Rising from the Ashes (21 page)

I felt like I’d been punched in the gut so damn hard that all the air was knocked out of me. My mind was spinning, trying to process what Savannah had just told me. I felt like I was living in some sort of twilight zone. There was no way the girl I loved could have done something like this to me, something so selfish and deceitful.

I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. Earlier, when I’d been standing in her living room, I didn’t even recognize the person in front of me. All I knew was that I had to get out of there. If I stayed, I knew myself well enough to know that I’d say something I could never take back.

Going home wasn’t an option. There was no doubt that sitting in my dark apartment with the walls closing in on me was just going to make matters worse.

Before I even registered what direction I was driving in, I saw the bright lights of Colt 45’s lighting up the parking lot. I found myself swerving in and pulling my truck into an empty spot. Drowning my sorrows had never sounded more appealing. My feet dragged me through the motions of walking across the gravel parking lot and past the doors into the dimly lit smoky bar until I reached a vacant bar stool.

“Shot of Jack,” I told the bartender. “And might as well leave the bottle.”

The guy didn’t even blink twice before sitting a shot glass and a bottle of Jack that was three-quarters of the way full in front of me.

I was five shots in, and the knot in my stomach was finally starting to unravel slightly when I felt a hand slap my shoulder.

A voice called out from behind me, “Hey, brother. How’s it goin’?”

I looked over my shoulder to see Trevor standing there with a casual grin on his face. The smile slowly slipped off when he caught my expression. “Jesus, Jeremy. You look like shit, man.”

I turned back to my shot glass and downed number six. “Thanks. And here I was, feeling fine and fuckin’ dandy,” I deadpanned.

Trevor planted himself on the empty stool next to me, and then with his empty beer bottle, he signaled for another to the bartender. “You want to tell me what’s going on?” he asked after taking a pull from his full Budweiser.

I set up another shot and twirled the amber liquid around in the glass before downing it. “Not really, man. No offense, but I’m really not in the mood for company right now.”

“How many shots have you had so far?” he asked.

My brain was thankfully beginning to get fuzzy, so I was having a little trouble remembering how many I’d had. “Don’t know. Six or seven, I guess.”

“Shit,” he muttered. “You typically only drink like that if you’re celebrating or trying to forget something. And seein’ as you’re here alone, I’m thinking it’s the latter.”

I let out a deep exhale and turned to look at the two Trevors sitting next to me.
Shit. When the fuck did he get a twin?
“You aren’t going away until I talk, are you?”

The Trevor twins gave me a shit-eating grin. “Nah, probably not.”

I ran my palms over my face and tried to clear my vision. “Fine. Fuck it. I found out some stuff tonight that I’m having trouble processing. I figured getting shit faced was the best option.”

“This stuff have anything to do with you and Savvy?”

“Yeah,” I grumbled into my shot glass before emptying it again.

What the hell happened to all my Jack?
Somehow, the bottle was only a quarter full.
When did that happen?

Trevor took another drink before clearing his throat. “Look, I’m not gonna sit here and make you pour your guts out or anything. But can you at least tell me that you set up a ride home before you got here and buried yourself in the bottom of a bottle?”

I let out a humorless laugh and turned to see concern in his features. “I didn’t really get that far, man. I just bailed out of there and found myself here.”

“I think you should let me take you home now before you do something you’ll regret.”

“Want to know the funny thing, Trevor?” I asked, not really caring if he wanted to hear it or not. “For the past seven years, I’ve been living with regret, thinkin’ that if I’d just done something different, I wouldn’t have lost her. Turns out I’m not the one who should have been regretting anything. It’s all on her.”

Trevor blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not even sure what you’re saying right now, but I’m guessin’ that whatever went down between you and Savvy was some pretty heavy shit.”

“You’ve got no clue,” I replied before finishing off the last of the Jack.

After hopping off the bar stool, Trevor dropped some bills on the counter and waved to the bartender to take my shot glass. “Well, brother, whatever it was that happened isn’t worth the hangover you’re definitely gonna have in the morning. I think it’s time I get you home.”

A large part of me wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but seeing as I was three sheets to the wind and the bottle of Jack had miraculously disappeared, I decided it was for the best, so I let Trevor lead my wobbling frame out the door and into his car.

The rest of the night was a blank.

My eyes felt gritty and my lids were puffy and heavy. Crying all night and lack of sleep were making me feel delirious. I’d been in tears from the moment Jeremy walked out my front door the night before, and I hadn’t been able to stop. I’d worn a path on the carpet in my living room from pacing. My cell phone was still clutched in my hand. I’d gone back and forth between texting and calling him every few minutes. He’d never once picked up or responded, not that I’d really expected him to, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop trying.

“You’ve reached Jeremy. You know what to do.”

I released a defeated sigh and left
another
message. “Jer, please call me back. I know you’re beyond mad at me right now, but I know we can get through this. I just need you to talk to me,” I pleaded before finally disconnecting.

Anxiety was clawing at me from deep inside, and I felt as if the only thing holding me together was my skin. I was frantic, panicked, sad, and fearful. Basically, every horrible emotion people try never to feel was bundled up inside of me, trying to make its way to the surface. I was losing it. I needed to talk to Jeremy more than I needed to breathe.

I finally resigned myself to the fact that I’d tried to reach him by phone, and he’d chosen not to answer. Knowing I had no other choice, I grabbed my keys and purse off the small table next to my front door, and ran out to my car. I hadn’t even bothered looking in the mirror before leaving. There was no doubt my hair was a matted, tangled mess, and any makeup I’d had on from the prior day had already been cried off. I knew I looked like a mess, but I just didn’t care. Since Jeremy refused to pick up his damn phone, I was giving him no other choice. I’d stand at his door and yell his house down if that was what it was going to take to get him to speak to me.

Oh God.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so hungover.

I managed to peel my eyes open enough to notice that I’d somehow gotten myself to bed even though I wasn’t sure how. Still in my clothes from the night before, I was splayed across the middle of the bed, lying on top of the comforter, with my booted feet hanging off the side.

The relentless pounding in my head refused to let up, and I was seconds away from losing the contents of whatever was in my stomach from the night before. Just as I rolled over to drag myself into the bathroom, I noticed that the pounding wasn’t just coming from inside my skull.

“The fuck?” I muttered as I made my way to the front door.

Whoever was standing on the other side refused to let up, continuing to beat the shit out of my front door like their life depended on it. I didn’t care if the damn apartment complex was burning to the ground around me. Whoever was standing at my door was about to pay for my bad mood.

“Knock it the fuck off!” I shouted as I jerked the door open to see a red faced, puffy-eyed Savannah standing before me. Just the sight of her brought back all the pain I’d tried to drink away the night before.

“Jeremy,” she whispered in a broken voice.

Her teeth were biting into her bottom lip, and I noticed her white-knuckled grip on the handles of her purse in front of her.

“What are you doing here?” was all I could manage to say.

Reaching up, she brushed away a tear from her right cheek. “I needed to talk to you. You wouldn’t answer any of my calls. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Typically, when a person doesn’t pick up the phone, that means they don’t want to talk to the person calling. Obviously, you didn’t get the hint.”

I hated myself for being so callous, but the pain was still there, and it was too fresh in my mind to spare her feelings. I just couldn’t control what came out of my mouth.

The sight of her shoulders shaking as she fought to hold back tears managed to break what little of my heart had been left intact after last night. I almost reached out to comfort her, but the memories from the night before caused my hand to pause in midair before it dropped back down to my side.

“Sorry,” I grumbled, not being able to fully help myself when it came to consoling Savannah. I didn’t know if it was possible to love and hate someone at the same time.

“Can we please just talk? Just for a minute, please.”

Letting out a loud sigh, I ran a hand through my already sleep-rumpled hair and stepped out of the way so she could come inside.

I couldn’t help but question how we’d gotten here. This girl, the love of my life, was standing in my living room, and her nervousness was practically palpable. And I could hardly bring myself to look at her.

I collapsed onto the couch and placed my head in my hands, waiting for her to talk, as she stood in front of me, fidgeting with her hands.

“What do you want to say?” I finally asked after she remained silent for too long.

She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Jeremy,” she finally began after several more seconds. “I know that what I did was horrible, and I’ve regretted my decision every day for the past seven years.” Her voice cracked as she spoke. “But you have to know that I didn’t do it to hurt you. I love you more than anything, baby, I swear. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

I couldn’t listen to her anymore. Every word she spoke was like a knife to the heart. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”