Rock Me : Wicked (10 page)

The weeks dragged
on as I went about my business, feeling like a mere shell of the person that I
once was. I hauled myself to work and back home. I forced myself to eat and
maintain my appearance. But that was about the extent of what I could manage.

The first few days
after I discovered that Alex was with another woman, I was in a hazy denial of
shock and numbness even though I knew it was over. I listened to his phone
messages and texts over and over, searching for some clue, some magic words
that would make it all go away.

Before Alex found
out that I
knew
, the messages were normal.

Hey Lena. I
guessed we missed each other last night. Call or text when you can.

Hey, we're
spending the day in Ohio today. Boring. We hit the road tonight. Heading to
Michigan. Wish you were here. Miss you.

I thought you'd
be home from work by now? No show tonight. Call me.

At some point,
Melissa must have told Tommy what happened. Alex had found out that he had been
busted. I could hear the sadness and desperation in Alex's voice. But nothing
he said could make it all go away.

Baby, I know I
fucked up real bad. I'm so sorry. Please, let's just talk about this.
There
was a long silent pause.
Lena, I love you. I just need to hear your voice
again.

Lena, please
don't give up on us
.
What can I do to make this better? I'd do anything
to show you how much I love you.Please give me another chance
.
Please give me another chance
.

As the days rolled
by, each new message seemed to get more hopeless than the last. Eventually, Alex
stopped leaving messages for me. I had begun deleting the messages before
reading or listening to them because they just renewed the pain all over again.
Still, my heart sunk a little further into despair when they stopped coming
altogether. I even had to stop listening to the radio, because hearing a Cold
Fusion song would have me crying like a baby.

The only thing I couldn't
bring myself to erase was our picture together. I think I knew that once I
erased that picture, there would be no turning back for my heart. Alex would be
dead and gone to me. And that thought spiraled me into panic.

Over the weeks, I
had heard snippets of news about Alex through Melissa. She was reluctant to
tell me anything because it always left me in tears, but always a glutton for
punishment, I begged her for any news.

She had texted back
and forth with Tommy. According to Tommy, Alex sounded just as miserable as I
felt, which gave me some small consolation. Tommy was adamant that Alex had
never cheated on me before, and that the horrifying night I had walked in on
him had been a terrible drunken mistake. It was a mistake that I was paying for
over and over with my broken heart.

I was at work when
I got the confirmation e-mail for the flight I had booked to Houston. My head
dropped to my arms as I started to cry.

That's how Melissa
found me when she stopped by cubicle. "Evie, are you okay?"

I lifted my head
and pointed to the e-mail. "Tell me it would be a big mistake for me to
go."

Melissa raised an
eyebrow. "You're thinking of going?"

I wiped at the
tears on my cheeks. "I don’t know anymore. I'm so confused. I think I need
some kind of closure. You should talk me out of it. It's insane." I looked
at her pleadingly.

She sank into my
extra chair. "Okay. You know - once a cheater, always a cheater. And you
deserve better than that."

I nodded.
"You're right. How could I ever trust him again?"

She agreed.
"You couldn't. And he's not in an easy situation to remain faithful. I'm
not excusing his behavior, just making sure you know the score."

I sighed heavily.
"Yeah. He's a fucking rock star."

We both laughed.
Melissa looked at me. "Oh, Evie. You're going to go, aren't you?"

I closed my eyes.
"Yeah. I think so. I still love him, despite all that he's done."

She seemed to
understand. "Are you going to let him know that you're coming to see him?"

"I should
after the last disaster, but I think I'll just show up. I'm really scared
though. Will you come with me?" My stomach was churning with nerves, doubting
the wisdom of my decision.

"I don’t
think so." She shook her head. "You two need to figure this thing out
on your own. And I'd just be in the way. As much as I'd like to go down there
and kick Tommy's ass, I don’t think it would be a good idea. But you could call
me anytime you needed to talk."

I was disappointed,
but I understood. I really did need to do this on my own. "I have to
figure out if I can give Alex another chance. And if I can accept his whole
lifestyle. Am I a weak person for wanting him so badly that I'd overlook his
cheating?"

Melissa laughed.
"Instead of weak, maybe you’d be a strong person for forgiving him? Maybe
you'd be really brave to risk your heart again? Maybe you're just insane."

She always made me
feel better. "I think you finally figured me out. I know I'm crazy. Thanks
Melissa, for listening to all my crap. I guess I better start packing."

––––––––

★★★

Despite the hot
humid air in the Houston Center, I shivered as the thousands of people packed
around me started screaming in anticipation. I had paid a hefty price to sit in
decent seats at the center, so that I could see Alex before he knew I was in
town. I was still pretty mixed up about what I was doing.

The spotlights
flashed as Tommy took stage and banged on his drums for a few moments, to the
delight of the fans. Next Nick came out, looking as cool and mysterious as
ever. The girls around me were screaming out Nick's name as he picked up his
bass guitar. I held my breath in anticipation. My heart was beating thunderously
in my chest.

Alex came out on
stage and picked up his guitar, playing a few riffs. The crowd was cheering
wildly, but I blocked it all out. My eyes devoured Alex, watching his every
move, searching his every expression. My heart ached at how good he looked - so
confident and sexy on stage.

Tyler came out and
greeted the crowd to wild cheers, but my eyes never left Alex. He strummed a
few chords and the crowd went crazy as it recognized the popular song. I was
jostled by enthusiastic fans around me while they danced to the music as the
band jammed to the hit song.

The first song
wasn't even over when I realized I had the answer I had been searching for when
I decided to come watch him perform. My breath caught as I realized how
achingly beautiful he was on stage and I knew I needed to give him another
chance. I didn't want to give up on our love so easily. Maybe I
could
live without him.
But I didn't want to
.

The set was flying
by and I was starting to get more and more nervous with the thought of seeing
him.
What if he had given up on us?
Now that I had decided I wanted to
repair our relationship, terrifying doubts and insecurities started to assail
me.
What if he had already moved on to someone else?
I started to sweat,
feeling slightly nauseous. I fanned myself as the crowd pushed against me.

The song ended to
loud cheers. Tyler approached the microphone and worked the enthusiastic crowd.
"It's great to be home, Houston."

When the applause
settled down, Tyler continued, "Ya'll are going to recognize this next
tune, even if it isn't one of ours. Alex is missing his girl tonight, so this
one goes out to Lena, wherever she is tonight."

Alex moved to his
microphone and started strumming his guitar. It took me a few moments to
recognize the song, "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down. Alex began
singing lead as he played guitar. The haunting lyrics pierced me straight to my
soul. I could hear the emotion in Alex's voice, and amazingly, even the emotion
in his guitar playing.

Tears stung my
eyes as I watched him pour his heart out on the stage. Any doubts I had about
his love for me, any fears that he had moved on without me, all faded away. If
I could have made it up onto the stage and jumped him, I probably would have. Instead,
I absorbed the quintessential moment as everything fell into place for me.

I finally took a
breath when the song ended. I watched Alex step back from the microphone and
walk to the back of the stage. He took a drink of something, as he seemed to
compose himself.

Tyler stepped up
to the mic again. "Thanks so much Houston. We've had a great time here
tonight. We're gonna close tonight with 'Here To Stay'."

The band started
playing their last song. I didn't stay to listen; I was already trying to make
my way through the tight crowd towards the left side of the stage where Alex
was playing.

I elbowed and
squeezed my way halfway to the stage before the song ended and the band walked
off the stage. After another five minutes of work, I finally made my way to the
side of the huge crowd.
Now, where the hell was I going and how was I going
to get backstage?

It took me at
least ten minutes of wandering around to figure out the layout. It was much
more complicated than the outdoor amphitheater set-ups where I had been
backstage before. I slipped through a few chained off areas and remembered
Melissa's advice, to act like I belonged.

It took about
thirty seconds to get stopped by a security guard. "You can't go back
there, miss."

Oh shit, now
what?
"You have to let me back there. I need to see Alex."

He didn't even
blink an eye. "That's what they all say."

"But, I'm his
girlfriend!" I tried to sound authoritative, but it didn't seem to work.

"Sure you
are. Then why didn't your boyfriend give you a pass?" He sounded so smug.

I smiled sweetly.
"Because I'm trying to surprise him. I came all the way from New Jersey to
surprise him."

He actually
smirked. "That's a very inventive story. Haven't heard that one
before."

I was wasting so
much time. I needed to get to Alex before he left. "Please! Oh God, what
if I show you my boobs?"

"I wouldn't
mind that, but its still not going to get you backstage." He checked his
wristwatch, like he was bored with me.

He was maddening.
God,
I needed Melissa right now
.

I tried again.
"What if I told you that my car keys were back there and I was feeling
sick and I needed my car keys to get home?"

He rolled his
eyes. "You girls are all crazy."

I felt like
screaming. "Can you at least tell me where they're going to party after
the show?"

He shook his head.
"No. And if you don't leave, I'm going to have to get you escorted off the
property. And I really don't want to have to do that."

I was panicking. I
really hadn't thought this through very well. I backed away from the guard. I
moved far enough away so that I was out of his sight and sat down on the ground.
I pulled out my phone and swallowed down my mounting nerves. I called Alex. No
answer. I waited a few minutes and tried again. Straight to voicemail. What if
he didn't even have his phone with him? What if...

I took a deep
breath and texted Melissa.

Lena: Are you
there? I need your help!!!!

Melissa: What's
going on?

Lena: I'm at the
show and I can't get backstage. What am I going to do? I'm freaking out

Melissa: Calm down

Lena: What if I
miss him? What if I don't see him?

Melissa: Did you
call him?

Lena: He's not
answering

Melissa: Did you
try talking to the guard? To let you backstage?

Lena: He won't
budge

Melissa: Did you
show some skin?

Lena: Nothing is
working. Help!

Melissa: Ok, let
me see if I can get through to Tommy. Give me a couple of minutes...

It felt like hours
that I sat there staring at the phone. Finally, a new message from Melissa came
through.

Melissa: Got him!
He's coming to find you. Hang out near the guard. Good luck!!

Lena: OMG thank you!
UR the best!!

I stood up and
warily approached the guard.

He looked annoyed.
"You again? Look miss -"

I held up my hand.
"I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to wait here for my friend.
He's in the band. He's coming to get me."

The guard rolled
his eyes again.

I stood there for
at least ten minutes waiting for Tommy, getting more and more nervous. My
imagination was running away with me - maybe Alex found out I was here and
didn't want to see me. Maybe Tommy got distracted and forgot about me. The
security guard watched my nervous pacing as the time ticked away.

"Evie-Lena."
Tommy sauntered over and threw his arm around me. "I'm happy to see you.
Alex's been a fucking mess." He turned to the guard, "She's with
me."

After all his
smugness, the guard merely shrugged and let me pass.

Tommy led me
through the back halls. I could hear the sound of partying, as we got closer to
the band's dressing room.

My footsteps
faltered as we approached the door. "I'm really nervous about this."

Tommy stopped and
turned toward me. "Are you here to dump him for good or to try to work
things out?"

"I'm not sure
yet." I really didn't want to discuss the situation with Tommy. But
dumping Alex was the last thing that I wanted.

My eyes
immediately scanned the room for Alex as we entered. I stood in the doorway
searching for him, but he wasn't there. Disappointed, I took a deep breath.
Nick spotted me and then elbowed Tyler.

After a long
pause, Tyler walked over to talk to me. "Alex should be back in a few. He
found a ride home tonight, so he went to the bus to pack his bags. He didn't
know you were coming, I take it?"