Rev It Up (39 page)

“Kids are resilient,” the nurse said.

“And thank God for that,” Michelle nodded in agreement.

“Speaking of,” Susan shook her head in wonder. “He works in mysterious ways, doesn’t He?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Mr. Sommers here donated blood for your son’s surgery, and lo and behold, barely a day later, he comes in needing that same blood. I’d say that’s a miracle.”

“Yeah, miraculous,” she murmured, though, for her part, she was just happy and thankful Jake was alive.

All that’d happened out in California, the rejection and abandonment, didn’t matter anymore. His ignoring her letter, refusing to come to her even when she begged him, didn’t matter anymore. Even his demanding joint custody of Franklin didn’t matter anymore.

All that mattered was that he was alive. Because despite everything, maybe
because
of everything, she loved him.

And even if there was no future for them, even if he was never able to forgive her for what she’d done, she’d go on loving him. Because she didn’t want to imagine, could not
fathom,
a world without him in it…

***

“How’s our resident man of the hour?” Rock asked, leaning against the door jamb Nurse Susan had vacated not more than ten minutes before.

Michelle glanced at Jake lying in the hospital bed, frowning at his pale cheeks, which came frighteningly close to matching the white gauze wrapped around his head. Without his deep, California tan he looked…not weak, he was still roped with muscle, all big and imposing in that hospital gown…maybe the word to use would be vulnerable. For the first time in their long history together, Jake appeared vulnerable.

“Forty stitches,” she murmured, marveling once more at the strength it must have taken for him to function with that type of head wound long enough to get Franklin to safety and to save her as well, “a pint of blood—maybe more to come, the doctor says we’ll wait and see—and a moderate concussion. I’d say our man of the hour is in rough shape, but I’ve been told he’ll pull through.”

“Never doubted it for an instant,
chère
,” Rock winked.

“No?” She slowly pushed up from the lumpy love seat and softly padded across the room, backing Rock out into the hall so their conversation wouldn’t disturb the small amount of sleep Jake was able to snatch between doctor’s visits. With a concussion, he was prodded awake and bombarded with questions to check his cognition every hour on the hour. “You didn’t even doubt it when he did a swan dive into my kitchen floor?”

Lord knows
she’d
suffered a moment of uncertainty. Especially when it seemed to take for-freakin’-
ever
for the ambulance to arrive, and all the while Jake’s breathing was rapid and shallow, his pulse thready. Holding his ravaged head in her lap, applying pressure to that gruesome wound, she’d made a deal with God.

Let Jake live, and she wouldn’t fight him over the joint custody of Franklin.

It was a deal she planned to keep even though doing so was going to kill a little part of her…

“
Non
, not even then,” Rock said, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. They were silent for a while before Rock spoke again. “I’m, uh,” he scratched his ear and grimaced. “I’m sorry about your nanny. If Vanessa and I had found out about Johnny earlier, we could’ve—”

“No,” she stopped him, shaking her head as her heart bled with remorse. Lisa Brown had been a sweet, beautiful woman with a bright future, and Michelle didn’t think there was a level of hell nasty enough for the likes of Johnny Vitiglioni after what he’d done to her. Every time she thought of it, she wanted to slit Johnny’s throat all over again. And she’d learned from the investigating officers that they’d found a dozen blue roses in Lisa’s apartment. Those goddamned blue roses. Michelle never wanted to see another one in her entire life. “You can’t blame yourself. Johnny was a monster. And we have to take comfort, small as it may be, in the knowledge that he’s dead. That he’ll never do to another woman what he did to Lisa.”

“
Oui
,” Rock sighed, and once again they fell into silence, each lost in their own thoughts, their own grief. Then Rock cocked his head, letting his eyes run over her face.

“What’s that look for?” she asked. “Do I look as bad as I feel?” When this was all over, when everything was finally said and done, she was going to sleep for a week. Maybe two weeks…

“Ya know you’re always beautiful to me, Shell. No matter what.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes, not buying Rock’s whole charming-southern-gentleman act for an instant. She hadn’t looked in a mirror, but she was pretty sure she could pass for an extra in
The
Walking
Dead
. “
Okay
,” she crossed her own arms, mirroring his stance, “so then what’s with the look?”

“You’ve been keeping secrets,
ma
petite
soeur
.”

And yep, the Black Knights grapevine had obviously been hard at work.

She sighed with resignation. “And
you’re
one to talk?”

“You’ve got me there,” he slung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her back until she leaned against the wall beside him. “So what are you guys going to do?” he whispered in her ear after a long pause, hugging her close to his side.

And suddenly the need to cry was overwhelming. She’d held everything together all night, but now that the adrenaline had worn off, she was teetering precariously close to the edge of an emotional breakdown.

A
well-deserved
emotional breakdown, as far as she was concerned.

“We’re going to split custody.” Just saying the words out loud felt like a punch in the gut. “Jake says Frank offered him a job, so he’s moving here to Chicago. It’ll be a struggle, no doubt, given the nature of the work you guys do and how inconsistent his schedule will be, but we’ll figure it out.”

Rock turned toward her, his brow furrowed. “You mean ya’ll aren’t gonna try to make it work?”

A hard stone of remorse settled in the pit of her stomach, making her nauseated on top of her nearly overwhelming grief. “It’s impossible,” she shook her head. “He’ll never forgive me.”

“Are ya sure about that?”

She searched Rock’s hazel eyes, her own hot with unshed tears. There was so much she could cry about, so much she
should
cry about, but she was afraid to start. Because once she did, she might never stop. “How could he? I kept his son from him and I—”

“You thought you had your reasons,” he interrupted.

“I
thought
I did,” she hiccupped, unable to stop the tear that spilled onto her cheek. “But I was wrong. So wrong. He’s nothing like my father, Rock. Because my father was an incredibly thoughtless man who only ever really cared about one thing, himself. But Jake,” she shook her head, “Jake cares so much about all of us that he took himself away from everything and everyone he knew and loved in order to—” She choked on her tears, unable to go on now that she was admitting the truth to herself. The awful, horrible truth…

Rock pulled her into his embrace, and she wished she could find comfort there. Unfortunately, she feared she’d never be comforted again.

“Now don’t go making a martyr outta him,
ma
belle
,” Rock crooned. “He made his share of mistakes, too.”

She shook her head against his shoulder. “But they’re nothing compared to—”

“
Chère
,” he held her at arms’ length. “You both share in the guilt on this one. You
both
do. Doncha go shoulderin’ it all by yourself.”

She nodded, gulping down the sobs that threatened at the back of her throat, wishing she could believe him.

They were silent then. Her wiping away the hot tears on her cheeks as she tried to get herself back under control. Him watching her so intently it wasn’t helping matters in the least. Then he went a made things oh so much worse by asking, “Do you love him?”

And yep, so much for getting herself back under control. A new torrent of tears spilled from her eyes. “Of course I love him,” she admitted aloud for the first time ever. The words seemed to hang in the air, buoyant in their freedom. “I’ve always loved him,” she finished quietly, her shattered heart cutting at her insides until she thought she might die from the pain of it.

“Well then, there ya go. Love conquers all.”

Oh, if only it were that simple…

***

Balancing three cups of coffee in her hands, Vanessa carefully made her way down the hall of Northwestern Memorial Hospital. When she reached Rock—looking far too sexy leaning back against the wall,
grrrr
—and Michelle—looking like she’d been through nuclear winter, poor woman—she handed off two of the cups and then popped the lid off the third, blowing over the top of the steaming, brown, life-saving liquid.

Since joining BKI, she’d learned it was almost possible to live on the stuff.

“So what’s up,” she asked, taking a sip and glancing back and forth between the two of them. “What are you two chitchatting about?”

“The fact that love conquers all,” Rock said, sipping his coffee and eyeing her over the rim.

“Does it?” she asked, quickly glancing over at Michelle.

Michelle opened her mouth to respond but shut it again when Rock’s phone made a really weird
pinging
noise.

“
Merde
,” he cursed, digging in his hip pocket and pulling out his phone, frowning at the screen. “I’ve got to go.”

Uh-huh. And she knew what that meant. His
other
job was calling.

“When will you be back?” she asked, surprised to discover she was holding her breath, waiting for the answer.

“Dunno,” he shook his head, turning away. Then he seemed to hesitate, swinging around to pin her with a hard stare. “I want you to know…” He slid a sidelong glance toward Michelle. “I…I just wanted to say that I enjoyed our time together,” he swallowed and scratched his ear. And with that heart-stopping declaration, he turned and strutted down the hall with that loose, hip-shot swagger that drove her insane.

She turned back to Michelle. “And with that,” she snapped her fingers, “
poof
. He’s gone.”

“Welcome to the wonderful world of Black Knights Incorporated,” Michelle muttered, her expression filled with understanding. “Of course, if it’s any consolation, I’ve known Rock a long time, and I’ve never seen him look at another woman the way he looks at you.”

She snorted. “Fat lot of good that does me considering he seems determined to keep me at arm’s length.”

Resignation flickered through Michelle’s swollen, bloodshot eyes. “From the little Frank has told me about what Rock’s involved in, from the little Frank
knows
, it’s probably best that Rock does keep you at arm’s length.”

“Yeah, well, a girl can always dream, can’t she?”

Michelle smiled sadly and patted her on the shoulder before they both turned and headed into Snake’s hospital room to sit vigil. Only they hadn’t gone more than a few feet when Michelle abruptly stopped in front of her.

“Damn,” she cursed, spilling some of her coffee on the floor when she slammed into the woman’s back. “What gives?”

Then she glanced around Michelle to see Jake’s very pale, very awake face.

“I heard what you and Rock were talking about,” he said, and Michelle jerked upright like someone shoved a cattle-prod straight up her ass.

“Which part?” The poor woman’s voice was barely a whisper, her eyes wide and unblinking.

“All of it.”

Vanessa looked back and forth between the two of them, and her “angst light” clicked on. Big time.

Okay. Time to beat feet, Van.

Glancing at her watch, she announced, “Look at the time. Man, it’s getting late. I’m sure I’m late for something. I can’t think of what, but I’m sure it’s important and—” She stopped, swallowing, smiling weakly before deciding to cut her losses.

Then she did the smart thing and turned to make her escape.

***

Jake watched BKI’s communications specialist turn tail and run before he let his gaze linger on Shell’s anxious expression.

There were a dozen stiletto-wearing demons tap-dancing on his brain every time he opened his eyes, but he’d take the pain. Oh mama, would he take the pain, just to see Shell’s face when she finally told him she loved him.