandra said.

Lillian lifted a framed picture. The top left-hand corner held a pencil drawing of baby David's sleeping face. On the lower right were two footprints stamped neatly together. The center contained a poem penned in calligraphy. She opened her mouth to read the message, but only gentle sobs emerged. She handed the gift to Trina.

Your hands pulled me

into this stormy earth,

and as your courage and love

welcomed my first breath,

your fears rose into the clouds.

I will love you forever, Aunt Lillian.

“Ted did the drawing, and Dad and I managed the footprints,” Trina said quietly. “I wrote the poem too, but Sandra did the calligraphy. And Jimmy helped me wrap it.”

Paul lifted up a handkerchief and Lillian wiped her wet face.

“This is perfect.” Her voice shook with emotion. She walked to where David slept in his seat, picked him up, and held him tight in her arms. He opened his eyes and stared into her face.

“Look, he smiled at you!” Jimmy said.

She gazed at the newborn, the baby she had brought into the world. The medical profession would probably try to tell her the smile was nothing more than a gas bubble, but she refused to believe it. She had been given an extra gift.

~*~

Soon Bill had handed Jimmy the last present except the one he had hidden under the folds of the tree skirt. His heart beat double time as he pulled out the tissue box he had rescued from the trash to hold his gift.

With family surrounding him, his heart swelled with thankfulness. And they were his family—each of them—and he held them in his protective arms.

Jimmy jiggled pieces of wrapping paper in front of David, and laughed as the newborn's eyes crossed.

Ted, the son-in-law he had resented before God taught him about unselfish love, had his arm draped around Trina.

Trina. His only daughter and his life. It wasn't easy raising a girl without a mother, but they had forged a relationship built on trust and respect. Now she had given him a grandson, who had been delivered by Lillian, the newest addition to his family.

He would always be there for Lillian, as long as she allowed. His eyes shifted to the man seated on the floor in front of her and he smiled. The spark that flew between Paul and Lillian would soon ignite into a love of their own.