ROAR (11 page)

He made a noncommittal grunt. “Why don’t we skip work and just eat?”

“No, I’m fine. Really!” The thought of postponing this project made her feel even sicker. She reached inside the back seat for her briefcase, bracing herself on the seat when another dizzy spell overcame her. She took several deep breaths, trying to clear her head, and grabbed the case.

He didn’t seem pleased with her decision to focus immediately on business, but Pamela wouldn’t let anything delay the delivery of the items they were ordering. She noticed his hands were empty. “Did you bring the papers from yesterday?”

He stared at her a moment before returning to his car for his legal pad and a folder. Cupping her by the elbow, he led her toward the entrance as though he thought she might collapse. Once seated inside, she leaned toward him. “I really am fine.”

“You’re overdoing it. Stress is a killer. Why don’t you listen to your body?”

She didn’t need a medical lesson, for goodness’ sake. “I did listen! When it told me I needed a nap, I took one.” She grinned at him, but he didn’t even crack a smile. Her stomach dropped as her pulse accelerated. He had the Dom stare down pat.

“Why don’t you skip the academy tonight?”

She lifted her eyebrows. “It’s only a six-week course. If I miss a night, who knows how far behind I’d fall?”

“Your health is more important.”

Clearly, he wasn’t going to let this go, so she picked up her menu to peruse the wide variety of Mediterranean dishes. Definitely nothing with starch. She should choose a protein to give her more energy. When the server returned with a pitcher of ice water, Pamela ordered rainbow trout with sides of tzatziki and grilled vegetables along with a spinach salad to provide more iron. That should do the trick. She really was starving.

After he placed his order of moussaka with a Greek salad, he met her gaze. “I’m happy to see you’re eating more today than yesterday.” That her eating habits were any of his concern surprised her, but she didn’t think many things got past his scrutiny.

Why not appease him? She smiled. “I promise to take another nap this afternoon if that will make you happy.”

“This isn’t about making me happy. It’s about having you make choices that will aid in your speedy recovery.”

Pamela shook out her cloth napkin and placed it on her lap. “If you only saw what I looked like a month ago…” Okay, that wasn’t what the man needed to hear. Time for a subject other than her physical well-being. “Why don’t we do a little research while we wait on our food?” She reached for her briefcase in the chair between them, but he placed his hand on hers. A warm tingling sensation raced up her arm and set her heart to pounding, and she pulled away. She must be hard up if her body had such a response to a married man.

“Let’s relax first, Pamela. There will be plenty of time to work after lunch.”

Easier said than done. One minute she was exhausted and the next needing to expend pent-up energy. “I won’t disappoint the staff at the hospital by sitting on my heels.”

“No one said you’d be shirking your duties by stopping long enough to have a meal. Are you always this driven?”

He didn’t ask as though he thought her inner drive was a good thing. “I have to be.” People counted on her. She had responsibilities. Was this some kind of double standard? “Aren’t you?”

“Touché, but I’m not recovering from a major illness.”

“It was a fever, and it’s gone! Would you care to take my temperature? I don’t know how else to assure you that I’m over it. And I’m not contagious anymore, either.”

He stared at her long and hard. “I’m not worried about catching anything. I just want you to start taking better care of yourself. Perhaps you ought to take some time to reconsider your priorities based on energy levels. Decide whether you continue trying to do it all or if, perhaps, you need to let one of the balls you’re juggling hit the ground.”

Before she could say more, their salads were served. Wishing to waste no more time on the topic of her well-being, she dove in immediately, partly to show him her robust appetite. Fortunately, she really was hungry and found the combination of veggies in her salad enticing.

But persistence was Kristoffer’s middle name. He picked up the conversation without missing a beat. “It sometimes helps me to make lists—pros and cons, 5-year and 10-year goals. What would you list as your number one goal for the next six months?”

She needed no time to consider her response. “Regain my pre-fever health status so that I can return to Afghanistan and complete my obligation to the organization.”

“Excellent. What comes after that?”

“Finalize our purchases and see the equipment delivered before I return to Kabul.”

“Glad to hear that, because this isn’t an activity that might lead to great loss of sleep—or skipped meals,” he said, as he raised his fork, almost like a toast, before eating another bite. “Where does the academy fall in your objectives?”

She hadn’t thought about it until now, but her training at the academy was the most selfish among her goals. Achieving the status of being a well-trained submissive wasn’t critical to her when compared with what was most important. She had time to focus on that later. Did it really matter if she completed the training by next month rather than six months or even a year from now? It wasn’t as if she’d be able to do anything with the new skills until after she’d finished her overseas assignment.

“You’ve given me a lot to think about. Sometimes I have tunnel vision and lose my ability to see the big picture. But ranking them in order of importance will help me come to the right decision to achieve what matters most to
me
.”

Pamela would give it more thought over the afternoon before making a decision. She’d go to the academy tonight—either to attend the classes or to let Master Anderson know she’d be dropping out and why.

Having someone—especially a man—make choices for her didn’t set well with her. However, Kristoffer had not tried to force, coerce her, or impose his will on her. Instead, through a few well-placed questions and directives, he’d opened her eyes to see what she’d been temporarily blinded to and did so in such a way she could retain her independence and autonomy.

Clever man.

Not just man. Another question now had been answered—Kristoffer Larson no doubt shared his cousin’s predilection as a Dominant. Those two were like Mendel’s peas in a pod.

The sudden desire to have a Dom take her under his wing—guiding and nurturing her while she focused on serving others—made her wistful. Would she ever find someone strong enough to earn her submission in that way?

Not if she couldn’t put herself out there at the academy and elsewhere. And it didn’t look as though her time there would last much longer.

P
amela tamped down the sense of dread looming over her as she made her way toward Master Anderson’s office before classes began. She’d called his receptionist earlier to schedule an appointment, knowing he was a busy man.

When her lethargy had lingered after lunch with Kristoffer, she knew what she had to do. No sense wasting the time of the instructors and trainers at the school another night.

Her conversation with Kristoffer had helped her see her priorities, though. If she didn’t rebuild her strength and endurance, she wouldn’t be able to complete her contract with the humanitarian aid group. Professional goals had always taken precedence for her since medical school.

Unfortunately, Kristoffer had witnessed her body trying to give her a wake-up call. She needed to pay closer attention and do a better job of self-care.

Of course, she’d also made a commitment to The Denver Academy. The thought of walking in to Master Anderson’s office almost made her sick. She hated disappointing anyone or falling short of a goal. The headmaster, trainers, and instructors had given her so much in such a short time. But to stay on—especially through tomorrow’s auction, which might be physically taxing—wouldn’t be fair to anyone.

If only her opportunity to attend this amazing training academy hadn’t been so ill-timed. But she was literally exhausted.

She knocked on the door of the headmaster. If ever there was a moment when she was expected to be honest and up front, it would be with him. She owed him her loyalty and respect—and to act responsibly.

Master Anderson asked her to come in. Standing from the leather executive chair behind his desk as she entered, he said, “Please, have a seat, Doctor Jeffrey.” He indicated the chair directly across from his gargantuan desk. After she sat, he did so as well.

He hadn’t instructed her to make eye contact, so she focused on her hands in her lap.

“How are you this evening?”

She couldn’t lie to him. “I’ll admit that I’ve had better days.”

“Look at me.”

Her stomach dropped as she slowly raised her head to meet his gaze. The concern in his intense green eyes resulted in another wave of guilt.

“Please explain.”

She swallowed. “I seem to be suffering from a bit of fatigue.”
Be honest with him!
“No, actually a
lot
of fatigue. Earlier today, I had a slight dizzy spell.”

“You do appear abnormally pale and tired. This concerns me because you were quite ill a couple of months ago.” Master Anderson’s voice tugged at her emotions. “Tell me what’s going on.”

She averted her gaze to her lap again, wishing she could evade his question as easily.

“Eyes.” Remembering he’d asked her to look directly at him, she corrected her lapse in protocol, albeit with reluctance.

“I asked you to explain what’s going on,” he reminded her. The power he exuded compelled her to respond without further hesitation.

She swallowed hard and tried to find the right words. “I’ve spent the hours following the dizzy spell weighing the consequences of continuing here at the academy versus leaving immediately…” Kristoffer’s suggestion of making lists had been a good one. Hers was clearly out of balance, much like her body’s circadian rhythm, it would seem.

“And your conclusion?” His voice brought her back to the present.

Stop thinking about Kristoffer. Focus!

First, she wanted him to know she’d truly thought she’d be able to keep up. “As you know, I was over the fever long before I applied here.”

He nodded. “Your application wouldn’t have been accepted if you posed any threat to others here.”

True
. Of course, they’d talked about this during her initial interview.
Move on!
“Since returning to the States, I’ve been working on rebuilding my body. After a couple of weeks, I felt great and thought I could take on the world. When I applied, I had no doubt I’d be able to complete what I started.”

“What has changed?”

“I recently took on an urgent project for Gunnar Larson to purchase much-needed equipment for the hospital where I worked in Afghanistan.”

He shook his head. “So you not only took on the demanding curriculum here six evenings a week, but also a project for Mister Larson as well.”

She nodded. “Normally, I can do three or four times as much!”
Not now
. Sheepishly, she continued, “I truly thought I could keep up with everything, Headmaster.”

“In your professional opinion, what led to the dizziness?”

“No doubt, it’s the direct result of skipping breakfast today. Plus, I over-taxed my body last night by missing the nap I always take before attending classes.” She’d been so anxious to work on the equipment project yesterday that the afternoon had flown by. When she looked at the clock, she barely was able to change clothes and make it to the academy on time last night.

“Why have you been depriving yourself of sleep and important meals?”

She glanced down, but corrected herself right away, looking at him again. Admitting failure or defeat—especially to a man—did not come easy for her. And Master Anderson was not only a man, but a Dom
and
her headmaster, each role making this moment exponentially harder on her.

But she owed him the truth. “I might have overestimated my ability to keep up with everything given my compromised health situation.” Her voice had diminished to barely more than a whisper.

“
Might
have?” He didn’t seem pleased at all. “Has Mister Larson been made aware of today’s dizzy spell?”

“Gunnar hasn’t…” At least,
she
hadn’t told him. “But his cousin Kristoffer knows. He was with me when it happened.”
Much to my embarrassment.

He raised his eyebrow slightly, prompting her to add, “He’s been working on Gunnar’s project with me.”

“I see…” Had he almost smiled just now? He and Kristoffer had stood side by side during the anatomy class demonstration. Had the headmaster been aware that Kristoffer had been unable to look away from her nude body or noticed the silent exchange between the two of them? No, surely not. Why would he possibly notice that?

“I’m pleased to hear
someone
is looking after you, Doctor Jeffrey,” he said, pointedly reminding her of her professional status. “How can you care for other people so well and do such a poor job in caring for yourself?”

She wanted to reiterate that she’d only skipped one meal and a nap, but remembered her training. “I have no excuse, Headmaster.”

He remained silent, making her uncomfortable under his intense stare, and she sat back in the chair to put some space between them. “Understand, Doctor Jeffrey, while you have a bright future as a submissive, pushing yourself beyond your physical or emotional limits is not wise. This is something we teach our students to avoid.”

She bit the inside of her lower lip, remembering that instruction on day one of classes. “Yes, I recall it well and take full responsibility for my lapse in good judgment.”

“I asked you earlier what conclusion you had come to about your continued presence at The Denver Academy.”

Oh, yeah
. She’d gotten a little off track.

This prestigious school could open doors for her in the community and give her credentials highly sought after by some of the best Doms in the world.

But she was so damned tired.