Risking It All: A Hellfire Riders MC Romance (The Motorcycle Clubs Book 14) (6 page)

His grin is wide and swift. “Lily—”

“No talking.” I give his cock a warning squeeze. “Only fucking.”

His response is a deep groan and a heavy pulse through his shaft. This is nothing like the first night, either. That was all about learning what he likes, but I’ve had a month to discover how his body responds to mine. I’ve learned that he loves to ride on the edge of pain. Not with teeth or fingernails or floggers, though he’s loved all that, too, but with arousal so keen it’s almost too painful to come—and too painful not to.

Backing across the mattress on my knees, I pull him onto the bed. God, that becomes a fight, too. When I push him onto his back and head for his cock, he grips my hips and tries to swing me around to straddle his face. Panting, I roll out of his grip, knowing that his mouth on my cunt will tear my control away.

This is only a hookup, and I always make sure my partners have a damn good time. So he just needs to lie back and let me make him come.

But Jack never just lies back. I kneel at his side and his big hand slides around the back of my thigh, waiting, waiting as I swallow his cock as deep as I can. A strangled noise rips from this chest. His hips jolt upward, his dick shoving into my throat, making me choke, but I love it, love his taste and his earthy smell and the tremble through his body as I draw back, my fist stroking behind the slick path of my lips. I love his cock, so thick and long and sensitive.

His body curls in as I take him again, his stomach flexing, each ridge of muscle standing in sharp relief. I flatten my palm over those ridges, feeling his bronzed skin quiver beneath my hand.

So fucking sexy.

And I just want to drive him wild. I want him to lose control, to grab my hair, to fuck my throat. Hungrily I suck, my tongue swirling. His big body shakes, his groans the tormented sounds of a dying man, but he doesn’t jerk against me again, doesn’t ram his dick past my lips.

He’s not losing control. He’s taking it.

Fighting me again.

His curled fingers slowly glide up the inside of my thigh. My skin prickles, goosebumps radiating outward from that light touch. I’m hyperaware of every millimeter his fingertips travel, though I try to push the sensation away, try to lose it in the salty taste of him against my tongue, the flavor of the precum that I lick from the tip of his dick.

Oh, but he’s teasing me, fingers digging into my flesh when I begin to pull away. His thumb traces the crease of my inner thigh, following the edge of my underwear. I shudder, my helpless moan muffled by the length of his cock.

His hand abruptly wraps around my lower thigh and he drags my left knee closer, forcing my legs apart. His fingers slide up again and tug aside the soaked crotch of my panties.

God. But if he thinks I’m going to stop, he’s so fucking wrong. Not even when he groans, slicking his fingers through my drenched inner lips. Not even when he circles my clit. Involuntarily my hips buck, seeking a rougher touch. Everything’s so slippery, so wet, there’s almost no friction.

Until he pushes two broad fingers into me.

With his cock lodged at the back of my throat, I whimper, a desperate note of pure pleasure. I love feeling Jack inside me. His fingers, his cock, his tongue. And when he begins to pump his hand, thrusting his fingers deep, all I want is for him to feel this same need. Moaning, I suck wildly, needing his response, needing his cum, needing to know that I’m not alone in all this. Needing Jack to love it as much.

But it’s too good, coming on me too fast. I cry out and shudder when his fingers slide out of my pussy to tease my clit before plunging into me again. God help me. I’m shaking, losing it.

On a gasping breath, I raise my head. I feel his fingers tighten, trying to catch me as I lurch forward, but my skin and his hand are slippery and he doesn’t get a good grip.

Swiftly I wriggle out of my panties. Condoms lay on the nightstand. I grab one and throw my leg over his hips, facing away from him in a good old cowgirl. In control again.

I sheathe his cock and sink down.

Not far. Just a few inches, my breath catching and my back arching as the fat head of his cock breaches my entrance. Oh, Jesus, that’s
so
good. Slick and hot, the flanged head is the thickest part of his long, deliciously thick cock, stretching my pussy to the limit. Moaning, I rise up again, sensitive tissues hugging that broad, flared crown before releasing him.

From behind me, rough hands take my hips in a hard grip, his fingers digging into my flesh.

“Fuck,
Lily.”

The curse is ragged, a half laugh, half moan. Jack knows exactly what I’m doing. He’s done this to me before—pinning my legs wide and slowly fucking into me, shallow, so shallow, pumping that thick flared ridge past the entrance to my pussy again and again, each thrust like striking a match to every aroused nerve crowding my delicate flesh, until I was begging, screaming, burning.

But I wasn’t the only one who burned. I saw the effort it took for Jack to maintain that shallow tease. I felt him shake, tasted his sweat, heard his tortured groans escaping through clenched teeth.

I intend to hear them again.

His fingers tighten as his cock fills the entrance to my pussy. He’s so strong, he could force me all the way down, but his powerful hands offer no resistance when my thighs flex and he slips out of my cunt’s tight grip.

His body shudders. “God, that’s beautiful. Tilt your ass up.”

So that he can see my pussy better. I lean forward, bracing my hands on his denim-covered thighs, then slowly take his cock again and again. I can’t see him, but I can hear him, his breathing harsh and stopping on every downstroke as if he’s praying that this will be the one where I take him all. Praying it will be. Praying it won’t. Because it feels good, so good, and I’m shaking all over again. Not even touching my clit. Just from the drag of his flared head across my aroused flesh.

“All of it.” Voice hoarse with need, Jack suddenly pleads for more, his body arching beneath me. “Christ and fuck, Lily, take all of it.”

Not yet. God, not yet. Each shallow thrust is torment, is heaven, and I didn’t mean to be caught up in this, too, but I can’t stop it, panting as I ride that thick cockhead, the muscles of my thighs on fire. I should have known. I saw what it did to him before, saw the blowback, and how it’s impossible for us to torture each other without torturing ourselves. Impossible to give him pleasure without taking my own.

And I’m not fighting him now. Instead I’m fighting this need, trying not to come and losing, losing. The orgasm starts deep, clenching my inner muscles, crushing the air from my chest before blasting outward on a scream. Overwhelmed, still fighting, I try to outrun it but Jack pushes deep inside me, abruptly jacking upright and holding me against his chest, my pussy clamping down on the full length of his cock. I writhe in his lap and can’t stop my “No…oh, no” when his fingers slide between my legs to gently flick my clit, and my entire body convulses from the burst of agonizing pleasure.

This isn’t in control.

No more,
I try to say but I can only stutter out a sobbing breath, then he’s tipping me forward, pushing me over onto my knees but now we’re at the edge of the bed and there’s nowhere to brace my hands.

Rough fingers tangle in my hair and Jack pulls me upright again, his cock deep inside me, his mouth against my ear.

“I told you, Lily.” His deep voice seems carved from stone.
“I’m not done.”

Oh, God. He begins to fuck me and I can’t get away, can’t reach for anything. I was wrong, so wrong. The orgasm wasn’t the blowback.

This is.

Because we’ve done all of this before. We’ve fought before. He’s held me immobile like this before, his cock a relentless piston, skin slapping skin. But the emotion filling me is new, and huge, and terrifying, yet when I try to scramble away from it, Jack hauls me back, grinding deep, and I can’t catch my breath. Shivers of pleasure intensify to quakes, and I try to lose myself in this need, but I can’t escape what’s chasing me down.

I love him.

No no
no
. I’ve never done that before. I don’t want it now but it’s here, squeezing at my chest like it’s trying to come out in words. I fight them but they’re too big, so when Jack angles his head over my shoulder and claims my mouth I throw myself into that ravenous kiss, my lips clinging to his, stopping the words before they slip out. Stopping everything, until there’s nothing but his big hand fisted in my hair, the carnal thrust of his cock, the slippery slide of his fingers over my clit. Nothing but the orgasm bearing down on me and Jack fucking me, fucking me, fucking me.

My back arches when it hits, his name a strangled cry from my lips. Groaning, Jack strokes my clit harder, makes me pay for the torture by wringing another orgasm from my clenching flesh, ecstasy crashing against need until I slump back against him, trembling.

And he’s still not done.

Slowly he swivels toward the center of the bed, where he lays me on my stomach and slides deep. I moan softly, my pussy swollen with arousal, my inner muscles clasping him tight. Gently he fucks me, one knee braced beside my thigh and the other pushing my opposite leg wide, his whole body moving against mine.

I can’t stop shaking. He’s taking all of me. His fingers slick over my clit, gathering my juices before dipping between the cleft of my ass. I cry out as his thumb pushes inside that tight passage, a protest that dies as the sensation flares through my sensitive flesh, making everything tighter, hotter.

“Come with me,” he says hoarsely, and I know I will, he’s not giving me a choice, and already I’m pushing up onto my hands and shoving back against his hand and his cock, trying to take him deeper, deeper. Frantically I grind my hips, my head hanging down, my hair a sweaty tangle swinging around my face with each wild thrust. I come all at once, my pussy clenching painfully hard, once, twice, and it’s all I have left but it’s enough. Jack groans and seems to stagger, his weight falling onto my back, his body stiffening and his cock pulsing against my inner walls.

Chest heaving, he lays heavily against me. I bury my face in the comforter and try to breathe, try to remember what life was like before this. I don’t think it was ever this good.

I don’t think it hurt so much.

His mouth presses against my shoulder, tasting my sweaty skin. “I won’t ever be done, Lily.”

Maybe not. I don’t know if that matters now.

Jack kisses my shoulder again, perhaps waiting for a reply, but I’m afraid that if I open my mouth I’ll just start crying or saying that I love him. I don’t know which would be worse. After a long second, he gently eases away from me, heading for the bathroom to discard the condom and wash his hands. In the past, I’d wait for him right here, and slip into his arms when he returned to bed.

This time I can’t.

I make it into the kitchen before the tears come and then I don’t know what to do. There’s nowhere to go. Just to the sink, where I can’t bear the sight of my swollen lips reflected in the darkened window. I’m well-fucked. Why isn’t it enough?

And why the hell didn’t I see this coming? I knew I was risking my heart. I knew it. But I had no idea what that really meant and I shouldn’t have been so stupid.

Maybe some people love in nice ways, all warm and giving. I’m not one of them. I’m not nice. I’m selfish and greedy and a thousand more nights won’t be enough. But if Jack’s just hooking up then every night is going to hurt more. And that has to be all he’s doing. I can count the number of people who have loved me on three fingers. Widowmaker, who was more like my father than my father was. Jenny and Anna—though honestly, calling our friendship ‘love’ is probably a stretch. We haven’t been friends that long. I’m just counting Jenny and Anna because I love them and I need that love to go both ways, even if it really doesn’t.

I need it to go both ways with Jack. But I know the odds.

I’m the girl to fuck. I’m not the one to love. And the ones who fuck me aren’t the ones who love me.

Jack fucks me like crazy. He says he’ll never be done. I can’t blame him. The sex is amazing. No one in their right mind would give it up.

I’m not in my right mind. I’m just a stupid dickhole who fell in love with a man who erases every trace of himself from my life each time he leaves. Tomorrow I won’t find anything of him here. Not even the used condom. He’ll just be gone until our next hookup.

But he’s taking little pieces of me with him every time—and he’s not giving me anything to fill the holes he’s leaving behind.

“Lily?” Behind me, Jack’s voice is tense. “You all right?”

My back stiffens. I didn’t hear him. He’s so quiet, I never hear him. But if there was ever a time I would have liked to be prepared, it’s standing naked in a kitchen with tears sliding down my cheeks.

I see him in the faint reflection. So beautiful, his short hair sticking up and his chest bare. All those demons. Maybe I should do the same. Put all the shit that hurts on my left side. My mom, my dad. But they’d be small. This is the moment that would be inked across every other inch.

My fingers grip the edge of the counter painfully tight. Holding myself up, just in case I can’t get through this.

Hoarsely I tell him, “I’m pulling out of our bet.”

He was already standing quietly, watching me, but as I speak his entire body seems to still.

“You’re doing what?”

The gravel in his voice scrapes right over my heart. “This is our last night. Just now, in my bedroom—that was our last time.”

I see him move and my neck tenses, but he’s only looking right and left, like a man waking from a dream and who doesn’t know where he is. “Why?”

God, what can I tell him?
I love you and I need more than this
?
Hooking up for five nights will shred my fucking heart?

Because this was never just a hookup. Even I can’t turn it into one. I tried.

Hot tears slip over my lashes as I close my eyes. “I just can’t anymore.”

And I shouldn’t have looked away. Because he’s so quiet, and so fast, and I’m not prepared when he swings me around and crowds in, his hands sliding up and fisting in my hair like he’s just going to take—