Roar For More (Online Shifter Dating Agency Romance) (7 page)

Chapter 8

After he had sent that text to Aubrey the night before, Jesse had felt cool and confident. Strength had returned to his tired limbs after the awful plate of broccoli, which he also had to thank Claire for, as she’d tracked it down so late. The shift into a tiger had drained his reserves more than he let on, but he had gone from feeling almost faint to developing clearer thought and vision. Though his limbs still ached, a fresh dose of clarity found him, but he was surprised to find that it did not only refer to his need to get well and help Aubrey on her mission. This clarity also caused him to recall the passionate kiss they had shared and how right it felt, and how if he had felt better at the time, he would have been happy just to be kissed by her regardless of what else she wished to do.

This girl held a special place in his mind already. He had never met anyone quite like her but, largely due to mental numbness, had failed to recognize how much of an impact her arrival had on his feelings. It was not just that he thought her beautiful, he also found her fascinating and intelligent, and even though she had only been gone for a few hours, it felt like something was missing.

Once again the acceptance came that a desire to be a one-woman man had found him, but now it came with a dilemma. Jesse had thought the woman from the Roar4More dating site —Yerbua—held that special place in his heart, and he had even been involved in another rather flirty online conversation with her when his senses had begun to return. Coming to as if out of a cloud, he realized then that he had denied how ill he was—plus he had denied how deeply his feelings for Aubrey had run in such a short time.

Suddenly everything that had happened seemed to strike him full on in the face. Aubrey was perfect for him; as passionate as she was smart and as kind. She was the perfect tonic for taming a reckless nature he felt the need to subdue at last, and they also shared a love of the outdoors and a hope that there would be a better place in society for shifters as the years moved on.

As tantalizing as this revelation was—was he in love with her? Is this what that felt like? It also proved to be a dual complication for his senses in that he had been thinking so assuredly that his destiny lay with the user of the Yerbua account, even though he barely knew her. This dilemma was not something to sit back on, he decided. He was meeting Aubrey the next day, and unless he was prepared to ignore his feelings for her, then he had to make a decision. Unkind as it felt, he accepted that he would have to break the online flirtation off with Yerbua if he wanted to pursue things with Aubrey. Surely every sensible person would agree that holding out for someone you have never met when there was someone perfect right in front of you was a foolish way to go.

It would feel unpleasant, but he finally reached the conclusion that he would definitely have to message his online friend and break off whatever it was they had—or might have had. Annoyingly, he’d spent more time flirting with her that very evening. If he had come round sooner, he would have avoided the whole exchange, but there was nothing to be done about that now. Having pestered her to meet up with him—at least up until that question about pumas had reminded him of his conversation with Aubrey and caused his mind to wander—the rejection would now feel like he was actually hurting someone, but on the other hand, it would be worse to let things linger and lead her on.

Jesse decided to sleep on the decision in case he thought differently in the morning, but his excitement at Aubrey’s pending arrival was so intoxicating that there was to be no change of mind.

There was, however, a change of nerve.

By the time he reached the Valley café the next day, all the coolness of the night before seemed to have left him. For the first time ever, he was about to try for a girl who mattered dearly to him, and for the first time in his life, he was nervous. In his mind they seemed like the perfect fit, but what if she did not agree? There’d been enough to be relatively certain that she was interested in him; after all, the passionate kiss she’d planted on him was clearly more than just a ‘thank-you for saving my life’. There was danger in presuming too much, however. What if she’d only been interested in a physical sense? Aubrey wouldn’t be the first woman keen to lust after his body in a wilderness of bestial love-making—and Jesse was certainly not the kind to think less of her for doing so.

So not only was he nervous about making any approach in the right manner, but he was also nervous she would turn him down. Attraction might not be a problem, but she was a city girl after all. A hiking trip had brought out some nostalgia for the great outdoors, but surely there was smarter, slicker and more financially-appealing husband material in Albuquerque for when she decided to look for a long-term partner.

Doubt and vulnerability were not factors he was used to dealing with as far as girls were concerned. He tried to tell himself that being significantly under the weather was part of a blow to his confidence, but deep down he knew this to be nonsense. His feelings for Aubrey were damned intimidating, and he was dreading getting it wrong at the same time as longing to look into those soft, delicate features again. Thinking of their kiss also gave him goose bumps, while the memory of her dripping chest pressed against his skin…

Let’s not even go there right now
, he said to himself and, desperate for some kind of task to occupy his mind, he took his cell phone out of his pocket and decided that now was the time to send that message to Yerbua. It was probably the only other subject that could distract his thoughts there and then because he felt so bad about it. Writing such a message was fraught with difficulty; how could he make it sound compassionate yet final? Regretful yet firm? Apologetic but certain?

In the end he concluded there was just no way of putting it without sounding harsh, and he didn’t know if not being able to see the disappointment on Yerbua’s face would be a blessing or not. Being able to imagine it might haunt him far more deeply. Twenty-four hours earlier he had been preparing for a way to seek her out, but now he was breaking the news that they would probably never correspond again and certainly never meet.

He settled with:
Dear Yerbua, my online friend who has fascinated me greatly and made me smile often. I’m very sorry to tell you that I may be pursuing love elsewhere instead
—
meaning not in the Internet world
—
and because I respect you too much to string you along I don’t want to keep it from you. Sorry to put it so bluntly after all our great chats. I wish you all the best. Take care - J2Oh

Having written the message, he spent a few moments with his thumb hanging over the send button, but looking up to see Aubrey walking into the diner brought him back to his senses, and he fired the heartbreaker away.

Standing to greet Aubrey, he found he was unable to decide whether embracing her was appropriate. They’d had an experience together after all, despite not getting along to start with, but indecision meant he just stood there with a stupid grin on his face wondering what
she
was going to do. Thankfully he got away with being weird on that occasion; Aubrey was clearly on a mission and keen to get back to business. She gently touched his arm and asked him how he was before sitting down and admitting she was famished.

“I think my body is still looking to replace the energy I lost in our trek yesterday,” she told him, once they were both seated.

“Same. Thanks again for your tip about the broccoli, by the way,” he said. “I’ll be honest, my coming along today might have been touch and go otherwise. It’s really made me feel quite a lot better.”

“Well, that would have been my fault for exhausting you so much. But don’t worry, Jesse; we’re going to solve this thing.”

“You mean you’re going to solve it and I’m there to catch you if you fall in again?”

“Oh, very funny,” she replied, laughing. “I can assure you your name will be going in my research papers for that alone. Now, what are we going to eat?”

The waitress was already beside them before Aubrey had a real chance to look through the menu, but she was adamant she would choose fast before letting her go away for another ten minutes.

True to her word, she quickly ordered a baked potato and Jesse, much to her surprise, ordered a salad.

“Jesse, what’s come over you?” she asked with great interest after the waitress had left—the waitress herself had looked at him strangely too.

“Let’s just say I’m beginning to realize the benefits of trying something new,” he told her. “I’ve been ordering the same thing off the menu for two years now. Guess you’re having something of an effect on me, Aubrey.”

“Well, I’m flattered,” she replied, smiling warmly if not a little teasingly. “Seriously, though, all I care about is that you get better. Otherwise you can eat what you like.”

Twenty-four hours previously, going on a trek with a vegetarian from the city had felt like a real drag. Never had he met anyone of whom his opinion had taken such a role reversal within such a short period of time, and he could not help reflect on how wrong he had been; he would not have changed a thing about Aubrey given the chance.

Taking the opportunity to visit the bathroom while they waited for their food, Jesse also decided he should think up some points of casual conversation so as to avoid sitting there with a stupid grin on his face for many more minutes.

With Jesse away temporarily, Aubrey remembered to check her phone to see what message had caused a telltale buzzing in her pocket as she entered the diner. She was still curious to learn what Marshall’s response to her expedition would be so far; on that issue there was still nothing returned, which was unusual for her superior—perhaps there had been some matter for great contemplation she had missed that he was now pursuing. This was not to say the message she received was of no interest, however, because it came from her Roar4More account and was surely from her online admirer.

After logging on to her profile, she read the message and discovered that for all his sincere advances in the past, J2Oh was now pursuing another relationship.

Occupied as Aubrey’s mind had been with finding a cure for the Cripple, the growing subplot in her life that would become its primary plot—if ever she was given the time for it—was her repressed pursuit of love. The message from J2Oh brought conflicting emotions. There was a certain amount of relief in light of her growing passion for Jesse; only yesterday she had planted the kind of kiss on him usually reserved for familiar lovers rather than first timers, and if anything was going to materialize between them, at least she would not have to be the one letting someone else down. In spite of that, J2Oh’s message surprised her. Just last night, he’d been flirting with her…at least that was how she had interpreted it. She couldn’t help but feel a little miffed, and there was certainly a sense of being strung along. J2Oh had been the one doing the chasing and it was difficult not to feel let down now that his so-called integrity had been so speedily diverted.

Additionally, there was the uncertainty of Jesse’s feelings for her that nagged away. While it was clear they were becoming firm friends and kindred spirits in their commitment to saving shifters from this nasty disease, did his feelings for her go far enough to suppose there might be something more there? She couldn’t be sure.

She knew she had to ask him eventually…but how?

At the same time, she wished she could find out what on earth had occurred to lead to J2Oh breaking things off so abruptly. Had her nervousness about meeting someone online held her back from winning the guy of her dreams? Aubrey had always been cautious about being groomed online—as seemed sensible—but she knew it was also the case that more and more people were meeting online and going on to form relationships, especially with shifters. There had been a veritable explosion of shifter dating sites in the last few years, and Roar4More was just one of many.

Perhaps she had been
too
cautious, and J2Oh had grown tired of waiting and decided to pursue another more willing woman he’d found on the site.

At times of disappointment, it was good to have compelling work objectives to occupy the mind, and Aubrey took comfort from Jesse’s return to the table. There was a plethora of minor tasks that demanded their attention, all of which would need to be overcome before they progressed towards the ultimate outcome of a cure for the Cripple…and a cure for Jesse.

As it turned out, the day’s tasks were to be more complicated than Aubrey had pictured, which became obvious when she asked Jesse about the keys they would need to retrieve from the water department.

“So we’ll be underway once we have those keys,” she said, as they tucked into their meal. “Do you know the person we need to speak to?”

“Er…I hadn’t mentioned it before now, but that issue is slightly problematic,” Jesse replied. “Don’t worry, though, we won’t let that stand in our way.”

“Problematic? How so?” she asked. “I can tell whoever has the keys that this is part of an important medical study.”

“It’s problematic,” he replied, “because of the individual in question. Mr. Simpson; head of the town’s water department.”

“Doesn’t he take his responsibilities seriously?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“How so?”

“The thing is—to put it bluntly—the man’s a major jerkoff. Sorry, there isn’t really a better choice of words as far as Mr. Simpson is concerned, but ask anyone in town. He’s pretty much famous for it round here. Every small community has to have one asshole, I guess.”