Revelations (The Elysium Chronicles) (17 page)

He doesn’t say anything, only stares at the ground as if it might swallow him whole. Maybe he wishes it would.

Unable to remain sitting, I thrust myself to my feet. Although my legs are shaky and weak, I stumble my way over to the balcony and shove open the doors with Asher not far behind me. It’s cold, but I lean against the metal railing. My breath puffs out in plumes in front of my face. The balcony overlooks the house next door, but in my mind’s eye I’m picturing the Outlands.

Too long. Entirely too long. No food. No water. Way too long.

Asher steps up beside me and places his hand on my shoulder.

I can’t help it. I blurt out, “Do you think Gavin’s just stuck outside the gates? That that’s why he hasn’t come yet?”

The hand on my shoulder tightens and I know what he’s going to say before he does. I keep talking so that I don’t have to hear it.

“Maybe we should have left the visa there with them. Maybe we should go there and see. Maybe he’s waiting for us and wondering why we haven’t come.”

He turns me around slowly to face him, his face a mask of misery.

He can’t be gone. He can’t be gone.

“Evie. He’s not there.”

Panic rises up in me, and I try pushing it back down, but it’s almost impossible. I know any minute I’m going to lose it. I’m going to fall apart. Right here. Right now. I wrap my arms around my waist as if I can keep myself together that way. “How do you know? You can’t know that.”

“I do. I’ve gone every day to check with the guards to see if he’s shown.”

I curl into myself. “But he could be there
now
!” I try to make it sound like I believe it myself, but even I know I’m not very convincing. “We should head over there and see if he’s waiting.”

He shakes his head. “He’s not coming, Evie. The odds of him getting away from the vultures were extremely slim. And even if he did,” he barrels on, ignoring my open mouth, obviously knowing what I was going to say, “he’d have been hurt, with no food or water. In the Outlands it’s been over a hundred degrees every day this week during the day, and near freezing at night. Not to mention the coyotes and the wolves. There’s no way he made it through all that.”

My heart lurches in my chest and I stagger against the railing. I have to close my eyes against the pain, but still I can see him perfectly. His golden hair blowing in the breeze from the birds’ wings and his beautiful gray eyes staring into mine as Starshine raced from him. I can see, now, he knew then he wasn’t going to make it. When he said “I love you,” what he really meant was “Good-bye.”

Suddenly I’m so angry, it wouldn’t surprise me to actually see red seeping into the corners of my eyes. “And whose fault is that?
You left him!
You wouldn’t let me go back for him! It’s your fault. Yours!” I scream at him.

He only nods, which makes me even angrier. “I know.”

I can’t stop myself—I punch him in the chest. But he doesn’t even stop me. Which makes me even angrier and I punch him again. And again. It isn’t making me feel any better, it just makes me more irate with each hit. Because he doesn’t even
try
to stop me.

Obviously I’m not hitting very hard, because he doesn’t move, doesn’t even wince. He only continues to stare at me with those pain-filled eyes.

That just infuriates me more. How dare he just stand there and take it? How dare he not even fight back—not even tell me I’m wrong. That it’s really
my
fault that Gavin’s gone. Probably dead. Why is he just standing there taking it?

My mind’s a jumble of emotions and thoughts. Pain. Anger. Sorrow. Frustration. Back to pain.

It isn’t until the tears I hadn’t noticed blind me and I can’t breathe that Asher stops me, taking my wrists into his hands.

Exhausted, I slump against him, sobbing into my hands. My heart is cracked in so many places, it’s hard to imagine it ever getting put back together completely.

“He can’t be gone,” I whisper, not because I don’t believe he’s dead, but because I need him. And I know it’s really my fault he’s gone. He’d always been there when I needed him, but I wasn’t there the one time he needed me.

Asher lowers us so that we’re both kneeling on the floor. And despite the fact that I just spent the last who-knows-how-long hitting him, he gathers me into his arms and holds me. Not saying a word, simply holding me.

The doors to the room open, but he shakes his head and whoever it was leaves, shutting the door quietly behind them.

C
HAPTER
T
HIRTEEN

Not since the Gutenberg printing press has anything had such a profound impact on the peoples of this world as the nanorevolution. Nanotechnology, developed in part by Lenore Allen, changed the entire course of the War in favor of those in possession of the technology.

—
E
XCERPT FROM
A B
RIEF
H
ISTORY OF THE
21
ST
C
ENTURY
, “
N
ANOREVOLUTION”

Evie

After a long time, I finally cry myself out. Asher still holds me tightly against him. I push gently away, brushing the tears from my face with my sleeve, and look up to the stars. I’m too tired to pull completely away from Asher and it feels so nice, I don’t really want to anyway. It’s the small comforts now. The cold wind bites and snaps at my skin, but I don’t care.

“They’re not as pretty here,” I say, thinking of that last night with Gavin in the clearing. Just us two. Lying next to each other, discussing the stars. It makes me sad. They kind of remind me of myself with their faded lights, and I’m reminded that every day I’m fading. Without Gavin, I have nothing to anchor me to my old life. Who I used to be.

“No, they’re not.” His voice is soft. “It’s all the lights. They’re jealous of the stars, and try to drown them out.”

I know it’s not true, but it’s a nice thought.

We sit, both of us lost in our thoughts. I know something is bothering him, but I also know that he’ll tell me what it is. Especially if it has something to do with me. That’s one of the things I like about Asher. His unwavering honesty. No matter how terrible—or how difficult—he will
always
tell me the truth. Even when I don’t want him to.

My mind flits over to Gavin and my heart squeezes. I miss that stupid little smile he gets when he looks at me and doesn’t think I’m looking. I miss the way just the touch of him makes my heart swell, and how he looks at me like I’m the only one in the world. Or at least the only one that matters. I miss how he paces every time he’s frustrated, or trying to figure something out, or nervous. I even miss that he
doesn’t
tell me everything. Even as frustrating as that can be.

“They did some tests. While you were out. The test results came back,” Asher says, yanking me from my thoughts.

“Hmm?” I turn to face him. I’m numb now. I can’t seem to find the energy to care about the results, but for Asher’s sake, I try to force enthusiasm. “Oh. That’s great. Any news?”

“Nothing we don’t know already.”

I nod and turn my face back up to the stars. That didn’t seem all that bad, but Asher still acts like something is bothering him.

“The doctor wants to draw more blood tomorrow. Talk with you, too. If you’re up to it.”

I sigh, but nod. That’s not entirely unexpected, either. And again, I don’t really care. “Of course. Whatever he thinks is necessary.”

“Evie? Look at me.” His voice is still low, but there’s something in his tone that has fear pushing past the numbness.

I turn to face him, furrowing my brow.

“They want to study your nanos. They think that … that they might have something to do with you being sick.”

“My … nanos?” Nanos were what destroyed that town. What turned living, breathing people into rock and stone. My hand shakes and I frown even more as terror makes my heart kick in my chest. “I have
nanos
in me? How do you know?”

“Gavin told me,” he says without meeting my eyes. “I—I thought you knew that.”

Another of Gavin’s omissions. For a minute, anger chases the terror away. So, even though there’s bad blood between Asher and Gavin, Gavin still told Asher things about me. Maybe even everything about me.
Asher
was good enough to trust with
my
secrets, but not me.

When Gavin gets here, I’m so going to tell him exactly what I think about that, and then I’m going to demand he tell me absolutely everything. And if he thinks he can talk himself out of this one, he’s got another think coming.

But then I remember Gavin isn’t here. Isn’t coming. Ever. And that numbness returns, replacing the anger. Concealing the fear. And then I can only nod.

I knead my skirt in my hands, pulling and tugging softly at the fabric. “I see. So are they like the ones that killed those people? Am I going to turn into stone like they did?”

Something like sadness flashes before his eyes and he stretches out his hand. Probably to take my hand, but I slide it out of reach.

He rakes it through his hair instead and tugs on the ends. “Yes. And no. It’s not the same kind, I guess. More … complex or something. They don’t really know, but they want to find out.”

“So … I won’t turn to stone?”

He shakes his head. “They don’t think so. From what Gavin said, you’ve had them a long time and they were meant to help … not hurt. They just want to do more testing to see if they’re malfunctioning.”

I’m grateful for the numbness I feel. Being numb is so much better than being afraid. Better than feeling your heart break into tiny pieces. Better than any of the emotions I could—probably
should
—be feeling right now.

“Of course. Whatever they think is necessary.”

My voice is flat as I say it and I know Asher’s worried, but he only sighs.

“You don’t have to worry.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it before I can pull away again. “I’ll be there for you. I won’t leave you by yourself. I promise.”

For a minute, a spark of anger ignites in me again. I remember Gavin saying that in the village right before the trip. And, softly, in the back of my head like an echo of a memory, I hear someone else saying it.

I can’t stop myself from saying, “I’ve heard that before.” I turn away from him as self-pity pricks at my heart. “But it’s a lie. It’s
always
a lie.”

C
HAPTER
F
OURTEEN

The answer to our problem has fallen in our laps, gentlemen. One of my son’s friends has made a marvelous find. A young girl, the heir to a throne it would seem, from a city under the ocean. I know what you are thinking, and at first I didn’t believe it either, but I’ve watched this girl and talked with the village doctor. She is most certainly different from any young woman we’ve ever seen. She appears quite ill, although it’s unclear whether it’s emotional or physical, and I think we would find it most beneficial to bring this child under our wing and offer our help in return for hers.

—
L
ETTER FROM
M
AYOR
S
T.
J
AMES TO
D
R.
T
REVIN, COURIERED BY
A
SHER

Evie

Asher says he checks the gate, but I also know he thinks Gavin’s dead, so who knows if he actually does. I’m fairly certain they’re not going to let me go out on my own. I’ve asked twice already, and both times they’ve said no and changed the subject.

I don’t pretend I don’t know why, but I’m going to check for myself. So I plan. And I plot.

I walk slowly to the bedroom. Asher’s grandmother’s eyes bore into me as I do and she slowly puts her knitting to the side.

“Bathroom,” I murmur, not meeting her eyes, but out of the corner of mine, I see her sit back and resume her knitting.

I slip through the crack in the door, then tread to the bathroom, making sure my steps are loud, but not so loud they sound like I’m making them that way. I open and close the door, then sneak back down the hallway. I’m still sore all over, but I grit my teeth and keep going.

At the front door, I edge out, keeping an eye out for Asher, or his grandmother, or the maid, but no one stops me. Still, I don’t take a full breath until I’m blocks away from Asher’s house.

It takes me a while and several stops to rest and ask for directions, but finally I find my way back to the bridge.

Panting, I force myself up the steps and to the guards’ box. They’re not the same ones we’d met when we first arrived, but they look just as disinterested. They don’t even lift an eyebrow when I knock on the window.

“Visa,” the one closest to the door says, his voice flat.

“Um … I actually don’t have one, but—”

He points to a sign on the window.

“No visa, no admittance to the Outlands,” the other one says, repeating what the sign says in a bored voice. He has red hair and skin even more pale than mine. I can’t help but stare at him. He seems so strange-looking, like he has shredded carrots on his head. “Go to City Hall and get one, then come back.”

I force myself to meet his green eyes. “I—I don’t actually want—”

“Go get the visa and come back.”

“I’m not here to leave, I just want to find—”

He leans on the windowsill and interrupts me yet again. “Look, little girl, I don’t really have time for this.” He points to the sign and turns around.

The way he says “little girl” sets my nerves on edge. I narrow my eyes and purse my lips. “My
name
is Evelyn Winters. I am Daughter of the People of the great city of Elysium. I am a guest of the St. James family. You will not speak to me as if I’m some foolish young child…” I look down my nose at him. “… or an ordinary commoner.”

Where did
that
come from?

The two guards exchange an anxious look while I try to ignore the questions flying through my mind about my sudden confidence.