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‘We’ve done very well, we’ll be able to finish tomorrow afternoon. We’ve gone through well over half.’

‘Yes. And I think I should practise some walking now. I’ll get Father to come with me for twenty minutes or so. It will be wonderful to be out in this weather. Don’t you feel up to a spot of fresh air? I used to dream of Hendre Ddu air when I was in France: healthy air and farm smells, hay and cows. Instead, there was always the stink of sweaty feet and rotting bodies in the slime of the trenches, the wounded and the dying and of course the still-unburied dead outside.’

‘How could anyone survive and remain even relatively sane?’ Catrin asked.

For a long time they sat in silence, the walk forgotten.

Chapter nine

Catrin had asked Graham to meet the two trains arriving from London, one at four-fifteen and one at seven-fifty. It was soon apparent that Lowri hadn’t caught the earlier one; was that good or bad, Catrin wondered.

But they both arrived in time for a late supper. Lowri looked tired, of course, but she had obviously not received any very encouraging news. She looked pleased to be back with them, but not happy.

‘Please tell us now,’
Tom said. ‘We’re all in this together and I can’t wait for that quiet moment when we’re alone.’

‘It’s very much as you suspected, Tom. She’s simply afraid that she was swept away with the happiness of seeing you again so that she made an over-hasty decision, over-hasty, she said, I remember those words, not the wrong decision. She said she loved your house and your family and so on, but when she left here, it all seemed like a dream rather than real life. She said that even before she’d arrived home she’d started to have these doubts and that what her father thought about it had only strengthened them. Something like that. She talked for hours. I was exhausted but we didn’t go to bed until almost midnight. But she seemed really pleased to see me so that she could try to explain herself.’

Catrin was the first to speak. ‘That sounds much more hopeful than her letter. You must write to her, Tom, and tell her you understand exactly how she feels and will be prepared to wait.’

‘That’s all you can do, son,’ Josi said. ‘And if I was a betting man, and luckily that’s one of the sins that’s never tormented me, I’d be willing to put a tidy sum of money on the fact that she’ll come round. Women can’t resist the thought that someone truly loves them… and quite right too, it doesn’t happen too often in anybody’s lifetime,’ he added lamely.

‘I don’t know about that,’ Graham said. ‘Do you remember “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may”? Some little poem from schooldays. Something by Robbie Burns probably.’

‘I’m not talking about gathering roses,’ his father-in-law replied sourly. ‘Though I did enough of that, I’m afraid. I’m talking about that love that, that, oh, I’m no poet, but you must understand what I mean.’

‘It’s not Robbie Burns anyway,’ Tom said, ‘it’s Herrick. And now Lowri, listen to me, I don’t want to see you in the kitchen tomorrow. You sit in the parlwr with Catrin all day. Now that’s an order.’

Catrin felt pleased at the change of subject. ‘Still giving orders, then?’ she asked.

Tom smiled and they all relaxed.

‘Now try to tell your old fellow exactly why you were ready to step into the lion’s den as you did,’ Josi asked Lowri when they were in their bedroom later. ‘You didn’t try to see that old fool Lloyd George as well, did you? While you were up there? I won’t put anything past you from now on.’

‘Don’t be silly. I was nervous, I admit that, and I wouldn’t have dared do it except that I was worried that it was all something to do with me.’

‘
With you? What can you mean? Do you mean because you were once a servant? Nonsense. The big nobs all marry chorus girls, it’s a well known fact. Lords and earls and so on.’

‘Yes, I’m sure you know a lot about these lords and earls. No, you see, I saw my sister, Sali, talking away to her when she’d gone into the kitchen on the day of the funeral.’

‘And?’

‘When she was about fourteen and a maid here, Tom made her fall in love with him. Oh, I know it wasn’t intentional or anything like that. But he was so especially kind to her. Because she’d been crying over something, I think. And you know how foolish girls can be at that age. She imagined she was madly in love with him and started to make a big romance out of it. I never knew it at the time, my mother never mentioned it, but I’m sure now that that’s why Miss Rees asked Mother to take her away. She must have been saying things to the other maids, I heard that Miss Rees didn’t even give her any sort of reference.’

‘She could be very harsh. She was to me. But what could Sali, silly girl or not, have told her that was so very bad?’

‘I mentioned seeing them talking in the kitchen to May, but she wouldn’t tell me much and I don’t want to repeat what she did say because I think it might concern you, too.’

‘As though I care about that. You won’t tell me? Look, I’m going to tickle you in that particularly ticklish spot near your left armpit until you do.’

‘Oh, stop, stop! I will tell you, I will, I promise…. Well I rather thought it was something to do with Mari Elen, I mean that she was not mine, but a… oh, I can’t even bring myself to say it.’

‘You mean that she was a hedge-child? I honestly can’t believe that such a thing as that could have caused her to make such a huge decision. Upper class people don’t seem to care about those little details, anyway.’

‘Oh, don’t start again about those dukes and earls. Where do you read such rubbish?’

‘Certainly not in the Good Book, as Miss Rees would say.’

They fell asleep.

Mrs Prosser called next day to tell them that one of her daughters had won a scholarship to the grammar school, the only one in her year. Tom was very proud of her, he was her godfather, and promised to get her a bike so that she could ride back and fore to school. They also told her what Miss Rees had told Catrin, that she was to have her three or four books. ‘We need to contact her cousin from Tregaron,
’
Tom added. ‘She is to have her dresses, I believe. I’m surprised she didn’t turn up for the funeral. We had the notice in
The Tivyside
and in the
Western Mail
. Strange that no one let her know. Perhaps she’s not well herself. She could be dead as far as we know. Miss Rees never heard from her, I know that much.’

‘She did leave a will, then, did she?’ Mrs Prosser asked.

‘No. We found nothing written down. We only know some of her wishes because she had a word with Catrin when she was taken ill. It would be good if we had more exact knowledge of her wishes.’

‘You’ve looked in her Bible, Mister Tom?’

‘No. What makes you think it would be there?’

‘That’s where old people used to leave their wills long ago. A sheet of paper it would be, like as not. Nothing official, no legal obligation, only what they wished. In the Book of Proverbs it would be. That chapter about money being the root of all evil. Mr Isaacs often preached about that.’

‘Money being the root of all evil?’

‘Only that isn’t what it says in the Bible, that was his point. It’s the love of money is the root of all evil, that was his point. Money was neither good nor bad in itself. It was to be respected and not wasted on drink or gambling or… you know that word about wicked women. It was the love of money that was evil. Those people who have plenty for themselves and wouldn’t pay a penny for anyone even if they might be starving. That was his point. You look in that page, Mister Tom. I can’t tell you chapter and verse but Proverbs is only a short book anyway.’

‘We will, Mrs Prosser. Thank you very much. We’ll tell you what we discover next time you call. Now, you tell Gwenllian to call here to tell me what bike she’d like. Perhaps the best thing would be for Lowri here to take her down to town and she can make her choice. Could you manage that, Lowri?’

‘Yes of course. Next Saturday morning tell her that we’ll go in on the ten o’clock bus.’

‘Thank you very much. You’re too good to us.’ Mrs Prosser left wiping her eyes on the bottom of her apron.

‘Oh, God,’ Tom said, ‘I feel so guilty.’

He went to Miss Rees’ bedroom, but there was no sign of her Bible. ‘You’ve never been able to find anything,’ Catrin said. ‘I’ll go as soon as I’ve got baby Rachel out of her bath.’

It was Lowri who finally found the Bible and the sheet of paper Mrs Prosser had predicted. It was begun in legal terms, ‘I, Hannah Rees being of sound mind etc,’ but very soon slipped into her ordinary voice. ‘Now, I’m not going to bother you with the small and unimportant brooches and necklaces I leave behind. I only leave one thing of note. Five hundred sovereigns in a brown canvas bag hidden under my clothes and stockings in the oak cwpwrdd tridarn in my bedroom. I know Mr Ifans won’t like hearing about this, but I have to explain it. The night before Miss Rachel got married, this bag was handed over to me by her father, old Griff Morgan. He explained to me that after Rachel’s marriage all her worldly goods, all he would leave her, would become her husband’s. He wanted to make sure that if any time he might desert her, she would have that five hundred sovereigns which were in my possession. You did desert her, Mr Ifans, but because you were a good man, you didn’t take anything of hers with you so there never seemed any point in telling Mrs Ifans that her father had provided for just such an occasion. It has long been a worry to me, and I would like the money to go to Hendre Ddu, to Mister Tom, as soon as he’s able to take up the reins again. I know he will want to make improvements, I heard him tell his father that he wanted to change things and all this will take money. That Mister Tom may come home safely and use it wisely is the only wish of his old nurse and I’m sure his mother too. Signed Hannah Theodosia Rees October 25th 1914.’

Everyone in the room was on the point of tears as Catrin read out the will.

‘What a good and honourable woman she was,’ Josi said. ‘She even had the grace to forgive me, I think, though I behaved so badly.’

‘But you came back to Mother, Tada,’ Catrin cried. ‘Of course she forgave you. We all did.’

‘We all did,’ Tom echoed. ‘You gave up everything and paid the price.’

Josi thought of the price he had paid and sighed. Lowri noticed that he started to hum the same old song that he always hummed when he was thinking of Miriam. She managed to smile at him and he smiled back at her, a brave, watery smile with tears in it.

Dinner was very late that day. Mari Elen came in complaining long and hard. ‘Things are not so good around here any more. That old baby in everybody’s way and it’s rice pudding again instead of raspberry tart though I asked for it last night. When can we go back to Cefn Hebog? Cefn Hebog is best, isn’t it Dada?’

‘Yes I think it is. But all the same, this is where I’d rather be at the moment, raspberry tart or no. This is our family; your step-mother, your father, your sister and your brother.’

‘When shall I have a baby sister? Maudie said it won’t be long now. What do you think?’

‘Maudie’s got seven brothers and sisters. I don’t think we’d have enough room for seven, do you?’

‘Definitely not. Just one more and one more kitten. That would make me happy. Maudie has only got a tin roof on her house and the rain comes in. She wants her sister, Betty, to work in Hendre Ddu when she leaves school. Can she? Because Maudie is going to leave at Christmas to get married. Only it’s a secret and oh, I wish I hadn’t told you. I promised her I wouldn’t tell you.’

‘But she’s only about seventeen, Maud, or did she say eighteen?’ Tom said. ‘Why does she want to get married so young?’

‘Perhaps Maudie’s family can have Prosser’s house when we build him a new one. At least it’s got a good slate roof. And Maud’s father is a builder’s mate, I think. He might be able to do some repairs to the old place. That’s another secret, mind. It may not come about so don’t say a word to Maud at present. Promise?’

‘I promise. Can I go to Sunday School with her tomorrow?’

It was a couple of days later that Lowri received a letter – which turned out to be from May. May thanked her for taking the trouble to come to London to see her and wished she might come again for a longer stay.

So much was expected; the second part of the letter was a thunderbolt. Lowri was pleased that she was by herself when she read it so that she could compose herself before showing it to Tom and Josi. This is what May wrote:

Tom and I told each other our secrets. I told him that I hadn’t had a previous boyfriend, he told me that he hadn’t had a girlfriend. And I believed him. If he had trusted me with his secret I think I could have forgiven him, in fact I’m certain of it. But I feel I can’t forgive that he told me an out-and-out lie, leaving it to poor Sali to break my heart. She, poor thing, told me about their affair when she was only fifteen and how Mari Elen was their child who had been taken away from her and given to Mr Evans and yourself to bring up. Her eyes were full of tears as she revealed this to me and she made me promise not to tell Tom, because she’d promised him that she never would. But oh, Lowri, her eyes when she told me! I could hardly bring myself to be civil to Tom afterwards and only longed to be on the train and alone with my grief. Oh, Lowri, I loved him so much. And you couldn’t believe how I could let him down. Dear Lowri, I feel I owe it to you to explain myself even though it’s betraying little Sali’s trust. Please try to forgive me. You may show this letter to Tom if you feel it would help him understand my ‘cruelty’. Yes Lowri, that’s what you accused me of. Please believe that I would have loved to be part of your wonderful family.