Rock Radio (17 page)

“Dana...I’ve wanted to call you for weeks now.”

“But you didn’t,” her voice was terse.

“No, I didn’t and for that I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for a lot of things.  Look, I’ve missed you.”

Her emotions were swirling.  She hated to admit it, but hearing his voice brought a strange comfort.  It felt like home.  It also felt like a kick in the gut.  “A lot of time has passed Sam.  You left me.”

“I left us Dana,” he paused, taking a deep breath.  “I screwed up.  I couldn’t handle how I felt about you and I freaked out.”

“What’s your point, Sam?” she said coldly.

“Can I see you?”

“What?”

“I don’t want to do this on the phone.  I think we should talk.  Can I see you?”

Dana inhaled sharply.  “I don’t know,” she answered truthfully.  She was finally pulling out of this funk, she didn’t want to get hurt again.

“Please,” he implored.  She could hear the desperation in his voice.  Memories flashed in front of her of their life together...Thursday nights curled on the couch watching
Seinfeld
, weekend walks on the beach, how happy she felt waking up next to him.

“Sam...”

“Give me an hour of your time.  Please.”

She thought he was going to be the one.  But he hurt her.

“I don’t know.”

“One hour is all I ask.  Dana, please.”  She had seen their life together.  The picket fence...the kids...

“Just one hour,” she whispered.

“Can you meet me at Ivy’s Grill at eleven?”

She closed her eyes.  “Yes.”

*

Dana dressed quickly in her favorite jeans and a soft pink off the shoulder shirt.  She brushed her damp dark hair so it hung loosely around her shoulders.  What the hell was she doing?  Sam broke her heart.  And she was supposed to meet Cody. 
Cody
.  Just thinking his name made her heart jump.  Those eyes, that kiss.

But Cody was a stranger, a lead singer in a band.  Where could that ever go anyway?  He would never want to settle down. 
Settle down?
  She was getting so far ahead of herself.  He was in a band, she reminded herself again.  He’s probably got a girl in every city.  Making girls feel special was probably a career for him...maybe she was just going to be another notch in his belt.  Screw the Miami deejay:  check.  She shook her head.

But something nagged inside of her.  That kiss felt so real. 
Snap out of it Dana
, she chided herself,
it’s almost time to meet Sam
.

She felt something, but couldn’t decide if it was relief or regret.

Jonny’s Sunday was starting like Dana’s.  Complicated.  His wife Jill seemed distant.

“Baby,” he said, finding her in the kitchen eating buttered popcorn out of the microwave bag.  She wore an oversized pair of shorts and an old t-shirt, her hair was pulled back messily.  He changed gears momentarily.  “Didn’t we just have lunch?”

“What?” she spat, pulling another handful of popcorn from the bag.  “You’re afraid I’ll put on
more
weight?”

Jonny backed off.  “No, I didn’t mean...”

“I know what you mean.  I saw the way you looked at that girl...Heather?  Is that her name?”

He shifted uncomfortably.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do.”  Jill took in the way Jonny looked at her with distaste.

“Are you jealous of her Jill?” he said sarcastically.

“Why?  Should I be?  Are you sleeping with her?”

“No,” he said defensively, turning away.

“Oh God.”  Jill didn’t miss his much too rapid response.  She just threw that statement out there, not really thinking it was so, but Jonny answered too quickly.  She saw a flash of fear in his eyes.  “You are!” she yelled.

“Jill,” Jonny approached her.

“Stay away from me!”  She backed away, looking at him in horror.  “You’re cheating with her aren’t you?”

Jonny took a moment to compose himself.  “Jill,” he said evenly, “I’m not having an affair.”  He pulled her face up so her eyes met his.  “I promise.”

Her eyes filled with tears.  “I don’t believe you.”

“Jill, I swear it’s true.  I love you.”  He did not break eye contact.

Jill didn’t know what to believe.

Jonny didn’t give up.  He pulled Jill close to him and embraced her.  He truly did love her.  He didn’t know why he did what he did. 
Power, thrills, Heather’s tight body. 
He did know that he didn’t want to be without her.  “Jilly, I love you.  You’ve been with me through it all, I wouldn’t do that to you...”

“You already did with that Candy or Cindy or whatever her freakin’ name was,” she said pulling back.

“That wasn’t an affair.  I told you that.  It was a kiss that meant nothing at all.  I love you Jill...I always have and I always will.  I love you.”

He felt Jill’s body soften.

“Remember our days in Georgia,” he said, knowing the fond memories of the past would help to heal this situation.  “The days when we’d eat barbecue every night of the week from that place?  What was its name?”  Jonny knew the name.  He just wanted to get Jill on memory lane.

“Mama’s Kitchen.”

“That’s right, Mama’s Kitchen.  They probably miss us.  I think we were supporting them.”

Jill felt safe in Jonny’s arms.  She didn’t know what to believe.  She did know he was trying to distract her, but he also seemed like he cared for her.  Didn’t he?
              “No smile?” he said stroking her hair, “I thought that was funny.”

“Jonny...”

He hugged her tightly.  “I know Jill.”  He bent down and kissed her forehead.  “I love you.  I do.”

Jill didn’t answer.

Jonny realized he needed to do something about this Heather situation...and fast.

Dana arrived at Ivy’s ten minutes late on purpose.  She didn’t want to get there before Sam.  If he didn’t show, she wouldn’t be able to bear it.

She pulled into the parking lot and saw his familiar silver Lexus.  Sam was here.  She pulled into a spot and took a moment to compose herself.  What did he really want?  What did she want?

She pulled down the mirror on her visor and studied her appearance.  Her green eyes looked sad.  Dana sighed.  It was now or never.  A quick reapply of lipstick, a deep breath and she was ready.

Sam was sitting in a booth in the back of the restaurant and jumped up when she walked through the door.  His dirty blond hair was shorter than she remembered.  He wore a hunter green shirt, khaki pants and a woven brown leather belt.  Boat shoes peeked out from his pants.  He looked polished, Mr. GQ.

For a moment she regretted her casual choice of clothing, but then she reminded herself, he left her.  Dana wasn’t looking to win him back.  She didn’t know what she was looking for.  Maybe just answers.

“Dana,” Sam said crossing the room toward her.  He embraced her clumsily.  The touch of his skin felt familiar and foreign all at the same time.

He led her to the booth.  They sat across from each other in silence for what felt like forever.  It was probably only seconds.

“So this is awkward...” he began, forcing a smile.

She didn’t take the bait, this was his idea, he could lead.

He reached across the table for her hand
, she recoiled.  “Dana, I am so sorry.  I’ve never been in a serious relationship like this.  I freaked out.  I have no other explanation.”

“You didn’t freak out, you left.”

“I know.  I have no idea why I handled it that way, it was a huge mistake...leaving you was too.  I miss you.”

“Sam...” Dana’s eyes filled with tears.  She didn’t know what to think.  She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone, but he had hurt her just as deeply.  “I don’t know what to think...”

“All I’ve done is think.  We had something really good together.  I got jealous of your job...so stupid of me.”  He touched the top of her hand.

“But my job isn’t changing...”

“I know, but maybe one day....”  He took a deep breath, “Dana, I’m close to making partner at the firm.  Think of what that means for our future.”

Our future.  He hit a nerve.  “Sam...what are you saying...?”  Things were moving too fast, one minute he was gone from her life, the next he’s long term?

His warm brown eyes crinkled at the corners.  “I’m saying I want us to have a life together.  What’s the point of it all if I don’t have anyone to share it with?”  He squeezed her hand.  “Let’s try again.  I’ll do better this time.”

“But nothing has changed from when you left.  I don’t understand.”  Tears spilled from her eyes.

“I’ve changed.  Being without you was a rude awakening.  I didn’t realize how lucky I was.”

His voice sounded warm and sincere, but she wasn’t softening.  “And now you do?”

“Yes...let me make it up to you.”

One year she’d invested in him.  She measured the pain he caused her with the life they had.  It was hard to throw away one year of her life.

“I just don’t want to get hurt again,” she replied softly.

“I’ll never hurt you again.”

She looked into his warm brown eyes.  She saw a husband, she saw a father, she saw security.  They could have a good life together.

“One more try?” he asked.

She couldn’t believe the words she was about to say.  “Okay, Sam.  One more try.”

“I love you, Dana.”

She half smiled, but did not respond.  She still had her walls up.

Sam picked up on her hesitation.  “You don’t have to say it back, I get it.”  He moved around the table so he was beside her.  He wrapped his arms around her.  It felt so good.  She rested her head on his shoulder as he gently stroked her hair.  “Tell me, Dana, can I come home?”

Home.  Her quiet apartment, her empty bed.  The Paul McCartney refrain,
No More Lonely Nights
, popped into her head.

“Okay, Sam, come home.”

Cody watched the clock.  He was blown away by Dana last night and couldn’t wait to see her again.

The road was a lonely place.  A different city every night, sometimes a different girl.  That wasn’t his scene, but he was a man and temptation was everywhere.  The boy who never dated in high school more than made up for lost time.

But it was an empty existence.

The hotel rooms all looked the same.  Miami, Memphis, he could be on the moon.  Every night was a generic room, a small shower and loneliness.  His ritual was to come back and drink a beer just to take the edge off.  He wasn’t proud of this habit because he so associated alcohol with his father, but he needed something to bring himself down from the rush of performing.  He only allowed himself one beer though.  After his reckless night in Jacksonville when Laura surprised him, he really made an effort not to drink too much.  He saw how easy it was for the alcohol to take away his good judgment and he never wanted to get that out of control again.

He grabbed a pair of jeans and a vintage looking Aerosmith shirt.  Cody knocked on Harper’s door on the way out.

“Hey man, I’m off...be back later.”

Harper grinned.  “Off to meet Miss Deejay?”

“Maybe,” he drawled.  “What are you up to today?”

Harper slipped out of his room holding the door open slightly with his foot.  “Not what, who.  Remember those waitresses from last night – the blonde and brunette?”

Cody heard giggling behind the door.  “So which one didja hook up with?”

“Dude, not one...both.”  Harper raised his hand for a high five.

Cody reluctantly slapped his friend’s hand.  He wanted to smack some sense into him.  “Careful...”

“Always man, but c’mon.”  More giggles emanated from the room.  “I better get back.  You want in on the action later?  These girls are wild...up for anything.”

“Not my scene, but hey, thanks for thinking of me,” Cody said sarcastically.

Harper didn’t pick up on it.  “Anytime, bro.”  He turned back into the room, “Ladies...did you miss me?”

The door closed cutting off noises Cody wished he never heard.  Sometimes you don’t need to know everything your buddy’s doing.

He walked out of the hotel into the bright Miami sunshine.  The brilliant light gleamed off the art deco buildings.  Amazingly fit people rollerbladed by.  Model types sipped café con leche at outdoor cafes.  Cody was only
a few hours from his hometown of Pinetree, but he might as well have been a world away.  He felt like an outsider.  This was Dana’s city, her point of reference.  What would she think when she learned he was just a small town boy?  Forget it if she ever learned his true past.  But she wouldn’t.  No one would.  That life was dead and buried.  Forever.

He walked out by the ocean to steady his nerves and refocus.  Thinking about his past always unsettled him.   Cody removed his shoes and let the warm sand sift through his toes.  The water in front of him was sapphire blue.  There was something very calming and peaceful about watching the waves roll in and out, about the roar as they crashed onto the shore and the soft sound as they pulled back to the sea.  In the distance, sailboats and race boats crisscrossed in the sun.  This was paradise.