Read Rich People Problems Online
Authors: Kevin Kwan
DEMPSEY HILL, SINGAPORE
PS.Café was an oasis nestled in the parklands of the former Dempsey Hill barracks, and the moment Nick entered the tranquil space with Astrid he felt like he could breathe easier.
As if echoing his thoughts, Astrid said, “I'm so glad we managed to make our escape.”
“Two hours with the family in the lawyers' officeâ¦I think it's going to take me a year to recover!” Nick laughed, looking around to see if Rachel and Carlton had arrived. “Ah, they're hiding over in the corner.”
“So you have a hot date tomorrow night?” Rachel teased her brother as they sat at a table bathed in sunlight filtering through the giant plate-glass windows.
“I'm
hoping
it will be a hot date! You know, sometimes an actual date just screws things up,” Carlton said, taking a sip of his lychee-and-lime soda.
“Scheherazade and you have been inseparable for the past week. I don't see how you could possibly screw it up at this point.” Rachel looked up and saw Nick and Astrid navigating between the crowded tables toward them. “Here they come. Let's ask Astridâ”
“Noooo!” Carlton said bashfully.
“Ask me what?” Astrid asked as she leaned over to give Rachel a peck on the cheek.
“In your expert opinion, do you think it's a bad idea for Carlton to take your cousin on a date?”
“What, a real date? I figured they were already halfway to Vegas to get married!” Astrid teased.
“Stop it, I'm not sure she's that into me,” Carlton said.
“Carlton, if she wasn't into you, you wouldn't even be able to get close.”
“Really?” Carlton seemed dubious.
Astrid sat down next to him. “First of all, her parents are pathologically protective of her. You've seen her security detail. I'm told that in Paris, she has undercover agents trailing her everywhere she goes, and even she doesn't know who they are. But aside from that, Scheherazade has left a trail of carnage since she was a teenager. I've never seen so many love-sick puppies get their hearts stomped on. But you, Mr. Dimples, have gotten through the Praetorian Guard.”
“So where are you taking her on your hot date?” Nick prodded.
“I thought I'd keep things really casualâ¦maybe a walk followed by drinks at LeVeL33?”
Astrid made a little face. “You might want to rethink that.”
“You're going to have to up your game, Carlton. Scheherazade Shang does not impress easily,” Nick warned.
“Okay, duly noted.” Carlton laughed.
Rachel, meanwhile, was on the edge of her seat wanting to know what happened at the reading of the will. “Anyway, enough about Carlton's love life. How are you guys? Did everythingâ¦umâ¦go okay?”
Nick stared out the window. From where he was sitting, it seemed as though the entire café was a glass tree house, and he just wanted to dive out the window and be enveloped by the foliage. “I'm not sure, my brain is totally fried. How do you think it went, Astrid?”
Astrid leaned back in her chair and let out a sigh. “I've never been in a room that was filled with that much tension. There were many surprises, and I think everyone's in shock at the moment. Eddie especially.”
“Why Eddie?” Rachel asked.
Nick gave a little laugh. “The poor sod thought he was going to inherit Tyersall Park.” Knowing the big question on Rachel's mind, he continued, “It's not going to me either. I have a small share, but Tyersall Park is being divided up like a big wheel of cheese among my father, his sistersâ¦and Alistair, as it turns out.”
Rachel's jaw dropped. “Alistair? Jeez, no wonder Eddie's in shock!”
“Shock today, fratricide tomorrow,” Astrid quipped.
“How about you, Astrid? Are you surprised that you didn't get a share of the house?” Rachel asked.
“I never imagined I would. I'm happy enough that Ah Ma left me a few things she knows I'll cherish.” Astrid's phone began to ring, and seeing that it was Charlie, she quickly got up from the table and said, “Back in a moment. If the waitress comes, can I get a peach-and-lychee fizz?”
After Astrid had left the table, Rachel asked, “So if the house is being divided up among so many people, how's that going to work?”
Nick shrugged. “I guess that's what they're trying to figure out now. The rest of the family is back at the house having a big powwow over lunch.”
Rachel reached across the table and gave Nick's hand a squeeze. She could only imagine how difficult it must have been for him, to sit there in that office and find out how his grandmother's entire life was going to be dismantled and dispersed. Changing the topic, she said cheerily, “Well, let's order. I'm starving, and I hear the Tiger beer-battered fish-and-chips are amazing.”
Standing in the patio outside the café, Astrid listened worriedly as Charlie tried to explain the situation. “My security team did a full sweep. They searched every last inch of my apartment but they couldn't find a thing. No hidden cameras, no surveillance devices, nothing. And I just heard back from the Singapore teamâthey couldn't find anything in your house either.”
Astrid frowned. “What does this mean?”
“I'm not sure. It's pretty damn alarming that there's video footage of us in my bed, but no one has any idea how it was recorded.”
“Could it have been done from a drone?” Astrid wondered.
“No, it's the wrong angle. We studied every frame of the footage, and it had to have been shot from the foot of my bed, not out the window. Whatever device was in my bedroom is now gone.”
“Oh that's reassuring,” Astrid said mordantly. “So whoever planted the device came back to remove it.”
“That would appear to be the case. Listen, I'm flying in more security experts from Israel to do another assessment. I want them to go over everything with an even finer comb. And then I'll send them to Singapore to do another sweep of your house. Until then, I don't think you should go back to your place until we figure this out.”
Astrid leaned against a pillar, sighing in frustration. “I can't believe this is happening. I feel so violated, like nowhere I go is safe anymore. I feel like Michael has eyes everywhere in this town.”
“Why don't you come to Hong Kong? I'm holed up at the Peninsula now, in their Peninsula Suite. This is where all the heads of state stay. It's really the most secure place you can be at the moment.”
“I feel like if I leave now, it's admitting defeat. Michael will know he's managed to intimidate us.”
“Astrid, listen to me. What did we say last night? We're not going to let Michael win. We're not going to let him dictate the rules here. You're not fleeing town. You're coming to Hong Kong to see me, to have a good time, to start looking into options for our wedding. Your grandma's funeral is over, and we're getting on with our lives,” Charlie said reassuringly.
“You're absolutely right. I have to come to Hong Kong. We have a wedding to plan!” Astrid proclaimed, the fire returning to her voice.
TYERSALL PARK, SINGAPORE
Even from the service wing downstairs, Eddie's yelling could be heard. Ah Ling, Ah Ching, and a dozen maids craned their necks by the kitchen window, mesmerized by noises wafting down to them from the bedroom where Eddie and Fiona were staying.
“Fucky fuck! You knew all along what was in my grandmother's will, and you didn't tell me a thing!” Eddie shouted.
“I keep telling you I didn't know anything! I was only a witness to the signing, don't you understand? I wasn't going to sit there and read her will!” Fiona argued back.
“Why the hell didn't you?”
“Lower your voice, Eddie! Everyone can hear us!”
“I give precisely zero fucks who can hear us! I want the whole world to know what an idiot you are! You had a chance to read my grandmother's will and you didn't!”
“I have respect for your grandmother's privacy!”
“Respect my ass! What about me? Why don't I get the respect I fucking deserve?” Eddie continued to yell.
“I'm not going to sit here and take this abuse anymore! Take an Effexor and calm the hell down.” Fiona got up from the settee and tried to leave, but Eddie grabbed her forcefully.
“Don't you get it? You've ruined your children's lives and you've ruined my life!” he screamed, taking hold of Fiona by the shoulders and shaking her.
“Let go of me, Eddie!” Fiona shrieked.
“
Aiyoh!
That Eddie is too much,” Ah Ching said, shaking her head as she heard his ranting. “It sounds to me like he didn't get the house, did he? Oh thank all the gods!”
“He's an utter fool if he thought Su Yi would leave this place to him!” Ah Ling chimed in.
Just then, the muffled sound of something hitting the marquetry floor could be heard.
Jiayi, the young Chinese scullery maid, flinched in terror. “Oh my God! Did he just hit her? It sounds like she landed on the floor! Someone do something! Ah Ling, what should we do?”
Ah Ling just sighed. “We should stay out of it! Remember, Jiayi, we don't see anything and we don't hear anything. That's what we do. Now, let's get the first five courses out to the dining room. Quickly! The animals are hungry.”
As the rest of the kitchen maids sprang into action, Jiayi instead made a dash up to Eddie's bedroom. Fiona had been so sweet to her, she wasn't going to let anyone hurt her. She crept up the stairs to the hallway where the guest bedrooms were, and as she came to their bedroom, she could hear someone moaning in anguish. Jiayi opened the door slowly and whispered, “Ma'am, are you okay?” She looked in and saw Eddie lying on the floor in a fetal position, his head in Fiona's lap. Fiona sat on the floor, calm as a pietà , stroking his hair as he sobbed uncontrollably like a little boy. She looked up at Jiayi, and the maid quickly closed the door.
In the family dining room of Tyersall Park, everyone had gathered around the massive round mahogany dining table designed by the great Shanghai artist Huang Pao Fan. Anticipating that this was going to be a contentious meal, Ah Ling and Ah Ching devised a lunch that consisted of the favorite dishes of the Young siblings when they were childrenâpumpkin and prawn noodle soup (Catherine's favorite), fried rice with
lap cheong
*1
and extra eggs (Philip's favorite), steamed pomfret in ginger sauce (Felicity's favorite),
lor mai kai
*2
(Alix's favorite), and Yorkshire pudding (Victoria's favorite). If it made for a slightly schizophrenic menu, no one noticed except the in-laws.
Victoria threw out the opening salvo as she savored her first forkful of pudding. “Philip, surely you weren't serious when you said we should sell Tyersall Park?”
“I don't see any other choice,” Philip answered.
“Why don't you buy us all out? You have the majority stake, and we'll sell you our shares at a family discount. This way we all can keep our rooms, and Tyersall Park can be like our private family hotel.”
Alix looked up from her aromatic chicken rice. What on earth was Victoria suggesting? She had no intention of selling her share at a discount.
Philip shook his head as he swallowed a mouthful of fried rice. “First of all, I can't afford to buy you all out, but that's beside the point. What would I do with this house? I live in Sydney most of the yearâI can't be bothered to maintain this white elephant.”
“Cat, wouldn't you like to have Tyersall Park? You can afford it, can't you?” Victoria asked her sister hopefully.
“Everything about this place reminds me of Mummy, and I'd be too sad,” Catherine mused, picking at her noodles without much of an appetite.
Alix spoke up. “Cat's right. This house just isn't the same now that Mummy's gone. Look, Mummy clearly wanted us to sell it. She knew none of us would really want to take it on.”
Victoria looked distressed. “Then what happens to me? Am I supposed to move in to
a flat
? Goodness gracious, I'd feel like I'm suddenly part of the ânew poor'!”
“Victoria, no one cares anymore,” Alix argued. “Look at all our friends, our cousinsâthe T'siens, the Tans, the Shangs. No one we know still lives in their original houses. Buitenzorg, Eu Villa, 38 Newton Road, the House of Jade. All the great estates are long gone. Even Command House is now part of bloody UBS. I've lived in a three-bedroom condo for decades and I love it.”
Harry nodded in agreement. “I
dream
of the luxury of living someplace small, like one of those HDB flats! Why, I hear that most of them even have elevators these days!”
*3
Alix looked around the table at each of her siblings. “A property of this size has not come on the market in almost a centuryâthis is like Central Park going up for sale in New York. In this neighborhood, the going rate is $1,000 per square foot. We have more than 2.8
million
square feet here, and that adds up to $2.8 billion. But I think developers would pay even more, and there's going to be a bidding war. Trust me, I've been flipping properties in Hong Kong for years. We have to orchestrate this very methodically, because this is our one chance to make an absolute killing.”
Victoria gave a dramatic sigh, although secretly she was already thinking of the cute topiaries she would put on the doorstep of her town house in London. “Okay, so let's sell the house. But we can't appear to want to sell it anytime soon. That would be unseemly.”
“I think we should wait at least six months. We wouldn't want to look like greedy pigs,” Felicity stated as she sucked on a fish bone.
Philip took a sip of his coffee and winced. “All right then, I'm heading back to Sydney tonightâI can't stand another day without a proper flat white. I'll be back in six months and we can officially put the house on the market.”
Just then, Ah Ling entered the dining room with an announcement: “Something just arrived that I think you all should see.”
Two Gurkha guards wheeled a large flatbed dolly into the room. Piled on it was a mountain of colorful ribboned boxes, all from Ladurée in Paris. There were boxes upon boxes of chocolates and truffles, macaroons and cakesâall manner of delicious confections from the legendary dessert maker. Crowning this elaborate display was a
croquembouche
, with a large embossed gold card affixed to the front. Ah Ling took the card and handed it to Philip. He tore it open and began to laugh.
“What is it?” Eleanor asked excitedly.
Philip read the card aloud. “Bright Star Properties wishes the Young family prosperity and good tidings in the coming Year of the Goat. May we respectfully extend an all-cash tender offer of $1.88 billion for the purchase of Tyersall Park.”
Felicity gasped, while Alix turned to Victoria with a smirk. “I don't think we have to worry about looking like greedy pigs.”