Revolving Doors (2 page)

I took my blinders off during the tsunami of bullshit pouring from his mouth and
realized that the signs were indeed there, and that I had apparently overlooked them: He stopped coming around as much, hadn’t been calling regularly, and the “
I have so much homework to get done,
” excuses were constant.

I was in serious denial!

In a way I felt I had brought all the pain on myself ignoring the truth that was ever present.

We were over, and
I hated him completely.

CHAPTER 2

~*~*~

Around 6:30 that evening, I heard a soft knock at my bedroom door. I had been curled up in a fetal position feeling numb for much of the day and was too distraught to respond.

I knew it was my mom because she was on her third
failed attempt at getting me to come out.

After the fiasco,
I sent her a simple two-way message, that read, “
Kenny and I broke up, Mama. Will tell you about it later
.”

I didn’t want to send her a message at all, but she would have figured something out with my mood not being the normal, happy-go-lucky, she was used to seeing when she got home.

The purpose of the message was to let her know that I was okay, and would come to her when I could dialog – without a river of tears.

Knowing my mama, she was already on her way to assuming that I was angry with her and my dad because they didn’t want me dating seriously in the first place.

“
You’re way too young for a relationship that serious,
” they’d tell me on occasion. It was the truth. It just wasn’t a truth I was ready or willing to hear.

My heart wanted Kenny and I refused to entertain any talk that wasn’t in favor of our union. Of course I had no idea I would end up paying such a high price for that.  

I didn’t blame
them
for the demise of our relationship. I blamed
him
.

Did he ever genuinely care? Had I just been a convenience? A girl he could get sex from whenever he wanted?  He played me…for years!

Just as my parents had expressed their dissatisfaction to me, his parents had also been in his ear. We shared many conversations about it. While I thought he wasn’t listening and it was
us against the world
, he was obviously hanging on until something better came along.

Although I
confided in my mother about the breakup, I decided against including my dad. Not because I cared about what happened to that asshole Kenny, but because I didn’t want my dad involved – which he would have become if he knew –
boy would he
.

It was best for him to look up one day and realize that he hadn’t seen or heard from Kenny in a while, and leave it at that.

~*~*~

My mind was about to implode. Every thought birthed more thoughts and every question generated more questions. My brain was overloaded with confusion
, and it was too much to take.

When I was sure I could hold a conversation without succumbing to tears, I stripped my pillows of their soaked cases, gathered my composure and headed down the hallway to my mom’s room.

There she stood in the bathroom mirror performing her nightly ritual of putting her hair into a ponytail. Once her hair was secured she would remove makeup she didn’t need in the first place.

I watched…undetected.

My mother was a natural beauty. She had a bronze tone to her skin, mahogany colored hair, and eyes to match…eyes that always had happy inside them.

With her hair pulled
back off her face, a perfect hairline was visible, as were her striking features. Oval shaped face, high cheekbones, full lips, beautiful thick lashes and brows that she kept nicely arched.

“Hi,
mama,” I said from the doorway of her room.

She turned around to face me, quickly wrapped her ponytail holder around a final time, and opened her arms for me to enter. It had always been the most comforting place in my world.

I closed my eyes and there we stood until I was so calm, I could no longer feel her hands rubbing my hair. After a little time had passed, she pulled back and held my face in her hands.

“Hey, Baby,” she said softly
, “E
ye to eye
,” something she’d been saying since I was a little girl, and that meant for me to look at her.

Inside my chest was warm, I felt weak and I had no desire for my mom to look into my eyes. There was too much hurt there and I didn’t understand it enough to explain it to her, had she asked.

All I knew was that for the first time in my life since I lost my grandma, I felt devoid of life. I was so far beyond my normal high energy self, it was scary.

Pride abandoned and full of defeat, I
obeyed my mother’s request, and as hard as it was to do, I looked into her eyes and was crushed that they too were glossy.

Instantly I felt bad dragging her in and wanted to protect her but didn’t know how.

Our eyes locked and before she could speak, fighting back the urge to cry again I said, “Mama…I don’t want you to worry about me. I will be fine. I’m strong. I’ll be fine.”

“
I have no doubts about that, baby. You
will
be fine. That is what I can tell you with absolute certainty. Regardless of what it feels like in these moments, it
will
pass. Love has many obstacles and sometimes you’re sideswiped with no warning. Unfortunate, but true. I am just sorry that
my
baby girl had to endure the pain.
So sorry
.”

My mom didn’t once pry as we spoke, she merely consoled. She
wasn’t on a hunt for details, as I thought she would be, and I understood why. She didn’t want me reliving the moment that brought me to
that moment
.

I
nstead, we engaged in conversation for nearly an hour about various topics. Primarily, the next plan of action that could provide the distraction I needed to begin the healing process.

“
Sooo
…have you talked to Natalia?” my mother asked, her voice filled with new excitement.

It dawned on me that my cry sniffles had come to an end. I was far from cured, but it was a start. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect because at close to 9 PM, it was nearing the time my dad would arrive home.

It would have been World War III, if he saw a single tear, sniffles, or a hint of red eyes – from either of us. 

“I emailed her yesterday, but haven’t checked for responses yet. I’m sure there’ll be something there when I check later.”

She rose from her seat, did a hip-swaying samba move and snapped her fingers in the air. Then, out the blue she asked me, “How would you like to go visit?”

My eyes
grew the size of nickels. “
Visit
? Visit where, mama?” I exclaimed.

“
Brazil, silly! Where else?”

“
No!
You’re kidding, right?”

Still dancing,
with a huge smile across her face, she responded, “Now why would I kid about a thing like
that
, during a time like
this
?”

She pulled me into her dance…to music only she could hear, and we commenced to sashaying about like two silly school girls.

After a few minutes of a mini workout, I interrupted our soiree and threw my arms around her. No tears – only happiness in their place.

Then something hit me…

“Hold on, Mama. We
just
got back a few months ago. We’re going again?”

“No!
We’re
not going again…
You’re
going again!”

“Huh?
Nooo
! For real?”

“Absolutely.”

Just as quickly as the shock and excitement were setting in, it all came to a screeching halt when I heard the hum of the garage door. 

Shit
! My daddy was home. I shot my head around in an almost Linda Blair head spin, throwing my mom a look of concern.

Oh well
. The thought was fun while it lasted. There was no way on God’s green earth Gabriel Sandoval would allow his only daughter on a plane to Brazil alone. With my mother? Yes. Solo?
Psshh
…not at all. Wasn’t happening.

“Shake that look of worry off your face...
right now,
girl. I don’t want you worrying about dad,” she said. “Let me deal with that, okay?”

“Ok, Mama. But…are you gonna tell him about Kenny?
Please don’t
. I’m not ready for him to know. He’ll want all the details and I’m just not
there
yet. Besides…” I added for emphasis, “You don’t want your Latin lover catching a case, right? You know he’s hot-tempered and ready to lay hands on anyone that messes with his girls.”

She laughed, turned me toward the door, and hit me on the butt to shoo me out of her room.

“Don’t worry, sweetie. I got this.”

As I made it to the door, my dad walked in wearing one of his trademark suits, looking and smelling like a million bucks.

He squinted suspiciously and smiled a crooked smile when he saw us.

Whenever they were in the same room I often stared from one to the other catching all my features in both their faces.

I definitely had my mother’s complexion, and most of her facial features but my dad’s dark curly hair. His had a tighter curl than mine that he kept in a short enough taper so it laid straight. Because he was off to the barber like clockwork each week, not too many knew that his hair was curly at all.

“What are you two up to? And don’t say, ‘
nothing
’ he remarked as he kissed me on the cheek, then brushed past me in the doorway, “because I ain’t buyin’ it!”

He then headed to my mom for a kiss on the lips. I shot my mom a
final look of concern, but she was already in mode.

“Hi to you too, Mr. Sandoval,” she said, helping him out of his blazer. She jerked her head toward me. A little something I knew meant to disappear.

I happily left her to it, closing the door as I exited.

I knew what was about to happen between those two. I’d heard them. With all the lovin’ they got in, one would think I would have had me a sibling or three, but
noooo
.

~*~*~

Much to my surprise, my mama worked her magic! She got my dad on board with letting me fly to Brazil by myself for the first time.

I really didn’t think he would agree.

Mama, you naughty girl, you.

I’d always heard that there was a certain power of the punany,
a force down low. It sure didn’t keep Kenny around, but with him out of the picture
…hmmm
…it made the possibilities seem limitless.

I guess with the power of persuasion, in the end, he figured an 18-year-old could handle travelling solo.
Yes
!

The next evening, as expected, I was subjected to a near two-hour lecture from my parents about how to keep to myself on my flights
and
as I switched airports. To make sure I called them during layovers and remain as close to boarding as I possibly could in case of emergencies – freaks and pedophiles. 

I could tell they were both nervous, but the end result was good.

As much as I joked around with myself about the power of the pussy, I’m sure there was dialog that supplemented the grown folk extracurricular activities. Whatever it happened to be, it sure worked to get my dad on board with the idea.

During our family
pow
wow
I was smart enough to refrain from offering extra details. I was not messing that up for anything!

I was feeling all kinds of euphoric.

Thank you, Mama!

CHAPTER 3

~*~*~

The day I arrived in Brazil, Natalia and I sat for hours on end talking about Kenny and what he did, how he did it, and how I lay crying for hours the day it all happened.

She told me that when I was with him
she saw a different person; that during my visits I was withdrawn, and always seemed in a hurry to get back home. Unfortunately, I couldn’t deny it. She was right.

On my last visit
I didn’t want to make the trip but my parents said I had no choice, we had even gotten into a small argument about it. I was in way too deep, and they saw it. Apparently, Natalia had seen it too.

“I was hurt,
” she confided. “But I knew you were in love so I didn’t say anything.”

“I wish you had told me
how you were feeling, Natalia. You’re the closest thing I have to a sister.
I’m. So. Sorry.
I adore you! I would have listened.
I mean that
.”

I sobbed in that moment
…for hurting her and for the remnants of my own hurt I was left to deal with.

“Please don’t cry, Gabriella,” she consoled. “Você vai me fazer chorar também.”

“I can’t help it, Talia. Had I known, I would have been able to take a long, hard look at myself while it was all in progress.” My voice trailed off and I stared toward the window. “I might have escaped heartache.”

“
You might have, but I’m glad you went through it,” she confessed.

“
Huh?
” I exclaimed jerking my head from the window to her, wondering if I heard her right. “Why would you say that?”

“Don’t get me wrong…I
never
want you to feel pain and I wish I was there to punch him in both his eyes and deliver a knee to his nuts for what he did. But I think now that you have experienced it, you have an idea of what you need to do. Pay attention to their actions before giving in to their words…
please
.”

“I
love
you, Wise One,” I said playfully. “Being here is exactly what I needed and I
know
I will go home healed from this fiasco, as I fully intend to make the best use of my time.”

“
Oh. Indeed. You. Will
. I plan to see to that,” she said with a wicked smile.

“
Hmmm
…Now
that
…was cryptic,” I joked. “What’s behind that tone?” I leapt from the bed in full drama mode. “Don’t tell me you got Paulo behind the door ready to come in or something! Paulo!” I yelled. “Sair saia de onde você está!”

“Whoa!
That’s
a blast from the past! But no…I don’t have the guy who deflowered you anywhere near here! Not at all!” she laughed.

Natalia walked over and opened her bedroom door, stepped outside, and looked down one side of the hallway, then the other.

I had a fixed stare upon her. She was carrying on like she was hiding from the law or some unknown entity. I was baffled as hell and my face showed it.

When she
came back in and closed the door behind her, immediately I asked, “
What the hell
are you doing, girl?”

“I have something to tell you…”

Oh god! Enough with the “I have something to tell you’s,” already!
I wanted to shout.

“Uh, I think I pretty much figured
that
out. Question is…do I want to know?” I joked, but half serious at the same time. “I’m not trying to be on a whole other continent with some information that could get me locked up! I’d rather be back at home mourning the loss of a fake relationship than
that
!”

“Get your jacket,”
she ordered, as she hurriedly fetched hers and headed to the front of the house, impatiently yelling, “Vamos, Gabriella!”

As reluctant as I was, I did as she said and quickly caught up to her outside at
the car. Once inside, I reached for the radio to turn on some tunes, but she popped the knob to turn it back off.

“Uhmm, excuse me?” I challenged.

“We don’t need music. We won’t be in here that long,” she said pulling away from the curb.

“
Are you kidding me? The
least
you owe me is music putting me through this!”

“Oh, stop whining!”

“
Arrgghh
!” I yelled, pounding on the dashboard. “Talia…what’s going on and why did we need to leave the house for
whatever
it is you have to tell me? It can
not
possibly be that serious. You’re acting strange and overly animated.
Spill it
…NOW!”

I couldn’t believe I had crossed Americas only to enter,
I got a secret part II
. The shit was getting ridiculous, and even with me bringing up that very point coupled with my demand for answers, she continued driving without providing a single answer.

We pulled up at the park near the house, exited the car,
and made our way over to two empty swings.

Why we needed to drive a mere few blocks away was out of my realm of understanding, but okay…

“My god, girl!” she yelled out. “Do you not trust me? You’re acting like I’m taking you to the scene of a crime or something.
Relax
. I just needed to get out the house because I can’t risk anyone hearing.”

“You do realize that nobody was there but
us
, right?” I responded sarcastically. “With all I’ve been through and you try to give me a damn panic attack. There’s issues there, Brasilera. Now, start talking or I’m on my way back to the house – on foot.”

We burst into
a hysterical laughter. It was the hardest I’d laughed since the whole Kenny situation, and it was long overdue.

“So yeah
,” she began. “I
do
have something I need to reveal…a
big reveal
, but
promise
me you will keep an open mind when I tell you.”

“Minha mente está aberta…I promise.”

“Well---” she started.

“Wait!” I yelled out. “Are you
pregnant
?” 

“Hell no, silly!”

“
Whew
…alright,” I said, swapping a brow. “I’m ready.”

“
Well
,” she continued. “I have a job now…that I love.
Ab-so-lute-ly
love!”

I gave her a blank stare.

“You didn’t just drag me from the house to tell me you got a job. Please tell me you didn’t just do that!”

“There’s more to the story
, if you let me finish,” she retorted, giving me a side eye,
chill out
, look. “As I was saying…a job that I love.”

She
flashed a bright smile that validated her statement.

“
Wow! Congratulations, Talia! I’m very excited for you!”

“Me too!” she exclaimed.

With the recognitions out of the way, all my questions flowed.

“Are you taking time off before you go to college? I
sure wish my parents would allow me to do that! When did you start this job? You haven’t even mentioned it, and we’ve emailed plenty. What are you doing there?”

“Gabriella!
Slow down
!”

“I’m sorry,” I said, chuckling. “You’re right! Go ‘head! I’ll shut up now.”

“Yeah right,” she joked. “Are you sure?”

Playfully tugging at my earlobes, “Yep! All ears now.”

“Only time will tell,” she uttered before continuing. “
First
…Thanks for the congratulations. I appreciate it.
Second
…College?
Not
going. At least not anytime soon.
Third
…I’ve been working there for about three months. I started right around the end of February, and I didn’t mention it because I was getting acclimated, and making sure I was even cut out for it. There was a lot to take in – literally.”

“I didn’t miss that Natalia,” I said, retuning the side eye glance she’d given me earlier. “‘
A lot to take in – literally?
’ What does that mean, exactly?”

A nervous laugh escaped her.

“There isn’t too much that goes over your head, smarty. See, that’s why
you’re
going to college and
I’m
not.”

I knew Natalia well, and it was easy to see that she was at the onset of stalling.
Whatever the other part was it was why she preferred being outside the house, and I was ready to hear it.

“Okay…so…now comes the part where the
open mind
is necessary. You do remember that part, of the conversation, right?” she verified.

“
Yes
…I do.”

“The reason is that when I say it, you might be tempted to think of things in a certain way, but I need you to allow me to explain it in full detail before your thoughts run to the equator.”

“Okay,” I said, placing my hand on top of hers for reassurance, as we sat facing each other on the swings. “No judgment.
Trust me
.”

Then she began, with a semi-nervous start.

“The reason I left the house to tell you this was because I can’t risk my parents knowing. They know that I have a job, but they think it’s working as a personal assistant for the wife of a wealthy businessman in São Paulo. In truth, while I do work in São Paulo, it isn’t as a personal assistant.”

She
drew in a deep breath.

Oh boy.

“I work at a resort called Paraiso Belo.”

A huge smile settled across my face.

“A resort with a name like,
Beautiful Paradise
? I’m already intrigued.”

“
So…”
she hesitated
. “Merda
!” she exclaimed as she tapped her foot in discomfort, and tightened her grip on the chains of the swing. “How do I say this?”

Her conversation had turned one-sided as she pondered her next statement. I didn’t want to interrupt her for fear she might lose the courage to continue.

“In actuality…” she stammered. “In actual---”

I could see her struggle, so I intercepted.

“Talia…it’s okay,” I offered. “Just tell me.”

She suddenly looked uneasy, and it broke my heart to know that she wasn’t comfortable telling me. 

“What is it, Hun?” I asked touching her shoulder, “I want to know.”

She looked up, and in an almost whisper,
“I’m a
hostess…
to wealthy men from all over the world. They come in from different places for fun and relaxation…and I indulge them in that
fun
and
relaxation
.” She sucked in another deep breath. “There, I said it.”

She
focused directly on my eyes, and I knew what she was thinking. She was worried that I might view her differently.

As shocked as I was, my best friend sat before me confiding something about her life that needed no judgment.
My sole job as a friend…as a sister, was to honor that.

“So you say you love it, huh?” I mustered.

“I do enjoy it…
very much
.”

I gave her an approving smile to relax the tense mood. “Then, you know what, Talia? That’s honestly all that matters. If we don’t have happiness, what do we have?”

She leaned in and snaked her arms around my neck for a quick hug. I was relieved that she was relieved because tension was present for a bit.    

“It means a lot that you support me i
n this. I was
soooo
worried! But I knew I couldn’t keep it from you. You’re the person I tell everything to.”

“So tell me more about this place,” I encouraged.

“Okay! Well, it’s no-strings-attached. It’s entertainment. You get to meet and spend time with interesting people and it provides a real outlet, you know?”

“I
do. I get it.” I found myself saying.

“
Really
, sis?” she asked, seemingly stunned.

“Uh huh. I really do. When you put it in those words, I can see exactly why it would provide enjoyment. Sounds like an escape from real life
, and we all need that sometimes.”

She stood up and tugged me away from my swing and we bear hugged for the second time.

“Thank you for being so understanding. I was worried how you would take this – or even worse, how you would look at me. You mean a lot, and I never want you to view me in an unfavorable way.”