Road to Reality (19 page)

Zoe was content to sit on Mac’s lap while another hand was dealt.  Only when she saw the queen that Mac was holding, she shivered and exclaimed, “The mean witch.”

Everyone found humor in it, except Mac, who groaned. “Thanks, Zoe.”

Zoe, oblivious to what she had said continued on, thinking Mac was happy with her announcement. “She’s a mean mommy.”

“Zoe,” Mac said, scowling. “You don’t say your mommy is mean. That’s not very nice.”

Not understanding what she did wrong, she put her bottom lip out and started to pout, her eyes filling with tears. “Not my mommy. My mommy is nice. Your mommy is mean. She makes my mommy mad. Then makes Mommy cry.”

Mac stilled, and the room became quiet. “What, Zoe? When did my mother make Mommy cry?  After dinner last weekend?”

“No.  After. When Mommy and I were home making fruit,” she said, reaching forward to run a tiny finger absently over one of Mac’s poker chips.

Mac was confused, until his mind drifted to Beth’s day off. Zoe had been eating a bowl of fruit when he stopped over after work. Beth
had
seemed awfully quiet that night but said she was tired, that she was fighting a bug or something. 

He went to stand up, only to have Lucas lay a hand on his arm and ask Zoe, “What did she say to make Mommy cry?”

Mac shot Lucas a warning look that he only ignored, pressing Zoe on. “Do you remember why Mommy got angry or cried, Zoe?”

With her head on Mac’s chest, she leaned down and picked up his cards to play with them, ignoring the chips for now, and started to chatter away without a care in the world. Or the fact that six sets of male eyes were watching. “She told Mommy to go away and Mommy got mad.  Then Mac’s mommy gave her a card.”

Heat he never felt before rushed up his neck and over his face while he fought not to storm up the stairs to find out exactly what happened.

But Lucas was watching him, and questioning Zoe like the lawyer he was. “A card, huh? Do you know what the card looked like?” he asked with a bright smile for Zoe.

“No. Mommy was mad. She never gets mad, but she ripped it up.  Little pieces everywhere. She didn’t even look at it first,” she said with a frown.

Lucas’s smile widened. “Good for her.”

Zoe continued on, “Mac’s mommy got mad and looked like a mean witch then,” she said, holding up the queen of hearts.  “But Mommy told her to leave, and she did.  Then Mommy cried and it scared me,” she said sadly. “I don’t like Mommy crying,” Zoe said as she turned her sad eyes on Mac’s face.

Mac was shaking, and he knew everyone at the table could see it. He went to stand up again, but this time Thomas stopped him, and calmly stated, “Not now, Mac.  She seemed fine, just let it go for now.”

“Zoe, come on, honey,” Beth called from the top of the stairs as she made her way down.  She looked around the room, full of solemn faces, then must have noticed the pile of chips in front of Jack and drew her own conclusion.  Joking, she said, “Really Jack, I never would have thought you were such a card shark.”

Smiles returned around the table.  She leaned down, and grabbed Zoe, but Mac pulled her forward by the back of her head, kissed her, and whispered against her lips, “I love you,” before letting her stand back up.

She smiled back softly, then leaned forward and gave him another kiss. “Love you, too.  See you later tonight.”

“Zoe,” Jack called out. He was the only one Zoe hadn’t warmed up to, but he still had a soft spot for her, everyone knew. “Who’s going to be the big winner tonight?”

Zoe paused, and looked around the room. Her bright blue eyes landed on Mac, but then she surprised everyone and said, “Thomas.”

“That’s my girl.  All these young ones think they know what they are doing,” he said eyeing Mac.  “But they’ve got a lot to learn.”

Mac made his way up the two flights of stairs hours later, wary and empty—not just his pockets, either.  Thomas had been right, it was best that he let it go for now.  There was no use causing a scene. Beth would have been embarrassed, and he was afraid she spent most of her life either embarrassed or ashamed of exactly what happened to her this week.  There seemed to be no escaping it for her, and he didn’t want to add to it, least of all right now.

He was pleased, though, when Zoe told him Beth ripped the card up without looking. That said something to him. Beth couldn’t be bought.  He must have meant more to her than any amount of money, and he couldn’t fight the feeling of pride that she was his, because not too many women would have done that. Not after a short three months. Maybe, just maybe she was finally starting to believe in him.

Undressed, he slid under the sheets next to her. Needing reassurance, he placed his arm around her chest and pulled her sleeping form closer.  She moaned slightly, pulled back a bit, and then snuggled back further as her breathing stayed level. Surprisingly, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

The next morning he woke at six, his body not caring that it was Sunday morning or that he only had about five hours of sleep.  He was still huddled against Beth’s back and soon his hand was roaming higher, up and over her breasts.  Her body started to shift closer, then a tiny moan escaped her lips.

He cupped her gently, applied more pressure before her body tensed and she pulled back. He stilled, not realizing he was rougher than normal.  But once she nestled back against him, he tried again.  Rolling over and opening her eyes, she smiled at him, then suddenly turned white as a ghost, jumped from the bed and ran to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. 

Sitting up fast, he wanted to go help her but decided to give her privacy when he heard her coughing in the bathroom the minute she slammed the door behind her. 

All of a sudden everything rushed through his mind at once.  The two milk episodes last weekend, how tired she had been lately, the flinching last night and just now when he touched her breasts.  He tried to think back, but couldn’t recall a little fact that he should have realized before today.

Hearing the toilet flush and the water running, he suspected she was done and waited for her return as he sat on the side of the bed.

“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me now.  I think I’ve been fighting some bug,” she explained, climbing back in bed and lying down.

Mac took a deep breath and returned to the same position he was in before she bolted from the bed, this time settling his hand over her stomach, completely tiny and flat.

“Beth?”

“Hmm.”

“When was the last time you had your period?”

He felt her freeze, and then relax for a second before she answered, “I’m not sure.  I’ve never been regular, why?”

She still didn’t get it.  “Were you sick at all during your pregnancy with Zoe?” His hand was gently rubbing her stomach now.

“No, why? I didn’t even know I was pregnant until a few weeks into the second trimester when my breasts...” She trailed off, jumped up out of bed again, and reached for her phone. “No,” she whispered.

“What are you doing?” he asked, watching her hand slide across the screen.

“Checking my calendar.” Her hand froze and her face turned white again. “We’ve used protection,” she pointed out.

“Nothing is hundred percent full proof.  When was the last time, Beth?” he asked her again, very gently.

“June twenty-first,” she said weakly.

He did the math.  “That’s about right.”

She started to hyperventilate, tears rolling down her cheeks.  “No, it can’t be. I can’t be, not twice. This can’t be happening twice. I’m just irregular,” she said, sitting back on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands.

He was holding her now, trying to calm her.  “Relax, Beth.  There is only one way to find out.” He stood up and pulled on some clothes.

“Where are you going?” she asked, wiping the tears from her face.

“To the store.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When he returned some twenty minutes later, he found her sitting in the same exact spot he had left her, visibly shaken. He remained calm and patiently handed the bag to her. “I bought two, just in case. Go use them now,” he said softly, urging her.

She stood on autopilot and walked to the bathroom to do as told. When she was done, she came back out and sat next to him on the bed.  He set the timer on his phone and they waited together while he held her and rubbed her back, trying to calm her down.  But she wouldn’t stop shaking.

When the alarm went off, he stood up and went to check.  Outside he was calm, but shaking himself on the inside.  Not out of fear, but of anticipation.  Picking both tests up, he took note of the same results.

She looked up when he stood in bathroom doorway smiling, both tests in his hand. 

She breathed a sigh of relief, a look of hope coming into her eyes. “Negative?”

“No, it seems we made more than fireworks that first night.”

He watched her drop her face into her hands again, her body trembling with sobs.  Not the reaction he was hoping for. He could understand, maybe, no he couldn’t. He wasn’t upset at all.

Moving back to the bed, he pulled her close, held her, hoping to reassure her. Her next words broke his heart. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. I thought it would be fine,” she wept.

Taking a deep breath, he put his hand under her chin, lifted her face and forced her to look at him. “There is nothing to be sorry about.  You didn’t do anything wrong. We made this child together and everything will be fine.” 

“I’m not trying to trap you. I’m really not.”

His blood ran cold. He knew what caused her to say that, but he couldn’t add to her heartache right now by letting her know he knew about his mother’s visit.  “You aren’t trapping me, Beth. I’m not mad. Do I look mad to you?  I’m happy.  It’s not what we planned, but I want this child. I want you, and I want Zoe. I have all along.  I’m not going to leave you,” he said urgently, desperately trying to get her to believe him.

She looked at him. He saw the hope that she wanted to believe him. But it wasn’t like she had anything to go on in her life. No man had ever been there for her, he knew. No man had ever really loved her. Except him. 

“I want to believe you, but I have a hard time believing after a few short months that you want Zoe and me to be part of your life. And now this baby.  What if you change your mind a year from now?”

“From what? That I didn’t love you anymore? Not happening, Beth. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you. I haven’t lied to you once, and I’m not now.  You can count on me.”

He held her through her silence. It hurt that she didn’t respond back, but he knew she was overwhelmed. He was too, but he wasn’t looking at it as a bad thing, rather, the best thing ever.  Now he could get her out of that tiny apartment and get her and Zoe here with him, where she belonged. It wasn’t the time to push that through.  He had to go slowly, but not too slow.

“Lie down and rest again. Try to get some sleep. Things will get better, I promise. You will see.” When he saw her lie back down he stood up, looked down at his clothes and realized he had been dressed for a run and decided to do that.

It was barely seven in the morning.  A quick glance at the monitor showed him Zoe was still sleeping soundly and he needed to think himself.

***

Forty minutes later on his way back home he passed by Brooke’s house and saw her coming down the driveway in her own running gear.  He stopped and knew from the look on her face that Lucas had told her about last night.

“Are you OK?” she asked, worried.

“No, but I will be.” It wasn’t the time to tell her about Beth.  That was another thing he had to deal with. However, after his run he came to the conclusion there was something else to be addressed first.

“Does Beth know?”

“No, I didn’t say anything. I’m not sure if or when I will. She needs to come to me with it.  For all intents and purposes she handled it, and I don’t want to embarrass her right now.  But it won’t happen again, I can tell you that much,” he said furiously.

Brooke eyed him warily.  She had never seen him mad before. Ever.  He always laughed things off, or shrugged them off.  Calm and cool like her, but with humor.  He was anything but calm or cool right now, and her uncertainty showed.  “What are you going to do?” she asked.

“Don’t worry about it.  Trust me when I say it’s over. Forever, when I’m done.”

She reached out and hugged him, which he returned and lifted her right off her feet.  Looking at her with concern he changed the subject. “Be careful running, you hear me?”

“Yes, Doctor,” she said, joking. “Now go home and shower, because you stink.”

He laughed and took off in a slow jog. Back home, back to Beth.

“Are you sure you need to go home so early?” Mac asked Beth the next morning. He was glad for the holiday and three-day weekend but hoped to spend this day with Beth and Zoe, too.

“Yes. I have a lot of chores to do, and I need to get Zoe situated at home.  It’s hard for her to leave here,” she explained.

“Then don’t go,” he said simply.

She sighed. “Mac, I need to think and I can’t do that here. I’m overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to go home and clean the house. Then I’m going to sort through Zoe’s clothes and see what she needs for fall.  I might take her shopping later. She’d like that, and there will be some good sales. The distraction will help in any case.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that she didn’t need to shop sales, and she didn’t need to go alone. But he didn’t. He didn’t push, even though he really wanted to. “As long as you don’t go home and think I’m going to leave you.  Because I’m not. And I’m going to keep telling you and showing you every day until you believe it.”

“I want to believe you,” she smiled sadly.

“Then do it,” he said, forcing a grin on his face, trying to lighten the mood, then leaned in and kissed her. “Don’t forget to make an appointment first thing tomorrow morning,” he reminded her.

“I won’t. I’ve got the doctor’s name in my bag. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

He had asked her yesterday if she had a doctor yet since she was new to the area. When she had said no, he wrote down the name of the facility that Brooke was a patient of, the one he felt was the best in the area. “If they can’t get you in this week, let me know and I’ll make a call and get you in myself.”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” she said, trying to pacify him, obviously.

“I wish you would let me go with you. I want to be there,” he added.

“Not this time, I need to go alone. Besides, they will know who you are. I’m sure you don’t want it broadcasted that you got someone pregnant,” she said lamely.

That was the final straw. “Listen. I’m not embarrassed, but I’m getting mad.  I’m not ashamed of you Beth, or that you’re pregnant. If I didn’t think you would bolt out the door right now I would drag you to the court house and marry you today.”

She stopped packing to look at him, stunned and alarmed, her eyes growing wide. “You don’t mean that, we haven’t even been together six months. How could you possibly want to marry me? Mac, let’s take a day at a time right now.”

He didn’t know what to do to get through to her.  She wanted a day at a time, fine, but he narrowed in on what she said and he was holding her to it. “So that’s the magic number, huh? Well, I’m holding you to it.”

He could wait that long, at least he thought he could. What was three more months? And he would use every bit of that time to convince her she belonged with him, her and Zoe.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” He changed the subject fast before she would question him again. “If you are done there, I’ll carry everything out for you.”

***

The minute Beth was out the door Mac changed his clothes and jumped in his car.  Maybe it was a good thing she decided to leave so early.  It gave him a chance to take care of the other issue.

Two and a half hours later he opened the back door to his parents’ home where Marie, the family’s longtime cook and housekeeper was currently baking.

“Mac,” she said cheerfully and walked over to give him a hug, knowing it would be returned. “What are you doing here? Did your parents know you were coming?”

He loved her, had often thought of her as his mother growing up.  Setting her back down on her feet, he forced a smile for her. “No. Is my mother home?”

“I don’t believe so. I think she went to lunch with one of her friends today, though your father is in his office,” she offered.

“Thanks,” he said, walking out of the kitchen.

“Mac,” Richard Malone said, looking up from his computer when his office door opened. It only took one look at Mac’s face for his father to ask, “What did she do?”

Mac walked in and shut the door behind him for privacy. “You don’t know?”

His father dropped his shoulders in defeat, waited a second and then answered, “Of course not, but I can guess.” He paused again, and sighed deeply. “I received an email from the bank last week regarding a transfer over our normal limit.  I just assumed your mother knew what was going on, so I ignored the email figuring we would talk when I came home. I’m ashamed to say I never logged into our account to check the exact amount,” he said, shaking his head remorsefully. “But when I came home and saw the amount, I had just presumed she entered the wrong figure by mistake during the transfer. Now I’m guessing it wasn’t a mistake at all.”

“How much was it?”

“I don’t think it really matters, Mac.  There is no reason for you to know at this point, is there?”

“I think I have a right to know how much my mother thought my happiness, or lack of it, was worth,” he replied, disgusted.

“Seventy-five thousand.  And since your mother was angry later that day when we talked on the phone—and the amount is still there—I deduced things didn’t go as planned.  And now that you are here, I figure that Beth told your mother to go to hell.” Richard raised an eyebrow.

“I guess, she hasn’t said a word to me. Since Beth is still with me, it seems so.  And that the check had been ripped up was another indication.”

“How do you know if she didn’t tell you?”

“Zoe spilled the beans without even knowing what she was saying. I always tell people to watch what they say around kids.  Beth doesn’t know that I know, and I would prefer to keep it that way.”

“I’ll deal with your mother,” he replied sadly, his face almost aging years right before Mac’s eyes. “It won’t happen again. I promise you that.”

“You’re right; it won’t, because I’ll deal with her. It’s time I’ve had my say. You can have yours after, but this is my life. She doesn’t have to agree with what I say, neither do you, but I’m saying it anyway. It’s ending now.” He didn’t even realize how much he was shaking with conviction as he addressed his father, how much all that anger had come rushing to the surface, threatening to explode. But his father’s astonished look was enough for him to rein it in slowly. It wasn’t his father he was mad at, after all.

“Of course,” Richard said, his monotone voice lowering a touch, sounding both defeated and woeful. “I will stand behind you with whatever you choose.  I ask that you give me time to make this right, or at least try.  Like I told Brooke a year ago, I have a lot of regrets in my life.  The biggest one was how you and she and were raised, and I’m trying to make up for it.  Mac,” he reached a hand toward him, then dropped it helplessly. “I’ve always been in your corner, even if I’ve never told you before.”

***

“Mackenzie, dear, what a pleasant surprise,” Paula said uneasily a short while later when she returned home. It wasn’t hard to miss his car in front of the house, so she had some forewarning, Mac thought with disgust.

“Is it?” he asked. They were seated in the living room, both him and his father looking decidedly ominous when they heard her enter the house.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, looking from her husband to her son, a touch of nervousness showing, Mac noted.

Mac looked at his mother as if she were a stranger. He never in a million years expected the lengths she would go to protect the image of the perfect family she worked so hard to build.  The perfect family that no one wanted but her and no one accepted but her. Nobody
cared
about but her.  He crossed his arms in front of his chest and pinned her with a glare. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about, and I don’t need to be treated disrespectfully in my own home. You were raised better than that,” she chided him, then looked toward his father for support, who hadn’t batted an eye.

It was the worst thing she could have possibly said to Mac. He stood up, and walked close to her, almost a foot taller, looking down at the woman who was supposed to have loved him unconditionally as a child. Instead she only loved herself and the idea of a being a mother. “I was raised better, huh?  That’s a joke if I ever heard one. Disrespected.  You don’t even know what that means,” he spit out.

He held his hand up when she started to speak, a look of disbelief crossing her face causing her to glance nervously toward her husband for help again, who only shook his head at her. Richard remained seated with his arms across his chest, looking as angry as Mac had ever seen his father. He was surprised to say the least, but pleased his father really was on his side and backing him.

“I’m going to say this once, and only once. You are never, ever to talk to Beth the way you did. You aren’t to ever disrespect her by even
thinking
, let alone saying, she isn’t good enough for me. You are going to accept her for who she is and the beautiful strong independent person she has made of herself.  I’ll be doing my damnedest to convince her to marry me, and hope I can be half the man that she and Zoe deserve.  If you can’t accept them, then that’s
your
problem, not hers and not mine. Because if you ever attempt anything like that again, ever whisper a negative word about either of them ever again, it will be the last you see of me. I can promise you that.”

Before Mac could make it to the door, Paula turned, furious, not a tear in her eye, and asked her husband, “Are you going to let him talk to me that way?”

Richard stood, walked over to her, also standing a foot taller. “If you don’t accept it, it’s not only going to be Mac that you don’t have to worry about seeing again.” He joined Mac at the door and they both walked out together.

***

“What do you think of this, Zoe?” Beth asked, holding up a pretty purple and pink striped sweater.  She had decided to take Zoe shopping after all. She needed to get out of the house and find a distraction for her confusing thoughts.

“Pretty,” Zoe agreed. But she walked over to another rack and tugged a different sweater down. “I like this better.”

Of course she did, it wasn’t on sale.  “Not today, honey.  Look at the ones on this rack for now.”

Zoe made her way over, only pouting slightly, then glanced back at the sweater she liked better. While Beth made her way through the racks, she noticed infant sleepers.  Drawn to a baby blue one with a little horse on the front, she thought of Mac and the child growing inside of her.  How would it feel to hold Mac’s son or daughter? She picked up the blue one and examined at it closer.

What would her and Mac’s child look like? Brown or blonde hair? Blue or whiskey-colored eyes?  She hoped dark hair, like Mac, and maybe blue eyes like her, a little of both of them.  She knew the child would be tall, that was a given.

She wanted to buy the blue sleeper so badly, but it wasn’t practical.  She didn’t know what she was having, so no use wasting money, however much it was on sale. At least not on a gender-specific piece. 

She set it back down and looked through a few more things for Zoe, picking them up and laying them over her arm for Zoe to try on.

Then she came across a more neutral mint green sleeper with a little yellow duck on the front.  Without a thought, she threw it over her arm and smiled.  It wouldn’t hurt to buy one thing.