Riding Hard (12 page)

“Was I that terrible?”

“No,” he said quietly. “You were that wonderful.”

She was quiet for several seconds. “Thank you for telling me. That’s nice to know.”

“Tracy, I’m at a very uncertain point in my life. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re an exciting lover, someone I trust with my deepest secrets, and you make me laugh more than anyone I know. You’re perfect. But I may not be ready for you.”

Another long silence. “That’s pretty close to what Josie said today.”

“Josie? You talked to her?” He envisioned their current discussion going quickly downhill. Maybe this was why she’d come home looking frazzled. Finding his journal had caught her attention, and the sexual chemistry between them had distracted her even more. But now they were getting down to it. “What did she say?”

“Kind of what you said, that you don’t have a clue what you’ll end up doing with your life, and that a person in your position isn’t ready for a relationship with someone like me.”

“Josie’s a very smart lady. You should probably listen to her.”

“I found out she asked you to stay away from me, and you told her you’d already decided to do that.”

He stared at the road ahead. “That was the plan. Then you showed up in a red silk bathrobe and boots.”

“I know, and I don’t blame you for going back on your promise to Josie. But she knows about the mare and foal now. She pointed out that Jack could probably handle them from here on out. You’re under no obligation to stay if you think it would be easier on you if you left.”

His jaw tightened. “Not easier on me. Probably easier on you, though.”

“So you’re ready to make that decision for me, just like Josie?”

“Tracy, you’re rooted to this place. I’m not. I worry about how it will affect you if I end up leaving, after all.”

“Well, don’t worry about that! Just don’t!”

He glanced at her in surprise. “I can’t help it. I care about you.”

“I understand that. But you have to try.” She sounded resolute. “You and Josie have to quit worrying about how I’ll survive if you and I don’t work out. Let me worry about that, okay?”

“But—”

“I’m serious, Drake. You’re the most exciting man I’ve ever met. If I want to enjoy every possible minute with you, if I want to say damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, that’s my privilege.”

He thought about that. “I guess it is.”

“It sure as hell is. I want you to stay at Peaceful Kingdom until Regan and Lily come home. If you’re still here at that point, I’m inviting you to share my apartment, which, to answer the question in your note, is above Spirits and Spurs.”

His brain was still spinning from her unexpected determination to carry on, no matter what. But he managed an appropriate response. “That sounds cozy.”

“It is. However, if we don’t get that far, then please know that I’ll be fine. I’ll be grateful for what we’ve shared, and I won’t wail and gnash my teeth when you leave.”

He risked another quick glance at her face, to see if he saw any humor there. He did, so he decided to nourish it. “Not even a little wailing and gnashing?”

“Oh, all right. A little bit. After all, I’ll miss the sex.”

“Yeah. Me, too.” He reached over and took her hand. “Me, too.” He’d love to think that they’d ease into a lasting relationship, but in his present situation, that seemed so unlikely. Yet she’d told him exactly what she wanted from him—as much fun as he could provide until it was time to leave. He’d do that for her. But he’d still worry.

12

T
RACY
SUGGESTED
A
little hamburger joint she’d tried on her last trip to Jackson, because for the rest of the week they’d be eating vegetarian meals.

“You could also come into the bar when I’m working during the dinner hour this week,” Tracy said as they finished their burgers and sipped the rest of their draft beer. “I’ll serve you up a juicy hamburger even better than this, and this was darned good.”

“It was.”

“Thank you for buying me dinner, Drake.” He’d already paid the bill, but neither of them had made a move to leave. Sitting and talking had been nice.

“It’s been my pleasure, ma’am.” He picked up his remaining pub fry. “When’s your next evening shift?”

“Tomorrow night. Maybe you should come in.”

He chewed slowly. “Depends on whether you think Josie will be there. Did you tell her I’m staying at Peaceful Kingdom?”

“No. I should have.” She felt like a wuss for listening to all of Josie’s warnings without admitting they were superfluous now. The horse was out of the barn, so to speak.

“You don’t have to if you’d rather not. It’s really none of her business.”

“She said that, too, but I’m not sure she believes it. Josie’s protective of the people she loves.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” He shoved back his empty plate. “As long as we’re getting this all out on the table, I’ll tell you that Regan was convinced you and I would get together while they were gone.”

“Why would he assume that?”

“I admitted that I thought you were hot.”

“You did?” She flushed with pleasure. “I didn’t realize that. You never really flirted with me.”

“Tracy, I never flirted with
anybody
in Shoshone. When you’re the guy who seduced his best friend’s fiancée, and you’re in that guy’s hometown, you don’t flirt. Period.”

“Come on. It hasn’t been
that
bad.”

“Wanna bet? Husbands would give me the stink eye if I so much as glanced in the direction of their wives. I gave up looking at women, at least most of the time. I still watched you behind the bar when I thought nobody was payin’ attention.”

“I watched you, too.”

“Yeah?” He looked pleased. “And here I thought you hated my guts.” He polished off his beer.

“I tried to, but the minute I laid eyes on you, I got all hot and bothered. I started taking more time with my hair and makeup before going in to work, in case you’d show up at the bar.”

“All I can say is, you always looked great. You were a bright spot in my life, even if I didn’t think I had a chance with you.”

“And see what’s happened.”

He reached over and laced his fingers through hers. “I’m a lucky guy. Thanks for givin’ me that chance.”

“Glad I did.” Tracy gazed at him across the checkered tablecloth and finally found the courage to ask the question that mattered the most, in her mind, at least. “Did you love her?”

He blinked. “Love who?” The confusion in his expression slowly cleared. “Oh. You mean Jeannette.”

“Yes.”

“It’s not an easy question to answer.”

“Then never mind,” Tracy said quickly. “You don’t have to answer it now. You don’t ever have to answer it.”

“But you want to know.”

She couldn’t lie. “Yes.”

“Because if I secretly loved her all along, that makes what I did a little easier to swallow, right?” He caressed her palm with his thumb.

She wondered if he even realized he was doing it. He was a naturally sensual man who enjoyed touching people. She’d benefited greatly from that. Now she wished she hadn’t brought up Jeannette, but she’d started the discussion, so she couldn’t drop it now. “If you loved her, what happened would be more understandable, I guess.”

“Yes, I loved Jeannette. Still do.”

It was the answer that would help absolve him, so why did it hurt so much when he said it? Tracy reminded herself that she’d asked, and she didn’t want him to lie, so if she didn’t like the answer, too bad. She started to pull her hand away.

He tightened his grip and held on. “Tracy, don’t. Let me explain. I’ve known Jeannette since we were kids. We’ve been buddies. I never dated her. We went to the University of Virginia, and that’s where I met Regan. He and I got along great, so of course I introduced him to my pal Jeannette. They sort of drifted into a relationship.”

Tracy’s mood improved, but she still wondered if Drake was a little bit in love with his childhood friend. “That doesn’t sound very romantic.”

“It didn’t seem like it to me, either, but they both insisted they were blissfully happy. They had it all—great careers, promising future, yada yada yada. Regan loves being a vet, no matter what the circumstances. I liked it okay, but I never loved the job the way he does, maybe because it was my parents’ idea. They always wanted me to open a practice specializing in thoroughbred racehorses. They were paying the bills, and I took the path of least resistance.”

She suspected he’d been under way more pressure than he was letting on. Although she could be wrong, she had a feeling his entire life had been laid out for him, and he’d been expected to follow the yellow brick road, no questions asked. “Were you writing, then?”

“Oh, sure, but I wasn’t going to make a living writing poetry, especially if I never told anybody I was doin’ it.”

“Well, there’s that. But you’re right. Most poets have day jobs.”

“I know, and I thought being a vet could be my day job. But I wasn’t just an equine vet. I was a vet for animals worth millions. I thought I’d be thrilled with the prestige, but I wasn’t. I hated the pressure.”

Because you’re a poet.
“But not Regan?”

“He’s like Teflon. It just rolled off of him. He has this inner core of certainty, no matter what he does. I envied how he had everything goin’ his way when I so obviously didn’t have a clue. Instead of trying to get my act together, which looked impossible, I threw a rock into the calm pool of his perfect life, because that was easy.”

She gazed at him in admiration. “But Drake, you figured out why you did it. Most people aren’t willing to do that. And you’ve made amends. On top of everything else, Regan’s life wasn’t as perfect as it looked. If you hadn’t thrown that rock, he wouldn’t be here. He wouldn’t have found Lily and Peaceful Kingdom. He loves her and he loves that place.”

“True, and I feel a little better when I think about that. But I can’t say Jeannette and I are friends anymore. I tried to justify what we did by continuing to see her, but neither of us could get past the guilt. We ended the affair, but our friendship died with it. What a waste.”

“Have you contacted her since you came out here?” Tracy had to ask. He’d rebuilt the friendship with Regan, and he could do the same with Jeannette. Once the guilt was gone, maybe they’d discover they really did love each other. That made her stomach clench, but she’d be incredibly selfish not to suggest that he try to repair his relationship with a woman he’d known for years.

“I haven’t contacted her, but that’s a good idea. Maybe I could get her to come out here for a few days. She could talk to Regan, then, too. I’d ask him, first, though, before I asked her to come.”

“Definitely. I think Lily would be okay with it. She’s all about mending fences, but still. Jeannette was his fiancée. You don’t want to put Lily in an awkward position.”
Or me.
But she had no claim to Drake and no right to feel jealous of Jeannette. If the thought of Jeannette showing up in Jackson Hole made her feel sick to her stomach, she’d have to get over it.

“Thanks for the suggestion.” Drake smiled and squeezed her hand again. “Have I told you how great you are?”

“Maybe not when we have all our clothes on.”

“Then let me say it now, when we’re fully dressed and sitting in a public place where there’s no chance we’ll be getting naked anytime soon. You’re terrific. You—”

“Miss Tracy, Miss Tracy!”

Tracy yanked her hand free and turned toward the little redhead racing toward her. Sarah Bianca Chance, aka SB, was in the restaurant. Because she was only three, she undoubtedly hadn’t arrived alone.

SB threw herself into Tracy’s arms. “Guess what? Me, Mommy and Daddy saw a movie! Not my brother. He’s too little. We didn’t get popcorn but we’re gonna get
hamburgers.
” Then she turned to stare at Drake. “Who’s that?”

“That’s Mr. Drake, SB.” A very pregnant Morgan Chance, her red hair a shade darker than her daughter’s, walked up to the table followed by her husband, Gabe. “Hi, Trace. Nice to see you.” Morgan’s voice was cool and her expression remained carefully neutral.

That alone told Tracy how upset she must be, because Morgan’s face was always animated and her blue-green eyes constantly sparkled with delight. She didn’t look the least bit delighted now. She’d probably seen Drake and Tracy holding hands, too. Tracy was afraid she’d just been branded a traitor.

Drake got to his feet immediately and held out his hand to Morgan. “I’m honored to finally meet one of Regan’s sisters.”

Morgan shook his hand, but she made it brief. “This is my husband, Gabe.”

Gabe stepped forward, and he wasn’t smiling, either. “Brewster.” He shook Drake’s hand with a little more force than necessary. Then he moved back, smoothed two fingers over his sandy mustache and glanced around the restaurant as if desperately searching for an appropriate comment. “Kind of crowded tonight.”

“It is.” Tracy stood, too. “But we’re about to leave if you want this table.”

“That’s okay,” Morgan said. “I like to be by the window. Gabe, would you please go ask the hostess to put us on the list for a window table? And take SB with you?”

“Sure thing.” Gabe looked relieved as he held out his hand to SB. “Come on, peanut. We need to ask her about crayons.”

“Right!” The little girl hopped up and down. “I want to color!” She hurried over to her father and skipped along by his side.

Morgan watched them leave before turning back to Tracy. “Well, this is awkward. I didn’t know you two were...seeing each other.”

“It’s a long story,” Tracy said. “I took in a pregnant mare yesterday and she delivered last night, so rather than pay for a vet, I asked Drake to come over. Regan said I should call on him in an emergency.”

“I vaguely remember hearing about that, but...” She glanced from Tracy to Drake. “This doesn’t look like a veterinary emergency. It looks like a date.”

“Tracy’s been workin’ hard,” Drake said. “I thought she could use a little break, so we—”

“He’s staying with me at Peaceful Kingdom.” Tracy looked Morgan squarely in the eye. “There’s no point in trying to hide it. And he’s not there just because of the mare and foal, although I appreciate the huge help he’s been. We’ve discovered we really like each other.”

Morgan nodded. “Okay, then.” She gazed at both of them for a moment longer. “I’d better go find Gabe and SB. You two have a nice night.” She still didn’t smile.

Neither did Drake, but he’d been raised to be a gentleman, so Tracy wasn’t surprised when he responded with his typical
thank you, ma’am.
If he’d had a hat on, he could have touched its brim as another gesture of respect. Now more than ever she wanted him to have that hat. If he had to put up with being snubbed, at least he could walk proudly and wear a big hat.

She stood beside him as Morgan walked away. “Sorry about that. I should have remembered that Morgan and Gabe like this place, too, but I still can’t believe they showed up tonight, and while we were here, too! Another ten minutes and we would have been gone.”

Drake glanced down at her, warm concern in his gaze. “I’m not the least bit sorry about it for my sake. But you just announced to the world that we’re sleepin’ together. I’m honored that you did, but you blew me away, sayin’ that.”

“Folks might assume it, anyway, once Morgan reports that we were eating a meal together and holding hands.”

“Because of my reputation.” He scowled. “You’re probably right, damn it.”

“Frankly, I’m relieved we don’t have to sneak around. I’d rather take the offensive and get it out in the open instead of having people talk behind our backs. Now, shall we go? Or do you want to stand here and give me a big old kiss in front of everybody?”

He grinned at her. “While that has enormous appeal, if we’re going to make that dramatic gesture, we should do it somewhere more fittin’, like in the middle of Shoshone’s main street.”

“I like that idea! Save it for later. For now, we need to go get you a hat.” She took his hand. “We’ll pass them again on our way to the door. Break out that fabulous smile of yours.”

“I will if you will.”

“You’ve got it, cowboy.” Her fingers firmly laced through his, she walked with her back straight and her head high. When they reached the cluster of diners waiting for tables, she beamed at Morgan, Gabe and SB. “Great to see you!”

“It’s been a real pleasure.” Drake’s voice oozed Southern charm.

At first Morgan had watched them approach with cold disdain, but after they’d greeted her warmly, something shifted in her expression. Unless Tracy was mistaken, Morgan’s blue-green eyes now reflected a new emotion—grudging respect.

“That was entertainin’.” Drake continued to hold her hand as they strolled around the Jackson town square toward the Western wear store. “I don’t imagine we’ll have nearly as much fun in the store.”

“You might be surprised.”

“How so?”

“I predict you’ll go in a Southern gentleman and you’ll come out a cowboy.”

“They’ll teach me to rope in there, too? Now that’s a bargain.”

“They won’t teach you to rope, but once you have a hat, you’ll look like you can rope. Then you’ll be more motivated to learn to rope so you’ll match your hat.”

Drake laughed. “That’s way too complicated for this Southern boy. I may not be ready for this hat, after all.”

She hoped he was only kidding. “Don’t wimp out on me now, Brewster.”

“I won’t.” He released her hand and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they approached the store with its windows full of mannequins wearing Western outfits. “I’ve seen the light. Any man lucky enough to be sharin’ a bed with you had better own a decent hat.” He reached out and opened the glass door for her.