Return to You (12 page)

“Showtime.”

* * *

James was faring no better. His concentration had been shitty all day. He couldn't focus on anything, and what was worse was that everyone seemed to notice. More than once, one of his coworkers had simply given him an amused look as they took over some of his basic tasks. It was damn embarrassing.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could see Selena, feel her,
want
her. It was maddening. How could one night—or one morning—affect him so strongly? What was it about her? It was like she was a part of him, in his blood. Even though he knew he was going to see her tonight, walking away just to go to work had caused a physical ache in the region of his heart. If anything, it was worse than losing her back then.

If there was a way to forget about the tragedy in their past and focus strictly on the emotions, attraction, and what they felt for each other right now, James would gladly do it. No woman had ever made him feel the way Selena did, and he knew now that no one ever would. After so much time apart, it was still there; it was like living without a limb part of your life and then getting it back.

She completed him.

Unfortunately, there were things that couldn't be ignored, and wouldn't he rather deal with them now and try to get through them together than let them continue to fester and then burst out at a later time? He could only imagine what it would be like to try to ignore the past and to move forward with a future with her now that they were adults. They were older now and could have all of the things they had once only dreamed of. But wouldn't it be harder to actually have all of that and then lose it?

Maybe.

All day, he had wondered what tonight really was. A date? A meeting? After last night and this morning, he wanted nothing more than to show up here with flowers and wine and to sweep Selena into his arms and make love to her again all night long. But there was something about that scenario that refused to sit right. What if it was all a fluke? A matter of just getting one another out of their systems? That thought made him angry; he'd be damned if he'd let her use him like that. Then again, he'd feel like a complete ass if he showed up with all of the trappings of a romantic evening and she was prepared for a more businesslike discussion.

Why didn't relationships come with a damn handbook?

Getting involved with Selena again could be emotional suicide. He knew she had a life back in North Carolina, and for all he knew, she was just passing the time with him while she was here in town. That just simply pissed him off. The girl he had known wouldn't be so cruel, so callous. Then again, he didn't know Selena as a woman, only the girl of eighteen whom he had fallen in love with. Could she have changed that much?

How was he going to survive her leaving again? How could he ask her to stay? Raking a hand through his hair, James cursed himself. He was getting way ahead of the situation. For all he knew, they would talk, hash things out, and find out that all they had was sexual chemistry and a whole lot of anger. He shook his head. They had more than chemistry. You didn't make love with that kind of passion again and again with simple chemistry. Hell, he'd only made love to one woman who brought out that kind of passion in him.

Shit.

He was still in love with Selena Ainsley.

He heard her footsteps approaching from inside the room. He swallowed hard. She held all of the cards in her hands, and she didn't even realize it. At the end of the day, anger or no anger, James knew everything he wanted, everything he had ever wanted, was waiting for him on the other side of that door, inside that hotel room.

Selena opened the door, and all of the pent-up tension from the day left his body. No matter what happened next, no matter what was said, James wasn't going to let her walk away this time without a fight.

One
look.

One look was all it took for all the fight to leave her. Mirrored on James's face was the same uncertainty, the same level of wanting,
needing,
that she knew she was feeling. It was good to know that she wasn't alone in all of this, that clearly he was feeling the exact same way. A slow smile crept across her face because the reality was that she was pleased to see him and relieved that he was finally there.

Stepping aside for him to enter, Selena wasn't sure if she was supposed to kiss him hello or hug him or…anything. This was foreign territory for her. How was someone supposed to behave after a morning of mind-blowing sex with your ex-boyfriend when you really needed to sit down and have a serious discussion? She chewed her bottom lip nervously as she wracked her brain for the right thing to do, to say.

James took the decision from her hands when he closed the door, stepped in close, and kissed her. It was gentle. It was tender. It was exactly what she needed. Her entire body softened against his, and with nothing more than a simple nudge, Selena's back was to the wall and her arms wound around his neck to hold him close. She wasn't sure who sighed with contentment first; all she knew was that never in her entire life had she been so in sync with someone.

Only with James.

It was a good feeling.

All too soon James lifted his head and rested his forehead against hers. “I know that probably wasn't the best way to start the night, but I couldn't resist,” he confessed. Pulling back, he looked at the dreamy smile on Selena's face and then leaned back in and kissed her still-closed eyes. Then he breathed her in—the scent of her perfume, the shampoo she used, and sighed happily. “How was your day?”

It was so domestic, so comfortable, that Selena had no problem falling right into it with him. “Mmm…it was good.” Opening her eyes, she took him by the hand and led him over to the sofa before offering him a beer and refilling her glass of wine. Handing the beer to him, she walked around and sat beside him. “I had a wonderful visit with my grandmother.”

“Was she surprised to hear from you?”

Selena chuckled. “Yes, she was, and no one needed to bring in a crash cart.”

“Smart-ass.”

She chuckled at the expression on his face. “It was so great to have the afternoon together. We talked; she showed me around the gardens of the retirement community and introduced me to about a hundred people before going for an early-bird dinner.”

“Four thirty?”

“Four o'clock,” she said with a smile and reached for her forgotten glass of wine. “I left around five, spoke to Jen, and then met up with her at the diner. There are
no
diners
in North Carolina; I had forgotten how much I love them!”

“So you had two dinners?” he teased.

Shaking her head, Selena couldn't help but laugh. “Absolutely not! I had a sensible snack while she ate.” She took a slow sip of wine, watching him over the rim of her glass. “It was good to sit and talk with her. She had a rough day at school and is still feeling anxious about what's going on. Any chance that you found Todd?”

“I'm not at liberty to say,” he replied seriously. “Let's just say it will be over soon.” He knew all of the reasons he wasn't supposed to share the information with Selena, and he wished it could be different. He wanted to talk to her, to share with her the things about his job that frustrated him—like Jen's case. Shaking his head, James knew that he needed to wait and see how things played out before he totally opened up to Selena and thought about breaking any rules for her.

“That's a relief. I know Jen is anxious to get her life back to normal.” Waiting a beat, she watched James as a slow smile crossed her face. “So she told me that Mike stopped by last night. You know, he checked the house, the perimeter, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, did he mention anything to you?” James looked at her and smiled broadly before laughing. “What? What's so funny?”

“Selena, I'm a thirty-year-old man. I'm a little beyond this kind of gossip.”

“It's not…gossip…per se. Let's just say that I'm a little curious.”

Leaning in, he placed a quick kiss on her nose. “Well you're going to have to stay curious because Mike and I don't sit around braiding each other's hair while we talk about girls.”

She gave him a playful shove. “Ha, ha, very funny.”

The silence that followed wasn't as awkward as either of them feared it would be. Over general small talk, they finished their drinks and ate from the cheese-and-cracker platter Selena had ordered. “I wasn't sure if you had eaten dinner, so I figured this was a good way to start. If you'd like, we can order for you.”

James shook his head. “I've eaten, but thank you.” With all of the easy conversation used up, James had to wonder who was going to be the first to bring up the elephant in the room. Things were going so well, so completely relaxing, that the thought of talking about anything remotely uncomfortable made his gut clench. By the look on Selena's face, she wasn't anticipating it either.

“We don't have to do this,” he finally said, taking one of her hands in his.

Relief immediately washed over her features. Squeezing his hand, she gave him a sad smile as she whispered, “I really think that we do.” James gave a curt nod. “I hate that it's taken us so long to actually sit down and do this, and now that we're here, I don't even know where to begin.”

Carefully, James removed his hand from hers before finishing his beer. Standing, he paced away from the sofa and back again.
It's like pulling off a Band-Aid
, he told himself. There were so many things he needed to get off his chest, and although it pained him to dredge it all up, he knew there was no other way. With a deep breath, James steadied himself and spoke the words out loud that he hadn't allowed himself to think for far too many years.

“The last time I saw you,” he began, his voice gruff with emotion, “we were happy and planning our future. The next thing I know, I get a frantic call from Jen. All she would say was that you'd been in an accident. When I got to the hospital, I wasn't allowed to see you and I had to stand there like some sort of criminal while I was being told that while, yes, you were in an accident, you had gotten rid of our baby. Why, Selena? Why did you do it?”

“I didn't!” she cried, jumping to her feet. “The car accident caused a miscarriage! Believe me, I would have never done what you're accusing me of! How could you even think that?”

“I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm going by what I was told, dammit! Your father stood there, flanked by two policemen, thank you very much, and told me that you had a fender bender and opted to terminate the pregnancy!” The stricken look on her face almost made him regret his raised tone of voice, but it felt so good to finally say the words to her out loud. “He told me you didn't want to see me, that you had sent him down to talk to me, and then told me to leave! When I tried to get by, to get around him and to the elevator, the cops stopped me.”

“He lied to you!”

James shook his head with disbelief. “I said that to him, I accused him of lying, and he grabbed me, hard, and told me that if I didn't leave, he'd have me brought up on statutory rape charges.” His eyes were hard as he stared Selena down, daring her to defend her father.

“What? Where did that even come from?” she demanded. “I knew he wasn't happy about our dating or about the whole situation, but why would he threaten you with something like that? It doesn't make sense!”

“You were seventeen when we started dating; I was twenty. If he wanted to, he could have had me thrown in jail, and you would have had nothing to say about it. As your parent, it was his right to make that call. It didn't matter that it was consensual; it doesn't matter that you were eighteen when he made the threat. He had the power to ruin my life, and you didn't do a damn thing to stop him.” It was amazing how quickly the emotions came to the surface, no matter how much he told himself that they didn't matter anymore.

“I was unconscious for three days, James! By the time I woke up, you were gone! Kent wouldn't tell us where you were, and everyone we knew had no idea how to find you! Jen tried the whole time I was unconscious, but there was no trace of you. She even went to your boss!”

“No,” he said defiantly. “I think you got cold feet about marrying me. It was fine when it was just us talking casually about it, but once you said you were pregnant and I pinned you down about marrying me, you changed your mind. You thought I was going to amount to nothing, just like he said, and you wanted a way out. I know you didn't plan the accident, but it certainly gave you a convenient excuse to dump me.” He stalked over to the bar and grabbed the second beer she had ordered earlier.

Selena did her own stalking and grabbed the bottle out of his hands. “You can't be serious! Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?”

“I don't think it does,” he snapped as he grabbed the bottle back out of her hands. “I think that you, just like your parents, didn't think that I was good enough for you. I was a fun way to pass the time, but as soon as we had a way to be together, you found a way out.”

“I didn't find a way out, you jackass! I was hit by a drunk driver and could have been killed! I had broken bones, a concussion… For God's sake, I was in a coma! Believe me, if I had wanted a way out of our relationship, there were far less dramatic ways to do it!”

They stood there glaring at one another. James didn't appreciate being called a jackass any more than he appreciated the way her father had talked to him all those years ago. “Call him.”

“Who?” she asked, confusion covering her face.

“Your father. Call him and make him tell me he lied. If you're telling me the truth,” he challenged.

She paled. “I can't.”

He wanted to punch something; he wanted to howl and scream and yell until his throat was raw. For so long, he did his best to convince himself that maybe he was wrong about Selena, that her father actually had lied. But now? When given the opportunity to prove it, she couldn't. “That's what I thought,” James said. Walking across the room, he picked up his keys and headed toward the door. “I don't think there's anything else to say.”

“Don't you dare walk out on me again, James Montgomery!” Selena yelled across the room. “You had your say, and dammit, now it's my turn.” Walking over to him, she took the keys from his hands and threw them over her shoulder. She was tired of never standing up for herself, for letting everyone else have their say while she stood back and kept her silence no matter what the cost to her emotional state.

“Ten years ago I fell in love with you and wanted to have a life with you. No, my parents weren't pleased, and no, they didn't think you were good enough, but I didn't care. I loved you, and whether you choose to believe it or not, I loved our baby. I wanted to marry you more than anything else in the world.” Turning her back on him, she walked farther back into the living room. “When I woke up and found out that I had miscarried, I wanted to die. I called out for you, begged Jen and my mother to go and get you, but you were already gone. I didn't want to believe it; I couldn't believe that you would just leave me like that. I thought you loved me.” Tears began to freely flow down her cheeks, but she didn't care.

“All the time I spent recovering, the only thing that kept me going was the hope that you were going to come back for me. I missed the fall semester of college due to physical therapy, and I kept telling myself that if I got strong enough, you'd come back.” She turned and glared at him. “But you didn't.

“When I finally did leave for college I thought for sure you'd find me then. After all, I was living away from home, away from my family, and you'd know that we could finally be together. And still you didn't come,” she spat. “Since you never told me about your parents or where they lived, I had no idea where to find you. Kent and his parents were no help either. There was nothing left for me to do but give up and go on with my pathetic life.”

“Selena—”

“No,” she sobbed. “I've waited a long time to say this, and you're going to let me finish.” Wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand, she continued to slowly pace the room. “I didn't care about school. I didn't care about anything. My parents sold the house here and moved down to Florida, where I was going to school because they were worried about me, but they should have paid more attention to themselves because by the time they got down there, their marriage was all but over.”

“Don't expect me to feel bad for them, Selena,” he said firmly.

She gave a disheartened laugh. “I don't expect that at all, and to be honest, I didn't feel bad for them either. They divorced six months later, and I haven't spoken to my father much since.” She stopped and did the math in her head. “It's actually going on about four years now since I last spoke to him.”

“Because of me?”

She shook her head. “Because of me. He lied, he manipulated, and when I finally got my head together, I realized he had been doing it my entire life. He was so fixated on what was best for him and what he wanted that he never considered anyone else's feelings. Once I severed all ties with him, I found that I actually had some peace.” Another sad laugh escaped. “I hadn't had that in a very long time. Since us.”

Walking over to the dining room table, she poured herself another glass of wine and took a sip. “I finished school mainly because it was something to do, but I wasn't interested in what I was studying.” She shrugged. “My roommate in college was from North Carolina, and she invited me to visit after graduation. I fell in love with the Outer Banks and never left.”