Rock Stars Do It Forever (18 page)

She heard his breathing change and turned her eyes to his face, relaxed and handsome in repose. Her thoughts wandered back to before the concert. He’d been the rock star, taking her with fierce, forceful, erotic power, and then he’d taken the stage with the same dominant charisma, working the already-pumped crowd into a frenzy. He’d bled out on the stage, left pieces of his soul in the audience’s ears. Then, when she’d spilled the news to him, he’d turned an arena into a coffee shop, transforming instantly from rock star into singer-songwriter, using a simple, beautiful song to move every heart in attendance.

She held her hand up so the light caught the diamond and sparkled brilliantly. She felt an overwhelming rush of joy and fear bolt through her at the significance of the ring.
 

She let sleep steal over her, knowing Chase would wake up soon and want to go out with her.
 

Her last thought before succumbing to unconsciousness was,
What am I going to tell Anna?

9

Jamie clenched her hand into a fist in a vain attempt to still the trembling.
I can do this,
she told herself. No, she couldn’t. But she had to. She was distantly aware of the bright beauty of downtown Rochester, every building bathed in multicolored strings of lights. The streets were busy, bustling with bundled shoppers, breaths puffing white in the cold December air. Christmas was a few days past, and Jamie had spent it with Chase. They’d both been introduced to each other’s families, which was fine. Chase’s mother was kind, small, dark-haired, with the same intense brown eyes as Chase. His father was absent from his life, a story Chase had shared late one night in a hotel in Indiana. His father had left with another woman when Chase was thirteen, and that had shaped his young mind and heart. It had also nearly destroyed, Kelly, his mother.
 

Chase had bought his mother a condo and a car, sent a huge check to her every month. He called her once a week.

Jamie’s family was a bit more awkward an experience. Her father and mother were still together, somehow, but she didn’t see them very often. She had a strained, almost nonexistent relationship with them, which was putting it nicely. Her parents had always made it clear they considered her a disappointment, when they bothered with her at all. Her mother had, during the last holiday get-together argument, called her a whore. Of course, her mother was the one strung out on prescription painkillers at the time, and her father stank of cheap perfume—the kind prostitutes wore.
 

Jamie had left and hadn’t seen her parents since.

Chase knew all this, and had still been willing to go with her for a Christmas Eve dinner. The shock on their faces when she’d introduced Chase Delany—whom even they had heard of—as her fiancé and the father of her unborn baby had been worth the awkwardness.

Chase’s mom, however, had taken the news with joy, hugging Jamie like a daughter and asking a thousand questions about pregnancy to which Jamie didn’t know the answers.

Now Jamie was about to meet with Anna.
 

Jamie pulled into a parking spot and made her way into Gus O’Connor’s. Anna was sitting at a high-top, sipping diet Coke from a straw.
That’s odd
, Jamie thought.
Anna’s not drinking wine.
They’d agreed to meet at Gus’s, which had long been a favorite hangout of theirs. They always split a bottle Kendall Chardonnay.

Jamie hugged Anna and sat down across from her. Anna seemed even happier than usual, glowing, almost. The server appeared, and Jamie ordered a diet Coke and a burger. As the server left to put in their order, Jamie noticed a puzzled expression cross Anna’s face. Much like the one that had probably crossed her own, Jamie reflected.

“So, I have some big news,” Anna said, grinning from ear to ear.
 

Jamie knew instantly what Anna was about to say. “I have some news, too, but you go first.”

Anna’s features flickered in consternation, then shifted back to joy. “Okay, so you can’t tell anyone yet, since only Jeff knows, but…I’m pregnant!”

Jamie smiled and squealed with Anna, asked the right questions about due dates and whether she thought it would be a boy or girl. She was happy for Anna, she really was, but in light of what Jamie had to say to Anna, her excitement was largely a show for Anna’s benefit.

Finally, after they’d both eaten, Anna pushed her plate aside with a sigh. “Okay, hooker. Spill it. You said you have news, too.”

Jamie twisted her paper napkin between her fingers, struggling for calm. “Well, um. It’s kind of a twofold thing.” Jamie had been trying to keep her left hand out of sight for most of the meal, and now she set her palm on the scuffed wooden tabletop in front of Anna. “Chase proposed.”

Anna blinked, and then her eyes widened. “Omigod!” She seemed more stunned than happy. “He did? Omigod. Jamie, that’s…that’s wonderful! That ring is gorgeous!”

Jamie grinned, a real smile this time. “Yeah, it is. Wonderful, I mean. And the ring
is
beautiful.”

Anna’s eyes narrowed, her gaze zeroing in on the diet Coke Jamie was sipping on at that moment. “Oh…shit. You didn’t order Coke just because I did, did you?” She leaned forward, both hands on the table, her eyes blazing. “You’re
pregnant
!”

Jamie ducked her head. “Yeah. Nine weeks.”

Anna sank back in her chair, clearly trying to process the news. “So he proposed when he found out he’d knocked you up, huh?”

Jamie physically flinched. “No!” She scrubbed her face with her palms. “Well, yes, but it wasn’t like that. He was going to propose anyway. He…it was—I’m happy, Anna. Be happy for me, can’t you?”

 
“I’m just shocked, Jay. I don’t know what to think. It was hard enough when I heard you’d slept with him. Now this? It’s just a lot.” She averted her gaze to the table. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.”

“I am happy. I’m scared, I’ll admit. I wasn’t expecting this. Husbands and babies? Never thought they’d be in my future, but yet…now I can’t imagine anything else. It just seems okay, with Chase. It’s scary, but I know it’ll be okay.”

Anna nodded. “I know what you mean. I’m married to Jeff and everything, but I’m still scared. I don’t know how to be a mom. I’m still learning how to be a wife.”

Jamie tilted her head. “How is being a wife different from being a girlfriend?”
 

Anna laughed. “It’s totally different. If you’re dating someone, you know, in the back of your head, you can always just break up if things go wrong. You know, even if you’re afraid of the process of breaking up, that you’ll be able to move on. But once you’re married, it’s permanent. It’s legal. Getting a divorce is messy and difficult and expensive, if nothing else. And…there’s an element aside from all that. I’m his wife. I want to make him happy. I want to be everything he needs. It’s not gender role thing, or a
Leave It to Beaver
thing. I’m not June Cleaver by any stretch of the imagination. But I still want to be the best wife I can be for Jeff. Maybe that makes me old school, or traditional, or oppressed by some women’s standards. But it’s what I want.”

Jamie didn’t answer for a long time. When she did, her voice was hesitant. “See, I don’t even know where to start with all that. You know, for all the sleeping around I did before Chase, I’ve never lived with a boyfriend. I’ve never had a boyfriend long enough for that to be a consideration. Living with you was different. We were roommates, and we barely saw each other at home. I don’t know the first thing about being married. Am I supposed to do his laundry and cook his meals? He’s a rock star. I don’t know how being married to him is supposed to work. I don’t know how to be a mother. I’m terrified of how bad giving birth is going fucking hurt. I’m—I’m happy, but I’m scared.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m just worried all this with Chase and you is happening too fast. He’s a man on the move. He was just on Conan O’Brien, for fuck’s sake. Headlining concerts,
sold-out
concerts, at that. How is he supposed to be a father? A husband? I’m not gonna lie—I’m worried, Jay.”

“You think I’m not?” Jamie snapped.
 

“But this is what you want?”

Jamie sighed, holding back tears. “Yes. I love him. But regardless of what I want, I’m pregnant with his child, Anna. And he’s not gonna just run off, you know that as well as I do. He wrote this song for me, and it was how he was going to propose. He had the ring and everything, for, like, two weeks. And then I found out I was pregnant but didn’t tell him right away, because he was touring and it just never seemed like the right time, and I was scared of how he was going to react and—and then the show at Palace happened. He was so amazing, Anna. You should have seen him. But he knew something was up with me, and I didn’t want to tell him until after the show, not wanting to distract him or whatever.”

“But that didn’t work,” Anna said.

“No, that didn’t work. He looked so torn up by whatever it was he was thinking I was gonna tell him. I think he kinda suspected. So I told him, right near the end of the show. Right in the middle of the fucking concert.”

“Like, he was onstage when you told him?”

“No, dumb-ass,” Jamie laughed. “He was offstage during an instrumental number the rest of the band was doing. He pulled me aside and begged me to tell him what was wrong. So I did. Then Gage dragged him back on to finish the concert, which he did. I don’t know how, but he did.”

“He’s a consummate performer, if nothing else. The man knows what he’s doing onstage, I’ll give him that.”

“So then the show ended and the lights were going up and everything. I mean, people were getting up to leave, and Chase just swaggers out on stage with a guitar.”

“He plays the guitar? I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, neither did I, oddly. I mean, he’s a singer, and he writes all their songs, so I guess it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise, but it was. So he gets a mic and a stool and plugs in the guitar and goes into this whole bit about how he doesn’t usually do this kind of thing but it’s a special occasion.”

“Oh, shit. I think I know where this is going.”

“Yeah, it’s going there. So then he calls me out onstage with him. In front of a sold-out Palace crowd.
Me
. And then he sings this incredible song, which ended with him proposing,
in the song
. The song
was
the proposal. And then he showed me this ring and I said yes and we kissed on stage in front of thousands of people…god, Anna. It was the craziest thing that’s ever happened to me. And he’d been planning on proposing that way all along, just not in front of a huge crowd, I guess. But then he found out I was pregnant and just couldn’t wait.”

Anna shook her head. “That would have mortified me, but…it works for you, I think.”

“I was shitting myself, Anna. It was sweet and romantic and incredible, but…terrifying. I’m not even a performer like you.”

They sat in silence for several long minutes, each thinking.

Then Anna spoke. “So we’re going to have babies together, Jay. You realize that? I’m a little over nine weeks myself.”

“That’s crazy, Anna. You and me, both with men, both about to have babies. At the same time.”

Anna threaded her fingers through Jamie’s. “BFFs, Jay. This thing with you and Chase is tough, but…You’re clearly happy with him, so all I can do is be happy for you. We’ll be fine. It’ll be fine, right? Our men will learn to be friends, and Chase and I will get over the awkwardness, right?”

“There’s only one thing to do at this point, you know that, right?” Jamie took a deep breath. “We have to go on a double date.”

Anna’s eyes widened. “You do remember that Jeff punched Chase, right?”

Jamie winced. “It might be a little awkward, yes.”

Both women giggled nervously at the prospect.

*
 
*
 
*

Chase tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he and Jamie followed the hostess back to the booth in Andiamo’s where Anna and Jeff were waiting. He held Jamie’s hand loosely, forcing himself not to clench her hand as tightly as he could.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine,” Jamie said.

“Yeah. I know.”

“Just breathe and be yourself, okay?”

“It’s been more than a year since I saw her last, and a lot has changed since then,” Chase said. “In my head, I know it’s fine. But I just can’t help being nervous.”

Jamie just squeezed his hand. Anna and Jeff both stood up as Chase and Jamie approached. Chase eyed Jeff warily, resisting the urge to rub his jaw where Jeff had decked him. Jeff seemed relaxed, but the tension in the corners of his eyes betrayed his nerves. Anna had always worn her heart on her sleeve, so Chase could easily see that she was every bit as nervous as he was.

Chase shook Jeff’s hand, then turned to Anna. “Hi,” he said.
 

His hands hung loosely at his sides. He wasn’t sure if he should hug her or not, and Anna seemed just as confused. He settled for leaning in from far away and giving her the kind of hug he’d give to a great-aunt he didn’t see but once every few years: careful, hesitant, and awkward.

“Hi,” Anna said, stepping away.
 

Her jaw was tight, Chase saw. She was taking slow, careful breaths, hands at her sides, rubbing her dress as if to dry sweaty palms.

“You look great,” Chase said. “Jamie told me you and Jeff are expecting, so…congratulations.”

“Thanks. Yeah, we’re pretty happy.” She glanced at Jeff, seemed to draw strength from his presence. “I hear double congratulations are in order for you and Jamie. Engaged
and
pregnant.”

“Yeah, thanks…”

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning. “You two are so awkward right now, it’s making
me
nervous.” He put his hand on the small of Anna’s back. “As much as I hate to suggest this, the only way for any of us to enjoy dinner is if you and pretty boy here go and talk this out. Get the awkward shit out of the way.”

Chase rolled his eyes at the nickname, then nodded. “You’re probably right, cowboy.” He and Anna went to the bar, found seats side by side. “Mind if I have a drink?” he asked.