Ring of Light (19 page)

“I think he knew,” the nurse said, crouching down and wiping Annie's face with a handkerchief. “I think he knew exactly how you felt about him.”

But Annie wouldn't be comforted. Her hurt was too new, too fresh. She needed to cry much more, and she did. The nurse let her sit there while she shook and sobbed, sometimes rubbing her eyes but mostly just letting the tears fall where they may. She didn't care how she looked or who saw her. She missed her friend. She missed him more than she had missed anything or anyone in a long time. She felt as if a wonderful new present she'd been given had been snatched away from her before she'd had a chance to enjoy it properly.

“You should probably go home for the day,” Mrs. Abercrombie said after Annie had been crying for ten minutes. “Would you like me to drive you?”

Annie nodded. “Thank you,” she said. The idea of having to ride the bus was too horrifying, not because she was afraid people would think badly of her but because she knew that if she saw anyone who reminded her of Ben she would start crying all over again.

The nurse helped her up and walked with her back to the office, where Annie grabbed her things. Mrs. Abercrombie told another nurse to take over for her, and she walked Annie out. In order to get to the front door they had to pass the physical therapy room, and Annie was relieved that the door had been shut again.

“Is he in there?” she asked as they passed it.

Mrs. Abercrombie shook her head. “The EMTs took him to the hospital in the ambulance,” she said.

Annie nodded.
At least someone is taking care of him,
she thought as they left the building. She wished it could be her, but she was glad that Ben was at least off the floor and being looked after.

Mrs. Abercrombie drove her home, with Annie giving her directions in a tired voice. She was worn out from sobbing so much, and she was exhausted from unhappiness. It still all seemed like a terrible dream, and she kept hoping she would wake up and find herself in bed with the alarm ringing and her aunt calling her to breakfast.

“I've seen a lot of guests die in all the years I've been in this business,” Mrs. Abercrombie said as they sat waiting at a light. “It never gets easier.”

Annie didn't say anything. She couldn't explain to the nurse just what Ben Rowe had meant to her, what he still meant to her, even though she had known him for only a few days. He hadn't been just a patient, or just another bed whose sheets needed changing. He'd been someone she'd been looking forward to knowing for a long time. But now he was gone, just like that, and she couldn't get him back. All those chances she'd thought she'd had to know him better were gone in an instant.

“I know this won't help right now,” the nurse said. “But try to think of Ben the way he was when you saw him at his happiest. That's the way he would want you to remember him. Then again,” she added, “since it's Ben Rowe we're talking about, maybe he'd prefer it if you remembered him at his crankiest moment.”

Annie laughed in spite of her sadness. She looked over at Mrs. Abercrombie.

“It would be hard to pick just one,” she said.

When they reached Annie's house, Mrs. Abercrombie said, “Take the day off tomorrow. I'll call you to let you know about funeral arrangements.”

“I didn't think there would be one,” Annie said, surprised. “He didn't have any family, did he?”

The nurse shook her head. “No, but all the guests receive services as part of their stay with us.”

Annie nodded. “Thanks,” she said. “For everything.”

Mrs. Abercrombie drove away, and Annie let herself into the house. Her aunt and Meg were gone, but there was a note for her on the kitchen counter.

Annie:

Kate called. Said she had big news.

We'll be back around 6:00 for dinner.

AS (and Meg)

Annie put the note in her pocket and went upstairs to call Kate. Whatever Kate's news was, she hoped it was better than hers.

CHAPTER  15

T.J. was playing when Cooper arrived at his house. He was listening to a tape they'd made of a song they were working on, and he was playing his bass line along with her guitar. His long fingers moved up and down the neck of his bass quickly and confidently, and Cooper stood in the doorway watching him for a few minutes before he even noticed she was there.

“It sounds good,” she said when he looked up, saw her, and turned off the tape.

“Not bad,” he agreed.

That was one of the things Cooper liked best about him—he knew when what he played worked and when it didn't. There was no false modesty with T.J., and there was no empty boasting. When they played, it all came together because they both knew that it was about the music and not about them.

Cooper unpacked her guitar, plugged into the amp that sat across from T.J.'s in the empty garage, and started playing around. T.J. listened for a minute and then joined in. They played like that for a while, each of them trying different things, and then T.J. stopped and looked at her.

“You're not really into it,” he said. “What's up?”

Cooper picked a few more notes, then let her guitar hang against her chest. “Is it that obvious?” she asked.

T.J. nodded. “I think you started playing the new Britney Spears single,” he said. “That means bad news.”

Cooper gave him a half smile. “It's nothing major,” she told him.

T.J. nodded. “Uh-huh. Should I be worried here? Is this where you tell me it's been fun but we make better friends?”

Cooper laughed. “No,” she said. “Is that really what you thought?”

T.J. shrugged. “You never know,” he said. “So if it's not me, or us, then what is it?”

“Do you have to know everything?” asked Cooper.

“I think it's sort of traditional to care about the person you're going out with,” answered T.J. “But if you don't want to talk, that's okay. We can just play, as long as you cool it with the teen queen pop music stuff.”

“No,” said Cooper. “It's okay. We can talk about it.”

She was surprised that she wanted to tell T.J. what was going on. But she trusted him. And ever since Kate's call that afternoon she'd wished she had someone to discuss it with. But it was going to take a lot of explaining, and part of her was apprehensive about telling T.J. too much.

“You remember all the stuff with the dead girl, right?” she said. “Elizabeth Sanger.”

T.J. nodded. “How could I forget?” he asked.

When the newspaper had printed a story about Cooper and her visions of Elizabeth Sanger, Cooper had feared that it would end her friendship with T.J. and the other band members. But T.J. had been really cool about it, and he had never brought it up again. Cooper had always appreciated that, because she knew he must have wondered what it was all about. Now she was going to tell him.

“Well, that was all true,” she said. “I did see her ghost.”

T.J. raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

“There was a lot of weird stuff that happened around that time,” Cooper continued. “Kate and Annie were all mixed up in it, too.”

“They see dead people, too?” asked T.J.

Cooper shook her head. “Just me,” she told him. “But we're all in this group together, and it all kind of goes together.”

“A group like Scooby and the gang, or something else?” T.J. asked. “I'm not following you.”

Cooper sighed. “It's going to sound a little weird,” she said. “So just listen. Kate, Annie, and I were in this group that studies Wicca. You know what that is, right?”

“I saw
The Blair Witch Project
,” T.J. answered.

“It's not like that at all,” said Cooper. “This is a group that studies
real
witchcraft, as in the religion. It's run by these cool people who own a bookstore in town. Anyway, we were going to this group and—”

“You keep saying you
were
going,” T.J. interrupted.

“Right,” said Cooper. “I don't go anymore.”

“But Kate and Annie do?” T.J. said.

Cooper nodded. “It's just me who's opted out.”

T.J. was looking at her with an expression that made it clear he was wondering why she wasn't still in the group.

“We'll get to why I'm not in it anymore later,” Cooper said. “The point is that the three of us were in this group. We also did stuff together—rituals and things. Is this getting too freaky?”

“Not so far,” T.J. replied. “I'm still a little fuzzy on what it's all about, but I think I get it. You guys were witches.”

“No,” Cooper said. “Just studying it. We, I mean they, Annie and Kate, don't have to decide if they want to do the full-blown witch thing until the year and a day of study are over.”

“Which is when?” asked T.J.

“April,” Cooper said. “After the Spring Equinox. But that's not the point either. The point is that Kate and Annie are still going to the class and I'm not. That's made things a little sketchy between us. And now it's gotten even sketchier. I told you about Kate's aunt having cancer. Well, they want to do this healing ritual for her, and they want me to help.”

“Help how?” T.J. asked her.

“Lend my energy,” Cooper said, unable to think of a better way to describe it to him. “Kate and Annie already did one ritual themselves, and I said I wouldn't do it with them. Now Kate wants to do one with some other members of the group. She called today and asked me if I would do it with them.”

She stopped her narrative, looking at T.J. for any sign of what he was thinking about all of this. But he just looked back at her with the same open expression he usually wore.

“I really thought I was done with all of this,” Cooper continued. “But then I had this dream the other night. It was about Kate, and she needed me to help her and I didn't because I was afraid. And then today Kate told me that she had a vision where Athena had my face. Then there's the whole thing with the candle. Am I making any sense here?”

“Up until those last couple of sentences you were,” he said. “You lost me on the vision-Athena-candle part.”

“But the rest of it?” Cooper said.

“Mostly clear,” he said. “Let me see if I have it straight. You were part of this group that studied witchcraft. Then you dropped out for some reason you'll explain to me later. But your friends are still involved in it, and they're going to do this ritual that they want you to help out with. Only you don't want to.”

“Right,” Cooper said, relieved that somehow her disjointed story had all come out in the end.

“Why?”

“Why what?” asked Cooper.

“Why don't you want to help them?” T.J. elaborated.

Cooper frowned. “That's the hard part,” she told him. “I kind of had a bad experience. With magic. It wasn't fun. Actually, it was really scary. That's why I stopped.”

“Before that happened, did you like it?”

Cooper shrugged. “Yeah,” she said. “I did.”

“And this thing that happened, did it have anything to do with the group?”

“No,” Cooper answered. “Not really. It was more of a free-form bad magic kind of thing.”

T.J. didn't say anything for a while. He stood across the room from her, silently fingering his bass.

“What?” Cooper said finally, unable to stand the silence.

“I was just thinking about it all,” T.J. said. “Kate and Annie are still your friends, right?”

“For the moment,” Cooper said.

“And they want you to help them?”

Cooper nodded.

“But you're afraid to because of this thing that happened?”

“That's pretty much it,” said Cooper. “What do you think?”

“I think you're a coward,” T.J. said.

Cooper stared at him. “What did you say?” she asked, not sure she'd heard him correctly.

“I said I think you're a coward,” he repeated.

“How can you say that?” Cooper said indignantly. “You don't even know half the stuff that happened and—”

“How long have I known you?” T.J. asked, interrupting her.

“I don't know,” Cooper stammered. “Almost two years, I guess.”

“Right,” said T.J. “And in all that time I have never once seen you back down from a challenge.”

“I'm not backing down!” Cooper said.

T.J. folded his hands across his chest. “Then what are you doing?”

“I'm being careful!” Cooper said. “This stuff isn't a game, T.J. People can get hurt.
I
almost got hurt.”

“But you didn't,” he said. “So what are you really upset about?”

She glared at him, fuming. Who did he think he was, anyway? Here she was trying to be the good girlfriend and ask him for his opinion and he had the nerve to . . . to . . .
To give it to you,
a voice in her head said.

“So?” T.J. asked. “What is it you're afraid of?”