Risky is the New Safe (13 page)

If your ego is out of control and your purpose is simply “I want to get a Lamborghini,” you may approach that with passion because you really want that Lamborghini. But a purpose so superficial isn't really going to inspire you to the long-term success you're looking for.

As we'll discuss in the next act, purpose starts with getting your own needs met first. But as you grow, your purpose starts to be more about service. It still requires taking care of your own needs, but now your needs are about the joy that comes from serving others, the joy that comes from contribution. So it's selfish, but it's selfish in a very positive way.

We've been exploring this in depth throughout the book, so I won't belabor it here. You will find that the number of people who practice critical thinking is shockingly low. Let's go back to something fascinating that Dan Burrus discusses in
Flash Foresight
.

He relates the story of how the Baby Boomer generation has been aging and creating demands along the way. First, there weren't enough diaper services, then there weren't enough preschools and primary schools. Next, there weren't enough high schools and then universities. You've heard this story before, I'm sure, and you know how the boomers have impacted the world as they reached their thirties, forties, and fifties.
But here's the really fascinating part
. . . Not only was the market not prepared as they progressed through the decades, but it still isn't prepared! The elder care, retirement, and funeral industries don't yet have enough capacity for the onslaught of demand they are facing. The need is as predictable as the seasons, and they've had more than five decades to prepare, but most all of the industries that stand to benefit tremendously from the baby boomers are still not ready for it.

They are stuck in the model of reacting to demand instead of being critical thinkers and anticipating it.

Don't make the same mistake. Question the status quo. Use critical thinking and start playing the chess match a few moves ahead.

Another thing Hill discusses in
The Master Key to Riches
is cosmic habit force. In practical terms this means the daily habits that create your results.

Successful people are people in motion. They move a step closer to their dream daily. They are in action every day, even when they don't feel like it. This takes motivation.

Because I'm a professional speaker and I talk about success, people usually position me as a motivational speaker. As a result, I often get asked about the secrets of motivation. Here's what might be the most effective one:

Nothing inspires you more or causes you to motivate yourself more than actually seeing yourself getting closer to your dream. (Except when your dream is too timid and doesn't excite you. But that's another book . . .)

If you need to lose 60 pounds, working out at the gym isn't a lot of fun. But if you lose seven pounds the first week, you'll get excited. You start to believe your goal may be attainable. You exercise a little longer after getting the good news on the scale. Each week you make some more progress. Now you're actually increasing muscle and decreasing fat. Your metabolism goes up and weight starts to fall off faster. You get even more motivated and your incremental progress pulls you toward your goal.

Let's suppose you're deeply in debt. If you're like most people in this situation, you don't want to know the particulars and you deal with bills only as you have to. A better strategy would be taking a complete inventory of your obligations, seeing exactly where you are, and setting up a payoff schedule. The key is tracking the progress and seeing your debt get smaller every week. That progress keeps you motivated.

Let's suppose you're focused on building your net worth. One of the best things to do is have your accountant prepare a monthly financial statement for you. Whether you're trying to eliminate debt or create wealth, seeing regular progress toward your goal has the effect of pulling you toward it. This motivates you and leads us to . . .

When you're in continuous action and beginning to see incremental progress, you feel motivated. This is not external rah-rah motivation, but the very best kind: powerful motivation from within. This motivation helps you create self-discipline, and that drives the daily actions, which will take you where you want to go.

When you're motivated—moving forward and taking daily action—you harness your ego to produce the outcome you desire. This structure provides a guide for your ego, and it then works subconsciously to drive you toward your goals.

It's ironic that many people hate discipline because discipline creates freedom.

As a general rule, successful people work harder than others. They simply work more hours. But they also do something else: They manage what they do during those hours better than most. They have learned the difference between busywork and rainmaker activities. They practice self-discipline, keeping themselves focused on productive activities. They do this by making choices, which sometimes means making sacrifices. Because this much is certain:
If you want to reach a high level of success, there will be many things you will have to eliminate from your life
.

Some of the things you sacrifice are simply distractions. Some are pleasant diversions. And some are activities you actually love and wish to keep doing, but you will make a conscious choice to sacrifice them in deference to the main purpose in your life. You give up some things you want to get the things you
really want
.

Certainly we know successful people manage their time effectively, but there are a lot of other things they also manage well. And they do this through self-restraint.

It's all about the choices you make, the priorities you set, and deciding what is really important in terms of reaching your purpose in life. And the thing that really comes into play here is your energy. The secret to harnessing your ego is using self-control to transmute energy into a desired purpose.

People often complain about their energy level, like it was bestowed upon or withheld from them by some mystical external source. But, of course, you are in control of your energy. Successful people don't find energy. They know full well that it is created internally.

Your energy and vitality are a result of the choices you make.

By the food you eat (or don't), the rest you give yourself (or don't), the weight you carry around (or don't), and the vices you abstain from (or don't).

The process is both physical and mental. You increase your energy by abstaining from self-indulgence. And you improve your harmony and reasoning by shunning distractions and time wasters like worry, jealousy, and envy.

You may like ice cream, pizza, and pasta (like I do), but if you give in to those urges too often, physically you're going to be overweight, lethargic, and weak. Likewise, if you're throwing away your harmony with thoughts of revenge, hate, and jealousy, you're certainly not going to be focused on your next million-dollar idea. When you control your body and thoughts you will be calm, collected, and have the energy to tackle any challenge you face.

No discussion of harnessing ego and self-discipline and how they lead you to success would be complete without exploring the issue of channeling sexual energy.

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces on earth. In
Think and Grow Rich
, Napoleon Hill suggests that the reason most men don't reach higher levels of success until their fifties is because it takes them that long to harness their sexual energy.

As Woody Allen once famously said, “Even the worst orgasm I ever had was pretty good!” But if you have ever studied chi (life force), you know every time a male ejaculates, he depletes his chi. That is why practitioners of tantric sex often experience orgasm without ejaculation. For most people, abstinence is not required or even desirable. However, moderation and discernment can help you channel that energy into pursuits of excellence in other areas.

Just as was true with some of the other things we've discussed, there will be times you have to give up some habits you want to get what you really want. Moderation and self-restraint mean avoiding the unnecessary, practicing moderation in indulgences, and completely abstaining from the things that are actually harmful.

You're not that different from anyone else; you appreciate recognition and rewards. So another way to keep yourself focused on a positive path is to set benchmark goals with an appropriate reward for each one. That could mean anything from getting a massage when you finish writing a book chapter (as I'll be doing shortly) to buying yourself a Ferrari when you book a certain amount of new business.

We all need people who will call us on our stuff. It's only natural that as you work your way up the success ladder, your confidence will grow and you'll be pleased with who you are becoming. That's a good thing. High-level achievers are usually comfortable in their own skin.

But when you enjoy success after success and receive enough accolades, it's easy to go over to the dark side, so developing a support group is important. You need people who love you, want the highest good for you, and just as importantly, will tell you when you get off track. This means people you can check things out with and know that they will tell you the truth.

When you look at some of the people whose lives have run amok, like Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse, and so many others, it certainly appears that they did not have this kind of support group around them. They were all brilliant, artistic geniuses and achieved the highest levels of success in their profession, but they probably surrounded themselves with people who enabled everything they did. You can find this pattern of tortured genius in many different realms, and I've fought it myself many times. It happens when you don't surround yourself with people strong enough to confront you when they feel your future is threatened.

Even Ayn Rand, one of the most brilliant intellectuals of the last century, reached the end of her life with only a small, inner circle of devotees around her—having pushed away anyone who didn't agree with everything she said. I believe that lack of intellectual challenge hurt her.

The greatest gift you could ever give anyone is telling them the truth and being real for them. And the greatest gift you can receive from those closest to you is the same consideration.

This doesn't mean being negative, attacking people, or tearing them down. You've got to find people who will do it with love and for your highest good, and if you get two or three people in the world who you can trust, you're doing wonderful. If you find five or six, you're doing amazing. (And if you do find five or six, you have the opportunity to start a Mastermind group and experience all of the benefits such a group offers.)

If you create the right support group around you, this will greatly assist you in harnessing your ego in a powerful and positive way.

A balanced ego is always under the control of the individual. Either you control your ego or your ego controls you. If you're uncertain whether or not you are in control, the right support group will help you know the truth.

Harnessing your ego to create success is a process of connecting your conscious mind with your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind doesn't rationalize, analyze, or critique. It just does what it's programmed to do. But when the conscious mind isn't in alignment with your subconscious mind, you have a conflict. You have a conscious mind that might say something like, “I want to be a millionaire,” but you could have subconscious programming that money is bad or rich people are evil. When conflicts like these arise, the subconscious mind always wins! It can cause you to self-sabotage your own success. (And often does.)

To develop a healthy ego you must get your conscious and subconscious minds in alignment. To do this, it's helpful to see how you got out of alignment, then simply reverse-engineer the process.

If I have learned anything about success and prosperity, it is the process that causes people to create results. It's comprised of four very simple, but very profound truths:

There are three main sources for programming, most of it negative:

Most, if not all, of your core, foundational beliefs about prosperity were set before you reached 10 years of age. If your parents fought all the time, that created your belief about relationships. If your father cheated on your mother, that solidified your beliefs about marriage. And it's a very safe bet that most of the programming you received about money was the usual negative variety: money is bad, rich people are evil, you sell your soul for money, it's spiritual to be poor, and so on.

So what happens?

You think you want to be rich and successful, but on a subconscious level, you believe that rich people are bad. You apply for a better position, open a new business, or start after some other worthy goal. Your subconscious immediately kicks into gear to protect your ego. It tells you that you don't want to be one of those evil, mean rich people, so you better stop doing what you're doing right away. It causes you to change your actions, and you actually sabotage your own success.