Risk (Gentry Boys #2) (7 page)

I sat down on the bed.  “So how are you, Ags?”

I could almost hear her shrugging.  “I’m great.  Maintaining my 4.0 and trying to stay out of trouble.” 

“Any boys worth talking about?”

“I’m sure if there was he would fall into the category of ‘trouble’.” 

I thought I detected an edge to her voice and remembered that Aggie had been horrified by what I’d done.  Augusta Lee wasn’t a girl who would find herself melting under any man’s rehearsed lines. She also didn’t think there was ever a good reason to lie down with another woman’s man, particularly when the other woman was the one who had given you life.  It didn’t matter how crappy a mother we were talking about or how young and stupid a girl was being.  Aggie was likely right about that. 

Will I be paying for that weakness forever?

My hand went to the nearly invisible line of scar tissue beneath my clothes and my heart lurched as my mind answered
Yes.
I would never really escape the choices I’d made.  That was the risk endured when a piece of the heart was cleaved off and sent out into the world.

“I miss you, Augusta.” 

My sister sighed.  I thought I heard a soft curse escape her lips.   “It’s not like I’ve been hiding from you, Truly.”  Her voice was cold.  In the year after I’d left her alone to see to the fates of the Lee women I hadn’t had much contact with any of them.  I was in the hell of my own making and it was all I could do to keep breathing.  But whenever I did resurface and pick up the phone, Aggie would beg for me to come back.  She even cried a few times and Augusta Lee hadn’t cried since a nail went clean through her foot when she was ten.  There were no tears in her voice now though.  There was only weariness.  And blame. 

I answered haltingly.  “I know, sweetie.”   It used to be so easy for us to talk.  Mia and Carrie would complain endlessly about how our late night chattering kept them awake.   

Aggie coughed.  “Look, I’ve got to go.  My study group is waiting for me to get back inside.  I am glad you called though.”

“We’ll talk more soon, right Ags?”

“Sure we will.”

My sister ended the call.  I dropped my phone on the floor, feeling more wretched than I had earlier.  How did it happen that people who shared such strong bonds became strangers?   Maybe if I’d told Aggie everything back then it would have made a difference.  She might have understood.  Maybe they all would have.  Or maybe not. 

At some point as I sat there fretting I realized I was twisting Creed’s shirt in my hands again.  I looked at it.  The shirt was covered in cat hair and was vaguely stretched out of shape from all the ways I’d handled it.  If Creed ever dropped by asking for it back I might have some explaining to do. 

CREED

This shit was over before it started. 

Three quick blows and the guy was already crawling around in the gravel with a string of bloody saliva running out of his mouth.  As I waited for him to rejoin the fight I was aware of many things. 

There was the vague sting of my knuckles and the howling blood lust of the crowd.   There was the sight of Gabe Hernandez greedily watching on the sidelines with a handful of stoic men who smelled of money.  There was the yawning blackness of a moonless sky over my head and the hot wind that had kicked up with sudden fury.

Finally and most importantly, there were my brothers standing nearby.   I could feel the silent strength coming from them.  It was this I chose to focus on. 

The man at my feet was still struggling to rise.  He coughed a few times and glanced sideways in fear, maybe believing I would do the coward’s thing and move in while he couldn’t catch his breath.  I just waited, mulling over how to finish this.  I knew it was better to make a show of it.  I knew this was what Gabe wanted me to do.  I also knew it was kinder to end it quickly. 

I looked to Chase and Cord.  They understood my silent question and nodded together. 

When the man finally staggered to his feet I pulled back and landed a swift hook under his chin.  His eyes rolled into his head and then he crumpled like tissue paper.  The crowd erupted and I bent over at the waist, trying to dispel the sick feeling.  It was the sensation that always overcame me when I inflicted pain on another human being; the fear that if I took even a little satisfaction from the act I would be traveling in the direction my violent blood always meant to take me.  It was what drove me to the bottle and to the furious black surrender of old memories.  It was fucking terrible.

  I felt a hand on my back and then another one.  I relaxed slightly and accepted a shirt to pull over my head. 

Chase squeezed my shoulder.  “You all right, Big C?”

Both of them stared at me soberly.  There was none of the jubilant celebration which usually followed a clean fight.  There was a good reason for that.  This wasn’t just a fight.  It was designed as bait for the high rollers to invest in something more violent. 

Gabe appeared and grinned at me coldly.  “Nice work.” 

In the background the beaten man was trying to regain his senses and stagger away.  Nobody paid him any mind.  The next fight was already starting.

“You knew it would be.” 

Gabe nodded vaguely.  “Yes.  My associates were impressed with your show of obvious power.  You need to learn how to endear the crowd though, Creed.  Make people want to root for you because they know a gruesome reward awaits.” 

“Fuck you,” Cord spat.   He had moved directly behind Gabe and was glaring at him with hatred.  

Gabe turned to look at him in surprise.  “Cordero, I didn’t see you there.  You know, I could have a spot for more than one Gentry-“

I didn’t let him finish.  I pushed into his chest until he had to take an unsteady step backwards, falling right into an equally furious Chase. 

Gabe glanced at the three of us in turn and the flash of fear I saw in his eyes almost made me laugh.  What the hell did that little rodent have to be afraid of?  He dealt in men’s blood the way others dealt in the goddamn stock market.  But he never had to really risk anything himself. 

After blinking at us stupidly for a full minute, Gabe pulled himself together.  He cleared his throat and looked at me pointedly. 

“We’ll be in touch, Creed.” 

“I know,” I answered and then let him pass. 

Cord glared after him angrily and Chase tried to nudge both of us to the exit.  “Let’s get the hell out of this insanity.” 

Chase wanted to drive and that was fine with me.  I slumped in the front seat with my arm slung over my eyes.  The boys were silent and I let the roar of the freeway fill my ears while wishing for calm. 

“So,” Chase said and I opened my eyes to see him trying to grin at me.  “You name the goal, Creedence.  Drinking, fucking, what’s your poison?”

I thought about it.  More than anything, I could use another dose of Truly.  It was after ten and she’d likely be getting off work right about now.  But I didn’t know how she’d take to me showing up and wanting another sex marathon.   Plus, I wasn’t sure if it would be enough to keep me out of the bottle.  I fucked shit up when I drank.  There wasn’t a good enough reason on earth to inflict that on her. 

Even thinking of Truly for a few brief seconds had stirred some action down below.  I pushed it away and instead gave in to the thoughts of hitting and being hit.  My fists clenched.  There was only one man on this earth I’d like to pound into pulp.  Sometimes I thought if I could just get that done then all the shit fucking with my mind would be gone.  Maybe then Cordero could dream in peace.  Maybe Chasyn could stop being hurt by the fact that no one living in that crappy trailer in Emblem could give a crumb of shit whether he lived or died. 

“Stop at Derry’s,” I demanded and Chase glanced at me with some sadness.  I heard Cord sigh in the backseat.  They wouldn’t try to stop me though, not as long as I stayed inside the apartment while I got myself into a black stupor before passing out on the floor.  Saylor would keep her distance and cover me with a blanket at some point.  Then tomorrow we’d all pretend it had never happened. 

Chase pulled the truck into the drive thru liquor place and a few minutes later handed me the one liter bottle of vodka I’d asked for.  I didn’t even wait until we were home before I started sucking it down. 

Saylor was there waiting for us.  Her eyes landed on me first and she smiled.  Her smile faded a bit when she saw the bottle in my hand. 

Cord quickly went over to put an arm around his girl.  He would never allow her to attend a fight.

“You okay?” she finally asked me. 

“I will be,” I muttered and took a long drink from the bottle as I pushed past her into the apartment. 

The rest of the night was an ugly blur.  Cord ushered Say into their bedroom so she wouldn’t have to watch me make an ass out of myself.  The guys settled down to quietly play video games and keep an eye on me while I sat outside on the dark patio and stared at nothing.

“Boy, you defy me again and neither of your brothers is gonna be sittin’ down for a month.”

Every time I heard the thick rasp of his voice in my head I took a drink.  Soon enough half the bottle was gone. 

“Shut the fuck up,” I grumbled, only vaguely aware that the slurred voice I was hearing belonged to me.  I took another drink to forget.  I should have known better by now.  It was impossible to forget.  I kept drinking until I couldn’t hear anything anymore. 

When strong arms tried to gently lift me off the concrete patio floor I lashed out, flailing. 

“Shush, Big C.  It’s all right.” 

I relaxed, leaning on Cord and Chase as they moved me indoors.  I saw the spinning interior of the apartment.  My belly was starting to revolt. 

“Sink,” I groaned, then yelled it.  “Sink!” 

My brothers got me over to the kitchen sink and held my head over it while I heaved the liquid contents of my stomach all over the stainless steel basin.   When I was finished, one of them, Chase I think, wiped my face with a paper towel and then they dragged me to my bedroom. 

I was on the bed, looking at the ceiling and trying to make sense out of it.  The sweat was pouring off me so I tore at my shirt, hearing the accidental rip of the fabric.  When I settled back onto the cool surface of the sheets I could hear Saylor’s voice in the next room.  Cord answered her but I couldn’t understand what either of them were talking about.  Dark shapes appeared in the doorway and I realized they were people.  I wanted them to leave and then when they left I was lonely. 

I awoke to the soft light of daybreak.  Someone had set a big glass of water next to my bed and I drank it eagerly, trying to wash away the foul taste in my mouth.  I searched my mind for memories of last night and didn’t find many gaps so I figured I hadn’t done anything too awful. 

My head ached though.  I wanted coffee. 

Even before I walked down the hall I knew no one else was awake yet.  Chase’s door was shut.  Cord and Say’s door was cracked open and I wondered if that was because of me, if they wanted to keep an ear out in case I’d gotten up in the night and started fighting half forgotten battles.  It had happened before. 

I saw them in bed together, her long brown hair spilling across the pillow, his face resting on her bare shoulder.  My brother frowned slightly in his sleep and then tightened his hold on Saylor before his face relaxed again. 

After gently closing their door I went to the kitchen and quietly started a pot of coffee.  My knuckles were slightly bruised from last night but it was nothing that wouldn’t fade in a day or two. 

About this hour one week ago I was waking up next to Truly.  I’d thought about her a lot since then and most of those thoughts were dirty.  That wasn’t how I was feeling now though.  I was thinking about how troubled she’d looked that morning.  Later on I wished I’d puzzled out a way to tell her, “Look baby, it’s okay to do something that makes you feel good.” 

If Truly were here now I would have liked to have a cup of coffee with her and just listen to her talk for a while.  I remembered what she said to me right after I told her I was just plain Creedence Gentry, forgetting she didn’t come from Emblem and wouldn’t understand what it mean to be part of my trashy family.  She gave me an answer anyway though, just before she drifted off to sleep. 

“Well, that’s a whole lot from what I can tell.” 

That got to me.  If she really thought there was more to me than muscle and a hard dick then I honestly couldn’t help but wonder why.  I wished I’d asked her.

Truly

“Call in sick,” Saylor said. 

“I can’t do that,” I told her over the phone, folding laundry as Dolly watched me.  “Anyway the game doesn’t even start until seven.” 

“Well, then tell Ed you need to go home early because you’ve got menstrual cramps.  Remember how much female anatomy freaks him out?”

I laughed.  I’d never bailed on work due to illness, whether it was real or invented.  Saylor’s offer was tempting though.  I’d been in a sour mood ever since the phone call with Aggie the other night.  Say had a bunch of free tickets to tonight’s football game at the university.  She and Cord were already going with her cousin Brayden and his girlfriend.  She seemed determined to drag me along too. 

“How’d you get all these free tickets again?”

“Chase works security up there.”  She paused.  “Creed does too.” 

“I see,” I said as my heart rate jumped. 

“You won’t even see him,” she said quickly.  “He’ll be off breaking up fights in the stands or whatever.” 

“I already told you I have no intention of avoiding Creed forever.  It’s fine, Saylor.” 

“Good.” I could hear the smile in her voice.  “Then you have no excuse.  Don’t you like football?” 

I loved football.  “Only when they hit a lot of home runs.” 

“Very funny.  We’re meeting up at Bray’s apartment at six.” 

“All right.  I’ll think of a lie to tell Ed about water retention and ovarian spasms.” 

Ed took my fake illness better than I thought he would, especially considering it was Saturday night.  A look crossed his face which was nearly paternal in nature. 

“Everything all right with you, Truly?”

“Fine, Ed.  It’s just…oh god, I need to take some Advil.”  I clutched my belly as if a sudden cramp had seized me.

He nodded absently.  “Go then.  Feel better.” 

That was as close to a friendly conversation as I’d ever had with my boss.  It made me feel slightly crappy for lying to his face. 

I stopped at home to change before heading over to Saylor’s cousin’s place.  Even though the jeans I was wearing might be more suitable to a sporting event, I found that I actually wanted to dress up a little.  I told myself it had nothing to do with the possibility of running into Creed.  Nothing at all. 

After slipping on a knee length maroon dress, I paused in the bathroom to do something about my makeup.  Stephanie was home for once.  I could hear her in her bedroom, pacing and yelling about point spreads.  It didn’t sound like a friendly conversation. 

I turned sideways in the mirror and ran my hands down the fabric of the dress.  Men had always looked at me.  I knew why; I’d bloomed early and had kept right on going.   For a while I used it when I needed to.  I wasn’t proud of that.  Perhaps that’s why these days I usually made an effort to go in the other direction and blend into the scenery.  I wasn’t sure if I knew how to find the middle ground.  But I did know how incredible it had felt when Creedence Gentry went crazy with passion and took me with him. 

Before I left the apartment I knocked on Stephanie’s door. 

“What?” she grumbled from the other side. 

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay, that’s all.” 

Stephanie opened the door a crack and leaned against the frame.  Her hair was a light honey color, curly and wild, while her face had a porcelain doll sort of wholesomeness that was at odds with her surly conduct.   

“You know what Truly?  Everyone’s a cocksucker.” 

“I’ll agree that the world has manufactured more than its fair share.”  I paused.  “Steph, are you in some kind of trouble?”

She smiled thinly.  “No.  I never get in trouble.  You look nice.  You should have a nice night.” Stephanie closed the door to signal she was done talking to me. 

As I drove the several blocks to the Palm Desert Apartments I began to feel rather cheered by the idea of being out in the world.  I needed more uncomplicated fun in my life. 

Brayden opened the door to his apartment and smiled at me.  He was a pleasant looking fellow with glasses and the same green eyes as his cousin.  “Hi Truly.  Come on in.  I’m glad Say talked you into joining us for the game.”   He noticed my dress.  “School colors and all.  Hey, do you want a piece of pizza?  We’ve got some slices remaining over there on the table.” 

“No thank you.”  I shook my head and followed Brayden inside. 

Saylor moved in, hugging me happily.  “You look awesome.  Is that another one of your handmade masterpieces?”

“Technically,” I muttered, somewhat embarrassed.  I’d always had a taste for vintage fashions.  The dress wasn’t as tight or flamboyant as the one I’d worn last week but it made me feel good to be out in it. 

When I caught sight of Cord standing on a chair in the living room, changing the light bulb in the ceiling fan, I did a double take.  For a second, he looked exactly like Creed.  Then as he stepped down I realized their differences.  Cord wasn’t quite as physically imposing and he wore a more open, friendly expression.

“Hey there,” he greeted me.  Say went to him, squeezing his waist.  He smiled down at her. 

When Brayden’s girlfriend Millie emerged, she was a vision.  She wore a basic cream-colored dress and her straight black hair was carefully draped over her left shoulder.  When I saw Brayden stare at her in appreciation as Saylor nuzzled Cord’s neck in the background, I became acutely aware that I was the odd one out in a room of couples. 

Brayden warned that we would be late for kickoff if we didn’t start to move so we packed together in his Camry and traveled the mile to campus.  Everywhere the streets were choked with game-bound pedestrians dripping in Arizona State colors.

Even after Brayden parked the car we still had quite a distance to walk to get to the stadium.  I was glad I’d worn flats.  I walked between Saylor and Millie while Bray and Cord hung back a little. 

“Hey,” Saylor called back to them, “you guys remember when we were in sixth grade and took a field trip up here to go to a game?”

“Hell yeah,” Cord answered.  “It was always a treat to break out of Emblem for a little while.” 

“Didn’t you get lost or something?” Brayden asked him.  “I remember Mrs. Zamboni standing in the middle of the bus and getting purple in the face while she shrieked bloody murder about Gentrys.” 

“That wasn’t my fault,” Cord laughed.  “Chase ate about sixteen hot dogs and got sick.  He blew chunks all over Creed’s shirt.  I kept throwing paper towels at them in the bathroom and warning them to hurry but they were too busy shoving each other and carrying on.  By the time we got out of there, the rest of you had already returned to the bus.  Creed had stuck his whole shirt in the sink to get Chase’s puke off.  Zamboni’s nostrils were flaring and she screamed ‘Creedence Gentry, are you dripping water everywhere?’  He just looked at her, totally deadpan, water pooling around his feet, and said, ‘No ma’am I’m not.’”

As soon as Cord uttered his brother’s name, I swiveled around.  He noticed and our eyes met for a second before I turned around again.  I wondered if Creed had said anything to him about me.  But maybe to Creed everything we’d done was just all in a day’s work and not even worth mentioning. 

Millie nudged my shoulder.  “I’m glad you came along,” she said, tossing her head back in the direction of the guys. Saylor had joined them and they were all laughing over memories.  Millie smiled.  “Sometimes I feel a little left out in the crowd of ex-Emblemers.” 

I smiled back.  “I can understand that.” 

Millie paused and studied me.  “So where are you from, Truly?  You have a distinctive southern lilt but I can’t place it.” 

“You have a good ear.  I grew up in eight different states so my speech is pretty much a blended cornucopia of the south.” 

“Do you like living in Arizona?”

“I do,” I answered truthfully.  Something about Millie demanded honesty.  “But sometimes I miss having a family.  I’ve been on my own a long time.” 

“Yes,” Millie nodded, “I understand.”  She glanced back to where Saylor, Brayden and Cord were howling with laughter.  “The nice thing is you can always forge a new family out of the people you’re lucky enough to find along the way.” 

By the time we reached the stadium gates the crowd energy was frenetic. I knew the team was supposed to be pretty good this year and they were playing one of their conference rivals tonight.  I was suddenly very happy not to be up to my elbows in fried chicken at Cluck This. 

There was so much humanity pouring through the gates it was tough not to get separated from the group.  Saylor linked her arm through mine and pulled me along.  We finally reached our seats just as the marching band was taking the field. 

We were in the student section.  It was nice because the surrounding crowd was extra pumped up.  However, standing on your seat throughout the course of the game was evidently a requirement. 

“Don’t they ever sit down?” I yelled to Saylor. 

Brayden heard me and turned around.  “No!” he laughed. 

At that moment the world erupted.  After a clean pass from the ASU quarterback, the wide receiver took a fifty-yard sprint down the field and scored the first touchdown of the game.  Everyone around me went bananas.  I actually found myself smiling like a fool, delighted to be in the middle of it all even though the guy next to me raised his arms above his head to advertise how little he cared for deodorant. 

The game moved quickly and before I knew it half time had been called.  I tagged along with Millie and Say on a trip to the rest room.  The line was long and I didn’t really need to go so I left them to wait in line while I idled on the concourse.  There were students everywhere, jostling one another and appearing uniformly carefree.  I envied them. 

I was leaning against a cool concrete wall, just absently watching people wander around when I saw Creed.  He was wearing a black polo shirt that said ‘Security’ on the back and was facing away, speaking to a petite redhead in a cheerleader uniform.  The way she smiled up at him made my heart hurt a little.  Then he shifted slightly and I realized I was wrong.  The man wasn’t Creed.  It was his brother, Chase. 

Chase smacked the girl lightly on the ass and she squealed.  I could tell from the way she glanced back that she liked him enormously.  Chase had already turned away though.  He walked over to the wall a few dozen feet away from where I stood and looked down over the railing at the ramps below. 

A pasty dude with orange hair approached him and Chase said something to him in a low voice. Then he withdrew something from his pocket and handed it over.  It looked like money.  The orange-haired man slipped an object into Chase’s palm in return.   He slapped Chase on the shoulder and slinked away. 

Whatever I’d just seen didn’t look good.  But I also figured it was none of my business so I turned my head.  The line to the bathroom looked longer than ever.  I could barely make out Saylor’s long brown hair just inside the door. 

When I looked back in Chase’s direction I saw him staring at me.  His eyes were guarded, almost cold.  I’d never seen Chase being anything more than cheerfully sarcastic so it threw me a little.  I figured he must have seen me watching him.  Still, I thought he would say hello or at least wave.  I was a little surprised when he just turned and walked deliberately in the other direction.

That didn’t jar me nearly as much as what happened next. 

“Tallulah Rae Lee,” said a low voice right next to my ear. 

I spun around and found myself looking up into the absurdly striking face of Creed Gentry.  The black polo shirt he wore was scarcely able to contain the breadth of his shoulders.  Creed was as big as any of the players on the field.  It occurred to me how stadium security had made a good hiring choice. I couldn’t imagine anyone would challenge him about anything.  

“Creed,” I breathed, suddenly unable to function properly.  I’d be damned if I would let him know that though.  “I thought I told you I don’t answer to that name.” 

Creed’s blue eyes were locked on me and he moved a step closer.  “You just did.” 

I swallowed.  He was so close.  So very very close.  I crossed my arms and kept my voice steady.  “So how have you been?”

A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “I’m good right now.” 

“Okay,” I answered lamely, “well that’s good then.  It’s good to be good.” 

Creed didn’t seem to notice I was suffering from temporary brain damage.  His eyes had left my face and were traveling slowly up and down my body.  The boy sure as shit wasn’t bashful about getting his message across. 

“I like your dress,” he said and it wasn’t just a mild compliment.  It was Creed’s way of saying that he would love nothing so much as to strip every stitch off my body.

“Thank you.”

“What are you doing after?” he asked. 

“After what?”

“After the game.” 

“Why?  Are you inviting me to do
you
?”

Creed raised his eyebrows.  “Is that an option?”

“You know,” I sputtered, “we go to my place and fuck like wildcats, you leave your shirt in the middle of my living room like some kind of taunting message and then I don’t hear a goddamn thing from you for a week.  Now you think-“