Return (Lady of Toryn trilogy) (37 page)

“I’m gonna fix this,” she
said. “I know you guys are worried. I know I haven’t been…I haven’t been who you need me to be. I haven’t been who
I
need me to be. I could stand here and tell you how sorry I am that I caused all this. I know some of you have been waiting for that. I get it. This is my fault. The war is my fault- Kou was my fault. The
shift
stanes are definitely my fault.”

She paused, and took a deep breath. “But I’m not going to apologize
anymore, because I can’t change the past, and I’m done trying to. What I have to do now is make it right. I know at least part of what that entails is to step up and take responsibility for Toryn.”

She glanced at Skye, noting with some surprise that he was trying- and failing
- to hide a smile behind his hand. He nodded at her, urging her on. This was probably what he’d been waiting for all along.

Ashlyn
cleared her throat and continued. “But first, we need to stop my father. As long as he’s supplying blood, there will be Toryns who will be willing to inject with it so they can use the
shift
magic. It stops now. First thing in the morning, we’re going after him.”

“
Who’s we?” Aaron spoke up. “Ain’t no way the Toryn army’s gonna spring a surprise attack on your old man. Poor kids can hardly tie their shoes without trippin’ on somethin’.”

“I wouldn’t leave Toryn defenseless anyway,” Ashlyn reassured him. “And yes, I do think a surprise attack is best. That’s why I’m not taking an army with me. It’s just going to be me, Skye and Drake.”

“Hold on just a minute,” Vargo said, shaking his head. He was slumped in a corner, arms folded across his chest, an unlit cigarette dangling from his fingers. “You have no idea how many clans have joined up with your dad. He could have dozens- hell, hundreds of people injecting with his blood just so they can use the
shift
magic.”

There was a short pause.

“It’s unlikely that there would be hundreds,” Sara spoke up timidly. She seemed to shrink into herself when Vargo turned to look at her, but continued, “The amount of foreign blood that Soryl had injected was significant. If that’s any indication, I don’t believe Lord Li would be able to supply more than fifty,
possibly
close to one hundred soldiers, at least not without placing himself at death’s door.”

“There’s no way to know that for certain,” Aik replied. “He may have been stockpiling it.”

“Not to mention, Lord Angelo was willing to destroy the sun,” Vargo said. “He would have killed every living thing on Kresmir, including himself. I’m not thinking that megalomaniacs really plan ahead when they’re set on world domination.”

“
Regardless,
” Ashlyn interrupted, “My plan is to take my father into custody and cut off the supply. No blood, no
shift
magic. It’s that simple. But I’m not going to put us all in danger. The Toryns still need their army and people who know to lead.”

“If you’re looking for somebody to lead, then why are you taking Skye with you?”
Restlyn asked. “If anyone has the knowledge to lead Toryn-“

“I need Skye with me,” Ashlyn said firmly. “I want someone who knows what he’s doing, and Skye more than proved he was capable of executing a sneak attack back w
hen FLD was destroying Lord Angelo’s power plants. Skye and I will work together. I’m taking Drake because if something does go wrong, if we are captured before we get to my dad, I think Drake’s got a better chance of surviving than anyone else here.”

“That’s not true,” Trace said. “
Without the
resist
stane, Drake would be more vulnerable than any of us. You would be in danger from him, if it came to that. Your father knows about the stane, and knows why Drake wears it. He might use that against you.”

“She’s right,”
Vargo added. “If they capture all three of you and tear off the vampire’s pretty little necklace, there’s no telling what he might do to you and Skye.”

“This is
not
something I’m willing to address,” Ashlyn snapped, surprising herself with the ferocity of her response. “The possibility of losing the
resist
stane is not something we will consider. It’s never happened before and I don’t expect it to. Drake is going with us. End of discussion.”

“For what it’s worth,” Drake spoke up from his place beside Skye, “If the
resist
stane were taken from me, I would not allow the situation to reach the point where either Skye or Ashlyn were in danger.”

His words hung in the air, heavy with implication. Ashlyn had no doubt that Drake would rather die than once agai
n live with the guilt of having murdered someone he cared about- even if that someone was her.

“We’re leaving first thing in the morning,” she said. “Kou told me on our way here that the majority of Toryn forces were restricted to
the southern half of the island, and from what little Tag has told me, I think that’s where we’ll find my dad. We’ll meet in the morning to review the plan- for everyone, not just me, Drake and Skye- and then we’ll head out.” She paused, wondering if she should say more, then finished lamely, “I’ll see you then.”

Vargo
stomped out of her house first, shoving the door open so hard that it rattled on the track. Ellis and Trace followed him. Restlyn leaned over and hugged Ashlyn quickly before hurrying out.

One by one, Ashlyn watched her friends leave, feeling drained, but unsure if she would even be able to sleep tonight. At last, Skye paused at the door, with Dra
ke behind him, and turned.

“You made a good choice, Ash,” Skye said approvingly, and Ashlyn smiled, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, but was it the right choice?” she asked. “Who knows?”

“There is no right choice in this situation,” Skye said. “You could take the entire Toryn army with you and leave the city unprotected. You could take a small contingent and risk their lives. In
the end, we may be in danger tomorrow, but we’re far more likely to be able to judge the situation accurately if it’s just the three of us, even if it turns out we can’t get to your father.”

“I hope we can,” Ashlyn said, no less troubled. “I just want this to end.”

Skye nodded. “I understand.” He hesitated for a moment, then nodded and walked out into the darkness.

Drake turned to leave, and Ashlyn watched him, her heart in her throat. They hadn’t really talked since that day in her father’s house, and they hadn’t been alone for even a moment in the last few days. She was still unsure of how to act around him, and whether or not she’d be making a total ass of herself if she confessed to what she was feeling.

He hesitated in the doorway, and she held her breath.

“Thank you,” he
said, his voice low. A gust of cherry blossom-scented wind blew through the room, billowing his cape and stirring the long strands of his hair.

“For what?”

“For what you said about me- about
resist.
” His tone was bitter with self-loathing.

“I trust you, Drake.” It was a simple declaration, but she could see him flinch when she said it, and she ached to reach out to him, comfort him. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

He turned then, scarlet eyes glowing in the lamplight. “You don’t know that, Ashlyn.”

“Yes, I do.”

Drake did not respond, looking quizzical, as though he were contemplating her words.

Now or never,
Ashlyn thought, and took a deep breath, reminding herself that this might well be the last time she ever spoke with Drake. “I’m actually glad…that I get a chance to talk to you now, before we leave,” she said. He didn’t answer, but she rushed on, “What you said the other day, and, well, what you did the other day. That meant a lot to me. I don’t know if I would have made it through that day without you.”

He was absolutely still, his softly rustling cape the only movement in the room. Frozen with terror
over actually discussing what had taken place, probably, and Ashlyn couldn’t blame him. She was feeling pretty darn scared herself.

“Losing a loved one can be devastating,” he stated finally. “I understand.”

She ran her tongue over her lower lip, debating about how to continue- and whether she really should.

“I wanted to ask you something,” she said, crossing the room. Reaching past him, she slid the door shut, trying very ha
rd not to notice the scent of his skin as she leaned close to him. “Don’t freak out, okay? I’m not trying to put you on the spot here. But I need to know.”

His expression was pained as he moved to face her. “Ashlyn-“

“No, Drake, please. Just let me finish,” she interrupted. “I know I’m just a kid, I know I can be a brat and I know there’s twenty-plus years and a serious gap in maturity between us. But there’s something else, too. I know there is. For a long time I thought I was alone, just some dumb kid with a crush, but I’m…well, gosh, I know you feel
something
too, even if it’s just a mild sense of irritation because I won’t leave you alone.” She smiled weakly, knowing it was a lame attempt at a joke. “But I’m pretty sure it’s something more than that.”

When Drake didn’t
respond, she frowned, trying to think of something else. “You said yourself that I’ve changed,” she reminded him. “You said you couldn’t forget me.”

“I can’t,” he said.

She reached out and touched his arm tentatively. “See, there must be something-“

“No, Ashlyn, I
can’t.”
He jerked away, out of reach. “I know what you want, and I can’t do that. I can’t
be
that. Don’t- please don’t ask me to try.”

Oh.

She stopped for a moment, letting that sink in.

It had been a strange relationship from the beginning- awkward and stilted, but for some reason Ashlyn had never actually pictured what might happen when she’d told Drake about her feelings. She’d certainly never imagined that he would end the conversation almost before it began.

So this is what real rejection feels like.

If Ashlyn thought her heart had been chipped before, when she’d seen him with Trace at the North Camp Inn, then she was certain it was cracking now.

Her first instinct was to explode- how dare he do this to her again, convince her to trust him, make her fall for him all over again, only to reject her outright? Whatever dignity she’d maintained by keeping her feelings secret for the last eight years was gone now, completely obliterated.

But as quickly as her anger
had sparked, it faded, replaced by the familiar ache that had been lingering in her heart ever since she’d realized she might have to kill her father.

A chilling numbness settled over her, and Ashlyn blinked. “I’m sorry that I misunderstood,” she said hollowly. Her voice didn’t even sound like hers. “I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Drake hesitated, looking at her, his expression a mix of despair and confusion. Ashlyn understood his ambivalence, and stepped back, sliding the door open again.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Without pausing to acknowledge her words, Drake rushed out the door.

A
shlyn stood at the edge of darkness, within the reach of the lamplight, unmoving. The wind stirred the shorter pieces of her hair, tickling her cheeks, and she brushed the strands aside, feeling wetness on her face. How many times had she cried in the last few weeks? More times than she could count. More times than she’d cried in her entire life preceding that fateful night in Restlyn Place, she was sure.

She took a deep breath. One of the many varied emotions tugging at her heart right now was regr
et, something she’d become familiar with over the last several days. She felt like an arrogant moron for even considering that Drake Lockhart might actually feel something for her. Apparently the last eight years hadn’t taught her any kind of humility- or common sense, for that matter.

She began to slide th
e door shut, but a hand stopped it on the track, and Ashlyn’s heart leaped into her throat.

He had come back.

She looked up to see someone standing in front of her.

It wasn’t Drake
.

It was
Vargo.

Before she had a chance to think, to acknowledge him, to realize what was happening, he stepped forward, grabbing her arms and pulling her t
o him, and his lips were on hers.

For a moment Ashlyn went completely rigid, unable to comprehend what was happening, but then his arms slid around her, his f
ingers warm against the bare skin of her lower back, and she felt anger flare up inside of her- not towards Vargo, but towards Drake.

Drake didn’t care about her. H
e’d made that perfectly clear. Why should she continue to push Vargo away when he obviously wanted her? Why waste another moment waiting for Drake to have a change of heart?

She shoved her lips
more fervently against Vargo’s, not wanting to think about Drake anymore, and he smiled against her mouth, one hand coming up to caress the back of her neck. His touch sent tremors down her spine.