Riding the Snake (1998) (49 page)

She put down the paper and nestled into the crook of his arm. He felt her breath on his neck and her hair against his cheek.

"My place is too small, but we could live at my grandmother's house," she said. "It's cheap."

"I don't think I went over too good down there." And then they sat quietly on the sofa. He was looking at her. He reached out and touched her hair. "When I look at you, you know what I see?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I see royalty. I see strength and nobility. I'm completely diminished by it. I want to be so much for you. I want to make you proud. All my life I've been a fuck-up. I'm almost forty, and I'm sitting around looking in the want ads, trying to get my first job. But I want you to know something, Tanisha. I'm gonna make it work. I'm gonna beat the odds ... and you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I have somebody to do it for. I finally found my reason."

She kissed him and held him, then put her head on his chest and listened to his heart beat. They sat in the apartment and watched the late-afternoon sun. The gold, red, green, and purple rainbow slowly faded. As he watched it go he realized he had never been happier. One day soon, when he had a steady job and both feet under him, he would propose marriage to her, and he knew she would say yes. He would marry her and never give her a reason to be sorry.

She snuggled closer, and he could feel her heart beat with his, feel her warmth against him, and then, after almost six weeks, he knew it was finally time. His eyes fell on a shelf full of pictures. Some were of his mother and father, some were framed shots of Wheeler with old girlfriends. His eyes sought out the picture that was his favorite. He could barely see it across the darkening room. It was a shot of him with Prescott, the day his brother graduated from junior high. Wheeler had an arm around Pres, who was looking up at him in awe. In Prescott's eyes there shone a look of hero
-
worship and love, in Wheeler's was a look of protective determination. It was a picture of a promise that had not been kept.

"Will you teach me how to throw a football Wheel?"

"Will you show me how to skateboard?"

"Will you get her to go out with me?"

And then he was crying for a brother he had loved, but not protected. Tanisha held him while the sobs racked his body.

As the sun set, Wheeler finally said good-bye.