Return to Lone Oak (Harlequin Heartwarming) (17 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

N
OAH
FOUGHT
DRIFTING
off to sleep as he tried to catch up on a medical journal. He glanced at his watch—it was after ten. He doubted Katie was coming over.

But just as he formed the thought, he heard knocking at the back door and his heart began to beat faster. It could only be her at this hour. Jumping off the couch, he headed for the back door.

He opened the door, not bothering to turn on the overhead light. Katie wasn’t smiling. He pulled her inside and kissed her, relieved beyond describing when she responded.

“I thought you might not come over tonight,” he said, still holding on to her, thrilling in the feel of her in his arms. He would never have enough of this.

“I wasn’t going to.” She stiffened and backed away. “I’m leaving tomorrow, Noah.”

“Why so soon?”

“It’s just...time for me to go.”

Deep sadness constricted his chest, even though he’d known this was coming. What difference should four days make? Of course, until now, he’d done what she’d suggested and put her departure out of his mind. No more denying it.

The sense of loss hit him hard. Instinctively, he needed to fight it, to avoid losing another person he loved.

Another person he loved.

There was no question about it, although he hadn’t had the thought before this moment. He loved Katie and he didn’t want to lose her. Watching her walk away now would likely be at least as horrible as it had been to lose Leah.

“Come, sit down,” he said, taking her hand and leading her toward the living room. “Let’s talk.”

“It’s not going to change anything.”

Desperation pulsed through him. What could he do to make her stay?

He sat on the couch and gestured to her to sit in his lap. Surprisingly, she took him up on it. Noah put his arms around her, wanting never to let her go.

“Katie, stay with me.”

“I have to go back. I start work on Monday.”

“We could have a few more days together.”

She absently played with his hair. “What good would that do, Noah?”

“I don’t know. It’d give us some time together. To have fun. That’s what this was supposed to be about, right?” He wasn’t willing to just give up. He had to lay it all out for her now, be honest with her, even if it didn’t do any good in the end.

“It’s not very much fun with a goodbye hanging over us. I’m not sure how that happened.”

He swallowed, his throat tightening. “Katie, we both went into this knowing it would end. I had no intention of anything but enjoying your company and having someone to help me paint.” He smiled briefly and she flicked his chest.

Noah ran his finger over her heart-shaped locket. “But something happened that I wasn’t expecting. The thing is...I love you, Katie. I don’t want to lose you.”

Katie felt her eyes fill with moisture and her head threatened to explode with pent-up emotion. This was so painful. This was
exactly
why she never wanted to fall in love. She looked into Noah’s eyes, barely seeing him through the blur of tears. “I love you, too,” she whispered, putting her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. “But sometimes love isn’t enough.” They held each other for several minutes, and Katie fought off a crying jag the whole time.

Finally, Noah eased his embrace enough to have a look at her. She hated the tears that still stood sentinel in the corners of her eyes.

“Stay here with me, Katie. Move back to Lone Oak.”

“I can’t do that. You know that.”

“If we want it enough, we can make it work somehow.”

“You’re asking me to quit my job. Give up everything.”

His gaze fell and for one instant Katie tried to imagine what it could be like if she agreed to his request. She shook her head.

“What if you quit your job for now? Gave me some time to get used to your risk-taking? Maybe you could go back to it later.”

“There’s no ‘getting used to it,’ Noah. You told me the other day you don’t know if you can ever get over your fear. You don’t want to try hard enough.”

He didn’t say anything, which told her she was right. “Why should I give up everything, when you’d still get to keep your safe little life here? Where’s the compromise in that?” Her voice broke, but she continued to speak. “What you’re asking is so unfair.”

“I know,” he said in nearly a whisper. “It’s not going to happen. I don’t think I’d truly want it to, even as much as I want you here. The last thing I want to do is ruin your life.”

But that didn’t make her feel better at all, because it still came down to the same thing. They loved each other, and yet there was no way they could be together. Neither one of them could give the other what they needed.

“You have to love all of me, Noah. And that includes the crazy parts just as much as the injured-and-can’t-do-anything part. That’s who I am.”

“I know.” His voice was husky, heavy with sorrow.

Finally her tears spilled over, and she couldn’t stop a sob from escaping. Noah pulled her close again and she cried against his shoulder. This was so ridiculous. They were trying to comfort each other over the pain they caused each other. If she didn’t feel so miserable, she would’ve laughed at the absurdity. Instead, she burrowed in deeper and held on for dear life.

“Stay for a while, Katie. We don’t have to say goodbye just yet.”

She straightened, shaking her head. “I can’t. I have to go now.” She bowed her head again. “I’m sorry. It’s too hard.”

The thought of prolonging it even for a few more hours made her shudder. It was time to make a clean break. Holding on any longer would do neither of them any good.

Katie walked slowly toward the front door, and Noah followed.

“You can call me anytime,” he said.

Katie shook her head, unable to speak, her throat was so swollen with the pain of leaving.

“You’re right,” he whispered. “It’d just make it harder.”

Katie coughed nervously, switching gears, mostly out of self-preservation. “I need my medical forms faxed so I can go back to work. Can you handle that?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

“I have to leave now. I can’t take it.” Her temples throbbed as she turned away.

“Goodbye, Katie.” He spoke the words she’d tried to avoid as she went out the door.

If she looked back she knew she would lose it completely.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

N
OAH
SAT
IN
his crummy rental car staring at a map. This had to be it—the trail leading to the area where Katie was supposed to make her climb.

He grabbed his backpack, got out and went over to a large wooden display board that held a more detailed map than the one he’d been studying, as well as posted information on the trails and the climbing area. Granger Cliffs, it was called. The man back in Boulder, who’d given him the map and explained how to get here, had told him it was a tough but popular climb.

Apparently the climb itself began about three-quarters of a mile up the trail. Noah sucked in a lungful of crisp mountain air, trying to bolster his courage, and started along the path to the cliffs.

It had taken a lot of nerve to get him this far.

The week after Katie left, he’d been in the worst possible kind of misery. In addition to the huge void in his life where Katie had been, there was the self-loathing. The anger at his own failure. His weakness.

He’d spent five whole days being impossible to be around, beating himself up, just...mad.

Day six finally had given him the idea that it was time to do something about his fear, the irrational thing that had seemed to take on a life of its own and was keeping him from a future with the woman he loved.

Tracking down information about Katie’s big climb, the one she’d been so excited about, the one he’d shut her down about every time she brought it up, hadn’t been too difficult. Being buddies with her dad had helped.

The other break was the medical seminar in Denver that was taking place at the same time. He was legitimately interested in the seminar topic, but it had taken an outside motive to make him sign up. A last-minute booking allowed him to participate and kept the real purpose of his trip obscured. Noah hadn’t been able to tell anyone about the personal stakes involved in this trip. He worried that once he got there, he’d flip out and not make any progress toward facing the fear of Katie’s extreme career. She didn’t know he was coming, either.

The path forked, causing Noah to consult a sign. He followed the one to the right and finally managed to pull himself out of his thoughts sufficiently to take in his surroundings.

Aspens and pines towered over him on both sides of the path. Mountain peaks jutted up above the treetops. Birds and squirrels flitted about along the path. A cool wind whipped through the leaves, offering striking relief from the heat of the big city. He wondered if it might be too windy for a rock climb. Surely they wouldn’t allow Katie to attempt it if the danger was too great.

All too soon, he became aware of people up ahead—voices, a backpack propped against a boulder. He slowed nearly to a stop, taking in the scene.

The clearing appeared to be the spot where the ascent began. Twenty or so people milled around, some with cameras and others with climbing equipment. Apparently, the wind wasn’t a problem for these people, although it certainly made him uneasy. More uneasy.

Noah stayed back among the trees and pulled his baseball cap a little lower. He chose a large rock to sit on. He could see the base of the cliff from there, but anyone would have to be looking hard to notice him.

His heart pounded for a multitude of reasons. Anticipation of seeing Katie after two and a half weeks was a huge part of it. He scanned everyone there, but he didn’t immediately spot her. Then...he craned his head to see around a tall, skinny man who was watching someone intently.

Katie.

He knew it was her just from the way she stood, hand on a hip, one long, gorgeous leg perched on a rock in front of her. He could read her enthusiasm in her body language from all the way back here.

The skinny guy stepped to the side, allowing Noah a better view. He was more determined than ever to overcome his fear. He needed this woman in his life. He hadn’t exactly worked out the details of how that might be achieved, didn’t even know what being here today to watch her would accomplish. All he knew was that he was afraid to be here and afraid not to be.

If he could get through this, however, and somehow eventually accept the part of Katie that was so much the heart of her, then perhaps they could figure out the rest.

Noah moved to a rock that afforded him a better view. She was so intent on what she was doing, he doubted she realized how many people were around her at all. From what he could tell, she was conferring with an instructor who was explaining everything to her. She nodded frequently, as the man held up different pieces of equipment.

Noah knew she wasn’t a novice climber. Even though they’d avoided the topic most of the time, she’d explained to him that she climbed at an indoor gym for fun. Even so, she was clearly taking in every word of advice the instructor had to offer.

The skinny guy motioned to one of the men who were laden with camera equipment, directing him to take several shots of Katie and the instructor.

Noah was fascinated, watching it all, and became temporarily distracted from the fact that in a few minutes Katie would risk her life by climbing—he glanced up—an extremely sheer rock face. In heavy wind.

The tension at the back of his neck flared and he felt sweat appear on his forehead. He took several slow, measured breaths. He was going to get through this without succumbing to black panic.

As soon as he’d confirmed the arrangements for this trip, Noah had contacted a psychiatrist friend of his back on the east coast. He’d briefly explained his problem and had gratefully noted several internet sites the doctor recommended that dealt with overcoming fears. Now it was time to put his crash course to the test.

When he looked for Katie again, she’d moved closer to the base of the rock. She now wore a harness of some sort, which gave Noah only token comfort. He knew little about the sport of rock climbing, so he wasn’t sure of the different pieces of equipment and how they worked. Reaching into his pack, he took out the binoculars he’d bought at a sporting goods store in Boulder.

He noticed that four or five of the people, Katie included, had stopped their preparations and were now gathered in a group, seeming to discuss something—heatedly. The instructor dug out a cell phone and made a call. When he hung up, they had another discussion. Noah wished he were close enough to hear what they were saying.

When they took positions close to the rock again, Noah held the binoculars, trying not to draw undue attention to himself. He looked through them, aching to see Katie’s face. Of course, her back was to him. Her honey-brown hair was pulled into a knot on the back of her head, out of her face. As he was about to lower the glasses, her feet caught his attention.

Those shoes. He’d seen them before. When she’d been waltzing around on her dad’s roof.

He’d thought they were strange-looking tennis shoes at the time, but he hadn’t given them much consideration since he’d been otherwise engaged with not plummeting to his death—or watching Katie drop over the edge.

She’d been wearing rock-climbing shoes on the roof. They gave her better grip and traction, he’d bet.

He lowered the binoculars, thinking about this.

Leaning back against the rock, his mind spun.

While he’d assumed Katie had been throwing caution completely to the wind, she had obviously taken the time to put on shoes that made her stroll on the roof safer.

Again, the group discussed some issue, but this time Katie did most of the talking. She shook her head several times, gestured to the rock above, and he could tell she felt strongly about whatever it was she was saying.

The instructor nodded once, said something, and the group broke up. They removed the equipment they’d already put on and each one headed to his pack. Katie took a bottle of water from her own bag and sat down next to the instructor, talking much more calmly now.

Noah noticed one of the guys from the group stalking his way on the trail. He made eye contact with him. “What’s going on with the climb?”

“The chick called it off. She wants to wait out the wind. Thinks it’s too dangerous right now,” the guy explained.

Noah glanced back at the others to double-check that Katie was the only “chick.” “You don’t agree?”

The guy shrugged. “I’m just ready to get up the mountain. Been waiting for this for a long time.”

Noah nodded, as if he understood, and the climber continued down the path.

Katie was the levelheaded one who had the sense to wait for the wind to die down? The guy who’d walked away thought
he’d
been looking forward to the climb, but Noah had seen with his own eyes how excited Katie had been when she’d first learned of the assignment.

Between her shoes and her decision to wait out the wind, Noah was perplexed. Stunned, really.

All this time, he’d imagined she was just like Leah. Now, it hit him like a lead weight that they were actually quite different from each other.

Leah had been impulsive to an extreme, often failing to think through decisions and acting only on gut feeling or emotion. Katie was just as spontaneous as Leah, it seemed, but she approached decisions, last-minute or not, with a sense of levelheadedness that might have saved Leah’s life.

From what he’d seen today, Katie took safety very seriously and triple-checked herself at every step.

Another of the group made his way down the trail and Noah decided it was time for him to leave. He had to be back at the seminar for the final session, anyway. He’d promised his dad he wouldn’t miss a presentation being made by one of his old med school buddies. Besides, he still wasn’t ready for Katie to see him here. There was a lot to process.

He put the binoculars away quickly and headed back down the path toward his car, thinking back to other instances with Katie in Lone Oak. When she’d plotted her plunge from the tree swing into the river, she’d first asked about water depth and had calculated the distance to the dock and the shore. It had escaped his notice at the time because all he could think about was the rising panic in his chest.

Even when she’d skated into his office to have him resew her stitches on that very first day, she’d been covered with safety equipment from her head to her knees.

Why hadn’t he thought about this before?

Because he hadn’t wanted to, he admitted. His knee-jerk reaction had been to consider her out of control and dangerous.

Actually witnessing her taking part in something dangerous was still going to be a challenge for him. He didn’t expect the miracle of escaping a strong physical reaction, but just figuring out that Katie wasn’t actually out to tempt death was going to help a lot. He found he didn’t dread watching her so much anymore, just because of this new understanding.

He realized for the first time that he could trust her to be careful. To take care of herself.

That trust just might make all the difference in the world.

* * *

“W
ELCOME
BACK
TO
LIVING
,” Katie said to herself as she got in position to start her ascent. The wind had finally died down enough so that it was safe for them to climb. She knew at least one of the others thought she had been too cautious, but they’d only had to wait an hour and a half. And now the climb would be much more enjoyable, less of a battle. Safer.

Today was the day she’d been waiting for ever since she’d gotten the assignment. She couldn’t believe her good fortune to get paid to go rock climbing. This was also her reentry into the part of her job she loved most. She’d been counting down to this moment for weeks.

So where was the usual heart-in-her-throat thrill that came before one of her adventures? Why wasn’t she feeling it yet?

It was gorgeous here. Acres of trees, dramatic rock outcroppings, a cornflower-blue sky that went on forever. She’d always loved this part of Colorado, loved the feeling that she was a tiny, insignificant part of such a big, beautiful landscape. Loved the earthy combination of pine and fresh air.

For some reason, though, she was having trouble getting back into it.

Today, she couldn’t quite get the full force of the feeling. Something was...missing.

Maybe she just needed time to readjust, get her adventure feet under her again, pull her mind away from Lone Oak.

She shrugged and concentrated on listening to the instructor as he continued to explain what they were about to do in great detail. This was the toughest climb she’d ever attempted, and she couldn’t afford to miss anything he said.

Right before they began the actual climb, Katie did something she’d never before allowed herself to do. She let in the what-ifs.

What if she messed up? What if her rope broke or her equipment failed? What if she or her partner did something wrong and got hurt or...died? What would that do to her family? How would her dad handle that, after he’d finally stopped mourning the wife he’d lost and found happiness again?

What would Noah say?

Probably something akin to “I told you so,” except she wouldn’t be around to hear it.

She pursed her lips and closed her eyes to focus. This was stupid. She thrived on risk. Now wasn’t the time to freak out about all the possibilities. That only weakened her.

She wasn’t going to mess up. The guy next to her would see to that, just as he’d seen to her equipment, checking and double-checking that it was all in perfect condition.

At the instructor’s signal, Katie held her breath and began the slow trip upward. It took her exactly two seconds to get herself completely into the moment.

Thank goodness,
she thought briefly.
Everything’s going to be okay.