Ribofunk (10 page)

I held my breath, waiting for some reprimand about being late. But it never came. I had the impression, in fact, that I now stood alone, Ozturk having disappeared into his attached living quarters. I didn’t wait to get kissed or dissed, but figured I was dismissed.

Midway through the light-trap, I was freed by a mist from the shrink-wrap. Gathering up Charmaine—who of course had to complain I was interrupting her S&M vid of “Hot Purple Pain”—I signed out a Skoda Skooter and a Taligent poqetpal and got ready to carry out my assignment.

Riding north through city streets, Charmaine behind me on the saddle-seat, her pinchy insectlegs digging into my ribs as she hugged me, I pondered why Captain Ozturk had chosen me for this mission —it bugged me. Was it a prelude to promotion, a mark of my devotion? Or just sheer chance, no cause for flights of romance?

When no answer came clear, I pushed the question to the rear and motored on.

Soon we arrived at the point on the shore opposite the Rivermouth Colony, roughly six blocks south of Oak Street Beach, where lucky franches basked in the heat.

Charmaine and I stood on the low grocrete jetty painted with the EC insignia and reserved for official use—vehicle moorings and Eater feedings and such—and I pointed out the Eater habitat to her, some half-klick offshore.

Shading her eyes against the lake-sparkle, Charmaine said, “Wow, that’s big! You know, I never bothered to come look at this before. Kinda like a New Yorker never visiting Television City. Is it made out of—rocks?”

“Stones, mud, trees, driftwood, old car parts—whatever the Eaters can scavenge from the lake. They’re master builders.”

There was a note of pride in my voice that was there by choice. After all these years of working with the Eaters, I had become one of their virtue-repeaters. The splices were honest, humble, and dutiful. And despite naysayers, I even believed they were beautiful.

And to think that without a terrorist act, the Eaters would be fiction, not fact!

Twenty years ago, the first designer-waterweed invasion of the GLB had occurred. The initial invader had been a modified Canadian pondweed,
Elodea canadensis
, introduced into the St. Lawrence Seaway. Its repro-rate was low-mag compared to what followed:
Elodea
took a whole week to double its initial biomass. Well, the GLB eradicated by lo-tech smart-chem means the infestation of pondweed, only to find itself attacked by an even fiercer milfoil-alligator-weed cultivar. They zapped that too, but it was just the edge of the wedge.

For next came the infamous water-hyacinth/kariba-weed splice.

Within days the entire GLB was declared a disaster zone of plus-minus one kilonader.

Now, a youngster like Sis, who hadn’t even been born at the time of the disaster, might wonder just how much trouble a little nontoxic flowering aquatic plant could cause. Based on the training materials I’d seen, and my own toddler-memory of being taken to look at the enormous floating mats of vegetation, I’d say the trouble was yotta-nasty.

The hykariba (as it came to be called) doubled its numbers every two days, individual plants breaking off from their clonal parents and drifting off to colonize virgin territory. Coalescing in enormous floating rafts two meters thick in some places, the hykariba soon blanketed the entire GLB. The plants impeded shipping, clogged the intake pipes of industrial and drinking-water plants, and contributed to flooding by displacing watermass. As the oldest of the shortlife plants began to decay, they used up available oxygen, axphyxiating fish and phytoplankton. The stench from the big finny kills was incredible. As a last insult-result, the mats were excellent breeding grounds for mosquitos.

It took bioremediation forces from across the whole Union to null the invader. Before they succeeded, the genetically identical mass of plants grew to form the largest single organism in the history of the world.

One of the weapons in the fight had been the Eaters.

Hastily but deftly morrowed out of nutria, manatee, and, of course, human germlines (which is what always got the rifkins so upset), the hykariba-hungry Eaters—otherwise known as mantrias, nutratees, or coypu-cows—were introduced into the devastated ecosystem as fast as they could be turned out by Invitrogen and Prizm, Biocine and Catalytica.

Once the crisis was over the Eaters remained, first line in the GLB’s defense against future intruders. They patrolled and roamed in the waters they called home. Restrained by diet leashes, they always returned to their beaches. Where they were met by a Feeder such as yours truly, who pampered his charges with applause unduly.

“How do you get them to come?” Charmaine asked with what I hoped was unfeigned interest.

“Like this.”

I took the poqetpal out and tapped in my private code. Then I stuck the unit underwater, where it began to broadcast its ultrasonic call.

Within minutes, the first Eater arrived.

Big Eater.

Head of the colony, Big Eater was larger by half than any other nutratee and twice as smart. Befitting his leader’s rank, the head bull was the only one in the colony who had the speech feach.

Gushing up out of the water like a furry brown torpedo, Big Eater sprayed us in his usual greeting, and Charmaine squealed. Gripping the jetty with his crafty paws, he left the bulk of his body still underwater. Rivulets ran from his coypu-cow muzzle, off ears and jowls that were part of his special gene-puzzle.

Big Eater smiled. “Cor-by. How are you?”

I tousled the sleek oily fur. “Doing okay, Big Guy. How’s the missus and all the little calves?”

“The she is good. The lit-tle ones are good. We eat. We watch for bad things. We sleep. We build. Life is full.”

“Great, great, I’m glad to hear it.”

Charmaine squatted down beside me. “Can—can I pet him too?”

“Sure. Big Guy, this is my sister, Charmaine.”

“Char-maine, hel-lo.”

I watched Sis instinctively scratch Big Eater’s favorite spot, right behind his ears. She seemed to have reverted to her innocent chrono-years. “Oooo, he’s a real teddy-weddy, yes he is.…”

Unable to resist a prod, I said, “I thought you Roaches weren’t keen on mammals.…”

Charmaine instantly got all hard. “Humans are what we hate, the privileged ones. These poor splices—they don’t bear any responsibility for what they are. We show solidarity with all downtrodden species. And someday —”

“Someday what?” Charmaine didn’t answer. “You know, you’re almost talking Krazy Kat-style trash. You might even get arrested for it if the wrong people heard.”

Standing, Charmaine said, “I don’t care. We’re willing to fight for what we believe in.”

Before we could argue anymore, Big Eater interrupted. “Why did you call me, Cor-by?”

“Oh, right. It’s time to try a new pill.” I opened the packet Captain Ozturk had handed me.

Big Eater seemed puzzled. “It has not been e-nough days for more pills.”

“I know. But this is a special pill. Protection.”

“Pro-tec-tion?” Big Eater looked fierce. “Who wants to harm the pod?”

“A bad splice,” I said, ignoring Charmaine’s impolite snort.

Big Eater pondered. “I will get the o-thers.”

He was gone with a splash, we hung in like a rash, soon they came en masse.

Now, most Eater Feeders, lazy CivServs that they are, just broadcast the pills on the waters and assume every coypu-cow will snatch one. They don’t really care if an individual misses out and dies a nasty programmed deficiency death shortly thereafter, all hemorrhages and tachycardia. After all, they’re just splices, right? You can always breed more.

I didn’t buy it. I always fed my charges individually. It was my job.

So now, as Big Eater watched proudly from the sidelines—he was always the last to get his dose, insuring that all his pod were provided for first—I doled out the new pills one by one to the mantrias as they surfaced, gulped, and disappeared, a never-ending stream of whiskered snouts.

About halfway through —twenty minutes and fifty mantrias —I noticed out of the corner of one eye that a young nutratee had approached Big Eater and was chittering something at him. Big Eater swam up to the jetty.

Before I knew what was happening, Big Eater had knocked the remaining pills from my grasp and into the water.

“Bad pills!” Big Eater said. “Make cows swim mad.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Cows don’t go home. Go to Sta-tion Eight.”

Station Eight was one of the artificial islands erected in Lake Mitch to help prosecute the hykariba war. Abandoned for many years, it was nothing more than a graffiti-sprayed trysting spot, or a place for a picnic when the weather got hot.

“I don’t know what to say. It wasn’t supposed to work out this way—”

“Big Eater must go. Must help the sick ones.”

“No, wait! We’ll come with you.”

I hopped onto an EC jetski. Charmaine dropped down behind me.

“Charm—”

“Forget it! You wanted me along. You’re not gonna leave me behind just when things get interesting!”

Big Eater was already gone. I didn’t have time to argue.

I gave the ski its codes and powered up the flownodes. We shot off across the water like Neptune and his daughter, outpacing the remaining Eaters.

Once we were beyond the Eater construction, Station Eight appeared, a small isle dotted with some crumbling structures overgrown with vines and weeds from wind-sown seeds.

As we drew nearer, things became clearer. From a few meters offshore, this is what we saw: nutratrees lay on a old launch ramp, while around them stood figures fussing with straps and clamps.

Charmaine recognized them before I did.

“It’s—they’re Roaches!”

I didn’t like the scene and I tried to swerve, but there came a volley of shots and I lost my nerve.

“Beach it! Now!” yelled a gun-toting Roach.

I ran the jetski aground and climbed down.

Charmaine rashly approached the hot-tempered Roach.

“Weevil—?”

The Roach eyed us meanly with Orthoptera optics. Resplendent in his winged shell, he had us pinned like bugs with his gun barrel.

“I don’t know what you’re doing here, Charmaine—how you found us, or whether you’re here to help or hinder us—but you can’t be allowed to delay our plans. These vars won’t stay responsive forever.”

“What are you doing to them?” I demanded.

Weevil focused now on my uniform. “A CivServ boy, huh? This must be your brother, Charmaine. It seems we were right not to trust you enough to let you in on the scheme.”

“What scheme?”

“These transgenics have been suborned by Krazy Kat himself. A new trope. They’re running on a carefully timed set of instructions now. Each one is going to carry an explosive pack up the Chicago River. We’re going to breach all the underground utility tunnels beneath the river and flood the whole Loop. All kibernetic maintenance will be brought to a standstill.”

“But the poor Eaters …” said Charmaine.

“A few expendables in the cause of freeing their kind.”

“No!” I shouted.

Charmaine tried to reason with Weevil. “It’s okay to hurt the humans. They deserve it. But can’t you spare the splices?”

“Too late. The plan won’t tolerate changes. We have to detonate the explosives as soon as they’re in place, or risk detection. And that just doesn’t give the cows time to escape. And who really cares? So long as we win. Both of you now—over there, behind that wall.”

Under the gun’s threat it looked like our sunset. We turned to march off.

And then they came.

A coypu-cow is hardly a dolphin, but they can swim awfully fast and flow like a fountain. Out of the water the remaining loyal Eaters launched themselves up the slippery slope, each one a hundred kilos of wet flesh, that’s dope. They bowled over the Roaches like a living wave, coming their human Feeder to save. Knocked the Bugs off their feet, pinning them to the wet grocrete.

I rushed that evil Weevil then, cracking his carapace with a kick and a grin. Gun in hand, I was now topman.

Down to the waterside I sped, looking for one familiar head.

“Cor-by,” said Big Eater. “This is what we need pro-tec-tion from?”

“Not any more, Big Guy. More like the other way ’round.”

Well, of course it was Krazy Kat himself whom I had talked to in the dark of Captain Ozturk’s office. Poor Ozzie—or his corpse anyhow—had been at the interview too. The bad splice had picked me on purpose. You see:

He knew I couldn’t handle a glove,

Thought I’d be sloppy when push came to shove.

Didn’t know I took pride in my work—

Made that Kat look like a yotta-jerk!

Not many humans can claim they’ve been in a room with the notorious Kat and walked away and for a while I was the metamedium darling of the hour. It seemed only natural for the EC to reward me with the Khan’s job.

And as for Charmaine—well, she was naturally pretty soured on the Roaches, and the Eater Corps was now one Cadet short, and I was head of the Corps —