Ripping Pages (21 page)

Mr. Well-tailored (he was still here?) extended his hand to me as I lay there like a stupid idiot.

I was really thanking the Lord for the Spanx now, considering if it weren’t for the little shorts connected to the sucking-in bodice, my lady parts would be visible to everyone. I wanted Van to see what he was missing, but not like that. I grasped Well-tailored’s hand as he hoisted me up off the floor. I felt eyes behind me boring into my soul. I knew Van was watching me, as I’m sure his whore, Jade, was, too… which is why I did what I did next. Once I was up and situated my dress so my boobs, which thankfully stayed where I put them, were readjusted, I grabbed Well-Tailored and kissed him hard. I kissed him and made sure to grab his collar and made a show of it.

There were hoots and hollers all around as Well-Tailored grabbed my ass and squeezed, making me, still pumped full of vodka, get more into the kiss than I should have. Before I knew what was happening, I heard the distinct sound of flesh connecting with flesh, and suddenly, Well-Tailored was flying across the room. I turned back to see Van cradling his bleeding knuckles as he glared at me. His security team came running over to him and telling him they needed to leave before an even bigger scene erupted.

I looked at his stupid ass in disbelief. “What. The. Fuck. Van?”

He moved his face close, too close to mine, our noses touching. My breathing picked up, as I smelled his scent that was just Him. Just Van.

“Don’t try to make me jealous, Tinley. You fucked that up when you killed my baby and cheated on me with your ex-boyfriend. You’re not a slut, so stop acting like one,” he seethed.

As angry as he seemed, I was even more furious. Where did he get off telling me anything? He left me without believing anything I said, without hearing anything.

“Are you fucking serious?” I shouted. “You don’t get to tell me a damn thing! Oh, and by the way, how’s Jade?” I laughed bitterly. I edged my face even closer to his and looked him dead in those silver eyes that were so cold and whispered, “I may not be a whore, but you, Van. You are—I have no words for you. You haven’t changed a fucking bit. That whole spiel about you being better for me was utter bullshit. You’re still the same douchebag rock star that I thought you were, and I want you to know something.” I moved closer as I spit out the last words to him, “I didn’t kill your baby. I miscarried, and I needed you, but you’re not even man enough to see that. The fact that you would actually think that of me shows your character, not mine. You’re a coward, and I hope you know that I loved you, but now, Van,” I clicked my teeth at him as I backed away and shook my head in disgust. “Now, I fucking hate the sight of you. Fuck you, Van. Fuck. You.”

And with that, I walked away. I tried not to let the way his face contorted to one of hurt and sadness, and even regret, over his features get to me. He was an asshole, and I was done. It was time to focus on me and the reason I came to New York in the first place. It seems I’d lost sight of that.

I headed out to the town car waiting for us. Tatum came flying up to me as I sat down in the backseat. “Holy Shit, Tin. That was epic. You should have seen his face when you walked away. He looked like he was about to start crying.”

“Good.” I said crossing my arms, still shaking from how pissed off I was.

I really wasn’t happy that he was hurting. As much as I wanted to believe that I actually hated him, I couldn’t lie to myself. I loved him more than anything. The way that I felt about him was different from anything I’d ever experienced in my twenty-one years. But I couldn’t go back to him. He had hurt me too bad. The things he accused me of, for no reason, were ludicrous, and I could never forgive him for not comforting me when that had been the hardest thing I’d ever endured. Instead, he turned that heartache into something else entirely. Something wrong and vile. He had no idea the pain I felt from losing our peanut. He had no clue how it felt to have your body full of life, a tiny heart beating inside of you and then all of the sudden there was no life in there. That the little life inside you just ended, and there was no saving it. I would never forgive him for that.

We drove back home in silence. I held back the tears until I reached my room. I cried myself to sleep that night, for the umpteenth time, wishing I could go back.

Mom and Steve left a few days later. But not before mom gave me about three more lectures. One about telling her when something’s wrong, and the other two about safe sex, which had me hiding behind a pillow like a thirteen year old having “the talk” with her over explanatory mother.

Which had totally happened about nine years before.

The day after they left, I decided to go back to the Café and ask for my job back. Even though after finding out about everything, Steve insisted on paying for my rent, and anything else I needed. Come to find out, when Tatum went to turn in the rent check for the month of January, the leasing office informed her that our rent had been taken care of for the next few years. I was stunned and curious. When I called to ask when this had happened, they told me that Van had come in a few days before and paid for it. Meaning, he did it after we had broken up and after I had publicly lashed out at him. Why would he do that? I heard from the grapevine that Van and the boys were back on tour in the south and soon would be overseas. After I had spewed my hate for him, he never tried to contact me, or anything. He just paid my rent and went on his merry way. I would never understand him.

My old boss, Sal, was sympathetic and told me to start the next day. I vaguely filled him in about the baby and told him about the theater and the new show starting soon, so he said he would of course work around my schedule.

I got back into the groove of work and a few days later, the theater was having rehearsals for the new play. We auditioned, and I got the secondary role, which was huge considering I was just in the chorus last time, and this was only my second play. I would be playing Penny, Tracy Turnblad’s best friend, in the production of Hairspray. I was so excited I could barely contain myself.

Rehearsals started quickly, and the opening of the play was scheduled for Valentine’s night.

Seth said we would have a good turn out since it was a huge date night and that girls loved the theater.

I hadn’t talked much to James since the holidays. He was busy with work, as was I. We texted back and forth a few times since Christmas. Just friendly banter. Nothing more. I didn’t want anything more, and James understood that. However, he did ask if he could come to my opening night of the play. To which I said, “of course.”

Opening night came quickly, and my nerves kicked in. I was so excited and nervous to have the secondary role. Olivia was a girl in the company who was playing the role of Tracy.

She was such a professional and had been doing theater for quite some time. She was an absolute sweetheart and I loved acting alongside her. “Tinley!” She hugged me as she walked into the dressing area, her huge hair coiffed just perfectly for Tracy. “I’m so excited. Are you ready?”

I laughed as she hugged me so hard I could barely croak out a word. She loosened her grip. “Sorry,” she chuckled.

“It’s all good. I am so, so excited! Very nervous, but so ready. Are you ready, girl?”

“Definitely.” She smiled as the lights dimmed, and it was Showtime.

I forgot a few of my lines because, well, I just wouldn’t be me if it had gone off perfectly on the biggest night of my tiny career. Once it was over, James, Tatum, and Sloan came running up to me in the dressing area.

“Tin! You were so awesome,” Tatum screeched.

I hugged her and laughed. “Thanks, I was so not, though. I can’t believe I forgot my lines.”

She shooed her hand in my direction nonchalantly. “Ahh, don’t sweat it. No one noticed.”

James kissed me on the cheek as he handed me a dozen red roses. Always so consistent.

“You were great, Tinley. I’m so proud of you.”

I blushed. “Thanks, James. That really means a lot.”

Sloan came in next with a huge hug. Her small frame standing on her tiptoes to reach me in my heels. ”Congrats, babe. That was amazing.”

I smiled and thanked her. Glad that we could still be friends despite what happened between Van and I. She had called me the day after the big blowout with her brother at the club. Crying, she told me she had no idea and that she was so sorry about the baby and her “stupid ass idiot brother.”

“I will kick his ass, Tinley. I can’t believe he accused you of that and treated you that way. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, and I appreciate that, Sloan. Thank you. I wish nothing but the best for him, though. I really do mean that.”

We left the theater for the cast party. Seth was in good spirits. A notorious reviewer had been there that night, and even though I screwed up some parts, he said the play was a major success and that he expected a great review, which would do wonders for all of our careers, respectively.

We walked into the restaurant and sat down near the sectioned off area reserved for the party. The bar was right next to the plush couches we sat at. I got up to order a drink for myself with Tatum. The sexy bartender smiled at me and looked me up and down smirking as his eyes settled on my hair.

Oh shit, my pigtails were still up. How embarrassing.

He took my order as I blushed, and then he walked away to make our drinks.

Tatum’s eyes went wide as she looked at something behind me. I started to turn when she grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “No Tin. Don’t look.”

Well, now I
had
to look. I turned around, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then the televisions above the bar caught my eye. There was Van, shirtless and looking sexy as ever, sitting on a stool onstage with his guitar in hand and thousands of screaming fans below him. The volume was down so I had to read the closed captioning on the screen to understand what they were talking about. All I got out of the fast caption scrolling on the screen was that Van was singing a ballad that was totally out of the bands genre at the end of each of their shows since the band went back on tour. The breaking news of a mugging came through before I was able to read more. I filed it away in my ‘things to Google later tab’ in my brain.

I walked back over to where the party was still reeling from seeing Van on TV. He was so gorgeous, and just seeing his face had my stomach fluttering. I really missed him. I still wanted him more than anything. We had such a deep connection that I had never felt with anyone, not even James, and I was just naïve enough to think that it might work out. He was nothing like I wanted to believe he was. He was a rock n roll douchebag. An asshole. A prick. But he was mine once, and I would never forget the things he said, even though now I believed they were complete bullshit. I would also never be able to forget the way my body reacted whenever he was near.

James, holding his beer, placed his hand on my knee and leaned in close to whisper in my ear so I would hear over the loud chatter of the party, “You ok, babe?”

He hadn’t called me babe in forever and I missed it. His breath on my neck caused shivers to course through me, and my lady parts to awaken.

What the hell was going on with me? I was just crying my eyes out over Van. I was swooning as I watched him on the television, and now I was panting and tingling for James? Lord what the hell!? I gave a small smile to James and assured him that I was fine. The night went on and the drinks flowed regularly, and eventually, I was being carried by James to my apartment door.

Tatum laughed the whole way about how drunk I was, but in my current state of intoxication, all I could do was hold on to James as he carried me, and the smell of the cologne he always wore engulfed all my senses.

We made it to my room, with the double vision of James laying me down on the bed as he kissed my forehead before saying goodnight and walking out the door.

“James, wait.” The words slipped out of my mouth before I had the chance to stop them. The two sets of James turned at the door and looked at me questioningly.