Ria Cantrell - Celtic Storm 03 (17 page)

“Nay. It says…it says your name is Randall du Montefort. It says that Randall du Montefort has been missing and presumed dead after not returning from one of the king’s campaigns. You are a soldier.”

“Hmm, that does not surprise me, really. Randall du Montefort. It has a nice sound to it, at least.”

She continued, “You are the Lord of du Montefort Keep, but the king has sent some of his men to fortify it against invaders because there was some sort of raid to one of your neighbors.”

“Does it say aught about me?”

“No, that is all.”

“No mention of a wife, then.” It was a statement.

“No mention of a wife. But you are Randall. Randall du Montefort.”

“Alright.”

Janelle looked at him and asked, “Does that not sound familiar at all?”

Randall smiled sadly and he said, “No.”

“I had hoped that learning your true name might at least jar some memory, but it has not.”

“It seems not. It matters not, really, my precious Janelle. I am Monty to you. I feel like I am the man I was always meant to be, now that I have found you.”

Janelle smiled sadly and she said, “I suppose you must return home, now.”

Randall shrugged and kissed the side of her face. He said, “I suppose, but it will not matter. I do not remember anything about the place. What good will I do there, now?”

“My love, you have to go back. I am sure there are people wanting to find you and waiting for your return.”

“Or, perhaps there are people there trying to destroy me. Janelle, I did not get like this by someone who loved me.”

It was the truth, but still, they had to find out and perhaps solve the mystery of what actually had happened to Randall du Montefort. Surely there were people who missed him, even if there was not a wife and family; and Janelle was not certain that would not be waiting for them once they arrived. She kissed him and she said, “We have to go. Then, I suppose, if you think you are in danger there, or if you think that there is nothing there for you, we can return here.”

“We? Janelle, are you going to come with me?”

“Did you not ask me to marry you? I am coming with you.”

“But what if….”

He let the question die. What if there was a wife and family? How would he be able to do that to Janelle? Her lilac eyes sought his and she knew what he did not finish saying. Taking his hand to her lips she said, “I love you, Monty. Whatever waits for you there waits for me as well. Be it danger or a wife, I will accept whatever is there. If I am to be put aside for it, I will know that it is not because you do not love me, but because of duty and honor. I have given more than my body to you, Monty. I have given you my heart and I owe it to you to face this with you.”

Randall nodded. It was such a bittersweet moment for he truly did not know what waited for him at du Montefort Keep. He only knew that he loved this woman and no matter what memories were given back to him, he would love her always. With a heavy sigh, Randall agreed, “Alright, we will return to my home, but you need to know that no matter what is there for me, I have never loved someone as much as I have loved you.”

Janelle touched his jaw and she said, “You do not know that. Imagine if there is someone you loved, who loved you, who is waiting for word of your whereabouts. What if someone pines for you even now, not knowing what has befallen you? I know if I was the one waiting there, I would be beside myself with grief.”

“Like you were when your husband.…”

“Please, Monty. I do not wish to speak of him.”

Randall kissed her mouth and said, “You do not wish to speak of him, yet you want me to face a past I cannot remember. I trust you to face this uncertainty with me. Why will you not trust that which you keep locked in your heart to me?”

For the first time since he had arrived at Janelle’s manor, he saw her guard slip. Fat tears pooled in her eyes and slid down her face. He took her face into his hands and with gentleness, he thumbed her tears away.

“I cannot tell you. It is a shame I must bear and I must bear it alone.”

“What shame? What could you have possibly done to earn such shame?”

“If I tell you, I am certain that it will not matter if you have a wife waiting for you or not. When I speak the words, you will no longer love me and….”

“Janelle, nothing you say would ever cause me to not love you.”

She sniffled ungracefully and said, “It is one thing to be put aside because of your past, Monty, but I could not bear it if you no longer loved me. And yet, it is no less than I deserve.”

“Deserve? Janelle, you are an angel; sweet of nature, kind and caring. Loving and gentle. You deserve to be loved, my beloved.”

As sobs wracked her shoulders, she suddenly seemed very small. Randall gathered her into his arms. She buried her face against his chest and she cried in earnest. It was as if the months carrying her guilt and sorrow were unleashed to the fullest. Through sobs, she murmured, “I have been carrying it so deeply these months.”

“Then, today is our day of new beginnings. I learned who I am and t’is time for you to unburden yourself. Trust in my love, Janelle. That is something I can be sure of.”

“T’is--t’is my fault that my husband was killed. I may have not been in the fray, but it was my fault as sure as my own hand struck the blow.”

“How so? You were miles away from it.”

“Aye, but I sent him to his death. I did; for you see, I did not love him. And he knew it. He was a good man. He was a decent man, but I did not love him. On the day the missive came requesting his service to the king, he asked me to try to find a small amount of love for him in my heart so he would have something to fight for. Oh Monty, I could not give it. I will never forget the look of sadness in his eyes that day as he left our home. He was resigned to his fate and it was as if he no longer cared if he lived or not. He loved me. Or rather, I believe he came to love me. Our marriage was arranged but he loved me despite the fact that I could not love him in return. Maybe it was that I would not love him. My cold heart sent him to his death that day, sure as the sword that ended his life.”

Randall remained silent as Janelle finished unburdening her heart. His poor sweet angel; blaming herself for something so vile as the death of her husband! It was not so and he knew he had to convince her of that. He took a moment to find the words to say to her. He said softly, “Janelle, you cannot force your heart to bend if it is not able to. Clearly, you cared about him. We are sometimes put in situations where love just cannot grow, but you did not want your husband to die, I am certain of that.”

“Nay I did not. Though I did not love him, I did care for him. He was someone I felt was my friend.”

“So, see. You did love him. Mayhap not as a lover but you cannot disclaim the love one has for a friend.”

“I would not have left him. I would have stayed my days as his wife and I would have never complained for it, but I could not give him the one thing he wanted and he died without my love alone in a battle.”

Two more tears fell down her face.

“When a man is a soldier, he knows that each time he goes to battle, he may not return. You no more sent him to his death than he did on his own.”

“You…do not know that.”

“Actually, I do. Perhaps my memory is returning because I do know that. Janelle, you have to forgive yourself now. This is not for you to carry any longer. It was his time, and no amount of love would have prevented it.”

“But he died not knowing.…”

“He knew you cared for him. He knew what sort of woman he married. He would not want you to carry this in your heart. If he loved you, and I am sure that he did, he would want you to be happy and to be freed from this burden.”

Janelle sighed heavily and her shoulders slumped in defeat. She suddenly felt tired and drained from her confession. Randall knew that it took a lot for her to tell him the secret she said she would never share, but he knew she needed to. It was one more step closer for them to be together.

After she calmed enough, Randall said, “There now. It is done. Is there anything else that you want to tell me?”

“Just that I love you, no matter what lies ahead for us. I never again want to withhold my love.”

“Well, then, perhaps we should ready ourselves for the journey. I guess it’s time for me to go home.”

~Chapter Twenty-Two~

When Erik finally returned to the keep late that night, he was weary. He had been riding most of the day, bringing villagers who sought refuge and sanctuary to Montefort as well as surveying the areas that were most vulnerable. Between him and Tristan, he had secured enough men to protect the areas that seemed the easiest to threaten. He was tired but he wanted to see Rhianna. He was certain she had been working to exhaustion as well, preparing places for people to stay and overseeing that the pens were sufficient to hold livestock. He wished he could just fall into bed with the beauty and after a little rest, he was certain he would be revitalized.

When he caught sight of her, she had given him such an appraising look that he forgot about his weariness and thought to approach her. Only, as soon as he got near her, she was whisked away to do some other task before they closed the gates for the night. Sighing, he set off to his chambers and hoped he would be able to get a bath, but he was certain that most of the house servants were busy with other matters at the moment.

As he headed up the stone stairs toward his rooms, he saw her again. She was looking at him with pure and unabashed lust and it was all he could do to not dash down the steps and carry her up to bed. She saw him wink at her and she blushed scarlet, knowing that he had caught her bold assessment of him. He felt himself instantly react to her gazes of ardor and he grew hard just thinking about it. He was going to have to talk to her about that, for if he was to protect the keep, he would need to train in the list fields. If she was there watching him with those covert glances that bespoke of desire, he was going to end up getting killed. Even warriors had limits. The other night was all he could do to not explode. The cold dip in the stream did little to quell his desire and he was chilled to the bone. Even so, he tossed and turned most of the night, burning like one with a fever for wanting her.

Well, he would retire now because he needed to start out early again in the morning. He was satisfied that the keep was in good standing to ward off any attacks and that most of the outlying villagers were either safely inside the fortress walls or guarded sufficiently against any threat. Despite the distracting and unnerving looks from his betrothed, Erik fell into his bed after washing and sleep came with dreamless oblivion.

The morning brought another thing all together. Rhianna was busy in the main hall seeing that people were being fed. The kitchens were needed to run full time to supply the people seeking refuge at least something warm to eat. There were great kettles of stew and broth and Rhianna was there, with the servants doling out the portions. Her hair was caught back behind her and tied with a green ribbon. An apron cinched around her narrow waist, showing her curves to their best advantage. As she leaned over to pour some broth into a bowl, Erik noticed her neckline was lower than he remembered and he was reminded of her luscious breasts. He chided himself. What was the matter with him? For the love of God, he was a trained and disciplined warrior. Why did this girl get to him the way that she did. Yes, her breasts were lovely, as was her face and her figure, but he had seen plenty of those in his day. Why did this girl affect him so? On cue, when she spied him, she lowered her head, but looked up at him from beneath her lashes. Was she flirting with him?

Rhianna felt his gaze the minute he walked into the main hall. It made her warm all over. They barely had a chance to speak to each other yesterday, but every time his eyes rested on her, she could feel heat flood her. When the last bowl had been filled for the time being, Erik walked over to her and he took her hand to kiss it in the most chivalrous fashion. She smiled and said, “It has been quite a busy few days.”

“Indeed. We have secured the keep and the village. It is safe against any attacks at the moment.”

Rhianna frowned and said, “For now. But we cannot house everyone for days on end.”

“No, but I am certain that the threat will present itself shortly and my men and your forces will be ready for it.”

Rhianna murmured, “I do not know how to thank you.”

Erik touched her face, gently and he said, “I am going to marry you. There is no thanks needed.”

Rhianna nodded, not knowing what else to say.

He gave her a quick kiss and he teased, “Now, I need to discuss something of importance.”

Rhianna looked momentarily alarmed but Erik grinned and he said, “I find myself unable to concentrate when you look at me the way you just did across the room.”

Erik almost laughed at the astounded look on her face, but he continued, “So, I would appreciate it if you stayed away from the list field if I am working with my men.”

She put her hands on her hips and it was all he could do to not kiss the petulant pout off her lips. He had meant to provoke her a little, because he rather liked her spirited demeanor. Still, he was not entirely joking about the matter. He could not concentrate when she flirted with him and he needed to focus on the matter at hand. With a finger under her jaw, he said more seriously, “I mean it, Rhianna. I know you do not realize that you do it and some of it is innocent flirting, but I have to keep my wits about me right now.”