Ring of Fire (24 page)

“Every one of you is special,” she said. “Like Mom and I keep telling Jayden.”

“I know, and I believe that. But it helps me when I see others who've experienced bad things and been knocked on their asses by post-traumatic stress. Others who are fighting the same kind of struggle. We can gain wisdom and courage from each other.”

“And support each other.”

He nodded.

“Eric, I'm glad about that. But please know that I want to be here to support you, too.”

He focused on her. Really focused on her for the first time, now that he'd debriefed. God, but she was lovely, even in the harsh light of the gym, surrounded by fitness equipment. The exercise clothes showed off her wonderful body. But it was the warmth, the genuineness, the affection in her eyes that was the most beautiful thing.

“Lark, you're the one person I wanted to talk to after the meeting.”

“I'm glad.” Then she bit her lip. “Eric? Are we getting in too deep here?”

Yes
. The thought made him catch his breath. He forced himself to slowly let it out. He cared for her. A lot. Amazingly, she seemed to feel the same way. “If our lives were different . . .” But if their lives were different, then he and Lark would be different. They'd never have met and, even if they had, likely they wouldn't feel this connection.

“But they're not.” She didn't make it a question, but nor did she say it with absolute certainty. She tilted her water bottle, drained it, and put the bottle down. Planting her hands on her thighs, she stared up at him. “You're positive you want to go back to the army?”

“Yes, of course.” It was all he knew; it was who he was.

“Even though it started out being what your father wanted, not what you chose? Even though you don't find the same joy in it that I do in firefighting?”

“Lark, I know you wouldn't give up your job to be with me. I'd never ask that.”

She bit her lip. “I'd never ask you to give up being a soldier. If you're sure it's what you truly want to do.”

Sometimes it seemed like she understood him better than anyone else ever had, but other times she just didn't get him. “It is, Lark.” How many times did he have to tell her?

She ducked her head down in a nod of acceptance, and didn't raise it again for a while. When she did, she said, “I'm sorry. It's just hard, thinking that we're growing so close but before long you'll be gone.”

Yeah, it was hard. Really hard. But, he reminded himself, it wasn't like they'd never talk to each other again. “We'll stay in touch.”

“Sure. Of course we will. Sorry, me being moody is the last thing you need tonight.” She rose fluidly.

She removed the towel from around her neck, flipped it around his, and tugged on both ends, pulling him toward her. “What do you need tonight? How does some down-and-dirty, sweaty sex sound?”

“Always a good idea,” he answered promptly, his body heating. “Here?” It seemed odd that Lark, the conscientious fire chief, would have sex in the fire hall, but he wouldn't object.

She shook her head. “I'll pull on some sweats, we'll have a nice brisk run back to your place, and by then you'll be sweaty, too.” She pressed her scantily clad body up against him and wriggled her hips. “Sound like a plan?”

“Roger that!”

Chapter Seventeen

The next week, on Thursday at noon, Lark sat in a chair at Beauty is You. Brooke Kincaid had created the stylish-yet-practical cut Lark loved, and it required trimming every six to eight weeks. Lark always enjoyed the opportunity to catch up with Brooke. Today, though, the salon was humming and it was no time at all before the stylist, an attractive woman with wavy blond hair, used a blow dryer to rid Lark's neck of the last few bits of hair.

“I'm sorry I had to rush you through,” Brooke said.

“No problem. I'm just sorry we didn't get more chance to talk,” Lark said as they walked together to the front counter.

“I know. Say, are you by any chance free tonight? Jake and Jamal are both on duty, and Karen and I are getting together.” Brooke was married to Jake, Karen's boss at the Caribou Crossing RCMP detachment. Jake and Jamal, the man Karen had married, used to work together as undercover RCMP officers and they were best friends. Their wives had become good friends as well. “It would be great if you joined us,” Brooke said.

“I'd love to, but it's Thursday. Mom's teaching a night school art class, so I need to stay with Jayden.” The emergency dispatcher knew not to call Lark on Thursday nights before ten o'clock. “Hey, would you and Karen like to come over to my house? Jayden won't mind hanging out in his room so we can talk girl talk.” He certainly had plenty of toys and games to amuse him after he finished his homework and did his exercises.

“Sounds good to me. What time? I'll let Karen know.”

“Say around six?” Her mom would be heading out then, taking her supplies over to the community center and setting up for the lesson in the art room. “We can order pizza or something.” Lark stuck her credit card in the machine and added a good tip.

“It's a plan,” Brooke said.

Lark's afternoon was a quiet one, which allowed her to work on the new training module. After, she sat with her mom and Jayden as the two of them had an early dinner of chili and salad, and then she helped load art equipment into the minivan. Karen drove up while they were doing it, and took over from Lark, who went inside to get Jayden organized in his bedroom with his homework.

By the time Lark came out again, closing his door behind her, Brooke had arrived and she and Karen were seated in the family room, debating pizza choices. Lark entered into the discussion and they agreed to get one vegetarian Greek pizza with feta and olives, and another pizza with salami, onions, and mushrooms. They phoned in the order and chipped in money to pay.

Karen had brought a six-pack of Caribou Crossing Amber Ale. Brooke, who didn't drink alcohol, had brought low-cal soda. When Karen offered Lark one of the beers, she said, “I can't. I'm on call later tonight.”

“Aw, come on,” Karen wheedled. “I'm only going to have half a one, but don't make me drink alone.”

Lark rolled her eyes and then, because she wanted to, she surrendered. Being duty officer one or two nights a week and on call three or four other nights was plenty. After a quick phone call to dispatch, she happily cracked open the bottle of beer.

“Where's Nicki tonight?” Lark asked Brooke. The blonde and her husband had a toddler.

“She's with Evan and Jess.”

“I can't wait until Jamal and I have a baby,” Karen said. “But we figure we need to hold off for another two or three years. We're still adjusting to marriage, and to working in different cities and coordinating schedules.”

“That's sensible,” Lark said. “It's something to look forward to.” Something she wished
she
had to look forward to, as well.

“On the subject of men,” Karen said, “how are things going with your handsome soldier?” She turned to Brooke. “Lark's been dating this really sexy guy.”

“I've heard rumors to that effect,” Brooke said. “Tell me more, Lark.”

“Eric's a nice guy and yes, he's handsome and sexy. He was injured in Afghanistan and he's doing rehab here. But he won't stay.” She tried to keep the regret from her voice. “He's determined to get back to duty.”

In fact he was so determined to deal with his PTSD that he'd not only been going to a support group and working on systematic desensitization, but he'd taken his psychologist's advice about talking to his parents. He had flown to Ottawa to get together with them. She sure hoped his dad wouldn't be a total asshole, and that his mom had more spine than Eric gave her credit for.

“Anyhow,” she told her friends, “we're keeping things casual.” It had felt like a bit of a turning point in their relationship, that night a week and a half ago at the fire hall gym. Or perhaps, more accurately, a stalling point. They'd admitted that they had feelings for each other. And it hadn't changed one damned thing. Since then, she'd done her best to put the brakes on her heart, to stop herself from falling even more deeply for him. Sadly, it wasn't working.

“Where have I heard that before?” Karen said with a wink. “Jamal and I said the exact same thing.”

“So did Jake and I,” Brooke commented.

“It's easier said than done,” Karen said.

Don't I know it
. But Lark kept her mouth shut.

Fortunately, the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of their pizza. “Karen,” Lark said, “would you mind getting the door? And, Brooke, could you get plates and paper towels from the kitchen? I want to check on Jayden.”

She went quickly down the hall, tapped on Jayden's door, and waited for his “Come in” before entering. Her son, involved in a video game, said he'd finished his homework. A quick check verified it. “Don't forget your exercises,” she counseled.

When she returned to the family room, two boxes of steaming hot, fragrant pizza lay on the coffee table, and Brooke and Karen had both taken slices. Lark pulled off a cheesy piece of salami mushroom and hungrily bit into it.

She'd taken only two or three bites when Karen said, “To get back to Eric. Lark, you have him to your house for dinner. He hangs out with Jayden.”

And her mom. Mary and Eric got along well.

“That's not exactly casual,” Karen continued. “At least not for you, who isn't exactly known for dating up a storm like our friend, MB.”

Yes, Maribeth dated up a storm, but it hadn't helped her find the right man, and hadn't given her what she wanted more than anything: to have a baby. At least Maribeth had options. Lark had to face the reality that soon Eric would leave Caribou Crossing, permanently.

“I know,” Lark said sadly. She shot a glance down the hall, verifying that Jayden's door was still closed. “The truth is that Eric and I do care for each other. But we have to be sensible because it's not going anywhere. We agree on that.”

Karen opened the box of Greek pizza. “Because why?” She pulled a piece free and put it on Lark's plate before taking another slice for herself and offering the box to Brooke. “I mean, I know you've always said you don't need or want a man in your life long-term. Is that it?”

“Well . . . I don't need one. And I'd probably be better off without one. But there's something about Eric.” She frowned at where her thoughts were going, and gave her head a toss. “And that's just plain dumb. I love my job and my life here. I'm not giving them up to follow a soldier. And Eric doesn't want that anyhow. He doesn't see his career as being compatible with having a family, and maybe he's right.”

Brooke and Karen exchanged glances, and then Brooke spoke. “You're speaking to two women who married men who were undercover cops when we met them. We get it.”

“But both Jake and Jamal gave up undercover work and took jobs in the Cariboo. That's not going to happen with Eric.” Lark nibbled the pizza. Even if her appetite had disappeared, she needed to eat.

Brooke sighed. “It only happens if the person's ready to do it. It's sure not something you can force on someone.”

“I know,” Lark said gloomily. “That would be a recipe for disaster.” As much as she might wish that Eric would find a different career path, one that challenged and stimulated him, one he loved, one that he could do right here in Caribou Crossing so that they could explore where their relationship might go, wishes weren't going to make it happen.

It was growing harder to enjoy her time with him, whether it was watching him and Jayden play with LEGO fire trucks, or making achingly sweet love. As much as she told herself to live in the moment, her heart kept crying,
But I'm going to miss him so much.

More than she'd missed Tom after he skipped out on her and Jayden.

Brooke spoke again. “A number of factors can play into being ready for a change. I don't know that either Jake or Jamal would have made such drastic changes in their lives if they hadn't had a vision of something different. Jake loved his job, but it was pretty much his life. He hadn't let himself think about a different kind of life, one that was fuller and richer.”

Lark could relate to that. Since her divorce, she had believed in the Cantrell women's curse. She'd built an identity as an independent, self-sufficient woman who didn't need or want a man in her life. That identity had kept her safe and given her a good, happy life. But when she was with Eric, and saw him with her family, she glimpsed a life that was, as Brooke had put it, fuller and richer.

“That was the same with Jamal,” Karen said. “A part of him wanted a real home and family, but he shoved that away because he figured it would never happen for him.”

“Until he met you,” Brooke said with a smile.

Karen grinned back. “And saw Jake with you. Saw how much his big, tough buddy had changed. How much happier he was. I think it gave Jamal hope. If Jake could do it, why couldn't he?”

“You're the one who gave Jamal hope,” Brooke said firmly. And then she turned to Lark. “You hear what we're saying?”

Lark, who'd been methodically munching pizza while she listened, now said slowly, “When I see Eric here with me, Jayden, and Mom, he fits. I like it, my family likes it, and Eric sure seems to like it, too. But he has really fixed ideas about the army, and how being a soldier isn't compatible with a happy family life. That's based on growing up with a dad who is a career soldier. I don't think there's a picture in Eric's head of himself with a wife and kids.”

“Parents do have an influence,” Karen said. “One day, get Jamal to tell you about how he grew up. It was pretty bad. But he's been able to get past it. I bet Eric could, too.”

“I'm positive he could,” Lark said. “But he'd have to want to. Right now, all he seems to want—or let himself want—is to be a soldier. It's his identity. I think it's his reason for living.” She shoved her pizza aside and had a long swallow of beer.

“Until he has a better one,” Brooke said quietly. “Even if he stays in the army until he retires, at some point he's going to need to find something else to give his life purpose and meaning.”

Lark remembered Eric commenting that he didn't know what his dad, or his mom, would do when his dad retired.

“Lark,” Brooke said, putting a half-finished slice of pizza down on her plate, “you're my friend, so please don't take this the wrong way, but—”

“Oh-oh,” Karen said. “She's about to ask one of those tough questions. Take my advice, Lark, and listen.”

Brooke shot her an amused glance, then refocused on Lark. “Have you heard of the word
compromise?
We've been talking about Eric maybe giving up the army for you. What would you give up for him?”

Lark groaned. “I know, I know. But I love being a firefighter. And I really don't think Eric loves being a soldier. Yes, like me he's worked all his life for it, but I think for him it's more about a sense of duty, and wanting to please his father. He's not passionate about it.”

“But he's committed to it,” Karen said. “Does the motivation matter? Does loving a job trump all other reasons? You and I are lucky, Lark. So is Brooke. We all have jobs we love, and jobs that help other people.”

“I'd hardly put hairstyling on the same level as police work and firefighting,” Brooke said.

Lark, who'd been sipping beer as she listened, said, “Brooke, you help people feel good about themselves. You help them prepare for job interviews, first dates, weddings. You give frazzled women, lonely seniors, and a bunch of others a place where they can feel pampered and cared for. Not to mention, you lend a compassionate ear when they share their joys and woes, and you dispense some pretty wise advice.”

Brooke gave her a warm smile. “Thanks, Lark. But to return to the main topic, I think Karen has a good point. Does it matter whether Eric loves being a soldier or if he does it because he feels duty-bound to serve his country? If that's the career he chooses, would you be willing to support him in it?” Her lips tightened. “I admit, I wasn't that strong. I couldn't handle being with a man who did undercover work. The farthest I could compromise was to agree to Jake still being a police officer. I worry about him, but I can manage that worry.”

“It's not just me,” Lark said, glancing around the family room. “I have Jayden to think about. He needs a stable life.”

“Could you stay in Caribou Crossing,” Karen asked, “and Eric could make it his home base when he's not assigned somewhere else?”

Lark shrugged. “And how often would that be? Soldiers not only get sent overseas, they get posted to bases all over Canada. Besides, I don't think Eric would want that. He'd feel guilty; he'd worry about us.”

Brooke touched Lark's shoulder. “The three of us can't solve this one. Only you and Eric can. Have you really, really talked about it? Have you even told him you're in love with him?”