Riding the Wave (21 page)

T
anner bounced the external drive in the palm of his hand. Avalon was gone.

He’d have to decide for how long.

He found his mom out on her patio. She spent uncountable hours out there. When he was younger, Tanner had never understood why anyone would hang out somewhere that was practically walled in when there was an entire beach a block away.

She was lying in the hammock, but to Tanner’s eyes she didn’t look particularly relaxed. There was still white strain at her knuckles, curled around the edge of the net, and the tendons along her throat were as sharp as he’d ever seen them. Even the time he’d been caught sneaking out of the house at three thirty to catch the front wall of a storm surge.

“Hey.”

When her eyes opened, she smiled. “It’s nice to have you here.”

“You’ve said that before.” He tugged a chair up beside the hammock and dropped into it. Sun-warmed
metal still didn’t come anywhere close to warming up his flesh after that moment in the kitchen.

He knew what that had been. Avalon saying good-bye. Yeah, maybe they’d see each other here and there, including at the WavePro meeting in less than an hour, but that wasn’t the same. She wasn’t going to be
his
anymore.

He didn’t know if he could take that.

“It’s still true.” Eileen laced her slender fingers behind her head. “It’s nice that you feel able to come and go. That’s always been one of my biggest goals. To have a life where my children were comfortable with me. Happy and well adjusted is a bonus.”

“Am I well adjusted?”

Eileen looked at him out the corner of her eyes. “Nope. Not really.”

He cut his gaze up to the pale blue sky. A tiny cloud peeked out over the roofline. “Thanks, Mom.”

His mom shrugged, but then she pushed up to a seated position, her legs dangling over the edge of the hammock. For a moment, in her tiny white Keds and pale pink shorts, she looked surprisingly like a teenager. “Son, you’re the one who won a worldwide championship two days ago. But you look like your favorite toy got broken in half by the schoolyard bully.”

It was more like he missed Avalon already. He could still taste her on his mouth.

Half that choice had been his, though. He’d known what she wanted. Some declaration. For him to own up to his part in their fight.

“I care what you do with your life. And whether you’re happy.”

“Of course I’m happy.” He was the freaking world
champion, and he’d won in an epic way. What was there to be unhappy about?

Except he was missing part of himself. The part that had walked out the door in Avalon’s wake.

“Certainly.” Eileen patted Tanner’s shoulder. “I’m sure you are,” she said in a tone that said she was convinced of anything but.

Pushing out of the seat, he pulled the tiny jump drive out of his pocket. He knew without looking what it was, a fat file of pictures. But he had a feeling that baseline knowledge wasn’t the same thing as the effect.

Avalon had done him one last favor, because that was the type of woman she was. It was obvious that he’d hurt her, but she’d given him a file full of pictures so that nothing would take him by surprise at the meeting.

He had to track down a computer first.

He ended up perched at his sister’s desk. Her room was a disaster zone, which he didn’t remember at all from when they were growing up together. Her place used to always be neat. But he had to sit on the very front edge of the desk chair because the back was entirely stacked with clothes.

He took another look around. All the mess seemed to be clothes, as a matter of fact. “Swear to God, if I put my hand down on a bra, I’ll burn it.”

Sage stood in front of her open closet door, where a full-length mirror hung. As if the tiny halter-top dress she wore wasn’t enough of an anomaly for her, she bent at the waist and fluffed her hair, then tossed it back. She looked distinctly beach-bunnylike. “You better mean you’ll burn your hand, because my bras are seventy-five bucks each.”

“Dude, are you serious?”

“Completely.” She bent over him to grab up a tiny thing with a clasp on top that he supposed was a purse. It wouldn’t have held anything more than a lipstick and some cash. “You better behave if I leave you in here alone. Don’t go digging in my files. You might not like what you find.”

“What, the cute cat vids will scratch my eyes out?”

“More like I don’t want you in my porn.”

He shuddered. “Oh Jesus, Sage. Don’t even joke about that.”

She swatted his shoulder with her minipurse. Clutch, maybe? “Your sister has sex. And sometimes I don’t, and then I need the porn.”

“Go away and stop talking about that stuff.”

“What, porn?”

He plugged his fingers in his ears and hummed. Sage would always be his baby sister. The two should never, ever come together.

“Where are you headed, anyway?” She looked a little more tarted up than he was comfortable with. The sheer red gloss was a little much, but she’d have a shit fit if he tried to wipe it off.

“On a date.” The grin that spread across her face said way too much about troublemaking and was probably a result of Avalon’s influence. “Hopefully to get laid so I don’t have to come home to
porn.
” She put extra emphasis on the last word, as if insisting he notice.

He clapped his hands over his ears again. He was playing it up, yeah, but this was sort of fun. Letting Sage tease him . . . It spoke to a level of intimacy that they hadn’t always had. “Can’t hear you—did you say you’re a virgin?”

“Sure. Yeah. Virgin.” She snickered, then gave a tiny
wave of her fingers as she sashayed out of the room. “See you, brother.”

“Don’t do anything I would,” he called.

But he still waited until the door was fully shut before popping the external drive into a USB slot. This was a moment he needed to keep exclusively to himself.

Because Christ if this wasn’t going to hurt.

She had organized the files. There were two little blue folders to start with. One was labeled WavePro, The other said “Private.”

He stared at the computer screen, his fingers running lightly over the flat top of the mouse. This was . . . surprisingly difficult. A little, burning kernel of emotion flipped around and around in his stomach.

He didn’t want to think about the tingling tremble that made directing the cursor difficult. He clicked on the WavePro folder first. This was a piece of pie compared to winning a World Championship—and yet it still felt as if his whole life was tilting.

The file held lots of shots of water and breaking waves. Plenty of him shredding pretty damn hard for an old man, if he did say so himself. Her shots from shore were minimal. She’d preferred to be out there in the water with him, ducking flying boards for the perfect shot. As a result, most of them were wet and Tanner didn’t look too bad. He deserved the win he’d nailed down. The pictures showed that in their technically clean exposition.

They were spare and sparse. It worked, in a way, because it pared the visual impression down to the bare necessities. But it left the overall impression of something slightly cold. They were pretty much on par with the photos he’d seen in her portfolio almost a month ago.

He swallowed when he came to the last file in the WavePro folder.

The photos in the second folder were something more. Something special. The very first was a predawn shot of him waxing up his board, staring out at the waves. The light made him look a little bit old, a little bit weary. Like he’d reached the end of his journey.

He remembered that moment. There had been negative stuff in his head, but he’d still held out and paddled through the waves. Avalon had managed to capture it. His throat locked at the idea of anyone else, anyone at WavePro seeing that moment.

Even more so with the next series of pictures, the ones that had been taken when he was back out of the water again. He’d been exhausted. Weary lines circled his mouth, and his jaw looked hollowed out. But he’d been stoked about a particular change-back turn and he hadn’t been able to stop grinning. He looked like a fool . . . and he looked happy. Staring straight at the lens. Staring straight at Avalon.

She’d also captured
them
, from her viewpoint. The pictures of him sitting on his balcony, a cup of coffee curled in his hands. Even the steam showed up in the shot. His shoulders were relaxed, and the tilt of his pelvis said his spine was nearly melted into the deck chair.

And also the way he’d looked at her. Half-awed, half-fascinated. A little bit wary, too.

Had he loved her even then?

He folded his arms, staring at the monitor. Something both uncomfortable and reassuring settled in his chest.

Yes, he probably had. There was something about Avalon that simply fit within him. The rest of it could all be worked out later.

She wasn’t going to show anyone the second set of pictures. That was obvious from the label. Keeping them under wraps would be foolish. She’d finally found that extra spark that she craved, that she needed to break through the pack. But she’d hide it all because she thought that was what he wanted. What he needed. That was Avalon, the curious blend of creativity and self-sacrifice.

Part of him twisted uncomfortably at the idea of exposing their most private moments. But if that was what it took, he’d do it gladly This gesture would make Avalon’s career, but most important of all it would get her back in his arms. She needed to know he was behind her, no matter what.

But he had a feeling he’d better hurry up.

T
he meeting was one of the most uncomfortable things she’d ever sat in on. She didn’t want to be there. The pictures were what she had, and they’d have to be enough. There were no words in the world that could talk WavePro into taking photos that were subpar.

She tapped a pen across her knee. She’d rather be doing it on the black-marble tabletop, but she’d gotten a nasty look from the head of public relations around twenty minutes ago for the very same thing.

A quick glance up from under her lashes said the picture on the projector was from Tanner’s second week of preparation. He’d followed up a two-hour surfing session with a five-mile run. Like a freaking boss.

She felt weak for being so stuck on him, even when he wasn’t there. The warm, heady feeling she got all through her stomach . . . there was nothing to be done about that. She guessed she should enjoy the ride while it lasted.

It took monumental effort to get her head back in the conference room where she belonged. She’d done her part already. But Mr. Palmer had asked for her input. The change from his piss-poor attitude about her at the
first meeting had been too good to turn down. Beth, the attorney, had sat in as well, and their chat in the hallway had been nice. If Avalon’s mood had been even a fraction better, she’d have invited the other woman out for a girls’ night out with Sage. Only problem was that Avalon didn’t feel like she’d be in the mood for drinks anytime soon.

Finally, things seemed to be drawing to a close. They’d settled on a handful of shots for full-page ads, including a double-page spread, and the rest would be sent on to
SURFING
for selection. Surely something would make the cut for this year’s special edition on the world champion.

At least Tanner would have given her that much.

She took her time stacking up photos and gathering up her backpack. If she took her time, maybe no one would look to her for small talk. The moment was . . . less. Less exciting, less impressive, less big than she’d dreamt of all through her career. They’d accepted the photos, but no one was thrilled with her.

When the double doors of the conference room swung open, the last person she thought to see was Tanner. He still wore the slacks and green button-down he’d had on earlier. “How’s it going?”

She licked her dry lips. She couldn’t believe he was going to do this to her. There had never been anything in their relationship that had hinted at him being petty. She forced her mouth into a smile, but she thought she heard her muscles practically creak. “Fine. It’s going fine. Tanner, what are you doing here?”

His blue eyes flashed, and she absolutely knew he was remembering how much she’d hated that he called her portfolio
fine
.

Tanner pinned Mr. Wakowski with an intense gaze. “Did she show you the rest?”

Mr. Wakowski shook his head, confusion darkening his eyes. “I’m sorry?”

“There’s at least a hundred shots. Me on my deck with a cup of coffee? Or one where I’m just standing in waist-deep water?” Tanner’s gaze burned into her from across the table.

Her stomach dropped to wiggle and flop around her toes. The thick, hard thump of her heartbeat washed in her ears. She realized she was slowly shaking her head. Could he possibly have misunderstood her that badly? To think she’d expose the heart of
them
for profit?

Mr. Palmer’s head swiveled, as did the head of everyone else in the room. Including the advertising director, who was already halfway out the door. “Those don’t sound at all familiar.”

“They weren’t . . .” She shut her mouth. Swallowed. “They weren’t my best work.”

“Bullshit,” Tanner said. He fished around inside his pocket and held out the jump drive. An assistant took it. “They’re art.”

“Oh.” Her heart fluttered again, this time in a way that made her head spin. She dropped into her seat when her knees wouldn’t hold her up anymore.

The photos went up on the big screen and even under those less than perfect display options, they did look amazing. Emotional and realistic and everything she’d ever wanted to capture.

But they were also so raw it scraped her nerves. Such was the life of an artist, but if they’d rubbed her raw, she’d known they’d do the same to Tanner, who loved his privacy. She hadn’t wanted to put either of them through this.

There was an entire roomful of people staring at her heart. And Tanner was one of them. The tips of her fingers tingled and short washes of anxiety went up and down her spine in rapid succession.

It only felt like half a second, but almost forty-five minutes passed before she could even unlock her throat.

Mr. Wakowski flattened his hands over his leather-bound notepad and sternly looked at Avalon over the tops of his wire-rimmed glasses. “I’m disappointed you didn’t show these to us initially.”

She shifted. It hadn’t seemed right to share them. She’d taken the photos and she could barely stand to look at them sometimes. But across the table, Tanner smiled at her. His fingers stretched across the black marble, as if he’d reached for her.

Maybe the distance wasn’t so great after all.

She swallowed down her fear. Though she addressed her words to Mr. Wakowski, she meant them for Tanner as well. “Do you like them?”

“Like?” He stood on a soft laugh. “They’re some of the best work we’ve seen in years.”

Johnny Carter, advertising guru, stood at his end of the table. “They’re going to give us the spin we’ve been looking for. A taste of the end of an era, the passing of a star.” He flushed slightly pink and bobbed his head toward Tanner. “No offense meant.”

“None taken.” His blue eyes were still boring into her. And she honestly didn’t really want to escape. “But if you all don’t mind, I’ve got something I want to discuss with Avalon.”

Then he did the most remarkable thing. He held his hand out.

Steady, calm . . . and waiting.

She put out her hand. For him. In front of an entire roomful of people. Her heart was tumbling around her throat, but that was good. More than that, it felt amazing.

They met at the head of the table, and her fingers slipped into his. The warmth of his hand folded around hers, shot up her arm in a reassuring zing.

They were silent as they walked out of the building and across the parking lot. As if by unspoken agreement, neither said a word even when they were at the edge of the sand.

Avalon held on to Tanner’s thick arm as she balanced on first one foot, then the other, to take her heels off. Then the sand’s warmth took the soles of her feet. This was home. This was reassurance.

She could have almost any conversation on the sand. Even one that made her think she might pop right out of her skin. She tried to take deep, steady breaths to calm herself. The far line of the horizon glittered with afternoon sunlight. Nothing but heartache ever came when she got so overwrought.

Then Tanner touched her.

He curved one hand around the back of her neck, tugging her near. With his other fingers, he made her look. The expression on his face threatened to rip her to shreds from the inside. His eyes tilted down at the corners with deep emotion.

The thumb he rubbed over her cheek was wet. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. But that was how deeply he affected her. “God, I’m so sorry,” he finally said. The words were harsh with more emotion than she’d ever thought to hear.

“I am, too, but . . .” her voice trailed off. She ducked his gaze. The open collar of his shirt displayed his thick neck. Burying her face in that strength would be so
incredibly comforting. And she even had a feeling he’d let her. They could quietly declare everything done, then carry on to take what they could from life.

Avalon pulled her head back to look at him in the eyes. A faint, glassy sheen hovered behind his lashes. She bit her bottom lip on the hard thud that echoed through her chest. Her heart, absolutely lost without him. “I should have told you, though. Anything worth doing is worth admitting to.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t give you a chance to explain after the fact, either.”

“I could have made an opportunity. Except,” she said on a quiet whisper. “Except I still don’t think I was wrong to do it.”

He sighed. The grip he folded around her upper arms was like coming home. “You weren’t. God, you definitely weren’t.” He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. “I’ve been an ass.”

With her face pressed against his chest, there was no missing his clean, soap scent. Not that she would want to. “You have been,” she agreed. “Feel free to talk at length about that.”

“I was an idiot, a jackass. It’s gone really far back too.” His hands roamed over her shoulders, mostly giving comfort. “I was playing God, like Dad did. But in an entirely different way. Thinking I had all the right answers. I’m so sorry, Avalon. I know you were only doing what you thought best. Hell, what you did ended up
being
what was best. Mom needed to prove it to herself that Mako couldn’t touch us.”

He bent his face to the top of her head, nuzzling his lips across her temple. But the hand he curved around the back of her head trembled the slightest bit.

There was one thing that had become clear to her over the past couple days. “I didn’t tell because I was afraid of making you upset. Because making you upset could mean losing you.”

“Never.” He held her firmly. His hands were unmovable. Steady and real. “You’re not losing me. Avalon, without you I’m lost. I need you. You’re my girl. Everything to me.”

She slicked her tongue over her bottom lip, wondering how to say what she needed to. “I . . . I don’t know if I believe that. I want to. So badly, it makes me ache inside. But really I’m not sure I understand how you can need someone who hasn’t made herself heard?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

She nibbled on the inside of her cheek. The slight bite of pain centered her whirling thoughts. “It really, really bothered me that you didn’t tell me about your idea to turn your mom’s store into a surf school.” When it looked like he was about to protest, she held up a hand. “Not that I expected you to consult me. I just wanted you to . . . think of me, I guess.”

“I always think of you,” he said solemnly. “You color the way I think, the way I see the world, my every move. Avalon, I love you.”

The air in her throat thickened. Her lips parted on a silent gasp and her heart was beating so hard it felt like it was trying to slam out of her chest. “You love me?”

His big, strong hand was heavy against her jaw, his fingers on her neck. “I do.”

“I love you, too, Tanner.” The breaths that had been silent a second ago flipped into a tiny sob. She pulled back far enough that a wisp of breeze could move between them and flirt with the bottom hem of her blouse.
Her skin was sticky hot, but that was most likely the emotion of the moment. “Not just because I love Sage and your mom, but because you make me happier than I ever thought I could be.”

She nibbled the inside of her lip hard enough to make it tingle with a hint of pain as one last worry nagged her. “The bigger problem is that I didn’t speak up. I didn’t tell you once I had a problem, like I was some second-class citizen who doesn’t get to voice her problems. That’s not happening again.”

His grin did wicked things to her insides. “Sweetheart, that’s absolutely fine.” He ducked his head to skate his lips over her neck. Shivers washed out over her skin. “In case you haven’t noticed, I love it when you’re mouthy.”

“Those photos . . .”

His mouth stilled against her flesh for half a second; then he pulled back. “Those photos were everything you were talking about the other day.”

“You were listening to me.”

“Of course I was. I listen to everything you say. It’s a matter of me learning to unpop my head from my ass.” He waved that off. “But those photos are amazing. Emotional and real. Everyone in that room stopped what they were doing. You deserve that.”

“They’re so intimate.”

“I don’t care. Not if it means you get the recognition you deserve. Making you happy means more to me than you realize. I’d do anything for you.” He smoothed her hair. The emotion and power in his eyes was almost intimidating. Almost. It was also heartwarming and what she’d been looking for all her life.

Her fingers found purchase in the sides of his shirt. Through the fine material, the heat of his skin worked
through her. The stinging pressure behind her eyes finally eased. “How about we make a deal?” Her smile worked all the way up from the tips of her toes to her head, easing the tension she hadn’t even realized she’d had.

“Anything,” he agreed automatically. “Anything so long as I get to keep you.”

But she put the tips of her fingers over his mouth. “I’ll promise to talk even when I think I’ll upset you, if you’ll promise to talk calmly with me before you run off at the mouth.”

“Deal. I’m still so sorry, Avalon. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted.” His fingertips trailed up the insides of her forearms. The rush of power she got off his earnest expression made her feel like she was in charge of the world. “Does this mean I get to kiss you now?”

She laughed and hooked her arms around his neck. With shoulders that wide, he’d never let her down. Not if she made sure of it. “Yes, you may.”