Return to Me (26 page)
“But I didn’t.”
“No. But you could have.”
And I would have wanted to die too.
“But I didn’t.” He paused. “Can you reach over here? I can’t come to you.”
She looked up to find his hand extended toward her. She took hold of it. “Wyatt, I was judgmental and cruel. To both of you. You and Roxy. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I should have seen how you felt. I should have understood and reassured you. I assumed too much. I hurt you, Elena, and I’m sorry for that.”
With her free hand, she reached for the tissue box on the bed- side stand. “Can you forgive me, Wyatt?”
“You know I do. Do you forgive me?”
“Of course.” She sniffed as she dabbed at her eyes. “Always.” “When I went up to the mountains yesterday, all I could think
about was you. The way your hair falls across your shoulders. The way your eyes light up when you laugh. The scent of that perfume you use.”
Her heart skipped a beat.
“If I hadn’t fallen, I would be in San Diego right now, convinc- ing you to come back with me.”
Now her heart seemed to stop altogether. “You would?”
“I love you, Elena. I’d make a pitiful pastor without you by my side. Marry me.”
Everything in her longed to say yes, to throw herself into his arms and never leave his side.
“Say you’ll marry me.”
She blinked back tears. “Before I can answer you, I’ve got to see Roxy. I’ve got to make things right with her.”
“Then go see her. And Elena . . . hurry back.”
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Thirty
Roxy was surprised to get Elena’s call on her mobile phone a little before eleven.
“Are you at the office?” her sister asked after a quick hello. “Yes.”
“Could you meet me on the Greenbelt in half an hour?” “Sure. Where?”
“By the footbridge that crosses over to Ann Morrison Park. Then we can walk or we can find a bench to sit on while we talk.” Talking with Elena. Roxy both wanted it and dreaded it.
“Okay. I’ll be there.” She looked at her watch. “Thirty minutes?” “Yes. See you there.” With that, the connection was broken.
Was this good news or bad? She didn’t know, couldn’t be sure.
God, please . . .
Ten minutes later, she stepped through the lobby entrance of the building and onto the downtown Boise sidewalk. With resolve, she strode toward Capital Boulevard, a warm breeze tugging at her hair.
She was the first to arrive at the appointed meeting place. After a quick look around, she settled onto a bench in the shade of a gnarled cottonwood and watched as joggers, walkers, and bikers went by. Old women with blue-white hair and curved shoulders. Professionals in business attire and athletic shoes, keeping in shape on their lunch hour. Mothers with kids in strollers. A dog walker with a variety of breeds on leashes.
Her mother once made up a song about the Greenbelt, a path- way that followed the Boise River through the heart of town. Roxy
remembered her singing it when the family was picnicking in a local park. It was a silly song that made Elena and Roxy laugh.
She glanced toward the river, wondering if her mom sang that silly song up in heaven.
“Roxy.”
She turned at the sound of her sister’s voice.
Elena still looked tired, but she seemed different from last night at the hospital. There was something softer about the set of her mouth, something lighter in the way she carried herself.
Roxy rose from the bench. “I’m glad you called me.” “Thanks for coming.” She closed the distance between them. “Have you . . . have you been to see Wyatt this morning?” “Yes.”
She hesitated. Should she ask how he was?
“He’s doing better,” Elena answered, as if reading her mind. “The doctor said surgery wasn’t needed on his leg.”
“I’m glad for him.”
“He’s relieved. Surgery might have delayed his attending seminary.”
Seminary.
A wave of relief flowed over Roxy.
He’s not quitting.
Her sister motioned with her hand. “Let’s walk, shall we?”
Roxy nodded, and the two fell in beside each other on the path, accompanied by the sounds of the river, still running high on its banks.
Finally, Elena broke the long silence. “This is my day for apolo- gies. I’ve been unkind to you since you returned from Nashville, and I’m sorry.”
“You weren’t unkind to me.”
“Yes, Roxy. I was.” She stopped walking. “Do you want to know why?”
She shrugged. Did she? She wasn’t sure. “I was jealous of you.”
Return to Me
Roxy’s eyes widened. “Of me? But you
⎯
”
“I was jealous of all the attention you got when you came back and of the way Wyatt and Dad didn’t seem to care about . . . what you did while you were gone. I was like the prodigal’s brother. I wanted credit for doing what I was supposed to do, for the things I’d wanted to do in the first place.” She sighed. “That was bad enough, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I’ve been jealous of you since we were girls.”
What Elena said made no sense. Her sister was sure of herself and smart and good. So like their dad. The perfect daughter.
“I felt like you got away with murder. You were the pretty one, talented and popular. Everybody was drawn to you. They always have been.” She reached out and took hold of Roxy’s hand. “My jealousy worsened after you accepted Christ, because then I couldn’t even feel self-righteous around you.”
“Oh, sis.”
“Except I
did
feel self-righteous. So I tried to take away your joy any way that I could.” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I forgot about grace.”
Roxy couldn’t stand it any longer. She pulled Elena forward and threw her arms around her, pulling her close. “It’s okay. Really, it is.”
“No, it isn’t okay. It was wrong of me.” Elena’s voice dropped to a whisper. “My righteousness is but filthy rags.”
Roxy wanted to say something, but her throat was too tight with emotions. So she held on, for the love of her sister.
=
There was something quite wonderful about standing in the shade of these big old river trees, hugging Roxy, knowing she was forgiven.
At last Elena drew a ragged breath and took a step backward. “I’d better finish what I came to say or I may never get it done.”
“Okay.” Her sister gave her an uncertain smile, as if afraid they might go downhill from here.
“Last night, I begged the Lord to show me about grace, what it means, and you know what I discovered about myself in the process?”
Roxy shook her head.
“I learned that I was like the believing Jews who told the Gen- tiles that unless they were circumcised, they couldn’t be saved. I wanted to add extra things that you had to do or not do if I was going to believe you were right with God. I was diminishing His grace in your life.” She wiped away more tears. “Please forgive me, Roxy. I didn’t want you to sing because I knew it made you happy, and I wanted you to be punished first. I wanted you to have to wait a little, to suffer a little, before I forgave you.” She took a deep breath. “I guess I wanted you to have to wait for God to forgive you too. Grace seemed too easy.”
There was more, of course. More that God revealed to her in the wee hours of the morning. He’d shown her things hidden in her heart
⎯
pride, willfulness, and a critical spirit. For too long, she’d looked upon her little sister’s poor choices and failed to see that her own sins were as bad
⎯
or worse
⎯
even when she was able conceal them from others.
But she couldn’t conceal them from God. He knew the real condition of her heart.
He knew and loved her anyway. Grace was a beautiful thing.
Epilogue
August 2007
It was difficult not to cry over the beautiful lyrics that promised a lifetime of devotion and faithfulness, difficult not to cry with her emotions running high, but somehow Roxy sang without tears.
As the last notes of the wedding song faded into the far corners of the sanctuary, her gaze met with the bride’s.
I love you
, Elena mouthed.
I love you too
, Roxy responded.
There was no stopping her tears after that. Her heart was too full of joy, of thankfulness, of hope . . . of music.
As Elena and Wyatt exchanged their vows, Roxy’s thoughts drifted to that beautiful spring day by the river when her sister asked for forgiveness. Something new was born that day. A new bond between sisters. A new friendship with her future brother- in-law. A new understanding that God’s plans for her future were good plans. A new hope for the person she might become.
Thank You, Father.
Her thoughts trailed back even further, back to that awful day in Nashville when she lay on the bathroom floor in her miserable studio apartment, hungry and heartsick, and knew she had to come home. She thought returning to Idaho meant failure, meant her dreams were gone for good. But she was mistaken.
God had called her to return, all right. But not to Boise. He’d called her to return to Him. He’d brought her home so He could give her new dreams, good dreams, the best dreams.
Strange, wasn’t it? Strange and wonderful, the way He worked.
“You will forget the shame of your youth . . .”
She envisioned herself dragging around the sins of her past, like a ball and chain clamped to her ankle. Only dragging all that baggage wasn’t necessary. Roxy had received grace from her father. She’d received grace from Wyatt and her sister. Most important, she’d received it from God.
Grace, she’d discovered, was the key that could unfasten the ball and chain of her past. She envisioned that too. The heavenly hand that not only took away her sins but made it possible to look forward and not back.
Elena was right. Grace
was
too easy.
Which was, after all, what made it grace.
A N ote from the Author
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
Dear Friends:
I’m often asked if I have a favorite among my own novels. The answer is, “No.” I don’t have a favorite. Each book was written for a reason. A plot point or a character or a line of dialogue captured my imagination and intrigued me enough that I had to write the story down to see how it ended. So each novel is a favorite to me in a unique way.
Return to Me
is special because of Roxy. It was in the fall of
2004 when I “met” this prodigal daughter. I was in a motel in Illi- nois, waiting to be picked up and taken to a television station where I would do an interview regarding another novel,
Beyond the Shad- ows
. Seated at the desk, staring at the laptop screen, I heard these lines in my head: “There exists a strange moment between sleep and wakefulness when dreams cease and realism remains at bay. That was when Roxy’s heart spoke to her.
It’s time to go home.
”
In my mind, I saw Roxy Burke
⎯
broken and wounded, sick
and despairing, desperately in need of God’s grace
⎯
and I knew I had to explore her story. I had to know why she was in that terrible place (both physical and spiritual) and how she would find her way out of it.
My passion to tell Roxy’s story was easy to understand. You see, I know what it means to make poor choices, to suffer consequences
and estrangement, to feel guilt and shame. I understand the desper- ate need for grace. And I also understand the wondrous truth that God’s grace is there for us, every time we turn to Him with open hearts.
I pray that you will be amazed by His glorious grace today.
In the grip of His grace,
Robin Lee H atcher
From her heart … to yours!
Return to Me
Roxy Burke leaves her father and sister after saying some pretty harsh things. Was Roxy justified in her anger? What kind of impact could this anger have on Roxy’s future?
What is your first impression of Roxy’s relationship with her sister, Elena? From whom do you receive most of your clues about their relationship? Are you able to relate more to Roxy or Elena?
When we next see Roxy and Elena, they are at very different points in their lives. What circumstances in their lives led them to this present state? What are some of the turning points in your own life?
Jonathan has a very strong reaction to his daughter Roxy’s return. Did you expect this reaction? What does this tell you about Jonathan? What would your reaction be?
Elena’s reaction to Roxy’s return is quite different from her father’s. Is she right to react in this way? What are some of the feelings Elena must be having? How would you react to this if you were Roxy?
Roxy attends church the first Sunday she is home. How does Roxy react to the service?
After talking with Wyatt about his choice to go to seminary, Roxy finds herself back at her old drinking grounds. At such an unusual place, Roxy finds God entering her heart. What are
some of the things God uses to speak to Roxy? What are some stumbling blocks in Roxy’s life?
Consider the main message throughout this book. How does God show forgiveness in your own life? How do you show forgiveness to others?
Elena pushes Wyatt away when Roxy shows up, even question- ing Wyatt’s love for her. What are her anxieties? Why does she decide to call off the wedding?
In the midst of emotional turmoil, Wyatt turns to God through hiking. Where do you go when you need personal time with God? What makes that time special?
Wyatt’s injury brings the family to a crossroads. What obstacles does the Burke family need to overcome in order to make peace with each other? What do they need to overcome to have peace within?
Think about the end of the book. Is this the end of the story for the Burkes? What is to come in their future? And the most important question: what about grace?
