Revenge of the Bully (10 page)

“I think she gets the point,” I interrupted.

“Yes, I'm sure she does. In short, he's a miserable wretch. And for that I owe an apology to you both.” He bowed slightly. “Please accept Fernando's deepest regrets. Oh, and Rodney has a question for you.”

“I do?”

Fernando ignored me. “Jessica, Rodney has been hoping that you'd allow him to accompany you on a stroll from this fine institution to your lovely abode.”

“Are you talking French again?” she asked.

Fernando smiled. “Let me translate. Can he walk you home one of these days?”

Jessica glanced down the hall, then at her shoe, and finally at me. “Okay.” With that she turned swiftly and headed off to class.

“You're amazing,” I told Fernando. “Thanks.”

“I owed you that one, my friend. You've always liked her, and I did just what I said, pushed you toward adventure. But maybe, Rodney, it is I, Fernando, who should learn things from
you
.”

I thought once again about my troubles. “Trust me, Fernando, you don't want what I got.”

He didn't say anything to that but his face looked unusually solemn. After a pause he said, “All right, Rodney. It's time that you took me to our most difficult challenge this morning. It's time for Fernando to meet Josie.”

Finding her took a couple of periods, but after wandering through the eighth grade hall we eventually spotted Josie surrounded by her cheerleader friends. Fernando smiled. “Look at them. As beautiful as a Santorini sunset.”

“Uhh, yeah, whatever.”

We approached the girls. None of them seemed to mind Fernando stepping confidently up toward them. I marveled at him. Walking up to a crowd of girls filled me with fear. I whispered, “Remember, she thinks Trevor is gross.”

“I have it under control,” he replied. He eyed each girl carefully. “Josie, I presume?” he asked, picking her out. The kid had a sixth sense when it came to girls.

Josie smiled. “Yeah, I'm Josie. Who are you?”

“I am Fernando. I made a special trip to this school to ask you a favor for a dear friend who is too nervous to ask himself. Are you free tomorrow night?”

“That depends. Who is your friend and what is the favor?”

“The favor is to have dinner with him.”

Josie shifted her glance to me. She gave me a nice smile and I shuddered slightly. This had to work. I had so much riding on it.

“Sure, I'll go out to dinner. You said this friend was real nervous.”

“That is correct,” Fernando added.

“Rodney, you look pretty nervous,” Josie said with a wink.

Did she think Fernando was talking about me? I immediately tried to act less nervous, and to clarify the situation I said, “I uh, well, um, me? You see, it's not like . . .”

“You're kinda cute when you're mumbling like that.”

I didn't know what to say. Fernando continued, “I think you're going to find that your date is quite adorable. So dinner works then?”

Josie smiled at me again. “Sure.”

“Great, can you get to Mama's in town tomorrow at seven p.m.?”

“I believe I can manage that.”

“Wonderful! You've just made someone very happy.” Fernando gripped my shoulder. “Come on, we'd better go.”

I stumbled along beside Fernando, feeling numb. The conversation with Josie had gone by quickly and my brain took seconds to catch up. We were around the corner before it all hit me. “Wait!”

Fernando paused.

“She thinks she's going on the date with me!”

Fernando smiled and nodded.

“That's no good!”

“Well, it's certainly better than the truth. There was no way, from your description, that she was going on the date if she knew it was Trevor. Right?”

“Yeah, but, what if she tells anyone? What if Jessica finds out? What if Trevor finds out?”

“Rodney, some people spend their entire existence worrying ‘What if this?' and ‘What if that?' I have one more quote this morning. Shakespeare said, ‘If it be now, 'tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be now, yet it will come—the readiness is all.'”

“What does that mean?”

“I have no idea but it's Shakespeare, so it must mean something important! Now, my friend, go think about those words of wisdom as you attend the rest of the day's classes.”

The only thing I thought about the rest of the day was the catastrophe looming on the horizon. At seven tomorrow night, all my worst fears were coming together for dinner at Mama's!

Chapter 11

REPEAT AFTER ME

To my immense surprise and relief, Saturday started great. We drove out to our game against Streetsboro in a noisy yellow bus. Trevor, revved up to impress his date, played tremendously. He tackled, sacked, intercepted, taunted, and offended everything in a blue Streetsboro uniform. He even chased a security guard halfway across the field because the poor guy was wearing a blue jacket! Yes, Trevor was on fire and scored all our points off turnovers—except for the one touchdown of the game. That, amazingly, came from Josh and me. I stuck to my usual plan of running right behind him and this time it worked like a charm.

It was Garrettsville's first win in years. The team dumped Gatorade on Coach Laimbardi and I even exhaled a long sigh of relief when the Boss, sitting in the stands, gave me the thumbs-up. During the game I had noticed a long black car parked by the gate and realized he had made the trip to Streetsboro as an added incentive for us to win.

The bus ride back to Garrettsville felt like a summer festival. Everyone was shouting and having fun . . . except me. I knew the day's biggest challenge was still to come. So many things had to go right if I had any hope of pulling off the date between Trevor and Josie. Arriving back at school, we headed straight to the locker room. When Trevor finished changing, I motioned for him to join me in the gym. That's where Fernando met us.

“Trevor, I presume?” Fernando stepped up to Trevor and extended his hand.

“What's with this guy?” Trevor asked.

I wasn't sure how to explain Fernando. Before I had a chance to think of an excuse, my mouth took over. “He's what's known as an international dating consultant.”

“A what?” Trevor asked, looking annoyed. “I don't need a doctor.”

I ignored him. “His name is Fernando and he has traveled from a faraway land to help us out . . . I mean, to help you out, to make sure everything goes perfectly with tonight's date.”

Trevor still looked like he wanted to punch someone until Fernando said, “I currently have six girlfriends. Eight, if you count the Smith twins. Do you want my help or not?”

Trevor looked long and hard from Fernando to me. “Sure,” he finally replied.

“Good,” Fernando said, immediately launching into what he called his Ten Rules of Fine Dating.

It didn't take long for Trevor to stop him. “You want me to wear a tie?”

“Clean shirt, tie. You need to make a positive first impression.”

“Rathbone, where did you find this goofball? I already know how to make a good first impression.”

I remembered the demolition derby and pictured Josie running out the door screaming into a traffic-filled street. “Yeah,” I said, “we've been down that road before and you probably don't need any help, but I want to make sure the date is a success. That's why Fernando's here. Remember, he's an international expert.”

Trevor eventually nodded like he understood and I felt better—until I noticed Toby approaching. The fact that he was smiling only made things worse.

“Hey big bro,” he said to Trevor.

“I'm busy here,” Trevor snapped.

“Oh, well, I just heard some of the cheerleaders talking during the game. I thought you might be curious what they were saying about tonight's big date.”

Toby was talking to Trevor but staring at me. I knew what was coming and quickly looked around the gym to see which exit was closest.

“What are they saying?” Trevor asked.

“They're saying that Josie is really excited.”

Trevor nodded smugly. “Naturally.”

Toby continued, “They're saying she's really excited to be going on a date with
Rodney
, not you.”

Trevor's eyes bulged and his face turned dark red. He looked back and forth from Toby to me as if trying to decide who to punch first.
Oh, good
, I thought as Trevor's punch landed on his brother.

“I'm telling Mommy!” Toby yelled with wet eyes. We watched him run off to the parking lot.

“What was he going on about, Rathbone?” Trevor asked. I noticed that his fist was still clenched.

I shrugged. “When does he ever make any sense? Just be at Mama's tonight at six forty-five to get ready for dinner.”

“I don't know. Something seems fishy. Speaking of food, I think I'll give you a little taste of my fist so you know what's coming later if this doesn't go the way I want!” He grabbed my shirt and pulled back his arm.

“Trev-ooooooor!” A woman with a scarf wrapped around her hair hollered from just outside the gym doors.

“Oh shoot, it's my mom,” he gasped, lowering his fist. “Okay, I'll be there later, to either wow Josie or beat you into marinara sauce.”

As he took off, Fernando called after him, “Don't forget the long-stemmed roses!”

I straightened out my shirt and stared at Fernando. “Well, that went well.”

“I'll say,” Fernando agreed, not catching my sarcasm. “Fernando sure is glad he came for the weekend. This has been a lot of fun so far.”

“Easy for you to say. No thug is threatening to make you into sauce.”

“Rodney, things will go just fine tonight. Just wait and see.” Smiling, he put his hand on my shoulder. “Besides, I'm sure you'd taste great over a hot plate of linguini.”

A few hours later—Trevor's fist still fresh on my mind—Rishi, Fernando, and I approached Mama's door. I felt my anxiety level approach hyper-panic.

We entered the restaurant. Compared to the bright afternoon sun, the room was dark and my eyes took a few seconds to adjust. When I regained my sight, I was met with a stare from the Boss. His eyes were darker than the room. He sat at a table toward the back with Willy, Cheese, and an older lady.

“You're interrupting my dinner.”

“Uh, sorry, but we needed to get ready for tonight,” I said.

“Tonight?” he asked, clutching a butter knife.

I glanced at Rishi. He stepped toward the Boss. “Don't you remember? I called you during the week about hosting a date for our friend Trevor and—”

“I remember telling you ‘no.' I remember telling you I don't need to play babysitter on my Saturday night. I remember a lotta things and none of da things I remember explains why you's standing here.”

I couldn't believe the whole conversation. Rishi had told me we were all set. What was I going to do? Trevor and Josie would be here in an hour. I was done for. Now the Boss's attention was suddenly on me. “You're real lucky that game went the way it did . . .”

“Sweetie,” the old lady said, reaching out and patting the Boss's arm.

The whole place went silent.

The Boss seemed to shrink a bit as he said, “Ma, don't call me sweetie in front of da boys.”

She looked over at us. “Isn't he cute when he gets embarrassed?” She grabbed his cheek and shook it. It made a flapping noise. When she let go, the Boss's face curled up into an ugly, pinched expression. “Sweetie, who are your friends?” she continued.

The Boss flinched at the second sweetie and exhaled sharply. “Ma, they're not my friends. They're some local boys that do a little work for me.”

“Now Francis . . .”

Cheese let out a chuckle. “Francis.”

The Boss's eyes flamed up and Cheese snapped his mouth shut. The Boss looked over at his mother. “Ma, you know I don't like you using my name.”

“Nonsense, it's a beautiful name. It was my father's name. I was just going to say how proud I am that you're taking an interest in helping the local children. Father Nikolai at the church will be very pleased. So, introduce me.”

“Well, the big mouth there, that's Rishi. He's real annoying. The other one, Rodney, he ain't as bad. And that one . . . that . . . I don't know dat guy.”

Fernando strode forward. “I am Fernando, and this is indeed a pleasure.” He took the Boss's mom's hand and bowed in to give it a kiss.

The Boss swung his finger at Fernando's face. “If you wanna keep dose lips you better stop right there.”

Ma knocked her son's hand away. “What a little gentleman. What's your name?”

“Fernando.”

“Really? I knew a Fernando once. He had such beautiful hair. I used to run my—”

“Ma!”

“Oh, sorry. Sometimes I get lost in my memories. Boys, pull up some chairs. You all look hungry.”

The Boss shook his head. “Ma! They're about to scram.”

“Nonsense. They're going to have dinner with us and then you're going to help them with their little date.”

“I'm not goin—”

“Francis Vladamir!” Ma said the name again but this time it sounded like an order. Her eyes stared at her son.

“Yes, Ma.”

We all did what we were told. I felt great relief that the date plan was back on. Unfortunately, I didn't feel so wondrous when I saw what the Boss's mom was piling on my plate. “Here, have some spaghetti and cabbage,” she commanded. “I made the sauce yesterday. You look like you could use a big meal. Eat, eeeeaat.”

It smelled great and despite the weird looking cabbages leaves, I couldn't help but dig into the steaming plate. It tasted better than anything I ever had. The sauce on the stuffed cabbage was a kind of sweet, garlicky, tomato mixture and absolutely delicious.

The Boss's mom was clearly happy to see us all enjoying the meal. “You just call me ‘Mama,' ” she said, smiling, pinching my cheek. “If you want more, ask.”

A sudden thought hit me. If this lady was the cook, convincing my mom to write a good review would be a cinch. I wouldn't have to worry about what the Boss would do to me after a bad review. “Are you the cook for the restaurant?” I asked.

The Boss's fork clinked onto his plate. “What kind of son would I be if I let my ma work in the kitchen? I already hired two guys. They're in the back getting the kitchen set up. They came cheap. Since I know I'm going to get a great review in the paper, I figured I could save a couple of dimes.” He gave me a leering smile and the cabbage turned in my stomach. “Cheese, bring Rodney in to meet our new cooks.”

I followed Cheese into the kitchen. “Dose two are da chefs,” Cheese said, pointing, though I didn't see anyone. He didn't stick around to complete a formal introduction. The kitchen door wobbled back and forth to a close.

The kitchen had big stoves and a grill along the back wall. A silver thing to my left held a tray of forks and spoons. I assumed it was the dishwasher. Back by the stoves, behind a row of shelves and pots, I finally spotted two guys. They looked more like loggers or mountain men than chefs. The first guy was sitting on a milk crate, asleep and snoring. His shirt had more grease on it than the deep fryer and his beard reminded me of Santa Claus—if Santa Claus slept in a dirty alley. The other guy looked at me, flicked an ash from his cigarette into the soup, and asked, “You wanna see something cool?”

“Uh, I guess so.”

He tossed an onion into the air. Then, grabbing a big knife, he swung at it and yelled, “Samurai!” Unfortunately, he missed the onion, lost his balance, and fell into some pots.

The other guy woke up. “Weasel, I told you to keep quiet. You're interrupting my nap! I'm going into the walk-in where it's quiet.” He passed by me, scratching his dirty beard. “I'm Big Earl. You the new dishwasher?”

“Not exactly. I'm—”

He didn't listen. “You'd better get busy on those pots,” he ordered, picking his nose. “I like my work environment nice and clean.”

I almost gagged.

He opened a large silver door and disappeared into a cloud of cold, frosty air.

“He's going to take a nap in there?” I asked. “Won't he freeze to death?”

“I keep hoping,” Weasel said. “The slime in his beard freezes rock hard and spiky. It cracks me up but of course it's best not to laugh at Big Earl.”

Weasel went back to chopping onions. The pieces flew all over the counter and the floor. How had I wound up in this situation? I'm not sure if the onions had anything to do with it, but my eyes got a little teary. With these two cooking there was no way my mom would write a good review.

I was just turning around to head back to the dining room when Rishi stuck his head into the kitchen. “Trevor's here,” he shouted. “Now the real fun begins!”