Rhyannon Byrd - Primal Instinct 04 (37 page)

With those hoarse, husky words hanging in the air
between them, he began thrusting his fingers, rubbing all those tender sweet
spots buried deep inside her that made her shiver and moan. Aiden couldn’t get enough
of the way she clung to him, hot and moist and snug. He clamped his teeth onto
the back of her neck, making her melt around his fingers, and felt himself
losing it. Already, and he didn’t even have his dick in her yet. But his beast
was rising to the surface, like some primordial creature swimming up from the
dark depths of an ancient lagoon. He tried to fight her pull, but the sight of
her profile as she leaned forward and rested her face against one of her
slender, delicate hands was too much. Dark lashes. Smooth, flawless skin. And
that lush pink mouth, parted by her provocative moans. His ears roared. His
eyes burned.

And his fangs broke free again, long and heavy in his
mouth.

Gritting his teeth, Aiden pulled his hand from between
her legs and grabbed hold of the branch on either side of her body. His fingers
sank into the wood, creating deep impressions, and he pressed his forehead
between her shoulder blades, fighting to get himself under control. His muscles
twitched, his dick rock hard and ready, strangling inside his jeans, too stupid
to know what it was getting itself into.

“Aiden?”

“Just…just give me a minute,” he rasped, wondering how
he’d ever thought he could get his fill of this woman. God, he’d been mad. A
blind, effing idiot. One who’d been shown paradise and was going to be left
sucking wind when he lost it.

And damn it, he didn’t want to lose it.

Not now, when he finally got what it was all about.

He couldn’t say that sex with other women had ever
felt bad. Just that…maybe he hadn’t ever really felt it, like listening to
music through thick, soundproof walls. He knew it was happening, but it’d never
pierced its way through to him.

Then came Olivia, and she’d smashed his walls to
pieces. Pieces he didn’t know how to put back together. And now he was left
standing there, with his face buried against her back, trembling like a leaf.
Wishing. Wanting. Hungering. Craving with a visceral need that had bled into
something so much deeper and devastating than physical desire—which was why he
was going to be running, as hard and as fast as he could, the instant he had
her safe and secure in England.

No, the animal snarled with a violent, primitive fury
that echoed painfully through his skull.

Aiden hated the idea even more than the beast, but it
couldn’t be helped. Want had changed to need, and need was something he wasn’t
prepared to give in to. Need meant he was in this for the long haul—and that
couldn’t be. Hell, he didn’t even recognize himself anymore. Didn’t understand
what was going on in his head. He couldn’t think, couldn’t act. All he did was
worry about her, feeling as if he needed to be near her to breathe, and it was
scaring the shit out of him. He wanted to spend every goddamn waking moment in
her presence. Hold her close to his body when they slept. Talk to her about the
future, as if it was something they could actually share together. All bad, bad
shit that was doomed to crash down on him, splattering him like road kill, if
he didn’t get the hell out of there. So he’d already talked it out with
Kierland and made the plans.

Knowing the clock was ticking, Aiden pressed his mouth
against the back of her neck, flicking his tongue against the salty, delicious
taste of her skin. Pleasure rolled through him, as warm and sweet as the first
rays of sunshine in spring. Not the hot, blinding flash of orgasm, but just as
strong. Just as essential. “You always smell so damn good.” His voice bled into
a soft growl, his lips moving against the side of her throat as he nuzzled
against her. “It drives me crazy, the way I can’t get enough of you.”

“Does that mean something?” she asked, suddenly
looking at him over her shoulder.

Panic flared like a flame. “What do you mean?”

“Does it mean something about us? Am…am I special to
you?” He didn’t respond, simply staring back at her with a wary expression, but
she wasn’t deterred by his silence. “You wanted me to tell you something, so
this is what I’m telling you. You’re special to me, Aiden. And if you wanted
to…to b-bite me, I wouldn’t mind.”

“What?” He could feel the color drain from his face.
“Why in God’s name would you say that?”

“Because I trust you.”

Oh, Christ. He’d wanted so badly to hear those words
from her, but they’d backfired on him. He hadn’t realized the danger. How it
would make him feel, all soft and hot in his chest, his face burning like a
friggin’ Broadway sign. “Well, don’t, Liv. Not about this. I’m not even going
to—”

He cut off the telling words, but it was already too
late.

“You’re not going to what?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he muttered, looking away from her.

“I meant what I said, Aiden.”

He closed his eyes, gnashing his teeth. “Get real,
Liv. You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

“I do. I—”

“Goddamn it!” Within seconds he had her turned and
shoved back against the trunk of the tree, his hands curled around her upper
arms, holding her there as he leaned in close to her face. “Do you have any
idea how dangerous it is, every time I touch you? How badly I want to bite you?
I’ve been fighting it for days! And you know why?” he snarled, giving her a
little shake. “Because if I bite you, it’s going to stick!”

“Stick?” she repeated, her voice thick with confusion.
“What does that even mean?”

“Your scent calls to me, Liv.” He took a deep breath,
struggling to get control of his anger, knowing he needed to make her
understand. “It’s called ‘the Eve effect.’”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning you call to my beast. Meaning I should stay
the hell away from you,” he growled, “because of all the women in the world,
you’re one of the ones it would be a really, really bad idea for me to bite.
Sink my fangs into you, and you could end up getting a lot more than you
bargained for. Kinda like an instant marriage. Only, one you can’t go and get
canceled when you decide you don’t like the husband anymore.”

She blinked, a violent rush of color burning beneath
her fair skin. “Are you s-saying that you would mark me as your mate if you bit
me?”

He shook his head and let go of her as he took a step
back. Then took another. Wishing that he hadn’t smoked his last cigarette,
Aiden raked his hair back from his face and said, “There would have to be an
emotional connection between us for that to happen.”

“Oh.” She took a deep breath, and slowly let it out.
“And…are your emotions involved?”

Instead of answering, he braced his hands on his hips,
his gaze focused intently on the grass at his feet. “You should be considering
yourself lucky that I haven’t done it,” he rasped. “I’m more animal than man,
Liv. Nowhere near that perfect little world of normal that you want.”

Even without looking at her, he could feel the way she
flinched. “That’s not fair, Aiden. I never said that was the life I wanted.”

“Just the one you thought you were meant to have.” His
mouth twisted with something too tight and bitter to be a smile. “And you were
right. Which is why I’m…”

“What?” she asked, refastening her jeans.

“Forget it,” he muttered, not wanting to get into it
with her, knowing it was going to be bad.

At least he knew, now, that he’d made the right choice
in deciding to leave so soon. It had been hard enough not to bite her before,
but now that she’d given him permission, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d be
able to keep control. He could stand there and promise himself that he wouldn’t
slip up until he was blue in the face, but it wouldn’t mean anything. Wouldn’t
change the truth.

“What were you going to say?” she whispered, unwilling
to let it go. “You’re not going to what?”

Pushing his hands deep into his pockets, he lifted his
heavy gaze back to her face and said, “Saige is nearly done with the next map.”

She stared back at him, puzzled, not yet connecting
the dots.

Aiden cleared his throat. Forced it out. “She said it
looks like the next Marker’s buried somewhere in Finland.”

Comprehension dawned like a slow spill of horror,
widening her eyes. “And you’re going to go after it? You’re going to leave us?”

“Not yet,” he rasped, hating the way she was looking
at him. “Not until you’re safe in England.”

“But when we get there, you’re going to leave?” she
pressed, taking a step forward, her violet eyes swimming with tears. With dark,
painful understanding. “And when you go, that’s going to be the end, isn’t it?
I mean, for us. For you and me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Tell me the truth.” Her voice shook, trembling with
emotion. “Tell me that when you leave it’s going to be over between us.”

He clenched his jaw, curling his hands into hard fists
inside his pockets. “Don’t act so surprised, Liv. You knew what you were
getting into.”

“Damn it, just tell me!” she shouted, taking another
step forward. “I want to hear you say it!”

“Fine!” he growled, his voice so harsh it barely even
sounded human. “When I’m gone, that’s it. I won’t come near you again.”

“You bastard!” Olivia cried, slapping him as hard as
she could. She hadn’t planned to do it, but she hadn’t been able to quell the
primitive impulse, wanting to strike out and hurt him. Make him feel even a
fraction of the pain she was feeling.

“This is for the best.” He ground out the words, the
left side of his face flushing bright red where she’d hit him.

“Why?” she demanded, feeling as if she was going to be
sick. “Because I’m human, like Mueller and your mother? Because you’re going to
blame me for what they did to you? God,” she cried, “all this time I’ve been
telling myself that eventually, after you got to know me, it wouldn’t matter.
But it does. Because you won’t let it not matter. I knew better, damn it. But I
let my heart overrule my head and I’m paying for it now.”

He made a low sound in the back of his throat. “I’m
doing you a favor, Liv. Instead of being pissed, you should be thanking me.
Better to cut our losses now, before things get any more complicated than they
already are.”

Squeezing her eyes closed against a hot rush of tears,
she turned her head to the side for a moment, then forced herself to look back
at him as she took a deep breath and said, “I feel sorry for you, Aiden. You
probably don’t care why, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I feel sorry for you
because you’re so buried in the past, you can’t see the things that are right
in front of you.”

“No matter what you’re feeling right now, the reality
is that we don’t have a future. We never did,” he argued in a sharp, gritty
voice, the lines in his face deepening, adding a grim edge of bitterness to his
hard, masculine beauty. “You’ll realize that sooner or later, because the truth
is that I’m not a man, Liv. Not a human one. I might look like you, but I’m
not.”

“And you really think that matters to me?” Soft,
tear-filled words that she wished could have been stronger.

“Maybe not now,” he grunted, jerking his chin toward
her. “But one day you’d wake up and realize what you’d gotten yourself into.”

“That’s such a crock,” she snapped.

“Jesus, you just don’t get it, do you?” he growled,
his chest heaving, his golden gaze blazing with fury and frustration. “You
think you know me, but you don’t. And I don’t like wanting something that I
know I don’t deserve. Sooner or later you’d come to your senses about the kind
of man I am, about the differences between us, and then guess where that’d leave
me? Getting fucked, that’s where.”

“So then you’re going to screw me over instead?”

“No, damn it. It isn’t like that,” he argued, though
he knew damn well that it was. “I think…I think you’re a great person, Liv. One
of the best I’ve ever known.” His gaze slid away, his voice thick as he said,
“Even after learning about my past, you didn’t…you just…you surprised me. But
we’ve got to face the facts.”

“It’s a fact that I care about you, Aiden.”

He wanted to believe her. To believe that she wouldn’t
wake up one day and look at him with disgust. That she wouldn’t ever hurt him
or betray him. But he couldn’t. Maybe that part of him had been broken. Crushed
out of him. Damaged and destroyed. Whatever the reason, he was incapable of
trusting anyone now. Of ever truly putting his faith in another person. Even
someone as amazing as Liv.

“You’re just…confused right now,” he grunted, barely
managing to scrape out the hoarse words as he forced his gaze back onto her
face, her shattered expression making him feel like the biggest bastard alive.

“So then that’s it? You won’t even give me a chance to
prove myself?”

He wanted to say yes, that he would. Wanted to tell
her so many things, but he couldn’t do it. He was trapped behind a wall that he
couldn’t batter down. Couldn’t break. “I can’t. It…it doesn’t matter what I
want, Liv. The fact is that I don’t have it in me. Why go through the trouble,
when I already know how it’s going to end?”