Rogue: A Stepbrother Forbidden Romance (3 page)

Chapter five

Josh didn't come to their funeral. He called at the last minute and said he couldn't make it. He didn't even call me, he called Aunt Maria. Coward.

A bell rings calling me to Danny's room.

"What's up?" I ask walking in to his space.

Danny's sitting in his bed looking down. As I get closer I can smell why he's upset. He missed calling me in time to help him to the bathroom. I'm still getting things sorted out with his nurses. Mom and stepdad's insurance has put me on notice that they are reviewing their files and will not pay any bills until they're finished. They've indicated they might not cover Danny's special needs anymore since my stepdad is gone. There's also been some debate going on about my inheritance as his stepchild. My lawyer assures me it'll all work out but when? Until then I'm doing most of the care for Danny single handed.

"Sorry sis," Danny says.

"It's no problem bro!" I say cheering him up. "You want to sit in your chair for a bit while I change the sheets?"

"Sure," he says.

I get him moved to the chair and am working on the sheets when the door bell rings. I look over at Danny but he's engrossed in a television show.

"I'll be right back," I say heading out.

The bell rings again, then yet again as I walk down the stairs. Keep your pants on! I think as I pick up my pace. I throw the door open ready to give whoever it is a piece of my mind. I blink my eyes. This can't be.

Josh.

He's disheveled, with two days growth of sandpapery beard. His gorgeous hair is a mess and looks like he just got out of bed. Oh god. He smells like liquor.

"Hey Cin," he says looking over my shoulder.

My mouth moves. I try to say ... something. Nothing comes out. Thinking is the most difficult thing right now. Words come to mind then flow away unsaid. None of them feel right.

"Uhm," Josh says. "You look good. Can I, can I come in?" he says hesitating.

My pulse pounds, my stomach has a million butterflies dancing in it, and worst of all fire burns between my legs at the sound of his voice. I know it's wrong. I should be over him but just seeing him I want him. All the old feelings that I walled away rush out and overwhelm me.

I step to one side letting him in. "Josh ..." I finally push words out.

He steps close to me and I lose them again. His hand pushes a stray hair back behind my ear, my skin tingles where he touches me. We stare into each other's eyes and it's like nothing has changed.

"I need a shower," he says softly. "Do you mind?"

I shake my head.

"Thanks," he says his finger tips lingering on my cheek.

The connection and attraction between us is like a live wire shooting sparks. It's electric arcing between us. He turns and heads up the stairs while I stand and watch him walk away. When he's out of sight I'm able to breathe again, my pulse slows, and I can at last think. Everything turns in to anger. I remember how mad I am at him leaving me to do this on my own. For blaming himself then drowning in a bottle as his answer to it all.

What am I doing feeling this way? What am I doing letting him in here at all! I lean back against the door and pound my fists against it. Pushing off I head back to Danny's room and finish cleaning things up. Do I tell him? Josh's disappearance after the accident left deep wounds on Danny.

I decide to wait until I talk to Josh myself. I want to know what he's doing and whether he plans to stay before I open Danny up to being hurt again. Of course there's no one to stop me from being hurt this time but it's the least I can do for Danny. He has enough on his plate to deal with.

I gather the dirty sheets and leave the room, closing the door behind me to avoid him seeing or hearing Josh. After I leave them in the laundry room I grab some clean towels and head up to the bath to make sure Josh has what he needs.

I knock. The water is still running and steam is working its way out under the door. I figure I can slip in and leave the towels before he decides to get out. I open the door and step inside.

Just as I do the water shuts off and the shower slides open. Josh stands naked in front of me. He runs his hands back through his wet hair slicking it back to his head. When he opens his eyes and sees me he doesn't move to cover himself. Instead he smiles.

"Hey Cin," he says.

"Uh, hey Josh. Brought some towels."

I hold the pieces of cloth up in front of me like they might be a shield for my heart or at least hide the fact it's about to burst out of my chest. My skin burns as Josh looks me up and down. I flush bright red as his cock stiffens, rising to its full impressive length and girth. Moisture slides between my legs as I recall how he felt inside me. A spasm rocks from my core up my spine and I shiver. It's been so long.

"Like what you see?" he asks stepping out of the shower then taking another step closer to me, closing the distance between us.

I stand like a bird mesmerized by the snake's motion waiting to be bitten. His damp warm fingers touch my face again and the electric charge between us shocks me as it tingles through my skin. Then I'm in his arms, my lips pressed to his. His tongue plays across my mouth then forces its way past. Our tongues meet and dance together. My hands run across his shoulder muscles, down his back, his erection presses deliciously against my lower belly. I grind against him wanting to feel him filling me.

His hands hook under my ass and he lifts me up pressing me back against the wall. A moan escapes my lips. His wet body presses against me, grinding. One of his hands is in my hair pulling my head back to expose my neck. He kisses his way across my face and down my neck. The hand in my hair works its way down and he's kneading my breast through my shirt. My nipples press painfully against the tight fabric.

"Josh," I breath his name.

"Cin," he gasps thrusting up against my jeans. "I want you."

"Bedroom."

He pulls me off the wall and we stumble out into the hallway somehow. He carries me to my bedroom kicking the door shut behind him. I'm tossed onto the bed and he's over me. His erection drags along my jeans as he moves up across me. I grab my shirt and pull it off over my head tossing it to one side. My full breasts fall out and he dives for them taking a nipple in his mouth. He rolls his tongue over it which makes me tense and moan at the same time.

His hands move over my jeans until he finds the snap and then they're sliding down and off me. His rough-skinned hands cup my mound which is coated in my own moisture. He needs no further invitation. He thrusts into me in a single motion burying himself to the hilt. No time for a condom. I don't even think I have one.

I buck up and cry out as he grunts his pleasure. He thrusts into me filling me, stretching my velvet walls. We grind against each other, our mouths drinking each other in hungrily. I take what I need from him and I give myself to him wholly. He thrust faster and my belly tightens, my pleasure nub tenses, then I'm exploding as waves of pleasure rock through my body causing my canal to clench down on him. I feel him exploding inside, a secondary wave blasts through my body.

He collapses on top of me spent, laying his head against my stomach. I run my hands through his hair as he kisses my neck and back up to my lips. We stare into each other's eyes, lust sated, our connection reestablished.

"I love you Josh," I say running my hands over his now smooth face.

"I love you Cin," he says and then he smiles that old familiar smile which makes my heart swell with emotions I can barely contain. 

Chapter six

There's a spring in my step as I make breakfast this morning. Danny's nurse will be here for the afternoon so I'm free. That should give Josh and I time to talk. No matter that we fell right back into bed, there's a lot to discuss. I haven't forgiven him for the wrongs just put them off a bit.

The toaster dings and I grab the slices of bread and butter them. I set them on the tray next to the oatmeal and grapefruit I'm preparing for Danny. A glass of orange juice, a small one of milk, and breakfast is ready.

"Damn Cin, smells great," Josh says walking through the kitchen door.

His eyes are sunken despite having disappeared to sleep last night right after we had sex. There's still a haunted look about him.

"Thanks, hungry?" I ask.

Josh walks past me and goes to where his Dad kept the liquor. He grabs a bottle, gets a large coffee mug, fills it at least half with alcohol, then tops it off with some coffee.

"No, I'll pass," he says blowing on the cup in his hand.

"Josh, isn't it more than a little early for that?" I ask nodding at the cup in his hand.

He shrugs then sips.

I frown but decide to let it slide. "Danny will be really excited to see you today."

"Oh," Josh looks surprised. "Man, sorry I can't. I got this thing today I have to go do."

"Thing? Seriously? What kind of 'thing'?"

He pushes off the counter heading out of the kitchen. He doesn't look back over his shoulder at me or pause at all. I follow him out of the kitchen to the stairs which he starts up.

"Josh, seriously. What could possibly be more important?"

His shoulders slump. It looks like he caves in on himself completely. "Cin, it's a thing okay?"

"You can't do this. You can NOT do this!" My voice raises and cracks as I cross my arms over my chest.

Josh turns towards me anger flashing across his face. He steps towards me and just for an instant fear flutters in my stomach.

"Yes, I can," he says through gritted teeth. He gulps down the coffee, still steaming, draining it in a single motion. "I don't owe you or anyone here anything."

"Oh yeah? Why does it fall to me to care for Danny? Why does it fall to me to put together the pieces of his and my life after what happened to mom and dad?"

"Because you must be so much stronger than I am! You can walk on water I'm sure. You do it all don't you? Nothing touches you because none of it's your fault. You don't get it! If we hadn't done what we did, Danny would be fine! You can sing all your la la bullshit, but end of the day we were weak and he paid the price!"

"Josh, that's not true-"

"Yes it is! Damn how stupid can you be?"

My face flushes as my blood pressure shoots through the roof. "Stupid? STUPID?" I scream. "I'm not the one drowning myself in a bottle. I'm not the one drinking at ten in the morning. But I'm stupid?"

Josh stares at me his hand clenching. He raises it and I know he's going to hit me. I want him to. I want him to unleash all that pent up fury, that hurt and that anger. I want to take it all in and then give it back to him tenfold. I want him to feel... something.

His shoulders slump again, his jaw goes slack and he looks away from me. He pushes past me down the stairs heading for the front door.

"Where are you going?" I demand.

"Out," he says then the door slams behind him.

I stare at the closed door and wonder if this is the last time I'll see him. It still hurts me that I might not.

Chapter seven

I don't know when Josh came home last night. This morning the door to his bedroom was closed so I assume he's in there. I'm sure he came home drunk again.

Danny has therapy today. I have to get him there then I have a meeting with the lawyer. Hopefully things will be resolved with the insurance and my inheritance in general.

Josh could really help out on this. His inheritance is clear cut as the natural born child. I have to talk to him about helping out with Danny's expenses today. My stomach is a tight knot thinking about him. I want things like they used to be. I don't want to be angry with him. I don't want, more than anything, to let him hurt me like he does.

"Hey Cin," Danny says setting aside a book as I walk into his room. He's sitting in his motorized chair. He's gotten very good at getting himself from the bed to the chair on his own.

"Morning Danny!" I say cheerfully.

"What was all the shouting last night?" Danny asks.

I can't stop the frown. I bend down and pick up some clothes from the floor to cover my hesitation. What can I tell him? I don't want Josh to hurt him. I can't tell him the truth, if I do it could crush his spirit.

"Oh you know," I say stalling. Damn I don't know what to say.

"Josh came home?" Danny makes it a question, his voice trembles.

I know how much this means to him. He was always so close to Josh. "Yeah," I say at last.

"Didn't go well?"

I shake my head negative. Danny nods and then picks up his book and starts reading.

"Danny, look Josh has a problem. What you see, that's not really him. That's the man covered over by the alcohol."

"Yeah, it's fine," Danny says not looking up from his book.

Damn you Josh. This is what you're creating! You're drowning your sorrows but the rest of us are the ones paying the price. You just lose yourself in a stupor and leave us to deal. My teeth grind together thinking about it.

"Well got to get you to therapy now," I say to Danny.

"I don't want to go," he says.

"Danny you have to, you're making progress. You can't miss a session. You'll never get out of the chair if you don't work it regularly."

"That's bullshit!" he yells throwing the book across the room. "I'm never getting out of this chair."

A door slams outside Danny's room. What now? I open Danny's door and see Josh storming down the hallway. His eyes are sunken and he's a mess.

"Can't fucking sleep in this house," Josh gripes walking towards me. He stops in front of me oblivious to the fact that Danny is right behind me.

"Josh," I say. "Why don't you come say hi to Danny?"

Josh's face goes pale and he stops. "Uh, sure. Hey Danny."

I step back giving Josh to enter the room. He takes one step in and stops. His eyes rove around the room avoiding Danny.

"Josh!" Danny says. I hear the excitement in his voice and trepidation fills my heart.

"How's it going kiddo?" Josh asks not approaching the bed.

"Oh you know, just lying around and stuff," Danny says laughing at himself.

Josh smiles. A half smile but it reminds me of the old Josh. I see the glimmer of the way these two were before. Close compatriots despite the age gap. Josh would spend hours playing with action figures with Danny. Planning some new crazy trick that only boys would understand. Danny worshiped Josh and from my outside perspective Josh loved Danny.

"Why don't you take Danny to therapy for me today Josh?" hoping to fan the embers of that old love.

Josh shakes his head immediately. "Uh, no I got, uh, things to do."

I frown as anger flares in my gut.

"Oh, it's all right man," Danny says but the disappointment is in his voice.

I can hear it and my anger is gasoline on a fire. "What kind of 'things' do you have to do?" I attack.

"Just, stuff," Josh says backing out of the room. "I'll see you later man okay?"

I'm not going to let him off that easy. I follow him out of the room and down the hall. He keeps moving away from me so I reach out and grab him by his shoulder, spinning him around to face me. I'm in his face my finger waggling back and forth.

"He wants you to hang with him! He needs you."

"I can't," Josh says.

"Can't? Or is it really won't? You got a big date with a bottle?"

"Can't okay!" he yells I see the anger building. "I fucking can't. I got things to do today. Later, maybe."

"You've been saying later for four years now. When is it going to get here? You can't just keep leaving him alone. He needs you! I need you. We need help here."

"Look, it's not my problem! HE'S not my fucking problem!"

Josh yells the last sentence and I hear the gasp behind me. I turn around and Danny's sitting in his doorway. The hurt on his face breaks my heart. Tears start running down my face, my mouth hangs in an open oh, so I start towards him but he wheels his chair back into his room and slams the door. I turn on Josh.

"Oh great you ... you ... asshole!" I yell.

Josh is defeated. He turns away from me without a word, his shoulders hunched as he walks back to his bedroom and slowly closes the door. I stand there at a loss for what to do next.