Riley's Secret (A Moon's Glow Novel # 1) (26 page)

“After she left, I started to feel sick, so I went
home. The pain was horrible, but I managed to get to sleep. When I woke up
hours later, I started to change. I took off into the woods to meet her. I
didn’t want her near my family. That night I changed and I watched her kill
someone I knew. She would have killed my friends if I hadn’t stopped her. After
that, I left my family until I could control the urges.”

He stood up and walked over to stand beside me, I
turned to look at him. His gaze was intense. “You see, when she killed that
boy, I wanted to join her. As a wolf you don’t see a person, you see prey that
is easy to catch. I didn’t trust myself around my family, so I left. I went
into a depression and stopped eating, until the night I turned. I wasn’t
keeping track of the time and I didn’t know that it was the full moon. I barely
escaped my house before I changed. But as soon as I did, the wolf took over. I
had starved myself and because of that the wolf was crazed. I killed a man that
night. The wolf had taken over and when I woke up I didn’t remember anything.
The next day I heard about the death of a man who had fallen down drunk at the
edge of the woods. He was found mauled by an animal. That’s when the events of
the previous night came back.”

I looked away from him, not because his words
disgusted me, but because I pitied him and I didn’t want him to know it.

“I have learned to control it. That’s why I eat so
much. If I become the wolf when I’m hungry, it controls me.” He stopped and
touched my arm gently, silently asking me to look at him. I did and I saw the
pain still etched on his face. “I hate telling you this, but I promised you no
more lies. Can you forgive me?”

As I turned my head back to look out the window, I saw
him take his chair once again. He was giving me the space I needed to digest
all that he had told me. He never asked for any of this and he didn’t intend to
kill anyone. I wondered if that was why he helped people so much, to make up
for his past actions. I had a feeling
I
might be able to forgive him,
but he would never forgive himself. I could see how his past tortured him.

When I turned around again, his head was in his hands
as he waited for my answer. I approached him, lifting his hands from his face
and kissed him with all the emotion I felt. He welcomed it, returned the kiss
and wrapped his arms around me with a desperate need for forgiveness.

Out of breath, I pulled away. “There’s nothing to forgive.
But it doesn’t matter what I think. You need to forgive yourself. You’ve done
nothing intentionally. You were a victim and instead of succumbing to the
wolf’s urges, like the other werewolves you told me about, you’ve fought it.
And look at what you’ve done with your life. You help people. Not many
humans
care about people the way you do. I think it’s time to forgive yourself.”

“I haven’t told you everything. I killed again, thirty
years later. It was so stupid. I knew I had to eat, but a couple of days before
I changed I was so busy. I only took time out for a small dinner. My father had
me opening a new store and we weren’t ready. I had to work day and night to get
it open in time. Work was all I could think of and I forgot what was most
important—to eat and the full moon.

“It’s no excuse, but after that I was obsessed with
the homeless man I killed. I found out he had an ex-wife who wasn’t doing so
well. She was living in a poor area, working two jobs and still couldn’t afford
food for her children.” He paused, taking a breath. “I found her work in our
company and she was able to quit the other jobs and move to a better area. But
after that I started wondering about other people that didn’t have enough
money. I was like you. I always had plenty and never had to worry. But after I
found her and saw where she lived, it opened my eyes and I eventually started
Riley House.”

“That was you? I heard the story about of one of
Lauren’s ancestors starting it. But I can’t believe I’m dating that person.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Does my age bother
you?”

I sighed. “Maybe a little, but I’ll get over it. Have
there been others?”

I knew he understood me. “No. I learned my lesson. I
eat a lot. I never want the wolf to control me again.”

“Why did you come to my house as a wolf?”

“At first, it was because I was curious about you.
Then after the killings, I was worried.” He paused, a wicked grin spreading
across his face. “You were right, though. They were good doughnuts.”

I hid my face in my hands. “Ugh… I’m so embarrassed. I
complained to the wolf about you. You must think I’m crazy, talking to an
animal.”

He laughed. “No, I don’t think you’re crazy. I think
you’re sweet. Actually, I was tempted to come closer, but was afraid to scare
you.”

I straightened up as a thought popped in my head. “I
have a question. Why did you pull away from me the night on the boat? Was it
because you regretted telling me you love me?”

His hand was suddenly gripping mine. “Of course not.
And when you told the wolf that, I was so upset I lost my appetite.” He grinned
again at the memory of the doughnuts I threw landing on the ground. “Yes, I
pulled away. But it had nothing to do with my love for you.” He stood up,
moving over to the window. This time
he
turned away from me.

“Then why?”

“Because I don’t deserve you.” His voice was barely a
whisper. I had to strain to hear him.

“Nate, of course—”

“No, I don’t. You don’t know everything.” His voice
was cold. He was angry but I knew it wasn’t directed at me, but at himself.

“Then tell me. Remember, you said you’d tell me
everything from now on.”

He nodded slowly, his face full of pain. “I know, but
what I’m about to tell you is harder than anything I’ve told you so far.” He
ran his hands along his face in frustration. “Okay, here goes. Just know, if
you hate me, I’ll understand.”

I started to protest, but he rushed back over,
kneeling before me, touching my lips with his finger. “That night, after I told
you how I felt, you related that story about your grandparents and what your
grandfather used to call you. Do you remember what that was?”

“Of course, the three Lucys.” I didn’t understand what
this had to do with anything.

“Do you remember the beginning of
my
story? The
name of the girl who died?” He paused, waiting for my answer, but when I remained
silent, he went on. “Lucy, the girl you’re named after, is the one that was
killed the night I was bitten.”

A Century of Guilt

It wasn’t possible. He had to be wrong. “No,” I
whispered.

“Yes and I’m so sorry. It was all my fault. Your
family has suffered so much because of me.”

His eyes were tortured with a century’s worth of
guilt. I could tell he had blamed himself every day since it happened. He
wouldn’t be Nate otherwise. I couldn’t let him feel guilty anymore. I had to
take away his pain somehow. I just wasn’t sure how to do that.

“I know how much you must hate me for what I’ve done
to your family. I will spend the rest of my days trying to make it up to you
and others who come after.”

I picked up a framed photo that was sitting on the end
table beside the couch and stood up. Walking over to lean against the
fireplace, I lifted the frame and stared at the two people smiling out at me.
It was us, lounging on the speedboat. He must have put this out recently. I
hadn’t noticed it before. He took it with his hand stretched in front of us. I
was so happy and unaware of what was to come. Trying to imagine going back to
that girl, I quickly shook the thought from my mind. She didn’t know him, not
really. Although
he
hated who
he was, I couldn’t, even after
everything I had learned. I think it made me love him even more, to hear how
much he struggled and managed to conquer the animal inside him. He should be
proud of himself.

I put the picture back in its place and faced at him.
He looked like he was holding his breath waiting for me to say something. “So,
it’s your fault that my ancestor died?” My voice was hard.

He winced at my tone. “Yes,” he whispered.

“So you held her down and offered her to the wolf?”

His face was sick at my accusation. “Of course not.”

“Then you knew the wolf would be there and you brought
her anyway?”

“I would never do that, Meg. I thought you knew—”

I interrupted, wanting him to understand where I was
going with this. “You said it was your fault. So you must have heard the wolf
and shoved her in front of you to save yourself, because otherwise, I don’t see
how you’re to blame.”

His face softened as his lips curved upward. “I know
what you’re trying to do, but you won’t change my mind. She wouldn’t be dead if
I hadn’t taken her out for a walk.” I could see a slight wetness. A tear,
maybe, glistened from below his right eye. He wiped it away, turning his back
to me.

I reached up and gently rubbed his back. “It’s not
your fault. Charlotte is to blame for this. She killed her and turned you. Why
don’t you see that you are as much a victim as Lucy? Maybe even more so. She’s
at peace and it looks to me that you’ve been torturing yourself for over a
hundred years.” I walked around and wrapped my arms around his shoulders,
holding him tightly. “Forgive yourself. Because I forgive you.”

He pulled back to gaze into my eyes. “You do?”

“Yes, I do. And on behalf of every Stewart from the
past, present and future…we forgive you.”

A smile spread across his face, reaching his eyes. “I
love you so much,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me with a desperation
built from lifetimes of torture and blame. His fierceness both startled and
excited me.

When we finally pulled apart, I sat down on the couch,
suddenly exhausted.

“Are you tired?”

“Yes. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I felt
guilty for what I did to you.”

“Don’t, because if you were right and I was the one
killing, I would have been proud of you.”

I smiled weakly, suddenly unable to keep my eyes open.

“Come on, go lay down on my bed. You’ve had a very
long day. After everything you’ve had to take in, I think you could use a
break. We’ll talk more when you’ve rested.” He picked me up in his arms. If I
had the strength, I would’ve struggled, feeling awkward with him carrying me.
After he put me down on the bed, he covered me up. I was asleep instantly.

I was standing in a meadow at night, all alone. My
feet were bare, surrounded by overgrown clover. I could see by the faint moon’s
glow that the flowers were light purple and white. The sweetness of the
honeysuckle hovered in the air.

It was silent, until the hoot of an owl made me jump.
I turned around toward the noise.

A rustle in the bushes near the edge of the meadow
scared me and I spun again to see the long grass move. I braced myself for an
unknown attack. But instead, a brown and white chipmunk scrambled out, nibbling
on an acorn. I relaxed my shoulders and looked around, wondering how I got
here.

The sound of voices drifted from a nearby path that
led into the tall trees. I ran behind a large bolder to hide. I wasn’t sure
why, but I was scared in this dark and unfamiliar meadow. I cut myself on a
sharp rock that was hidden in the grass. While I pressed down on the cut to
stop the bleeding, the voices grew louder.

“No, Nathaniel. I’m happy to stay with Mama and learn
to be a wife. I do not need to go away to school.” The voice was soft and
feminine and by the tone I was sure she was batting her eyelashes.

“Any man would be lucky to have you as a wife.” This
voice sounded familiar, but before I could look up to see who it was, I heard a
low growl from behind me. I peered into a bush about five feet away and saw
yellow eyes glaring through the brush. I covered my mouth, stifling a gasp and
turned back around to look over the rock and saw Nate. He was walking along the
dirt path with a girl. She looked strangely like my mother. The same pale hair
and fair complexion, but there was something softer about this girl. Nate was
wearing old-fashioned clothes—a long-sleeved white shirt with suspenders and
brown pants.

The growl came again from behind me and I realized
what was happening. Her life was about to end and his torture was just about to
begin. I stood up and opened my mouth to scream for them to run.

Suddenly, my eyes were open and I was back in Nate’s
bedroom.

The dream felt so real that I looked down to see if my
cut was still on the side of my foot, but I only found smooth skin when I ran
my finger along it.

Flipping over on the bed, I grabbed my blue dolphin
and hugged it. The stuffed toy was oddly comforting and the dream was soon
forgotten.

Lying under his soft blankets and snuggling the
dolphin left me feeling content and eager to stay in bed. Nate was right. I had
taken in a lot of information in only a few hours. I needed the sleep and the
time to myself to process all of it. One thing that I had learned from
everything Nate had told me was that it didn’t matter what came next. I would
always love him no matter what. Everything he told me he went through only made
my love for him stronger.