Rising Darkness (9 page)

“To be honest, I was waiting for you. I'd stopped by to talk to Jacob about something, and he told me you were working in the basement. I'd started to wonder if you were ever coming upstairs.”

“Waiting for me? Why?”

He cleared his throat. “I wanted to ask you to dinner. I mean, unless Esther is expecting you.”

The word
no
was in my mind and on the tip of my tongue. But for some reason, “That sounds nice,” came tumbling out.
Have I
lost my mind?
Unfortunately, my mouth seemed to have a will of its own. As did something inside me that went haywire every time I saw Jonathon.

“Great. How about The Oil Lamp? The Whistle Stop closes at four.”

“All right.”

“Good. Why don't we both drive over there? That way, we can each go straight home after dinner.”

“Sure. That makes sense.” I got into my car, trying to calm my trembling body.

Jonathon stood there for a moment, staring at me. I looked away and waited. Finally, he got in his truck and began to drive down the street. I started my car and followed him, beating myself up for allowing this to happen. I turned on my affirmations CD and began to echo the words that felt so false to me now. What had happened to me from the time I'd entered this stupid town until now? Why was I falling apart? Was it because it reminded me of Kingdom? Or was it because of Jonathon? I felt as if I might be losing myself somehow, yet I didn't know how to stop it.

At the restaurant, I parked next to Jonathon's truck and got out, still feeling overwhelmed and unsure. I followed him inside and was met by an attractive woman in jeans, a bright red sweater, and a colorful apron.

“Hey, Jonathon,” she said with a smile. “Who's your friend?”

Jonathon introduced me to Randi Lindquist, the owner of The Oil Lamp. Unlike Mary and Rosey, who were soft-spoken, Randi was much more assertive.

“Good to meet you,” she said loudly. “Got a table in the corner, if that will work for you.”

“Sounds great,” Jonathon said. He motioned for me to go ahead of him, and I walked past several crowded tables, people greeting Jonathon just like they had at The Whistle Stop. He seemed very popular in Sanctuary.

We'd just sat down when I noticed Janet walking toward us with the pretty red-haired woman I'd seen leaving the house this morning and the same little girl following behind her.

“Just had to say hello,” Janet said to Jonathon.

“Hi, Janet.” He stood to greet her. “This is my new friend, Emily McClure.”

“We've met. Hello again.” She turned to the redhead standing next to her. “Emily, this is Sarah Miller and her niece, Cicely.”

“I'm happy to meet you.”

“Esther tells me you're doing some research about your family,” Sarah said.

“Yes, my grandmother, Clara, was Miriam Byler's sister.”

“Oh?” She smiled. “Miriam was a lovely lady. I met Clara a few times when she came to visit. She was very nice. I'm sorry you never got to meet them.”

“I am, too.”

“Just wanted to check about Saturday, Pastor,” Janet said. “What time do you want the food delivered to the community room? Same as always?”

He nodded. “I'll open the doors at four. We'll eat at six. As you know, there's not a lot of refrigerator space, so tell everyone who is bringing food that needs to be kept cold not to bring it any earlier than five. We'll have the warming trays ready for hot food.”

Janet moved her purse to her other shoulder. “As hard as we plan for these dinners, we still get surprised. The women in this town love to cook.” She smiled at Jonathon. “But we'll get it figured out. We always do.”

Sarah laughed. “It's not just the women. I hear Evan Bakker is smoking a turkey and Abner Ingalls plans to bring his fabulous barbequed brisket.”

“Oh goodness,” Jonathon said. “My mouth is already watering.”

Sarah looked at me. “Sanctuary is full of great cooks. I hope you'll be joining us on Saturday.”

“Janet already asked me. I'm looking forward to it.”

“Good,” Jonathon said. “I was going to ask you myself.”

Janet raised an eyebrow and looked back and forth between Jonathon and me. I felt my face get hot. Small towns. Everyone had to stick their noses in everyone else's business. By the end of the day, people would probably be gossiping about Jonathon and me. Not only would that be unfair to Jonathon, I didn't need the attention.

“We're going to grab a table,” Janet said. “It was nice to see you again, Emily.”

“And it was nice to meet you,” Sarah added. She turned to look at her niece, who smiled shyly at me.

“Nice to meet you,” the girl said softly.

“Nice to meet you, too.” When they walked away, I frowned at Jonathon. “I hope my having dinner with you hasn't put you in an uncomfortable position.”

His eyebrows shot up. “I don't understand.”

“I—I'm sure you don't want people in your congregation thinking we're on a date or something.”

His bright blue eyes seemed to see inside me. “I'm not asking you to marry me, Emily. We're just getting to know each other. I hope that's okay with you.”

“Of course. I—I just didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression.”

He smiled. “I appreciate your concern, but don't worry about it. Besides, it wouldn't bother me too much for people to think we're on a date. I'm sure every man in this restaurant would be jealous of me.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

Jonathon's eyebrows arched again. “Have I embarrassed you? I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention.”

At that moment, I had no idea what to do or what to say. The man I'd loved since I was a child was flirting with me. But of course it wasn't really me. It was someone else. Someone I was pretending to be. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny. What could I possibly do? What could I possibly say?

“It—it's okay,” I choked out. “You just . . . surprised me.”

He shook his head. “I probably shouldn't have teased you. I hope you're not offended. It's just . . .” He looked at me strangely. “Ever since I met you, I've had the weirdest feeling. Like I've met you before. I haven't been able to shake it. I know it's not possible because I'd certainly remember.”

Fear made me pull myself together quickly. “I've never been to Sanctuary before this. We've never met. I must just remind you of someone.”

At that moment, Randi walked up to our table and slapped down a couple of menus. “What do you two want to drink?”

“Coffee,” we said at the same time.

Jonathon grinned. “Great minds think alike, I guess.”

“Either that or you're both bored,” Randi said wryly.

“Definitely not bored.” Jonathon snuck a look at me.

Randi chuckled. “Wow. You're sure full of surprises, Pastor.” She stared at me a moment before turning to leave.

Things were spiraling out of control. I had to find a way to stop it. “Jonathon,” I said after Randi was out of earshot, “I—I may have misled you in some way. I have a boyfriend. And as I said, I'm not a . . . church person.”

Jonathon's expression stayed the same, but I noticed a
spot of color on each cheek. The old Sophie was screaming at me, wondering if I'd gone crazy, but the new Sophie wasn't ready to be hurt again. And I knew that was exactly what would happen unless I pulled in the reins and stopped this from going any further.

“I'm sorry,” he said quickly. “Please forgive me if I've made you uncomfortable in any way.”

“Nothing to forgive,” I said. “If things were different, I'd be very interested. But we're just not a good match. You need someone who believes in God.”

“Actually, I find that almost everyone believes in God. They just don't think He believes in them.” His eyes sought mine. “But He does.”

As he watched me, his eyes suddenly widened. I felt as if my heart actually skipped a beat.

“I just realized who you look like. I should have figured it out sooner. I've only known one other person with amber eyes. A girl from my hometown. Her name was Sophie Wittenbauer.”

I couldn't seem to swallow past the huge lump in my throat. All I could do was stare at Jonathon and hope he wouldn't realize who I really was.

“She's someone I knew a long time ago,” he told me. “You remind me of her.”

My lips felt numb, but I managed to ask, “A past girlfriend?”

He quickly shook his head. “No. She was just a child. A lost child.” He picked up his menu and squinted at it. “I tried to help her, but I failed. I think about her a lot, wondering what happened to her.”

Feeling as if he'd convinced himself I couldn't possibly be the person he remembered, I found it a little easier to breathe. I picked up my menu, too, and began to look over the dinner offerings. “Maybe she turned out okay. You never know.”

He nodded. “You're right.” He lowered his menu so he could meet my gaze again. “I hope I haven't ruined our chance at being friends.”

I smiled at him. “Of course not. It's nice to have someone to talk to besides Esther. Not that she isn't a wonderful person, but . . .”

“She's quite a bit older than you . . . and Mennonite?” Jonathon filled in. “I understand. I'm glad you're coming to the supper on Saturday. You'll get to meet a lot of Sanctuary folks. I'm sure you'll like them.”

“Sounds like Sanctuary's best cooks will be showing off. How can I miss that?”

He laughed. “No one in their right mind would stay away.”

A woman with brown curly hair and a kind face showed up at our table with coffee.

“Hi, Maxie,” Jonathon said. “How's the job working out?”

“I love it, Pastor. Thanks for recommending me. Randi's a great boss, and I love spending time with people. It gets me out of the house.”

“Emily, this is Maxie Anderson. This wonderful lady attends my church. I'm very fortunate to be her pastor.”

“Nice to meet you, Maxie.” I shook her hand. “You must be very special.”

She colored and looked at the floor. “I don't know about that, but I'm certainly blessed to have a pastor who saw I needed help and went out of his way to change my life.” She set the coffeepot on the table near me. “You see, I lost my husband last year. Being alone started to make me sad . . . and a little bitter. When Randi decided to hire a waitress, Pastor Jonathon almost forced me to take the job. I was pretty mad at him for a while. But now . . .” She blinked away tears. “Well, I look forward to getting up in the morning again. These people are not only my friends, they're my family.”
Her eyes seemed to lock on to mine. “I've found that being alone isn't good. It shrinks your soul.”

Startled, all I could do was nod. The woman didn't even know me. So why did her words feel as if they were directed toward me?

She took our orders, picked up the coffeepot, and scurried off.

I looked at Jonathon. “Wow, I'm impressed.”

“Don't be,” he said. “Anyone could have figured it out. Randi's the one who took a chance on her. Maxie had never waitressed before. Randi hired her anyway, and now she's glad she did. Maxie does a great job, and everyone loves her.”

“Well, still. You helped her get out of the house and into a new life. Good for you.”

“Thanks.”

The restaurant was very busy, and I watched the people as much as I could. There were a lot of men seated around the room. Some were around the same age as Terrance Chase, but none of them looked like his picture. I was aware he could have changed his appearance, but there were some things he couldn't change. The shape of his face and his height would remain, no matter what else he altered. From my research, I'd learned that Terrance Chase was five foot, ten inches. Back when he'd robbed the armored car company, he'd had brownish-red hair and hazel eyes. Stocky and muscular, he could have easily slimmed down by now, dyed his hair, and started wearing contacts. I'd studied his face so many times, I was hopeful I'd recognize him no matter what he did to disguise himself.

“Emily? Did you hear me?” Jonathon asked.

I turned my head to stare at him. “I'm sorry. I was just scoping out the room. This is such a great restaurant. I love the retro look.”

He nodded. “It's certainly got atmosphere. Reminds me of a restaurant back in my hometown.”

I took a quick breath. “And where is that?”

“A little town called Kingdom, Kansas. A lot like Sanctuary, except it's almost entirely Mennonite. Conservative Mennonite.”

“Really? You don't seem like someone who grew up in a Mennonite town.”

“My whole family is Mennonite. For some reason, I just never seemed to fit. After . . .” He sighed. “Well, after something happened, I decided to leave. See if I could fit in better somewhere else. Not that I don't love my family or my friends. I do. I go back to visit quite often. But I believe we all have a destiny, and mine wasn't in Kingdom. I think that's why I always felt different.”

“I understand,” I said. “We all feel like outsiders sometimes.”

After some small talk, Maxie brought our food. I'd ordered grilled chicken and wild rice. It was absolutely delicious. While I ate, Jonathon told me about his life in Sanctuary, and I just listened. He'd really fallen in love with this town and its people. When we finished eating, I was ready to leave. I just couldn't take being this close to him any longer. My feelings were still so strong, I felt my resolve to stay away from him slipping.

“I need to get back to Esther's.” I grabbed my purse. “I hate to run off, but unfortunately, I brought some work with me from the firm, and I need to catch up on it.”

“Last time we ate together, you had to leave to make a phone call. Now you have to work. Don't you ever just relax?”

“When I can. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen very often.”

“I understand what that's like, but we all need to take some time for ourselves once in a while.”

“I'm sure you're right.”

He started to reach for my ticket, but I grabbed it before he could.

“Thanks, but I'll get it. After all, we established that this wasn't a date.”

He carefully pulled it out of my hand. “But I asked you to dinner. Date or not, it's my treat.”

Rather than argue and make a scene, I relented. I went outside and stood on the front porch while Jonathon paid our tab. When he came outside, he seemed ill at ease. I felt the same way.

“Again, I apologize if I said anything that embarrassed you,” he said quietly as he walked me to my car.

I frowned at him. “One thing I don't understand. Why would you be attracted to someone who told you they don't believe in God? I mean, isn't that some kind of rule or something? That you're not supposed to be . . . what is it . . . unequally yoked?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it's a rule. It's really not in my nature to be so . . . flippant. But like I said, for some strange reason, I feel like I know you already.” He shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn't make any sense.” He stuck out his hand. “If you'll give me another chance, I'd like us to be friends. Deal?”

“Deal.” When I took his hand, I felt something like an electric shock go through me. Not trusting myself to look at him, I quickly slipped my hand out of his and opened my car door.

I got in my car, backed up, and pulled out into the street. As I drove away, I saw him in my rearview mirror, staring at me. Was there a part of him that recognized me? I still loved him desperately, but my life was clothed in a lie. One that I couldn't get away from. If I allowed him to get too close, either he'd finally figure out who I really was or I'd have to tell him the truth. And then he would hate me. Hate me because of what I did in Kingdom, and hate me for lying to him.

“If You're real, God,” I said out loud, “You've made it clear You don't care anything about me. You didn't help me when I was a child, and now You throw Jonathon in my face, showing me once again that I can never have him. What kind of God are You?”

When I pulled up in front of Esther's, I took a few minutes to dry the tears on my face. As I picked up my purse, I realized there was an envelope lying on the passenger seat. I must have missed it when I'd tossed my purse down. I picked it up. There wasn't any name on the outside. I tore it open and removed a folded piece of white paper. I gasped as I read it.

I know why you're here. Leave town, or you'll be sorry.

I stared down at the plain, nondescript letters. How could anyone know the truth? I felt anger wash through me. There was only one person who could have let the cat out of the bag. I grabbed my purse and the note and hurried into the house. Esther looked up at me from where she sat on the couch.

I walked over and handed her the note. “Can you explain this?” I didn't even try to keep the irritation out of my voice. I'd trusted one person. Just one. And look at what it got me.

Esther read the note then handed it back to me. “I have no idea who wrote this,” she said slowly. “I have not talked to anyone about you.”

I wanted to believe her. Mennonites took telling the truth very seriously, yet I'd watched my father and mother lie on a regular basis.

“If you didn't tell anyone, what does this mean?”

“I have no idea, Emily. What are you going to do?”

I pondered her question. How could someone else know my reasons for being in Sanctuary? It certainly couldn't be Chase. There wasn't any way for him to know who I was and why I was here. Not yet, anyway.

“Well, I'm not leaving. Frankly, this only proves I'm on to something.”

“I don't want you to put yourself in danger.”

I studied her for a moment before saying, “It's hard for me to believe you care anything about me. I lied to you. I accepted a room in your house under false pretenses. So why are you being nice to me? Is it because you're still convinced God has some kind of magical plan and you don't want to ruin it?”

Esther smiled serenely. “No, it is not just that. You remind me so much of my son, Benjamin. He convinced himself that I could not love him because of the mistakes he made.”

“But he's your son. I'm no one to you.”

Esther's eyes widened. “That is not true, Emily. You are precious to God, and you are precious to me. Love is not
something to be earned. Love is a gift that is given without strings attached.”

“Not in my experience. I've never had love without conditions.”

“I have no conditions, child. All I ask is that you tell me the truth from here on out. I may not be your family by blood, but I would like to be someone you can trust. Someone you know cares for you.”

For some reason, her words, which I was certain were spoken from a kind heart, upset me even more. “It's late,” I snapped. “I'm sure you'd like to get to bed.”

She nodded. “Yes, it is past my bedtime, but if you would like to talk a while, I will stay with you.”

I started toward the stairs. “No, thank you. I have some work to do and need to go to my room.”

Esther stood up. Before I realized what she was doing, she came over and put her arms around me. I wasn't used to being hugged, and I stiffened at her touch.

“You are someone in need of love, Emily. I hope you will allow me into your life.” She let me go and stepped back, looking up into my eyes. “There is not much an old woman can do for others. I can pray and cook for church meetings, but that is about it. Old bodies cannot keep up with young ones, I'm afraid. But my mind is not old. And the love in my heart is not old. When God sends someone my way, I take that very seriously.”

“I don't think God sent me to you, Esther. I made the decision to come here. For reasons that God probably doesn't approve of. I appreciate the invitation to stay in your home, and your kindness toward me, but if you think you're going to save me or something, I'm afraid you'll be very disappointed.”

“Perhaps,” she said. “We will see. But you are wrong if you do not believe God brought you here. By the time you leave, you will see this.”

“Whatever you say. I'm going to bed.” I left her standing there, staring at me. I knew it was rude, but I was exhausted and confused. This wasn't going the way I'd planned. My search had to go into overdrive. I needed to find Chase, write my story, and get out of this town before I was found out—or before I lost my mind.

When I got to my room, I found Sam and Clyde waiting in the hall. I opened the door and let them in. Clyde went for the bed, and Sam took up his usual place on the floor. I wondered where Frances and Maizie were. Probably in Esther's room.

I pulled the list of names from my purse, found my laptop, and began researching. I'd only been at it about thirty minutes when there was a knock at the door. Now what? I swung open the door and found Esther standing there with a small tray.

“Hot chocolate and cookies.” She held up the tray to show me. “Rebecca used to love this at night when she had to do homework. I thought it might help you pass the time more pleasantly.”