Rhapsody (The Teplo Trilogy #2) (10 page)

"Who else is it going to be?" she asked. "There's no time to get someone else in there. You can't do it. Jason can't do it. I'm the only one who
can
do it."

"And how exactly are you going to do it, hmm?" he demanded, swinging his head back around to face her. "Walk up to him and tell him who you are? Ask him to dance? Tell him you live across the fucking street with me?"

Lillian recoiled at his scathing tone.

"You're a ballerina, Lillian. A fucking ballerina," he continued ruthlessly.

"No, I'm not a ballerina. In case you've forgotten, I haven't been a ballerina in a year," she snapped, suddenly angry that it always came back to that for him. She knew she'd never be a tenth of what he was, but she wasn't a dainty little girl either. When would he realize that? "You're the one who had Warner walk me out in handcuffs to make sure I looked innocent in what you were doing inside
Teplo
. You're the one who has everyone pretending I'm sitting in a jail cell right now. Because of that, I'm the best chance you have of finding out his name, and you know it. So get on board and deal with it!"

This time, Tristan recoiled, his face blanching at the bitter venom in her words.

She took a deep breath and tried one more time, not wanting to fight with him. "Look, I get that you want to protect me, and I appreciate that. But this is probably the only thing I can do to help you, and I
want
to help. That's why I'm here. And as far as he knows, you helped put me in jail. People run to
Teplo
for comfort every night. Would it really be so difficult to assume I'd do the same after you betrayed me?"

He stared at her, frustration seething in his gaze, before his expression crumbled. Fear swept in to replace anger. So much fear she wanted to cry for him. "I don't want to see you hurt," he confessed, stroking her cheek.

"I know that," she said, offering him a sad smile, "but this is my choice. Getting involved with this case has always been my choice."

He shook his head, pleading with those blue eyes for her not to do this.

"She's right, Tristan," Jason said.

Tristan broke her gaze and turned to his friend. "Sending her in alone was never part of the plan. Don't ask me to agree to that."

"I wouldn't ask if there was another option, but there isn't. She has the best chance of getting the information we require because she's right: people run to
Teplo
for comfort every night when life doesn't work out exactly like they planned. Believing she's pissed and wants revenge by getting into bed with them wouldn't be that big of a leap when they see the same behavior every day. You know that's true."

Tristan glared at Jason for a long, tense minute. "Fuck," he swore harshly and shoved his chair away from the table before turning on his heel without another word and striding from the room.

Lillian struggled to move her chair back to follow him, her heart physically aching at the look on his face as much as at the desperate plea Jason had just turned down.

"Let him go," Jason advised her. She looked up at him to find him watching Tristan's retreating form, his expression stoic. "He's going to need a minute."

Lillian stopped fighting the chair and slumped, feeling as defeated as Tristan appeared. Tears filled her eyes, stinging, but she didn't try to fight them off either. She'd known what she was asking him for, and she'd asked anyway.

"It'll be okay," Jason said as she swiped at the tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Will it?" she asked him, meeting his gaze.

"It will," he promised her. "He needs a little time to wrap his mind around this."

She nodded, dashing away more tears. Every part of her wanted to go to Tristan and try to convince him to see things her way, but she couldn't. He had to decide for himself whether or not he could accept her decision. She prayed he'd be able to look past what had happened to his parents and trust her to keep herself safe.

Maybe she didn't know what it felt like to believe you should have been able to save a life, but she knew how it felt to fear that you were going to lose one. She'd felt it for him for days. And she would never put him in that same position if she didn't feel like she could get in and get out safely. Not ever.

"Tristan?" Zoë called, stepping out onto the porch in search of her cousin. She'd overheard part of the conversation between him, Jase, and Lillian, and figured he could use a pep-talk. She found him with his head hanging as if too heavy to lift, one hand resting on a support column. The muscles in his arms and back were rigid, full of the tension radiating from him. The sight made her heart hurt for him.

"You okay?" she asked when he didn't respond.

"I'm going crazy, Zo," he said as she pushed her way beneath his arm to lay her head against his side. His rigid stance didn't ease, but he didn't push her away either. "I'm losing my goddamned mind."

"She'll be okay, Tristan," she promised, wrapping an arm around his waist.

He laughed abruptly, and then groaned. His hand curled into a fist on the column. "You don't know what they're capable of," he said.

"Yes, I do." She took a step back, looking up at him. If anyone knew what drug cartels and addicts were capable of, she did. Maybe she hadn't lost her parents like Tristan had, but she
had
lost her aunt and uncle. Her husband had lost his best friend. She was the one who consoled him when he came home, stressed out and defeated when he lost. And she was the one who had spent her entire adult life worrying about her cousin, praying he survived the crushing weight of guilt.

He took a deep breath, and reached out to tug a lock of her hair—his version of an apology. "I can't lose her, Zo," he said.

"You won't," she promised him. "She loves you, Tristan, and she wants to do what she can to help keep all of you safe." Zoë understood exactly how Lillian felt. She carried the same burden. She had since the day Jason had visited Jordan at the apartment they shared off campus. She'd fallen in love with him then and hadn't looked back. By loving Tristan, Lillian now carried that burden, too. But she hadn't been relegated to the sidelines, forced to watch the love of her life put himself in danger every day, unable to do anything to help ensure he made it out safely.

Unlike Zoë, Lillian had a chance to help make Tristan's job a little easier. All Zoë had ever been able to do was to love her cousin and husband and hope that love helped bring them home every night. Given a chance, she would do the exact same thing as Lillian. She'd do it over and over and over.

"How am I supposed to let her walk up to this guy and pray things works out for the best?" Tristan asked, a fragility in his voice that she'd never heard before. Not even after his parents had died. He'd been swamped with guilt and grief. But he'd never seemed as vulnerable as he did right this minute.

"You just do," she answered gently. "You have faith that she's going to keep herself safe and come back to you and then you let her go, Tristan. It's all you
can
do."

He was silent for a full minute, considering, before he turned inquisitive eyes on her. "Is that what you do?"

"Yeah, it is," she said, not willing to lie to him.

"Do you ever regret marrying him?"

She didn't even have to think about her answer. "Never. Jase isn't the kind of person who can sit back and do nothing. He's a fighter, exactly like you are. It's not easy to let him leave every day when I know that he might not make it home, but I don't regret loving someone who cares enough to try. I wouldn't change him, and I wouldn't change us." She paused. "I doubt Lillian would change anything, either."

Tristan hooked an arm around her, squeezing her as if in silent thanks.

They stood in silence, watching as a rabbit darted across the lawn.

"Soon enough, she's going to have to watch you leave, and she's going to have to deal with the fear that you might not come home," Zoë said. "It's so hard to sit there and wait for the phone to ring. But she'll do it because she loves you, and she trusts that you'll come home safely. If she can help make that even a little easier for you by finding out this man's name, of course she's going to want to do it. She's so much like you in that way."

"What do you mean?" he asked, genuine curiosity sparking in his gaze.

"She's brave as hell, and stubborn. She's lost so much, but she's still fighting. Do you know how much courage it must have took for her to walk into that club to meet you? Or to say yes when you and Jase asked for her help?" Zoë shook her head, a little in awe of the ballerina who had stolen her cousin's heart. "Now she has the chance to make sure she doesn't lose you, too. She didn't have a choice before, or a chance to fight back. Her partner took her entire life away from her, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. This time, she has a choice. This time, she can fight."

Tristan stared at her as if he hadn't quite seen it that way before. Chances were that he hadn't. As smart as he was, he could be impossibly dense at times, too. Obliviousness was a failing of the entire male race, in her humble opinion, particularly the alpha males like her cousin and Jason. They couldn't see past their own instincts. Protecting others was ingrained in them, and letting someone important to them put themselves in danger went against their very nature. But Tristan did this because he'd lost his parents. Was it really so hard to imagine that Lillian might need to do this because she'd lost something, too?

"Rachel upset her tonight," she said when Tristan still hadn't said anything long minutes later. He scowled, but she waved him off before he had a chance to get angry about it. "She was talking about you, and Lillian didn't like it."

"What did she say?" A small smile twitched at his lips.

"She told Rachel that there was no way in hell she was going to let her tear you down when she should be thanking her lucky stars that we have someone as amazing as you looking out for all of us."

His grin widened until he looked like a little boy in a candy store, all bliss and sweetness. "She loves me." The awe in his voice was unmistakable.

"She loves you," Zoë agreed, bumping him with her shoulder. "Now you have to let her love you."

His smile slipped a little, concern flitting through his expression.  "It's been hard for you, hasn't it?"

"What?" she asked, though she knew full well what he meant.

He arched a brow, telling her with that one move not to bullshit him.

"Yeah," she whispered, giving in. "It has been hard. But I don't regret it, Tristan. I love Jason, and I love you. When you love someone, you support them, even when it isn't easy."

"I want out," he murmured after a moment.

"Maybe, but you aren't out yet," Zoë said, not so sure it would be as easy for him as that. Like she'd told him, his desire to protect others was a part of who he was. Even had his parents survived, he would have ended up here eventually, or somewhere very similar to here. He couldn't walk away from that side of himself. Maybe he could walk away from the secret squirrel stuff—and she really hoped he could because he'd been doing it for far too long—but he'd never be able to walk away completely. So she wasn't counting him out yet.

"Not yet," he sighed and pulled her into a tight hug. "Thanks, Zo. I don't know what I'd do without you."

She squeezed him hard before stepping back, suddenly grateful that he'd never managed to push her away. He'd tried to keep her at a distance like he did everyone else, but he'd never quite succeeded. She and Jason had made sure of that. It hadn't been easy, but every second they got to spend with him was worth the frustration. He was like a brother to her, and she loved him. "Love you, too."

He tugged at another lock of her hair.

"You know you're kind of an idiot, right?" she said, batting his hand away.

"Don't push it," he grumbled, though the amused glint in his eyes gave him away. "I still know all of your secrets. Like how you wanted to marry Jesse McCartney."

"Please. I'd still marry his fine ass." Zoë laughed before sobering. "Now get back in there and help make sure she gets out of
Teplo
safely. She won't say it, but your support is more important to her than you know."