Return of a King: The Battle For Afghanistan (20 page)

Indeed, such was his beauty that Akbar Khan seems to have become something of a sex symbol in 1830s Kabul. Maulana Hamid Kashmiri, the author of the
Akbarnama
, the first epic poem written in his honour, gives over several pages to his wedding-night athletics with his lovely bride, the daughter of Mohammad Shah Ghilzai, ‘this houri of paradise, as bright as the sun, who put the moon and stars to shame’.

Desire moved on both sides

Passion was inflamed as they sought each other

They laid bare their faces from the curtain of modesty

The veil of clothing they threw off

They clasped one another so close

As perfume to the rose and colour to the tulip

They lay with each other in pleasure and delight

Body to body, face to face, lip to lip

Sometimes the fingers would hit upon the moon and the Pleiades

Sometimes the hand would hasten towards the musk of conquest

His desire swelled from the sweetness of her kiss

They both redoubled their labours for the prize

Shining, jewel upon jewel, he planted seed

By a single pearl, the rubies of Badakhshan were scattered
48

Yet for all his glamour, Akbar was clearly a complex and intelligent man, more emotionally volatile than Dost Mohammad, and also more aesthetically sensitive. He and Masson knew each other well; in fact Akbar Khan had taken Masson under his protection and showed more interest than any other Afghan in the Hellenised Gandharan Buddhist sculptures that Masson had been excavating from the Kushan monasteries around Jalalabad. ‘He was enraptured with two female heads,’ wrote Masson in his memoirs,

and lamented that the ideal beauties of the sculpture could not be realized in nature. From this time on a kind of acquaintance subsisted between us, and the young sirdar would frequently send for me. I became a pretty constant visitor at his tea-table, and procured from him an order, addressed to several of the maleks [tribal leaders] and chiefs, to assist me in any researches I might undertake . . . I was as much gratified as surprised to witness the good sense displayed by the young sirdar as to the nature of my researches, and their object. He remarked to those about him, who suggested that I might be seeking treasure, that my only purpose was to advance science, which would lead to my credit on my return to my native country; and he observed, that whilst among Durranis the soldier was held in honour, amongst Europeans respect was paid to men of ‘illam’ or science.
49

Another European traveller, Godfrey Vigne, also described Akbar as the most progressive, enquiring and intelligent of all the Afghan nobles. He closely questioned Vigne on the taste of pork, forbidden to all good Muslims, and was ‘so far from being a bigot that he several times ordered his servant to hand me water from his own cup’, at a time when most Afghans refused to eat or drink with Christians.
50

The following day, Akbar Khan led Burnes into Kabul on elephant-back. ‘We were received with great pomp and splendour,’ wrote Burnes. ‘He did me the honour to place me on the same elephant upon which he himself rode, and conducted us to his father’s court, whose reception of me was most cordial. A spacious garden, close by the palace and inside the Bala Hisar of Kabul, was allotted to the mission as their place of residence.’
51

Burnes was received in full durbar by his old friend Amir Dost Mohammad the following morning. As before, Burnes’s charm soon won over the Amir. Even though Dost Mohammad charged the British with duplicity in aiding Shah Shuja, and with knowing in advance of Ranjit Singh’s plan to seize Peshawar, he had clearly decided not to let this interfere with his friendship with Burnes. Moreover, he calculated that opening diplomatic relations with Britain was his best hope of outflanking the Sikhs. Before long the two men were on the same warm terms as before, and Burnes as admiring of his host as he had been in 1831. ‘Power frequently spoils men,’ he wrote, ‘but with Dost Muhammad neither the increase of it, nor his new title of Amir, seems to have done him any harm. Instead he seems even more alert and full of intelligence than when I last saw him.’ When Burnes was led into the audience hall and formally presented his credentials and his slightly disappointing presents, Dost Mohammad received them politely. ‘I informed him that I had brought with me, as presents to his Highness, some of the rarities of Europe: he promptly replied that we ourselves were the rarities, the sight of which best pleased him.’
52

Later, Burnes reflected perceptively on this meeting:

Dost Mohammad’s comprehension is very quick; his knowledge of character very great; and he cannot be long deceived. He listens to every individual who complains, and with a forbearance and temper which are more highly praised than his equity and justice . . . Whether his religious wars and government have resulted from a strong spirit of orthodoxy or from ambition is a question yet to be solved . . . The republican genius [of the Afghans] is unchanged; and whatever power a Sadozai or a Barakzai may acquire, its preservation can only be ensured by not infringing the rights of the tribes, and the laws by which they are allowed to govern themselves.
53

Dost Mohammad may have been impressed by Burnes and vice versa, but there is evidence from a variety of Afghan sources even at this early stage that not all of his courtiers, nobles and chiefs were pleased by the growing friendship of their Amir with the Firangi [foreign] infidel. The more orthodox were especially anxious about such an alliance, and wondered how it sat with the Amir’s stated intention of declaring war on the enemies of Islam.

In the Afghan sources, Burnes is always depicted as a devilishly charming but cunning deceiver, a master of
zarang
, of flattery and treachery – an interesting inversion of British stereotypes of the devious Oriental. Mirza ‘Ata in the
Naway Ma’arek
talks of Burnes’s progress up the Indus:

to spy out conditions in Sindh and Khurasan, which he succeeded in doing thanks to his Plato-like intelligence. Burnes realised that the states of the region were built on very insecure foundations and would need only a gust of wind to blow them down. When the people crowded to stare at the foreigners, Burnes emerged from his tent and jokingly remarked to the crowd ‘Come and see my tail and horns!’ Everyone laughed, and someone called out: ‘Your tail stretches all the way back to England, and your horns will soon be appearing in Khurasan!’
54

This image is developed by Maulana Kashmiri in his 1844
Akbarnama
. In this poem, Burnes, the arch-enemy of Akbar Khan, is the demonically charismatic incarnation of all the two-faced treachery and deceit of Crusading Christendom:

One of the Firangi lords of high stature

By name Burnes, and called Sikandar

Gathered all the necessaries for commerce

And set out with every appearance of a trader

When he arrived, with all haste, in the city of Kabul

He sought intimacy with its illustrious men

With many gifts and open display of favours

He made a place for himself in every heart, he held everyone spellbound

The Amir, with his kindness and natural grace

Treated him as a most honoured guest

He elevated him above all others

And bestowed every mark of distinction upon him

But Burnes had mixed poison into the honey

From London, he had requested much gold and silver

With dark magic and deceit he dug a pit

Many a man was seized by the throat and thrown in

When Burnes had bound them ‘in chains of gold’, the khans ‘swore allegiance to him one and all’. Eventually someone warned the Amir:

‘O Lion-slaying Commander of great fame!

This sedition-sowing Burnes – he is your enemy

On the outside he seems a man, but inside he is the very devil

Beware this evil-spreading foe

Do you not remember the advice of [the poet] Sadi?

It is better to hold back from strangers

For an enemy is strong when in the guise of a friend

You have been nurturing this enemy day and night

Turn away from him before you find yourself betrayed.’
55

According to several Afghan sources, the Qajar Shah of Iran, Mohammad Shah, also wrote to warn Dost Mohammad about Burnes’s devilish schemes. This letter is mentioned in the
Siraj ul-Tawarikh
, where is it said, ‘talks on friendship and cordial relations had not yet begun when an emissary with a note from Mohammad Shah arrived and was admitted to an audience. The Shah of Iran had written an account of Alexander Burnes’s double-dealing and had candidly stated that because of his duplicity there would be no peace until his impostures were exposed.’
56
But it is Maulana Hamid Kashmiri who gives the fullest account of the Shah’s alleged intervention:

One day, the evil-wisher, arrogant and intoxicated, was sitting

As had become his custom, in a privileged place at court

The blessed Amir of good fortune

Gave into his hand an illuminated letter

And said to him: ‘Read it out loud and without pause’

Burnes opened that letter and began to read

After declarations of the Shah’s great love

The letter gave a warning: ‘I have heard, O Great Ruler

That the evil-sowing devil Burnes

Has arrived and sits in your court day and night

With a hundred marks of love you have called him son

And have placed him as high as any honoured guest

Know there is none second to him amongst the Firangis

Whether it be in malevolence and knavery or in deceit and perfidy

Many have been killed by his hidden hand

Many hearts wounded by an arrow loosed from his bow

Why are you showering gold upon him when you should be spilling blood?

Know and fear his spreading of strife

He can incite corpses to rebellion

The Firangi can attack even the peace of the grave

There is no honour and loyalty among the men of Firang

They have no idol but fraud and deceit

Listen to my words and take them to heart

Hear my counsel and be alert, be alert’

Maulana Kashmiri also hints that Burnes had already developed a fondness for leading astray not just the men but also the women of Kabul. In one set of couplets he has Burnes tell the King of Firang:

‘In beauty, the people of Kabul

Are the very
houris
and
ghilmans
m
of paradise

The women of that land

Are of such delectable beauty

One could slay a hundred Firangis

With the power of her buttocks’
57

This was apparently not just the fertile imagination of the Maulana at work – Masson also notes with some anxiety that Burnes had shown far more interest in the women of Kabul than was wise, especially for an accredited diplomat. Masson wrote that the Amir was kept updated on Burnes’s ‘revels’ with what Maulana Kashmiri calls ‘the delectable houris of Kabul’ and ‘rejoiced perhaps that the envoy’s intrigues were of any other than of a political nature’. Masson records that, because of Burnes’s appetites, before long he received a visit from Mirza Sami Khan, Dost Mohammad’s Minister, who ‘proposed I should imitate the example of my illustrious superior, and fill my house with black-eyed damsels. I observed that my house was hardly large enough, and anyway where were the damsels to come from? He replied that I might select any I pleased, and he would take care I should have them. I told him his charity exceeded all praise, but I thought it better to go on quietly in my old ways.’
58